July 2008 – The Official Blog Of Scot McKay

Train Game

Many guys spend way too many hours every year catching public transport, trains, buses, subways, ferries, etc. I used to have a 45 minute train trip every day to get to work, and 45 minutes on the train getting home.

That’s a lot of time.

On many of my trips I would see beautiful women, and I am sure you are in a similar situation. The question that was always on my mind was “How can I go and talk to her?”

Well I’m going to try to break it down for you guys today.

First, read back to my first post on Personal Brand Identity. This should help you get all your things in order.

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My Best Online Dating Horror Stories

Whatever You Fill These With, Don't Talk About It On A Date Yeah, yeah. It’s absolutely true that online dating worked out pretty well for me, ultimately.

But having given it some thought, I wanted to come clean with you about something.

It’s not like every single date was a blissful stream of perfection.

Sure, I met lots of great women and had a blast for several years…culminating in meeting Emily on Match.com.

But along the way, especially at the beginning, I certainly encountered my share of sometimes hilarious and sometimes downright nightmarish situations.

Here are the four most memorable ones

Continue reading “My Best Online Dating Horror Stories”

To Those Starting The Journey

“And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

–Anais Nin

Congratulations on making a decision that will transform your life.

Seriously, congratulations. You may think “I haven’t done anything, I just got tired of spending Saturday nights playing Minesweeper/staring at the lobotomy box/nervously gawking at hotties from across the bar.”

But you’ve decided to master your own life and stop wallowing in a septic tank of self-pity. How many people have come to the same realization as you and decided to do nothing, or worse–whine and yowl about it?

And let’s not forget the second part of that sentence—”…making a decision that will transform your life.” It’s not just about your ability to date. That extra confidence will show on the basketball court, in the client’s office, and at Thanksgiving dinner with your own family members.

Now, the first step of the journey is to take a long, hard look into the darkest corners of your brain.

Continue reading “To Those Starting The Journey”

A Pickup Line Is No Longer A Pickup Line If SHE Started It

Cheesy Pickup Line Lately I’ve been coaching more guys on how to succeed at online dating than ever before, and time and again I encounter something that amazes me.

I think we could all agree that using cheesy pickup lines are decidedly not the best strategy when it comes to approaching women. In fact, they’ve kind of become a running joke.

But when our attention turns to the online dating world, something fascinating happens.

Most of what guys are being taught in terms of sending first emails to women seems oddly familiar.

Yeppers…you got it. “Cut and paste templates designed to promote banter and therefore create rapport” is really long for “pickup lines”.

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Change Your Life! Delete These Songs From Your iPod

Yes, you read the title correctly.

If you want to change your life and get better with everything, take this step now. Delete the following songs from your iPod.

Here’s my “Top-Ten List Countdown”:

10. My Everything (98 Degrees)

“You are my everything
Nothing your love won’t bring
My life is yours alone”

9. Faith (George Michael)

“Before you throw my heart back on the floor
Oh baby I reconsider
My foolish notion
Well I need someone to hold me
But I’ll wait for something more”

8. When It’s Over (Sugar Ray)

“I’m wishing you
You feel the same and just come back to me
I need you and when you go go go go”

7. Wait for You (Elliot Yamin)

“Baby I will wait for you
If you think I find it just ain’t true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do
I’ll wait for you”

Continue reading “Change Your Life! Delete These Songs From Your iPod”

How To Approach Naturally Without Fear

I always wondered how to approach and start a conversation with the attractive women I would meet on the street, in a supermarket, or in a coffee shop.

At first, I felt that initial excitement arising within me, but this excitement quickly turned into a paralytic fear…Have you ever felt this paralyzing, soul-freezing fear?

Hot on the trail of this fear, a string of thoughts would emerge—‘I don’t know what to say!’ or ‘What will she think of me?’—followed by images of her rejecting you, telling you to ‘get lost!’ and people around laughing at your humiliation.

I, for one, have surely felt it!

