15 Things No Man Should EVER Say

 
Scot and EmilyMost of my online research on the subject du jour uncovered articles by angry women whose baseline vitriol toward men was barely concealed under the surface. Predictably, the vast majority were specifically about what men should never say to women in particular.

I found myself reading enduring endless rants over purely innocent, and in many cases ostensibly innocuous (e.g. “you look beautiful tonight”) alleged mistakes by men who meant well, it’s just that they were apparently ill-equipped to read angry women’s minds Said angry women, in turn not able to read men’s minds, therefore assumed the worst, of course.

Yeah, well…if you’re at all worried this is going to be that kind of post, save your brain cells. I’m not an angry woman, nor have I been hanging out with any lately who could theoretically influence my thoughts.

Rather, this is a man-to-man post with the well-meaning brotherly intention of saving guys from clearly demonstrating they have zero skill with women whatsoever.

That means I’ll be sparing you any semblance of politically correct regurgitation, including but not limited to “dog-whistling” or “virtue signalling”. That said, I make no apologies for “triggering” anyone. After all, Job One here is watching out for your best interests as a man who loves women.

So let’s get on with it, already.

And by the way, I’m not limiting the list to what we should never say to women per se. What follows is a more pure rendering of what should never be said by a man period.

 
Rise Above Today's Challenges To Relationships Between Men And Women

 

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What Have We Replaced The Seduction Community With?

 
Shocked By SexWhat’s truly bizarre to me is guys who have been working on getting better with women for less than, say, five years (therefore, the vast majority) have probably never even heard of The Seduction Community.

Essentially, it’s a lot like how my sixteen year-old daughter has no idea who Sam Kinison is.

So for the sake of clarity, what was The Seduction Community?

 
Women Want Your Hands All Over Them

 

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6 Incredibly Hot Things To Say When She Casually Brings Up Sex

 
Under The Table And Out Of SightIt’s such a shame, really. Sometime back in the pickup artist era it was decided that whenever women casually bring up sex during first date conversation—or friendly chit-chat, even—it must be some sort of “test”.

The assumption there is she’s evaluating how we deal with the “hot potato” she’s suddenly dropped in our lap.

If we overreact with excitement and/or shock, she’ll assume we’re undersexed, inexperienced and desperate. Losing our cool is an epic fail, openly demonstrating we’re not in her league.

But if we remain composed and casually engage in the conversation as if it’s no big deal, then we score big points.

On the surface, this might appear to be a reasonably accurate assessment of such a situation and how we might potentially handle it as guys.

But what if it’s not a “test” at all? I’d contend it’s more of an invitation to join in the mating dance.

Unfortunately, most guys take an exhilarating opportunity like that and squander it. They sense they’re being “tested” and fall into self-preservation mode instead of reaching for high gear.

No, you don’t shy away from the conversation. But nor should you simply keep it casual and matter-of fact. That’s mere survival, not glorious victory.

Remember, she started it. Go forth boldly under such circumstances.

 
X-Ray Vision Into A Woman's Deepest Fantasies

 

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The Lost Art Of Writing Love Letters

 
Should You Write Her A Love Letter?I recently got a call from a guy who couldn’t wait to share his latest success story with me. Suddenly, his new girlfriend was more adoring and affectionate than ever, which boosted his confidence to new heights and thrilled him to no end. What’s more, even the woman’s mother was now completely won over, telling him that she had thought such wonderful men didn’t exist anymore.

So what had triggered this bonanza of euphoria all around him?

He had hand-written his girlfriend a love letter.

He described it as a simple one, one page front and back. In it, he expressed how magical his time spent with her had been thus far and talked about a future full of exciting travels and boundless adventure together.

After sharing the details with me, he paused briefly before suggesting in a quieter, almost reverent tone that he had stumbled upon something really big here. In his words, “a type of wild card to solidify a relationship, or maybe a way to help a guy get the girl he’s been dating for a while to fall in love.”

