When you are out on the town having a good time with your friends and talking to girls, it may be so tempting to have a few drinks. Perhaps, drinking allows you to relax, get you out of your head, makes you more impulsive and talkative, and helps you to be your natural attractive self with girls around you. As one of my friends said, “When you have a few drinks, it guarantees you a fun night out…”
The reason why drinking may help your game is that alcohol allows you to temporarily reduce your inhibitions and express your natural masculine desires. It also helps you to switch off the “script” (i.e. social conditioning, limiting beliefs and fears). And then your natural self springs into action and seizes the night. But…
Problems start when you have a few too many and relaxed and comfortable becomes sloppy and messy. Your mind may lose its sharpness and you may start failing the tests from women or be unable to plan how to close the deal…let alone that drinking may seriously affect your erectile function and the amount of cash in your pocket, including all the money you spend on taxis!
Alcohol has become such an integral part of our culture, that for many people it is unthinkable to have a good night out without getting at least a few drinks at the bar. And if you’re the one staying sober people may even assume that something is wrong with you!
I remember my college years when me and my friends used to drink as much beer and spirits as we physically could, and intoxicating yourself to a state of profound amnesia was a sign of the night well-spent. So what does alcohol gives to people; why is it so important to us?
You see, in our society so many people lost a connection with their authentic selves by settling to the second best (e.g. by doing job they hate or by marrying a first runner-up instead of their perfect woman). So I believe that for many people alcohol has become a cheap substitute for authenticity.
Yes, you read it right, a cheap substitute for authenticity.
How does alcohol helps people to feel and behave more authentic?
For many people being authentic is something they were disapproved or even punished for by their parents or school teachers, so they learnt how to hide their real, authentic selves under the mask of normality. In many cases, limiting beliefs and fears became so ingrained in their unconscious minds that the most authentic behaviours (like talking to a girl you just met) may feel unnatural to them. So for most people alcohol became a means of giving themselves permission to be authentic.
For example, one of my friends admitted that he becomes loud and more sociable when drinking and generally behaves like an “alpha-male” that allows him to successfully
attract women. The question is: can he be a strong Leading Man without a few drinks? Indeed he can. But… he doesn’t allow himself to be that man without drinking alcohol.
Why?
Because he thinks that being “loud” and asking for what he wants is not good so he suppresses this side of himself when sober. So for him drinking becomes a good excuse for acting with his natural authenticity.
Many guys say that alcohol help them to be “in state”. I wonder what kind of state do they mean by being “in state”? Is it being confident, outspoken, outcome
independent, playful? Or may be it would include some other qualities for yourself. Anyways, I do believe is that by being “in state” guys actually mean being and acting authentic. In other words, being in touch with your own unconscious mind, so that you can be yourself at your best.
Consuming alcohol allows people to step outside their comfort zones, and do something they are uncomfortable with while being sober. But is there a natural way to expand your comfort zones? Yes, indeed, and it involves gradual challenging yourself by something that is just on the border of comfort. Surely, alcohol is a much faster way, it’s like taking a sleeping peel instead of falling asleep naturally, but one have to pay a price of losing a natural ability by doing so.
Alcohol also allows to suppress some fear-based behaviours, such as:
1. approval seeking from other people, both women and men,
2. lack of confidence based on low self-esteem, and
3. jealousy.
Such fear-based feelings and behaviours are a major source of in-authenticity.
So the question that naturally follows is…
How can you be more authentic without alcohol?
Someone wise said: “Re-arrange your priorities so they are no longer an insult to the brevity and preciousness of your
life”.
Yes, you have to re-align different areas of your life so that you feel and act authentic throughout the day. Do things that you naturally enjoy doing – and this may mean quitting the job you hate! Make friends who are positive and who you feel good around. Take up hobbies you are keen on. Spend your time in places you naturally feel good in.
There is no shortcut here, you have to actually create a life for yourself that is conducive to experiencing positive emotions. Because feeling good about yourself brings you closer towards authenticity, so that you would not need to rely on alcohol as a stress reliever. Accepting and respecting yourself and being comfortable in your own skin is a very attractive quality too.
How to create a lifestyle for yourself that is authentic for you?
The first step is to accept yourself exactly as you are now, and to allow yourself to be your own, unique self. Even if this means non-conforming to what your colleagues, family and friends expect of you. Live your own life, make your own decisions, consult your inner wisdom.
The specific ways of becoming authentic may vary for different people, however I am going to suggest a few that work for me.
Some practical ways to reconnect with your authentic self
1. Meditate, find a quiet space and reconnect with your deep core. Or you may go for a jog or walk in the
park to the same effect.
2. Acknowledge all your feelings, even if you perceive them as negative, as they are there to serve you.
3. Listen to some good, positive music. Exclude songs that advocate feelings of fear and inadequacy. (See one of the previous posts in this blog)
4. Meet women in places where you feel naturally authentic without alcohol, it doesn’t have to be a bar all the time!
5. Spend your time around friends who accept you for who you are.
6. Make staying sober inevitable – e.g. drive to the bar instead of taking a taxi, so that you know you cannot
drink much.
7. Be willing to accept some “slow” nights at first without boosting them with alcohol.
8. Have a sensible work-life balance. For example, one of my friends works 80 hours per week, so no wonder he needs some alcohol as stress-relieve… Make sure you have a life!
It is worth pointing out that if your dependence on alcohol is significant, it would make sense to get in touch with experts in this field, such as an Alcholics Anonymous.
To conclude, I strongly believe, that all of us can be authentic and at our best without relying on alcohol, and accepting yourself as a unique individual and living an inspired life are important steps towards becoming authentically attractive to women.
Your friend,
–Dr. Sasha
drsasha@deservewhatyouwant.com
This si an excellent post – I for one can’t stand drunk men. And I’m very quick to spot whether a man is enjoying a drink or 2 or if he actually indulges in too much alcohol full stop.
Alcohol can also be a problem for women. They too feel less inhibited after a couple of drinks. Every body has seen the woman that gets the desire to remove her clothes or part of them any way when she’s drunk. Not a good idea.
And by the way one of my dear deceased friends who was a very masculine jazz musician and owner of a night club, who was very fond of drinking said to me I never went to bed with an ugly woman but I sure woke up with a few!
Great post. Ever since I started my journey in this dating world and coaching my drinking has gone down a lot. Not that I drank much before, but if I have three beers now out and about, that is a big night for me. I prefer now sipping on a scotch when the night is over recapping with my wingman on things or planning the dates. Alcohol completely hinders thinking on the fly. Great in depth post.
I agree with everything here, the post and the comments. These days I dont drink much. One thing you may get if you dont have a drink in your hand is the woman you’re talking to asking you “why are you not drinking?” as its expected for you to be drinking. The way you answer this can help or hinder your game. If you explain that you dont drink any more and get all up on your high horse about it, it can make her feel bad that she is drinking, or it can make you look like a recovering alcoholic. nither of these are good. If I get asked why i’m not drinking I usually reply with something like “no its ok, your dont need to buy me a drink to keep me here talking to you. flip the script. make it seem like she is trying to buy you a drink.
Ha ha, this is a great answer. I usually just reply that “I’m taking care of my friends here so that they don’t do something crazy”…
And thanks for your comments guys!
S.
Great post. Answering the question “why are you not drinking” has always felt awkward. Don’t want to come across judgmental, or as a Alcoholic. It’s seems to be a strange thin line for just making a choice to enjoy life and people in a naturally state. But that even sounds judgmental. Anybody have any more good responses to the question?