Getting into a committed relationship is scary. As much as we hope the person we’re with is our “one and only”, everybody knows the reality of divorce rates.
Even so, I remain appalled by how many people willingly jump like lemmings off a cliff into an exclusive relationship—or even marriage—with Mr. or Ms. Wrong.
The crazy part is most people who settle are fully aware they’re doing so. Such bad relationship decisions may be driven by a biological clock that’s ticking, ulterior motives (e.g. money, citizenship), low self-esteem or even gnawing loneliness.
But how ironic is it that we have so much trouble positively identifying the right relationship when it comes along? Indeed, I get asked all the time how to be sure one’s significant other is really significant enough.
That’s because, good grief…I’m the right guy to ask. After a turbulent first marriage and a devastating divorce, why in the world would I ever get married again…especially when I had successfully crafted a lifestyle of dating many high-quality women at once?
I had to be sure.
What’s truly bizarre to me is guys who have been working on getting better with women for less than, say, five years (therefore, the vast majority) have probably never even heard of The Seduction Community.
Essentially, it’s a lot like how my sixteen year-old daughter has no idea who Sam Kinison is.
So for the sake of clarity, what was The Seduction Community?
Knowing you’ve grown accustomed to mostly serious dating and relationship advice around here, I’ve been thinking it’s time to take a break and look at the lighter side.
And what better way to take ourselves less seriously than to turn our attention to sex? More specifically, let’s talk about the strange, crazy things that happen to us as guys after “doing the deed”.
I’ve rattled off five such weird phenomena below, right off the top of my head. In doing so, I quickly realized that I’ve never heard any of these talked about publicly…ever. Yet, I’m 100% sure I can’t possibly be alone in experiencing them.
So here we go… Gentlemen, can you relate to any or all of these, or am I some special sort of “basket case”?
And ladies…did you ever in your wildest dreams realize any of this was going on?
Anyone who is blatantly narcissistic or psychopathic, has a hair-trigger temper, gets their jollies from swindling people, lies even when the truth is easy and/or robs banks is obviously short on character.
And on the flip side, people who have a well thought out belief system that’s the cornerstone of their lives, deliver on what they say they’re going to do, do the right thing even when nobody else is watching and generally believe in leaving the world a better place than they found it are considered to have good, strong character.
All of the that isn’t generally up for debate.
But in the middle there is a massive gray expanse, isn’t there? Nobody can be a paragon of perfection at all times, of course. Nevertheless, here are ten indicators of character deficiency that tend to fly under the radar.
As far as you were concerned, you’d met someone attractive and interesting and were simply “seeing where it all goes”.
You wanted time to evaluate the possibility of an exclusive relationship. In your mind, going steady with someone implies testing the waters of a long-term committed partnership. You don’t take that lightly, which is wise.
Yet here you are, and there she is.
By way of pure assumption, the two of you are understood to be boyfriend and girlfriend—seeing only each other, hurtling blindly toward a future together.
A huge part of you is left asking how this all happened. You’re scratching your head wondering how you never had any say in this matter. Is this even what you want?
If the situation I just described sounds pretty jacked up to you, that’s because it is. Yet you wouldn’t believe how many e-mails I get from men AND women reporting that it has happened to them, and wondering what to do about it.
Well, the best course of action is always to have “The Talk” with everyone you’re dating, asking what they’re looking for from their dating life at the moment and telling them where you stand. Ideally this happens on the second or third date, and definitely before intimacy. But better late than never, regardless.
No matter what your long-term strategy is, however, what are the more subtle tactics that your would-be significant other might use to rope you into an exclusive relationship sooner than you’d like?
Here are nine of them to look out for:
By now you’ve figured out that I don’t make unreasonable “easy button” claims.
But here is one of those exceptionally rare truths that isn’t only going to add ridiculous, off-the-chain value to your life, it’s also as simple as flipping a switch:
Be a man or a woman who does what you say you’re going to do.
Boom. Like I said, it’s not at all complicated or difficult to implement. There’s no learned skill. The only thing to remember is one’s own promise.
What we’re talking about here is nothing short of a cornerstone to character. Here in Texas where I live, keeping one’s word is perhaps treasured more than other places.
But there’s little doubt that the rare human being who makes promises and keeps them is beloved by all, regardless of geography. Man…life is SO much easier and more joyful when we have the pleasure of interacting with such high-end people.
Yet, so few people actually do what they say they’re going to do. Especially in California, I’ve noticed…ha!
Why is that?
In a completely random move, one of my Ten-Plus guys sent me pictures of what looked like his Golden Retriever on Tinder.
Upon closer inspection, the logo on the app said “Tindog”.
Dude…what? It’s not like dogs need help hooking up. I mean, they’ll hump anything that walks…including my left leg.