 
Grab Your Copy Of Women Made Easy

 

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Why Approaching Women Is So Puzzling

 
Putting The Pieces TogetherWe’ve done ourselves a disservice by assuming that each situation where we’re approaching a woman is going to be identical to any other.

But who can really blame us? It seems as if everything we’ve ever read on the subject prepares us for interactions with beautiful but bitchy women, who are typically saturated with “bothersome” male attention and are therefore eager to reject us.

Well, it’s time to tell the truth, once and for all.

The bold reality is that whenever you approach a woman, you’ve got a puzzle to figure out.

And each given scenario will have a unique solution because each woman is different.

In fact, I’ll go so far as to say that if you somehow have fallen into a pattern of encountering ONLY bitchy women who are eager to reject you, the solution might just involve looking in the mirror.

For what it’s worth, that’s good news. That means the future is under your control.

Remember, women follow your lead. Anytime you’re confronted with the same negative reaction repeatedly, the only conclusion that can reasonably be drawn is that you’ve somehow led.

I realize that isn’t easy to hear. Nevertheless, it should empower you. Here’s why.

 
Meeting Women Is Not A Crime

 

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7 Major Clues You’re Getting Better With Women

 
Twenty-Five Women, One ShotHey, there’s a lot of talk about how to improve your skills with women. But how do you know when you’ve actually ARRIVED?

On the surface, that seems like a silly question. I mean, you’re either attracting women or you’re not, right? When you start attracting women, all is good…at least you’d think so.

But what I’ve come to realize is that “success” isn’t really as tangible a commodity for most guys as they may have originally thought it would be.

Guys wonder if getting “rejected” at all means they’ve still got work to do.

They ask me if having six out of eight women responding to them online is “good enough”.

Still others want to know if they’re doing something wrong because they haven’t met their “100 out of 100” (e.g. perfectly imperfect) dream woman just yet.

Well, I can tell you definitively that 1) Even the most desirable men AND women can still never get EVERYONE they want. 2) At least 25% of the women you write to online will not write you back for reasons that have virtually NOTHING to do with you, and 3) it takes TIME to meet “The One”. In fact, it SHOULD…you’ve got to date enough to figure out what “The One” will even be like.

What we obviously need here, then, are some more reasonable yardsticks to measure “success” with.

 
X-Ray Vision Into A Woman's Deepest Fantasies

 

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If It’s Not Fast, It’s Only Half-Fast: 5 1/2 Situations With Women That Call For Speed

 
Half an ass, half-fastGo ahead. Say the first part of the subject line out loud. Do it briskly enough so you can hear what’s REALLY being said.

In other words, don’t give it a half-fast effort.

So gentlemen, what does a clever motorsports phrase like that have to do with women?

Well, I’m about to pull the blanket off of one of The Most Interesting Man’s more infamous pronouncements: “I assure you, most women would not consider speed a virtue.”

Now, while I wholeheartedly agree with that statement in context (speed dating)—as well as in the bedroom and during the whole seduction “dance”, for example—I’m convinced that there are absolutely other times where if you’re slow on the draw you’re going to LOSE, big time.

Here are my five (and a half) situations where you’d better be fast, lest you be half-fast:

 
X-Ray Vision Into A Woman's Deepest Fantasies

 

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Three Little Words (No…Not THOSE Three Little Words)

 
It was my oldest daughter who started it.

Back when she was about two she started saying, “I like you” to me.

Of course, we told her we loved her all the time.

But she was the one to take the initiative to take things a step further. Even though she was so young, she recognized that saying “I like you” is different than saying “I love you”.

Upon first consideration, you may perhaps think of “I like you” as somehow junior to its heavier “I love you” relative.

Indeed, many of us think of—and even joke about—“I like you” as kind of “ILY Lite”, possibly reserved for when someone we’re dating drops the “ILY” bomb on us before we’re exactly willing or ready to reciprocate.

Her: “I love you.”


Him: “Uh…I, um…LIKE you too.”

While I fully get the dynamics of such an unfortunate conversation, I think it’s a mistake to automatically relegate “I like you” to the realm of the relatively trivial.

