Relationship Management: What If Neither Of You Wears The Pants?

If you wear the pants, make sure it's not these, por favor. If you’ve listened to the brand new X & Y On The Fly Dating Podcast episode called “Who Wears The Pants?”, then you already know we throw a pretty mean twist on things right from the beginning.

Basically, within a minute or two of launching the show we talk about someone who might be calling the shots other than the man or the woman. Some of you have been sending us e-mails basically telling us that one threw you for a loop.

I can understand that.

But now that the dust has cleared from getting the show out to y’all, it has occurred to me that there are actually several different people who could theoretically be “wearing the pants” in the relationship that we didn’t even think about while we were recording the podcast

So in the interest of making sure the whole story gets out, I’m going to complete the story right here.

Although we elaborate upon it in the context of the show, essentially “wearing the pants” means “calling the shots”. Setting the tone and direction of the relationship and making the ultimate decisions as to where the relationship is headed, etc. is what it’s all about.

Maybe the man “wears the pants”. Maybe the woman does. But if neither do, than who?

Before this starts sounding like a cheap Dr. Seuss rip-off, let’s get to the list. Buckle your seatbelts.

1) The In-Laws

Can you imagine some unsuspecting woman hooking up with a guy long term, getting the “warm fuzzies” about he has such a grip on things, and finding out some time later that the dude’s mom has been giving him all the directions?

Don’t laugh. This is basically the most pathetic iteration of “mama’s boy” imaginable. And it happens…a lot.

I mean seriously. My 7-month-old son basically only understands two things at his age, and both of them are boobies.

But somewhere the plan has to change, Norman Bates.

A man’s got to take those Huggies off, as Bill Parcells once said famously, and trade them in for some man-size drawers.

Maybe the woman should wear the pants...as long as they're like these... Yet some guys don’t ever get weaned, and they end up being..well, weens instead. Guys who are consulting with Mommie in hopes of keeping a handle on their relationship are kidding themselves.

Make no mistake, a Father In-Law can also be at the controls just as easily.

Yeah “Meet The Fokkers” is pretty funny, but not if it’s your reality.

Let the in-laws concern themselves with their own respective households (and pants).

1) The Boss

I hear you out there.

“Dude, how’s my friggin’ boss possibly able to wear the pants?”

Perhaps ironically, it’s not like he or she likely is even giving you “relationship advice” per se.

But here it is: By demanding long hours, hard deadlines, last-minute business trips to Orlando and holding your balls (err…job security) in the balance you bet your boss is “wearing the pants”.

If on-the-job pressures are superseding your priorities with your significant other, then guess what, pardner…the boss is in charge even when you’re away from the office. Basically, you’re never off the clock.

1) The Church

I’m not talking about most churches here, so let me make that point loud and clear.

Nonetheless, there are some congregations–or even entire denominations or sects–where the church leaders wield tremendous power, sometimes without any accountability.

If spirituality is important to you and a cornerstone of your character, I consider that to be a tremendous overall advantage when it comes to effective relationship management.

That said, if you find yourself a part of a spiritual community where the leadership manipulates in the name of God, that should be a massive red flag. Needing to take your life decisions to a council of elders, having them tell you what you can and cannot do in the bedroom, etc. is over the line.

Ultimately, absolute power corrupts absolutely, even in certain churches. Sure, there are thankfully few Jim Joneses and David Koreshes out there, relatively speaking, but every legit spiritual leader should not only be accountable, but actively embrace such accountability.

See? And here you might have been thinking that “wearing the pants” was as simple as someone “manning up” and taking the bull by the horns. It’s a lot deeper than that for sure.

By the way, note that for all three bullet points above you don’t even necessarily have to be married yet in order for someone else to be in charge. The precedent can be set literally within days of meeting someone, let alone having been married to them for years.

What’s your take on all of this? It’s time to hear your opinion around here!

That’s all for now…back atcha in a day or two with Mexico Part Five (the conclusion).

Be Good,

Scot McKay