Are you an NBA fan? If you watched the playoffs, then no doubt you saw the T-Mobile commercial where Charles Barkley is constantly calling D-Wade. Hilarious stuff, particularly when Chuck inanely spouts, “That’s why I don’t eat shrimp.”
Well, despite all the marketing hype in the Seduction Community about pulling the youngest hotties possible (especially if you’re an older guy), that’s pretty much how I feel about dating eighteen or nineteen year old girls, even if they are “legal”.
And for those of you who might be assuming that this is all a function of my current age, I’ve pretty much viewed the universe this way since I was 21, with a few scattered exceptions.
Not coincidentally, you see, at 21 years of age is when a guy in the United States (like me) can finally order a beer.
It’s not that the younger girls aren’t often really, really hot…you and I both know they are.
The deal is that it’s unnecessary to go through the inconvenience and hassle of dating them.
As I see it, I can find a woman who is at least 21 and is every bit as intriguing as any 18 or 19 year old…and probably more so. And then, I can take her A-N-Y-W-H-E-R-E I want.
Otherwise, her restrictions become my restrictions. And I’ve been through with being relegated to “Teen Night” at the local club for well over twenty years now.
Think of it…they are teenagers, after all.
They are barely through high school, let alone college. This means that there has not yet been any chance to cultivate the necessary level of independence and maturity that most older guys invariably demand from a serious girlfriend these days.
And by “serious” in this context, I mean “taken seriously”.
Now if you’re 30 and still living in your Mommy’s basement, all bets are off. Disregard the previous statement.
But otherwise, my educated guess is that most guys who’ve survived beyond their 21st birthday probably only THINK they want “barely legal” girls in their rotation.
By citing the legal drinking age above, I’m telegraphing the raw fact that I’m too squeamish to think that any guy over the age of, say, 30 is out there is seriously talking about making a teenager his steady girlfriend.
Yet I’m not naive. ‘ve been at this dating coaching stuff long enough to know first-hand that there are guys in their 50s and 60s whose online dating profiles show an age requirement that bottoms out at 18.
What’s up with that? Well, whether your “creep out” meter has just been pegged or not is beside the point–at least for now.
Here it is: I really think that the vast majority of older dudes who think they want to date teenage girls are in that frame because they can’t get them.
Simply put, the fantasy is clearly better than the reality.
Beyond the matter of social restrictions and maturity level, there are yet two other factors that are arguably even more significant.
First, if you are at all interested in any kind of long-term relationship with a woman, dealing with a teenager is the proverbial “box of chocolates”.
How many teenage couples do you know who have broken up by age…oh…21, because the “grew apart”. With real-life experience comes real change in priorities and even personality itself.
Further, how do you know your 19-year-old girlfriend is going to look great at 30?
You don’t.
The bottom line is that a TON of guys start “making up for lost time” when they start getting better with women, and that would ostensibly include going back in time to get with their self-perceived “fair share” of teenaged girls.
Recently I was interviewed for an upcoming product for older guys on how to date younger women. The guys producing it are well-known, but I hadn’t yet had the chance to meet them when they approached me.
Suffice it to say they got a unique perspective.
Ultimately, I’m not even convinced that dating women who are 23 or 25 is even such a great deal for guys who are ten years or more their senior.
Personally–and this is the voice of experience–I’d much rather find a woman closer to my own age who still gets carded. That way, you get the hot, sexy little vixen of your dreams…all with the added benefits of social commonality, emotional maturity (we hope) and the blessed assurance that this woman will most likely continue to age well.
Apart from online dating, where everyone’s stats are pinned to their respective profiles, the main challenge to me always boiled down to actually identifying the kind of women I’m talking about.
After all, as I’ve talked about extensively in the past we don’t walk around with a cartoon bubble full of stats over our heads in real life.
But my very real, “field-tested” premise is that there are women around us wherever we go that look and seem far, far younger than their age.