That’s because when used effectively, the phrase can convey as much, if not MORE power than “I love you” can.

Even at age two, my daughter realized that.

The secret to making “I like you” count is using it proactively instead of reactively.

Continue reading “Three Little Words (No…Not THOSE Three Little Words)”

Women Really Are BORED…And They’re Waiting For YOU To Approach Them.

She's Bored To Tears...And We Hate When Women Cry, Huh? If you subscribe to my newsletter, which you should–especially if you’re a guy, then you probably caught my bit a week or so ago about how women are generally a lot more BORED on a regular basis than we think. Even the most attractive ones.

When you get right down to it, if and when you get over yourself and say hello to a woman you find attractive you’re very likely to find that she’s THRILLED you showed up. No kidding. She probably hasn’t had anything that exciting happen ALL DAY.

Still, a number of you chose to e-mail me with your doubts. In fact, enough of you still believe that every remotely attractive woman out there must be living like a “rock star” that I felt compelled to post a few of the responses to that newsletter that I got from various WOMEN who read it.

So that’s exactly what I’m about to do. Read ’em and weep…or be massively and powerfully encouraged. Your choice.

Continue reading “Women Really Are BORED…And They’re Waiting For YOU To Approach Them.”

The Chick Whisperer #42 — How To Make Women Laugh, And What To Do When They Cry

The World-Famous Chick Whisperer ShowMan, if there’s anything that tends to completely vex guys all over the world, it’s got to be the whole concept of making women laugh.

Deep down, we know women find men with a sense of humor irresistible.

But wait a minute. Do we really have to actually make women bust their gut laughing all the time in order to come off as having a “sense of humor”?

That’s not only a really good question, it’s the question that my co-host Elaine Davis and I break down the answer to on this latest episode of The Chick Whisperer podcast.

If you don’t know Elaine, she happens to be the only dating coach I know of who’s also a professional stand-up comedian (as in, with paid gigs at places like The Laugh Factory in LA, and all that). Having heard so many stand up comics moan about their dating lives in their acts over the years–and suspecting it was all rooted in fact somewhere–I’ve been utterly fascinated by the apparent disconnect here.

I mean, which is it? Do funny guys attract women, or not?

Continue reading “The Chick Whisperer #42 — How To Make Women Laugh, And What To Do When They Cry”

Pics From The Video Shoot For The Man’s Approach

As you may already know, the new program for guys who want to approach and meet high quality women, attract them and make plans with them is called The Man’s Approach.

Based on the tremendous amount of feedback I’ve been getting from guys all over the world, it’s apparent that most guys really do not want to become pickup artists. They’re just normal guys who simply want to meet some terrific great women…instead of kicking themselves every time one comes along and they don’t meet her.

As long overdue as it is in the eyes of many, The Man’s Approach will be your complete blueprint for getting that right from now on.

Mark your calendars, because it will be launched worldwide on Friday, September 10th, 2010.

I’ll have more details later, but for now I thought I’d share some snapshots from last night’s video session. After all, any program that’s all about how to approach women, get their numbers and make plans with them had better have plenty of video, right?

Well, far be it from us to disappoint. You already know my “proof of concept” Emily (in brown). Meet Erika (in the red) and Claudia (in black):

All of these women are as sweet and friendly as they are good looking. In fact, that was a must. Claudia is actually pretty well known nationally for her modeling work, and Erika happens to be one of Emily’s good friends. So you’ve probably guessed that I hand-picked the women I instinctively knew would be perfect for the task at hand.

By the way, the other dude at dinner with us all is none other than Hugo, who you may recall won our worldwide photo contest last year. Guys submitted photos of women they met using what’s taught here at X & Y Communications, and Hugo was the Grand Champion. So hey, I invited him to take part in the demo vids with us. Very nice. As you’ll soon find out, he’s very much a normal guy, and did a great job in the videos, as did the ladies.

The vibe we were looking for was to show natural conversation in a typical, everyday setting…and just let what happens happen. After the interactions, there’s some discussion between us on what was said and done, how well it worked (or didn’t) and suggestions on how to go from good to great.