Finally, you might either psyche yourself to approach her or find a seemingly ‘good’ excuse to justify why you aren’t approaching her, such as ‘She’s way above my league’, ‘I’m not dressed for the occasion’, ‘Maybe next time–I’m in a hurry’, or ‘She’s not hot enough for me’.

Reasons for this so-called approach anxiety are many, and they are mainly due to social conditioning and our own negative experiences of the past. Let’s not explore these reasons any further—this has already been done repeatedly in many sources! I’d rather give you some practical advice on how to overcome this anxiety, from what I learnt through my own experiences of talking to about 1,000 women over the past 5 years, as well as what I have learnt from the vast experience of my friends.

Continue reading “How To Approach Naturally Without Fear”

Personal Brand Identity

In the corporate world brand identity is very important as it makes a product more memorable. If we use Coca Cola as an example, they have a very recognisable brand.

They have their red swirly pattern all over everything.

All their bottles have it and all of their staff wear it (in some form or another). It’s on their business cards, letterhead and even in bright lights on their head office.

By having such a solid brand identity, you can easily recognise them as Coke.

Now how do we convert this idea of branding for companies and products to ourselves?

We need to think in terms of how we present ourselves–our lives and how we look-as our brand.

Continue reading “Personal Brand Identity”

Discomfort and Awareness: A Tale of Two Dates

Consider two separate dates with two different women:

Scenario 1: It was a gorgeous Wednesday before a long weekend. I awoke from a full night’s sleep ready to conquer the world by lunch, and cure cancer by dinner. And I did (almost), giving a very well-received client presentation and setting a personal best on the bench press that morning. The winds of fate were at my back—if I didn’t have a very intriguing first date that night, I should have hit Mohegan Sun’s blackjack tables.

Scenario 2: Weather.com predicted scattered thunderstorms all week—I chose Tuesday because it was one of two free nights in the next two weeks. The PowerPoint slide swam before me, as last night’s four hours sleep were catching up to me. I had tried to hit the weights, but the mental haze was just too strong. I compromised my form on an overhead press and tweaked my trapezius muscle hard. I couldn’t hold my neck straight. I adjusted my collar in the mirror and a zombie stared back. How was I going to make it to—let alone through—that night’s date?

It wouldn’t follow logically that Date #1 ended with a tepid hug, while Date #2 with a passionate sunset kiss on Boston Common and an enthusiastic request for a second date, would it?

Continue reading “Discomfort and Awareness: A Tale of Two Dates”

Online Dating: Loaded Down With Questions [Video]

OK, here’s yet another video blog for you, loaded down with online dating tips just for you.

And appropriately as such, this particular video considers what to do when someone you’ve just met starts loading you down with questions….

So tell me, I bet you can relate to this one, can’t you? Let’s hear your stories!

Be Good,

Scot

P.S. Tomorrow we’ll hear from new X & Y Communications coach Joseph Jensen for the first time. His style is a unique one, so get ready for something completely different for sure.

Body Language: From Russia With Love

Last night, I was watching From Russia with Love. Its one of the best Sean Connery Bond films, and it made me think a lot about my article, Body Language and your overall presentation.

Gentlemen, how you present yourself plays such an important role with MOTOS (Members Of The Opposite Sex) and everything in general. I am sure we have all heard the term “a picture paints a thousand words”. Well how you present yourself paints a lot more than that. I will go over a few key points.

Swagger, strut, walk the walk, and exude your frame.

What is it I mean by this?

Guys when you walk, so many times we are just moving our lower body, our head down, just bearing down at wherever. Pick that head up, relax your eyelids, and flow.

Picture yourself as if you are walking through a pool. Move your upper body, believe that you are a famed celebrity. Stick your chest out, and use good posture. Swing your arms a bit. Almost feel as if you are slowing down.

Smoothness is key. I really emphasize at first visualizing walking through a pool or some type of resistance. Let your shoulders and upper body move a bit. Look, observe, life is too short to keep your head down. I almost feel like I am leaning back and breathing in life and just loving it.

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The Chick Whisperer #22 — Shyness And Introversion

From the very beginning when we launched The Chick Whisperer show, we decided that there were several ways the show had to be unique, and therefore separate itself from the herd.

