The Official Blog Of Scot McKay – Page 13 – Deserve What You Want And Never, Ever Settle

Online Dating: The Red Frame Of Death

He's at it again. Stay away from the steps this time, big guy.
Everyone who has ever used a PC knows what a “BSOD” is. The dreaded “Blue Screen Of Death” is what happens when your computer decides it has basically had enough, and crashes harder than Cosmo The Hairless Terrier after a long day of “turbo barking” and spinning aimlessly in circles until unwittingly falling down the stairs.

But before I get the Mac apologists in the audience all warmed up, my real point here is to address something even more pointless than a cratered PC.

Every once in a while I’m going to blog about online dating tips that are “bonus content” above and beyond what you’ll find in Online Dating Domination. This post in particular is about the Red Frame Of Death (RFOD), which craters your CHANCES in the online dating world. Especially tragic is that this RFOD phenomenon happens at the hands of one simple decision, usually made at the time of signing up.

Now bear in mind that there are LOTS of bad decisions one can make right when getting started with online dating. Some you dig yourself out from under as you build skill. Others, not so much.

Look, here it is in plain English: NEVER pay extra to have that red frame put around your picture on Match.com.

In fact, I’m not even sure how it GETS there to begin with. Based on some quick searching around the site, it’s decidedly hard to even figure out how to PUT it there. And when you consider that Match.com stands to get more of your money for providing this “service”, all that says to me is that they can’t even bring themselves to upsell you there with a straight face.

Supposedly, it’s designed to help you stand out from the crowd in search results.

So what’s the problem?

Well pragmatically speaking, if you are a guy it’s a waste of money no matter what. For the most part, the best women aren’t even searching. They’d rather YOU be a man of bold initiative and search for them.

But more subjectively speaking, nothing says “I’m flat-out desperate for any attention whatever other human being who can fog a mirror is willing to give me” than becoming the only person on a page of 100 people who has that silly feature activated.

Seriously. Whose reckoning of human psychology led them to reason the following sequence?

2) Incredibly desirable MOTOS notice your picture first in a sea of anonymous “non-framed” pics.

3) Said desirable MOTOS collectively slap their own foreheads and exclaim, “Criminy! How could I have MISSED THAT one until now!”

4) E-mails from eager admirers flood the Framed One’s inbox.

Uh…I don’t think so. Back in the real world, incredibly desirable MOTOS notice your picture alright. But at that point the scarlet frame around your mugg may as well be a scarlet letter on your forehead. And that letter would be “L”.

Remember, people on the other side of the computer in the online dating world don’t really know you…yet. It’s all about the first impression. And if someone has that red frame around his or her face, the judgment (fair or not) is going to be that he or she is caught in a futile vortex of approval seeking neediness, aggravated by an utter lack of confidence in his or her own ability to stand out from the crowd based on natural merit.

And this judgment call occurs in a split second. And it cannot be recovered from.

Besides…red? The emotions triggered by red are NOT the ones you want to inspire…at least not yet. How many airlines with RED planes are still in business? Even Southwest switched to blue. And Northwest doesn’t count because it’s a terrible airline and therefore SHOULD be red. Suffice it to say there’s a reason why almost all airliners have blue paint on them somewhere.

Similarly, we don’t talk about “red flags” in the dating world for no reason. So resist the urge to literally become one.

Be Good,

Scot

Practice Your Game: Meet The Live Assistance Ladies

Or “LAdies” for short.

You know me. I always have a surprise in store for you all.

So when I found out that my e-commerce parter Plimus.com was fixin’ to roll out “Live Assistance” capabilities, my wheels began turning.

Sure, it’s really cool that you can now ask questions in real-time while placing an order. That’s great when you have a last minute product question and/or are wondering about a certain aspect of the order process that just crossed your mind. It just adds a certain savoire faire to the operation, doesn’t it?

But with the ability to pick and choose who my operators were going to be, I decided to put in a bit of extra effort. Considering what it is we do around here for a living, I sensed the opportunity for a “value added” experience.

I couldn’t believe my good fortune, but a disproportionate number of the Live Assistance chat operators are women. And they generally seemed like fun ones at that. So, knowing that providing “tier one customer support” all day long had to become a downer after a few hours in a row, I decided to tell them what X & Y Communications was all about. And then, the “money question”: Would they mind if some guys practiced their IM “game” on them a bit?

Well, you know…it’s kind of busy over there…and they have to stay on task and get work done. In other words, HECK YEAH…they’re IN!