Going with that style of presentation, to me at least, represented the ultimate “best of both worlds” between running hidden cameras and simply staging rehearsed demos. It really turned out great, and ended up representing a truly innovative (and powerful) way of presenting this sort of content that you guys are sure to enjoy.

Oh, and one other thing. There’s actually another gal featured in The Man’s Approach named Celeste who was recently voted one of Maxim’s “home town hotties”. There are videos from an earlier shoot that feature her also. But I’ve got to keep at least some of what’s coming your way a surprise, so you’ll just have to wait until The Man’s Approach is formally released to meet her…

Be Good,

Scot

The Man's Approach ... Coming This Summer From X & Y Communications

 








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Presence Vs. Attention = Happy Women Everywhere

X & Y Communications Coach Austin ParkerHaving spent the last year of my life on entrepreneurial pursuits, I’ve learned some hard lessons about keeping a woman happy. At the height of my working tirades I’d get a call from my girlfriend at the time and I’d keep clicky clacking away on the computer. I’d talk and I’d try to stay in the conversation. I figured she wanted some of my attention and time and in my mind, I thought I was giving it to her. This didn’t work.

I started to ask myself, why? Attention without presence is disrespectful. It sent the message that the other person isn’t as important as whatever I was doing. It made them feel less valuable in my life.

Sometimes I can’t be present. My mind goes a hundred miles an hour and it takes time to calm down. During these situations I inform the woman (or man, this is a general social skill) that I just finished or am in the middle of doing something. It’s consuming me and I set a specific time when I expect I’ll be ready to give them my full presence. People are respectful of this.

Otherwise I step away from what I’m doing and go to another room and have the conversation. The quality of the conversation goes up greatly from there. And with quality it’s easy to end it in a timely manner and get back to what I’m doing. Everyone wins.

So next time, give your presence not your attention. It’s the respectful thing to do.

–Austin

 
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Letter From A Reader: Hugging, Holding Hands, And That’s It [Video]

Recently I received an e-mail from Matt, who has been hanging out with a woman who seems interested in hugging and holding hands…but not a whole lot more than that, if anything. Apparently, based on the letters I receive, this is a problem that lots of guys face at one point or another.

So what gives? Here’s the full message from Matt, along with my response:

 

 

Click Here To Get The Lowdown On The Master Plan

 
Got any comments or stories to share? Let’s hear them!

Be Good,

Scot McKay

 

 

 








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The Master Plan Is LIVE

Become The High Quality Man Women Crave With The Master PlanToday is the day everything changes.

Until now, it has been implied to us as guys that we needed to “soften our demeanor”, “be nice” and otherwise fall in line with modern “feminized” culture.

The problem? Although we’ve been encouraged to think masculinity is somehow a bad thing, nobody ever gave us a roadmap for what to replace it with.

Obviously, the answer isn’t to be more feminine. Nothing lands a guy in the “Just Be Friends” zone more quickly.

So are we supposed to just “turn off” the masculinity…cold turkey? Well…if you’re neuter, you pretty much have zero chance at attracting anyone sexually.

Maybe the solution is a lot more simple.: There really isn’t anything wrong with masculinity to begin with.

That’s what I personally believe. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that most women want their men back.

 

 

 

Continue reading “The Master Plan Is LIVE”

The Master Plan — You Already Are A “Natural”

Become The High Quality Man Women Crave With The Master PlanLately there’s been lots of talk about “natural game”…as if all we need to do is emulate a guy who we see as a “natural”, and we’ll somehow become more attractive to women.

Now sure, having some guys who are great with women show you the ropes isn’t such a bad idea. But do we really need to copy someone else’s entire persona in order to successfully attract the kind of women we want?

Well, a lot of us as guys have been suspecting something all along: We are all “naturals”. By being born male, we’re supposed to be attractive to women by our very nature. Simply put, you were BORN to attract women.