First, we were going to focus on being a man of character who therefore attracts only the HIGHEST ECHELON of women

Second, we were going to go out of our way to honor the often extreme intelligence of our listenership–most of whom are pretty successful guys. We hope we’ve been faithful to that thus far.

Third, even though we–and our co-hosts–tend to have some completely killer premium programs out there, we pledged that we would NEVER slack off from providing practical, real-world content worthy of high-dollar products…but all for F-R-E-E.

I can say with a straight face that this episode–number twenty-two–holds the “fundamentals” to a particularly high standard.

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Why Cold Approaches Are So Last Century

“Day game is my domain” he told me as we sat down for some lunch. My friend was known in our circle as a day game purist, with a style much different from mine.

He seemed to have an “on/off” switch.

Today, he planned to flip his “on” switch and had set aside this time to go sarging.

I was intrigued.

Had he established some kind of “anchor” where he would touch his arm and become “super-sarge”?

We finished our lunch and he led the way. I am glad he was leading because I had a lot on my mind and wasn’t really in a social mood. I was intrigued to see this “switch” being flipped.

Suddenly he stopped.

“What are we doing?” I asked.

“Looking for targets.”

We waited in the high traffic area watching people roll by. Yeah, we saw hot women.

Continue reading “Why Cold Approaches Are So Last Century”

The Team Has Been Expanded: Six New Instructors Named

I couldn’t be more pleased to bring you today’s major announcement.

The X & Y Communications team has been expanded to include six new instructors.

We have known for several months now that the character-based approach to dating and seduction advice was powerful enough and had gained enough traction that we wanted to bring more voices and unique perspectives into the mix.

Long hours of thought have been given to the process of identifying and equipping the right ones for that job, and now that the day has come I am proud to introduce you to our newest contributing consultants.

I’ve set each of the six new official instructors up with a bio at a new page created specifically for that purpose:

http://www.edumckaytion.com/blog/team

Starting Wednesday morning, plan on direct contributions to this blog from each new team member on a semi-regular basis, which will offer a great chance to get to know what each respective one adds to the mix.

Emily and I also intend to expand the team further in the near future to include at least two women as fellow instructors.

Thank you to each and every one of you who have supported the X & Y Communications purpose and continue to do so. It is that support that makes growth possible, all in the name of better serving your needs as you deserve what you want.

You have our pledge to continue raising the bar for you at every opportunity.

Please extend a warm welcome to our new team members with your comments.

Be Good,

Scot McKay

Online Dating: More Than Just A Pretty Face? [Video]

I think we’ve all seen those online profiles where the woman automatically assumed that she was enough of a “hottie” that her pictures were all that was necessary. The rest of the profile is essentially blank as a sheet, with the possible exception of a stray line to the effect of, “Hey, you’ve seen the pics and u know u like…now holla at ur girl!”

Well, here’s the suitable response to all of this from the nation known worldwide as “Deservewhatyouwantland”…

Be honest with me.

Guys: Have you ever found a high-quality woman with the “whole package” from a profile like that?

Ladies: Have you ever met anyone other than the “sex-focused” type–“Mr. Nice Guy” included–having published a profile like that?

Be Good,

Scot

P.S. Yeah, I’ve gotten a haircut since. Thanks for asking, “taurusmoxie” dude on YouTube.

P.P.S. MASSIVE announcement coming next…stay tuned.

“And That’s Why I Don’t Eat Shrimp”

I'll eat THIS kind of shrimp, don't get me wrong.

Are you an NBA fan? If you watched the playoffs, then no doubt you saw the T-Mobile commercial where Charles Barkley is constantly calling D-Wade. Hilarious stuff, particularly when Chuck inanely spouts, “That’s why I don’t eat shrimp.”

Well, despite all the marketing hype in the Seduction Community about pulling the youngest hotties possible (especially if you’re an older guy), that’s pretty much how I feel about dating eighteen or nineteen year old girls, even if they are “legal”.