Well, all but one of them. But still, who can complain?

So here it is, guys. Going forward, you are cordially invited to practice your skeelz with my Live Assistance hotties, or “LAdies” as I call them. All I ask is that you keep it real…this is meant to be a fun and educational dimension to the order process.

And this is IMPORTANT. You ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY have got to be respectful. If one or two of you squander this experience, it’s going away and NOT coming back. So, if you never otherwise live by my typical closing to my notes, now is the time: BE GOOD.

I must be crazy to think this isn’t going to get outta hand. But I’m a trusting man who believes in the inherent greatness of each and every one of you.

Now, I haven’t seen pics of The LAdies–nor did I feel it appropriate to ask. But based on the conversations I had with them, I can pretty much tell they aren’t exactly “dateless wonders”, if you know what I mean.

Actually, you guys are in for it…the five I selected are QUICK. Look alive.

If you’ve been meaning to pick up a copy of Deserve What You Want, I’ve just given you a great excuse.

Be Good,

Scot

The Chick Whisperer #15 Featuring Joseph “Thundercat” Matthews

OK, I unleashed the latest episode last night.

My co-host for this one is Joseph “Thundercat” Matthews. Although this guy has been talking a lot about rapport lately, we went in a completely different direction on this show.

The title is “Having Sex With Her As Soon As Possible”. Before you cough up a lung, I assure you both he and I are true-blue to the core on this one…yet we agree on a lot. If that has your wheels turning already, I can only shake my head, laugh, raise my hand and offer you my 100% agreement with what you must be thinking.

Nice, huh? I’ve always promised to face the issues head-on around here, and as always…I’ve got your back and aim to please.

Grab a listen. In fact, if you hit the graphic above and “subscribe” on iTunes I’d be much obliged. Let’s get the show back on the front page of the “featured” section. It slipped a notch somehow, even though more guys are listening. iTunes…go figure.

Be Good,

Scot

We’ve Got To Be Careful Where We Point This Thing

We love to hear success stories from readers and listeners. Fortunately, it happens often and we never grow tired of it.

And every once in a while one comes along that really gets our attention.

Such was the case a few days ago when I got a call on Skype.

I could tell immediately that Espanol was this gentleman’s first language as he began–with great excitement–to tell me what was going on in his life.

He and his girlfriend had been listening to the X & Y On The Fly podcast for months, and we had inspired them. They were launching a podcast of their own, sharing dating and relationship advice with a global audience.

“Sweet!”, I responded. Having dragged Emily into the conversation from the other room. Now with his girlfriend conferenced in, I said “Tell us more about yourselves.”

“Well, she is the greatest woman in the world.”, he began. His girlfriend returned a similar sentiment…in perfect English.

Emily noticed the difference between their accents and offered some encouragement, “You know, my Mom’s first language was Spanish and my dad didn’t speak any at all. It was a real challenge for them, but you know they’re still happy together after over 40 years.”

As she responded, I detected an unmistakable Canadian inflection in her voice as she talked “aboot” their relationship, and how smitten they were.

Remembering that the guy had told me at the beginning of the conversation that he was from Mexico, but now living in Oklahoma, curiosity got the best of me.

Observing all of this, I said to her, “You sound Canadian. You’re from north of the border and him from the south. How in the world did you both find your way to Oklahoma? Talk about serendipity.”

Yeah, well…you know what happens when you assume.

“Umm…I’m sort of still in Canada.”, she offered.

The guy jumped in right away. “I’m fully prepared to move to Canada to be with her as soon as I can.”

Emily and I looked at each other wordlessly. Long distance relationship. Language barrier. International barrier.

And I couldn’t help it. Like “Mr. Stay Puft” just “appeared” in Dan Aykroyd’s mind in Ghostbusters, the joke just surfaced out of nowhere in my twisted imagination: “Forget whether he’ll still love her in the morning. Will he still love her in February?”

Finally, after what almost was allowed to become an awkward silence, I slipped further into the realm of ridiculous assumptions. “Well, I’m sure you make the most of every single minute you get to spend together. I can tell you are very confident in your feelings for one another.”

“Almost” was just a sweet memory at that point. We had tripped the “awkward silence” activator.

“Uh…well…we plan on that sometime in the near future.”

Don’t ask me which of the two uttered that one. Frankly, I forget. I was too flabbergasted to notice.

Indeed. They had never met. It had been seven months.