 

 

 

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The Chick Whisperer #27 — Flirting And Creating Natural Attraction

The World-Famous Chick Whisperer ShowThe concept of how to get a high-quality woman to feel attraction for us we first meet her is a popular one. Well, duh…with all the mixed messages about what women want, cultural feminization, and sexual-harassment policies we as guys face in our post-modern world, it’s no wonder there’s such confusion and frustration afoot.

So that’s why I invited my main man Christian Hudson, formerly with Charisma Arts and Master The Vibe and now with The Social Man, to co-host a show with me highlighting that very topic.

Listen in as we talk about the clear difference between “natural game” and “natural attraction”, and break down exactly what it takes to be the kind of man who drives women wild. We also have a very frank discussion on the role that flirting plays in all this, offering opinions on what exactly “flirting” means, along with practical examples of how to go about it exactly the right way.

Just for good measure, Christian and I answer a voice mail question about why we “freeze up” when around that one woman we desire the most–and reveal creative solutions for getting over the problem once and for all.

I’ve got to say, when the dust cleared after editing this turned out to be one killer episode. Those of you guys who like to explore theory and how to apply it objectively to real-world situations are going to be loving this show.

So all that’s left is to download Episode 27 and listen, right?

To do so, head to the RSS feed and subscribe:

Subscribe Via RSS Feed

…or hit up iTunes and get the show onto your iPod with just one click:

Subscribe On iTunes Now

The iTunes page for The Chick Whisperer podcast can be accessed by clicking on any of the graphics in this post, actually. While you’re there, we really could use more reviews…preferably good. Your reviews influence iTunes rankings, so it’s a great way to support the show.

Be Good,

Scot

P.S. Next up I have the first in a new string of VIDEO BLOGS for you. Stay tuned.

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X & Y On The Fly #41 — Movie Moments

X & Y On The Fly PodcastOK, the latest X & Y On The Fly has finally hit the street.

This time, Emily and I break down our all-time favorite “movie moments”. And we’re not talking about action-adventure “moments”, Star Wars, or when Phoebe Cates gets out of the swimming pool in Fast Times At Ridgemont High.

Well, okay…we did bring up one moment from Star Wars.

But that’s beside the point. What’s important is that you go from good to great in your relationships with MOTOS (Members Of The Opposite Sex). So to that end, we break down some all-time great romantic scenes so two main things can happen. 1) The guys who are listening can discover exactly what it takes to melt a woman big time, so they can go and do likewise…which rocks. 2) The women who are listening can recognize when a “movie moment” is happening right before her very eyes, and go with the flow.

Nice, huh? We’re pretty sure nobody has ever covered this in a podcast before, and we figured it was time. So enjoy.

By now you’re probably wondering where to getchasum of this. Look no further than iTunes:

Subscribe On iTunes Now

Or if you prefer, you can go straight to the RSS feed:

Subscribe Via RSS Feed

If you get the show on iTunes, please be sure to leave us a review. And tell a friend or three. Much obliged.

Be Good,

Scot

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The Guide To Speed Dating Success

(This post originated as a correspondence on speed dating between two X&Y team members. I have speed-dated on and off for approximately two years and observed the curious dynamic involved. I have left feeling like I found my “100” and left wondering why I wasted two hours of valuable SportsCenter rerun time. I have attended feeling like I could conquer the world, and attended three days out of the ICU. So without further ado…)

The event…

The format varies by organization–some have longer (8-10 min) vs. shorter (4-5 min) individual dates, some allow one-on-one time with everyone there whereas others will only put you across from a fraction of the ladies present, some have an “intermission” for unstructured interaction, others don’t. You get the picture.

Most events are bracketed by age range (e.g. 25-35) or other demographic characteristics (race, religion, professional status). Age ranges are not absolute but not infinitely flexible—a 37 year old could attend a 25-35 event, a 45 year old is pushing the limit.

