I recently got a call from a guy who couldn’t wait to share his latest success story with me. Suddenly, his new girlfriend was more adoring and affectionate than ever, which boosted his confidence to new heights and thrilled him to no end. What’s more, even the woman’s mother was now completely won over, telling him that she had thought such wonderful men didn’t exist anymore.
So what had triggered this bonanza of euphoria all around him?
He had hand-written his girlfriend a love letter.
He described it as a simple one, one page front and back. In it, he expressed how magical his time spent with her had been thus far and talked about a future full of exciting travels and boundless adventure together.
After sharing the details with me, he paused briefly before suggesting in a quieter, almost reverent tone that he had stumbled upon something really big here. In his words, “a type of wild card to solidify a relationship, or maybe a way to help a guy get the girl he’s been dating for a while to fall in love.”
Astonishingly, there’s very little on the web addressing the topic du jour. Mostly, it’s a few quiz sites asking pretty random questions that carry the personal assumptions of whoever authored them. There’s nothing really, well, helpful or definitive there.
So then, given how absolutely crucial being fun is to the attraction process, let alone building a healthy and vibrant social circle, I decided to go ahead and let the fur fly (or the powder, if you were in India earlier this month).
What do you say we let the fun begin? Right on…
Like everyone tends to believe that they have a sense of humor, everyone also typically thinks of him or herself as a fun person. After all, how much of a true “stick in the mud” does one have to be to self-identify as “no fun”?
A sense of humor is rare enough, so what about a sense of fun? Do you have one? There’s no irony in the fact that both of those factors are directly related. That could be why there are as few truly FUN people as there are folks with a sense of humor. Just sayin’.
Part of the problem, I think, is that people don’t recognize fun when they’re potentially heading for it, or even in the midst of it.
I mean, what IS “fun”, and should it be a priority or not?
So much of how you might answer that question for yourself is based on personality and mindset, for sure. But hey…the weird twist there is that even people who aren’t any fun tend to recognize when others ARE. Weird, right?
It’s all too easy to lapse into the philosophical or psychological factors at play here, isn’t it? But that wouldn’t be any fun!
So on with it. Here are 8 factors that pretty much tell the tale of whether you’re a FUN person or not:
We’ve done ourselves a disservice by assuming that each situation where we’re approaching a woman is going to be identical to any other.
But who can really blame us? It seems as if everything we’ve ever read on the subject prepares us for interactions with beautiful but bitchy women, who are typically saturated with “bothersome” male attention and are therefore eager to reject us.
Well, it’s time to tell the truth, once and for all.
The bold reality is that whenever you approach a woman, you’ve got a puzzle to figure out.
And each given scenario will have a unique solution because each woman is different.
In fact, I’ll go so far as to say that if you somehow have fallen into a pattern of encountering ONLY bitchy women who are eager to reject you, the solution might just involve looking in the mirror.
For what it’s worth, that’s good news. That means the future is under your control.
Remember, women follow your lead. Anytime you’re confronted with the same negative reaction repeatedly, the only conclusion that can reasonably be drawn is that you’ve somehow led.
I realize that isn’t easy to hear. Nevertheless, it should empower you. Here’s why.
Whenever I set out to write a post like this, I’m tempted to lead with a disclaimer.
This time I’m going to indulge.
If you’re familiar with my writings, my general philosophies and especially the strength of my relationship with my wife Emily, you already know that I genuinely adore women.
What you ALSO fully realize is that both Emily and I take an “equal opportunity” approach to doling out what’s commonly known as “tough love”.
Yeah, well…what follows is one of those “tough love” posts.
So fair warning: It’s either time to buckle down or bring your sense of humor, one or the other.
That’s because I’m about to throw down a full-on rant about the seven types of women who shouldn’t even THINK about blindsiding some guy with their crazy, possibly sociopathic tendencies.
But to be clear, every bit of what I’m about to say is NOT gender-specific. Guys for whom the shoe fits are likely to get the short end of the relationship stick also, no doubt.
It’s just that 90% of this blog’s readership is men, hence the context.
Enough already. Let’s get on with it…
Hey, there’s a lot of talk about how to improve your skills with women. But how do you know when you’ve actually ARRIVED?
On the surface, that seems like a silly question. I mean, you’re either attracting women or you’re not, right? When you start attracting women, all is good…at least you’d think so.
But what I’ve come to realize is that “success” isn’t really as tangible a commodity for most guys as they may have originally thought it would be.
Guys wonder if getting “rejected” at all means they’ve still got work to do.
They ask me if having six out of eight women responding to them online is “good enough”.
Still others want to know if they’re doing something wrong because they haven’t met their “100 out of 100” (e.g. perfectly imperfect) dream woman just yet.
Well, I can tell you definitively that 1) Even the most desirable men AND women can still never get EVERYONE they want. 2) At least 25% of the women you write to online will not write you back for reasons that have virtually NOTHING to do with you, and 3) it takes TIME to meet “The One”. In fact, it SHOULD…you’ve got to date enough to figure out what “The One” will even be like.
What we obviously need here, then, are some more reasonable yardsticks to measure “success” with.