They say that love is blind, but that’s a hella long blind date. Especially in two different languages…and with two different passports.

But they genuinely appear to both be super nice people and we wish them well. Apparently, they have webcams and stuff.

And their podcast on dating advice is coming soon to an iPod near you.

And we were their inspiration.

And we’ve got to be careful where we point this thing.

Be Good,

Scot

Lee Marvin Was The Freaking Man

Tag a “freaking” on Lee Marvin. As in “Lee Freaking Marvin”.

While researching the essence of what “cool” really is for a new project I happened across this particular clip from the 1972 film Prime Cut:

Any man who spends the next six minutes and twenty-eight seconds of his life watching this clip is in for a major life lesson. Every e-book on attraction and understanding women is basically summed up for you right here in one neat package. Never mind the shoes. Cut the guy some slack…It was 1972.

The first part in the lobby is a warmup. Note the subtleties in body language and semiotics.

The hotel room scene combines masculinity, genuine human concern and straight up indifference masterfully.

But the clincher is the dining room scene. Pay careful note of the distinction between Lee Marvin’s character and the AFC at the next table. And pay particular attention to how Lee handles the situation. Gonzo.

All of this culminates in the last 20 seconds of the clip. If you don’t “get it” the first time, keep watching until you do. This, gentlemen, is how it’s done. And he gets “The Glow” in return (of course).

Be Good,

Scot

“If You Don’t Recognize Which Movie This Obscure Line Is From, Don’t Bother.”

The title of this post references the sick joke women in particular play on themselves in more online dating profiles than I care to count. Seriously…who mortgages her entire future happiness with a guy on familiarity with some quote from a movie which nobody saw other than her?

I have not the words.

But never mind that. This is about something completely different but mildly reminiscent.

Tonight I was working on outgoing first e-mails to women with a guy who put me to work for him on an Online Dating Success Package. Every once in a while during the course of such a session a profile surfaces that almost makes me desirous of “coming out of retirement” just to send this ONE e-mail. JUST THIS ONCE.

And earlier this evening, just such a moment occurred.

The closing statement of a certain woman’s profile read as follows:

“My philosophy on life can be summarized quite succinctly … I think Churchill said it best … major brownie points to be given for anyone that is familiar with this quote.”

…And of course, she leaves us to ponder the question.

My answer to this woman would have been to me an obvious one.

Subject: Re: Winston Churchill, Brownies, Etc.

Woman: “Mr. Churchill, were you my husband I’d poison your tea.”

Churchill: “Madame, were I your husband I’d gladly drink it.”

So tell me, I hit the nail on the head there…didn’t I? LOL!

Be Good,

Scot

Emily agreed that e-mail would be irresistible. It demands a response from anyone with a sense of humor. Let’s face it, I can hardly resist sending it!

Be brave guys…everyone else is pouring the “nice guy” e-mails into her inbox.

Be Good,

Scot

Re: Greek Islands, Badminton, DaVinci Codes, etc.

I couldn’t help myself. WordPress put “Hi!” or “Hello!” in the subject line, and you know how I feel about that.

And see, I got you to “open” my first message. Nice.

Here’s the strange part. I really thought I was doing a blog already. You know, all my newsletter articles tend to show up neatly on the main site thanks to the magic that is RSS.

But then one day not too long ago, my “dating guru” buddies started wanting to blogroll me. After getting over the initial shock of such a forward request, I realized that there was no such way to accommodate such.

Well, now that problem is “no problem”, isn’t it?

But now that we’re here, I’m loaded down with ideas. The first of such was to finally make a page on my server that actually has a clean appearance with loads of whitespace. Those of you who have been squinting at my forum for months now should be pleased with that development for sure.

But thinking beyond the surface, I am feeling this sensation of a new freedom…The momentum of cathartic expression welling up inside. The type of which that can only portend utter explosion into the Blue Sky of The Blogosphere that has been pent up for months within me.

That and I’ll actually have a home for relatively concise thoughts that are nice to express, but not quite ready for “prime time” exposure to thousands of demanding newsletter subscribers.

Plus, The Piper may end up paying me the “instant gratification” I’ve been doling out in heaping helpings for over a year now in the form of “immediate downloads which you can be reading within five minutes”.

So all of that blathering is long for “Welcome”. I look forward to your well-wishes as well as to any rotten veggies you may hurl at the screen. After all, a man has to eat somehow.

Be Good,

Scot McKay