 

 

Continue reading “The Guide To Speed Dating Success”

Alcohol-Free Authenticity — Improve Your Success With Women When Sober

When you are out on the town having a good time with your friends and talking to girls, it may be so tempting to have a few drinks. Perhaps, drinking allows you to relax, get you out of your head, makes you more impulsive and talkative, and helps you to be your natural attractive self with girls around you. As one of my friends said, “When you have a few drinks, it guarantees you a fun night out…”

The reason why drinking may help your game is that alcohol allows you to temporarily reduce your inhibitions and express your natural masculine desires. It also helps you to switch off the “script” (i.e. social conditioning, limiting beliefs and fears). And then your natural self springs into action and seizes the night. But…

Problems start when you have a few too many and relaxed and comfortable becomes sloppy and messy. Your mind may lose its sharpness and you may start failing the tests from women or be unable to plan how to close the deal…let alone that drinking may seriously affect your erectile function and the amount of cash in your pocket, including all the money you spend on taxis!

 

 

Continue reading “Alcohol-Free Authenticity — Improve Your Success With Women When Sober”

Junior Is A Flirt

I've got to teach this kid to put a shirt on in his online pics. And to wash his face while he's at it.Keep your infant daughters away from my kid. Actually, check that. Keep your pre-teen daughters away from him.

Seriously, Scot, Jr. (aka “Micky Mac”) is a serious flirt. Already. At the ripe old age of eleven months.

And yes…he’s diggin’ on “older women”.

We knew pretty quickly that he had a thing for g-i-r-l-s, but lately it has been taken to the next level. Sure, the little infant chickies in their little pink bows and Power Puff Grrrl diapers are “hot babes” to him, but he really has this thing for little girls about middle-school age. I mean, he just lights up when he sees them.

The whole thing is fascinating to watch actually, if I may say so myself.

For starters, you can forget about “approach anxiety”. When the kid “isolates his target” he practically jumps out of my arms trying to “kino” her. Once loose, he’s a master of the “three second rule”. He can’t crawl fast enough in her direction.

And of course, this usually elicits the desired, “Awww….how cute!” reaction, including occasional hugs, tickles and kisses. Nice.

And Micky-Mac is, well, “mackin'” the whole time.

But here’s where it gets weird.

Usually, when he sees a g-i-r-l he likes, his first thought when trying to get her attention is to growl like a little bear, complete with the arms in the air. “Grrr…AHHH!”

What’s up with that?

Well, putting two and two together, that’s the sort of thing I do when I play around with him. Me, his Dad. Mom doesn’t do that sort of thing.

So, basically, he gets that I’m a “boy” like he is, he knows that “g-i-r-l-s” are different and interesting, and somehow his instincts (or something) kick in and tell him to act like a boy toward these “different and interesting” human beings he sees.

Knowing that he’s like me, his Dad, he picks up on the “boy” behaviors I teach him and applies them “naturally” to MOTOS (Members Of The Opposite Sex).

In other words, he’s a flirt. And an effective one. And he’s not even a year old yet.

So let’s break this down.

First of all, it’s not like my kid is some sort of lady-killing prodigy or something.

In fact, if you look around, you’ll see that lots of kids, boy or g-i-r-l, exhibit the same sort of behavior at a very early age. I mean, who hasn’t seen a little toddler-sized girl batting her eyelashes at some b-o-y in the booth next door at Denny’s while slung over her mama’s shoulder?

The truth is that this goes on because we are HARD-WIRED to know the differences between genders from a very, very early age. And even MORE interestingly, it would appear that we’re basically born knowing how to interact with MOTOS and even generate attraction….all without any fear of “rejection”, natch.

I mean, “rejection”? What infant with parents who care has had any opportunity to get jaded by THAT yet?

And therein lies the irony.

It’s somewhere along the line later that the majority of us somehow lose our moxie and perhaps even our natural-born ability to be attractive to MOTOS…let alone flirt with them.

Not being a child psychologist, or any other kind of one either, I don’t have all the answers as to how or why all of this is what it is.

And granted, you can bet my kid has no idea what to actually do with these g-i-r-l-s once he actually “meets” them. Relationship management comes later, I suppose.

But I do know that if my eleven-month-old kid can “approach women” without fear and “create attraction”, then people older than he is should remain able to do so also.

Be Good,

Scot

 

 








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