And for those of you who might be assuming that this is all a function of my current age, I’ve pretty much viewed the universe this way since I was 21, with a few scattered exceptions.

Not coincidentally, you see, at 21 years of age is when a guy in the United States (like me) can finally order a beer.

It’s not that the younger girls aren’t often really, really hot…you and I both know they are.

The deal is that it’s unnecessary to go through the inconvenience and hassle of dating them.

Continue reading ““And That’s Why I Don’t Eat Shrimp””

Ten Days In Mexico [Part Five]

Near The U.S. Border At Nuevo Laredo, Tamps.

We rolled into Monterrey, Nuevo Leon around 1:30 am. We didn’t get to sleep until 6:00.

Wild partying? Hardly.

It simply took that long to get a hotel.

The first two places we checked were packed to the gills. It turned out that the largest IT convention of the entire year happened to be taking place that weekend, and every hotel in the southern part of town was booked solid.

Suffice it to say the IT company hadn’t reserved my room in advance. This made perfect sense since I don’t work for any of them anymore.

Logically speaking, we decided to head to the northern part of town for more options.

Now, if you’ll recall, we’ve already discussed how “logic” and “Mexico” are two concepts that don’t mesh particularly well.

Continue reading “Ten Days In Mexico [Part Five]”

Relationship Management: What If Neither Of You Wears The Pants?

If you wear the pants, make sure it's not these, por favor. If you’ve listened to the brand new X & Y On The Fly Dating Podcast episode called “Who Wears The Pants?”, then you already know we throw a pretty mean twist on things right from the beginning.

Basically, within a minute or two of launching the show we talk about someone who might be calling the shots other than the man or the woman. Some of you have been sending us e-mails basically telling us that one threw you for a loop.

I can understand that.

But now that the dust has cleared from getting the show out to y’all, it has occurred to me that there are actually several different people who could theoretically be “wearing the pants” in the relationship that we didn’t even think about while we were recording the podcast

So in the interest of making sure the whole story gets out, I’m going to complete the story right here.

Although we elaborate upon it in the context of the show, essentially “wearing the pants” means “calling the shots”. Setting the tone and direction of the relationship and making the ultimate decisions as to where the relationship is headed, etc. is what it’s all about.

Maybe the man “wears the pants”. Maybe the woman does. But if neither do, than who?

Continue reading “Relationship Management: What If Neither Of You Wears The Pants?”

X & Y On The Fly #38 — Who Wears The Pants?

Ready for some innovative ideas on a topic that most people dare not even touch in this age of “political correctness”?

You bet you are.

Relationship management is a massively important yet amazingly under-emphasized topic. That’s why Emily and I just finished hashing out a whole show on the concept of “wearing the pants” in the relationship.

Guys all over the world are subject to ridicule and even flat-out humiliation if the women in their lives “wear the pants”. So what exactly does that mean? More importantly, is a guy supposed to have a tyrannical “death grip” on things or is some balance more appropriate as far as decision-making is concerned?

And what happens when the woman calls the shots? Find out from two other women besides Emily what their take on that is…and you might want to sit down first.

Get the most comprehensive discussion on this topic you’ve ever heard, and walk away with a clearer sense of exactly how men and women can find true balance when it comes to relationship management.

Or just listen simply for the sake of hearing Emily growl like a tiger at the beginning. The show almost ended there…

Subscribe and download here if you aren’t on iTunes. If you’ve got iTunes, just click the graphic above.

Remember to sign up for our newsletter at www.deservewhatyouwant.com. Our gift to you is now the brand-new e-book on how to handle breakups. You may remember the blog series I did on that subject a while back. Well, I’ve added some material and put it all into a convenient e-book for you…cool, huh?

Enjoy the podcast. By the way, see if you can ID the major factor on the topic of “wearing the pants” that Emily and I completely forgot to address…because that’s exactly what the next blog post will cover.

Be Good,

Scot

P.S. By the way, if XYotF has been even .006% meaningful to you, PLEASE Digg us, Stumble us or save us to Del.icio.us. The good word of listeners just like you helps our audience grow.