Go ahead. Say the first part of the subject line out loud. Do it briskly enough so you can hear what’s REALLY being said.
In other words, don’t give it a half-fast effort.
So gentlemen, what does a clever motorsports phrase like that have to do with women?
Well, I’m about to pull the blanket off of one of The Most Interesting Man’s more infamous pronouncements: “I assure you, most women would not consider speed a virtue.”
Now, while I wholeheartedly agree with that statement in context (speed dating)—as well as in the bedroom and during the whole seduction “dance”, for example—I’m convinced that there are absolutely other times where if you’re slow on the draw you’re going to LOSE, big time.
Here are my five (and a half) situations where you’d better be fast, lest you be half-fast:
By now you know that a man who leads an interesting life replete with way cool and exhilarating activities stands a much better chance of attracting desirable women than a guy who spends most of his time on the couch watching the tube and eating Cheetos.
This is much to the chagrin of probably 75% of all men out there, apparently. My inbox is stuffed with messages from guys who wonder aloud about HOW to “lead an exciting life”, be a “man of adventure” or simply, well…how to be more interesting in SOME non-complicated way.
In all fairness, many of us may already be more potentially intriguing and exciting to women than we think. Consider, for example, how easy it is for us as guys to compare ourselves to the highest-functioning men out there and make blanket judgment on the fly that we’re about as boring and “vanilla” as it gets.
I mean, every time you read about Sir Richard Branson he’s doing something new and devastatingly amazing. Wasn’t building an international record company, several airlines, flying hot air balloons, getting a private island and building the first civilian spacecraft ENOUGH, already?
You get on Netflix and are confronted with Ewan McGregor riding through Africa on a BMW motorcycle. Most of us would be doing cartwheels to be cast as an extra in the next Star Wars film, but this guy was freaking Obi Wan Kenobi. The next thing you know, he’s going on round the world travel adventures.
But here’s the thing. Even THOSE guys spend plenty of “down time” doing mundane stuff. It’s just that the camera isn’t rolling during those times for obvious reasons.
Perhaps we fall into the trap of believing that we have to live like Steve Irwin or James Bond (who’s fictional, no less) or else we’re slackers.
Personally, I believe this mindset comes from the same place as the assumption that all beautiful women are wined and dined 24/7 and whisked off to exotic locations on private jets at least twice a week.
The first step is to relax. You can find paparazzi pics on the Internet of Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher going grocery shopping. If they don’t have to be Lara Croft and/or Indiana Jones, neither do you.
But make no mistake. You can’t be a chronic bump on a log, either. You have to exercise your ability to be interesting at least SOMETIMES, or the “adventure muscle” might atrophy.
So then, what yardstick does one use to figure out whether one is interesting ENOUGH to be at least potentially attractive to MOTOS (members of the other sex)?
Yesterday something happened that was at the very least amazing, even though it may signal the impending end of the universe as we know it.
It all started when I happened across a bizarre, weird post written by a woman named Holly Jean way back in April on a blog called http://www.myfatpocket.com. It had about thirty comments at the time.
The title? “How To Make Your Vagina Smell And Taste Delicious”.
Leave it to me, a dating coach, to post it to my Facebook Page with the innocuous caption, “Here’s a topic you don’t see covered every day.”
I didn’t think anything of it, but when I came back to check the page about ten minutes before writing this it had run up over 300,000 views, 850 comments, 700 likes and over 200 shares.
Basically the thing went viral and people are having an absolute BLAST talking about it.
One particularly intuitive comment jumped off the page and whacked me in the head, however. It read, simply: “Would cause some outrage if an article titled ‘How To Make Your D*ick Taste Delicious’ came up.” It had fifty likes already.
I instinctively knew such a piece HAD to be written, and that I was the guy who both had a vested interest in it and was crazy enough to do it. After all, it really is kind of a GREAT topic. I mean, how many guys have ever had a significant other who wasn’t particularly excited about giving oral?
So bring on the “outrage”. Here are six fast, surefire ways to make your unit FAR more palatable:
[Ed. Note: This has obviously become an incendiary post, to the point of going viral. If you are a #MGTOW and wish to take me to task for having a happy, fulfilling relationship to a wonderful woman, I've already responded to similar comments more than enough times below. Please read this other post before commenting if you're unsure about my gender-neutral position on human behavior.]
A while back I was on a coaching call with a woman who happens to be smart, successful and beautiful. We were actively discussing creative ways she might encourage the kind of man she deserves to introduce himself, start a conversation and sweep her off of her feet.
Out of the blue, she posed one of the most poignant questions I’d been asked in quite some time:
“Scot, do men even LOOK at women anymore? I mean, do they even NOTICE us out there?”
My knee-jerk response, had I not stopped to ponder the issue, may have been something to the effect of, “Well, of course. Men have been making it a point to stop and admire women they happen to see when they’re out and about since the dawn of recorded time. And probably before that as well.”
But instead I paused. The question wasn’t a mere throwaway…some miscellaneous rant from a woman who couldn’t understand why she couldn’t even catch a man looking, let alone get him to approach her.
So we talked about it some. And since I was on a road trip and passing through South Carolina, Georgia and Florida, I decided to do somewhat of a field study.