Humorously, most such women I’ve met report that they get hit on mostly by guys many years their junior, who are shocked to find out their real age. Meanwhile, these same women are flat-out craving to be approached by guys their own age, who are largely assuming they are “too young”.
The ironies abound, don’t they?
So what of this?
You’ve just got to have the guts to meet them and find out, that’s what. The problem is that “approaching” equals “pickup” to virtually every guy out there.
Meanwhile, if I’m friendly and start an unloaded conversation with even the fresh-faced girl behind the check out counter at the grocery store, I may find out she’s actually 28…or in the case of my dental hygienist, 35. But this will only happen if I can get outside my own head, drop the “agendas” and stop seeing every single interaction with any woman as “pickup”.
Oh yeah, I mentioned there were two other important factors, didn’t I? So let’s not forget about the second one.
How’s this…how do you really know your “18 year old” is 18? If it takes the potential of handcuffs and iron bars to make the point, so be it. You don’t want to be the guy who finds out his new girlfriend is only 16 or 17 after the law says it’s too late.
By the way, don’t count on meeting her parents as proof of age. A shocking number of them are more than happy to help her “protect” you from the truth. It’s scary out there for guys who want to date 18-year-olds, even if they’re 18 themselves.
Why risk your freedom only for a sub-par dating experience? This is supposed to be enjoyable. Last time I checked, babysitting was work. So why are so many guys paying the cost of expensive dates (or whatever) for the “opportunity” to babysit girls?
Be Good,
Scot McKay
Scot,
Even though I’m interested in helping woman find their dream man I can only hope and pray that they meet men such as yourself.
I often go into the mans’ world of seduction just to see what the fellas are up to so I can report back to my lady friends what it is gents are looking out for. Mostly I am quite horrified at where they lay their priorities. I know that the information they teach wouldn’t impress me for a second. Not that I’m so great or frigid for that matter.
But there is no way some of that smooth talking crap is going to get me horizontal – sorry. I need to experience some masculinity, sensitivity and lust for life in a man before I start thinking in sensual terms about him.
I’m 45 myself and often get approached by younger guys too and although they often have a lot of brawn I still prefer the brain part if you know what I mean. As for myself I couldn’t imagine trading in my man who is 46, cultivating a spare tyre and whose humor and wit has developed into something so fantastic he really is like a good wine. And as for the care and devotion he has shown my kids which are not his although everybody thinks they are I have realised I am a blessed woman.
I wish more men would read your blog. In fact I think I would like to take a daring step and market your stuff to the mans world. My help has always been targeted at women. But maybe there are men who would really like a fun and mature (emotionally & physically) woman who they can LIVE A LIFE WITH. By reading your stuff I know you have the right information for them!
Thanks, Claudia. I appreciate the vote of confidence.
And I completely agree that more men should read this blog!
Yes very true, learned from experience.. not to mention some of my friends who actually MARRIED their young girlfriends and unsurprisingly are now not married. Although there will be exceptions, I feel its 23+ for serious relationships.
Pretty good comments Scot. Here’s where I am at 48. Never married, no kids. I would like to date younger women too, just not 18.
I was thinking that 28 would even be the low end of my scale. 30-35 would be nice. My age or older, not too thrilled about. Like to hear your thoughts.
As someone who is younger, I can say dating younger women is certainly not all it is cracked up to be. I have had, on more than one occasion, a girl I was actually on a date with regaled me with tales of her party-related sexcapades. One even told me she had been with a guy the night before. It definitely gives pause to the idea that these girls are ready to settle down.
As an experiment, go on Plenty of Fish or another dating site and peruse the essay section of girls ages 18 to 20. There is literally red flag after red flag. I’ve done it and it is troubling. Do the same thing with women 26-28 and the narratives get much better and less alarming.
Now, as someone who was in a healthy relationship with an 18-year old for almost two years, I will say there are diamonds in the rough. She was extremely intelligent and mature for her age, but she is a minority.
I must say I’ve never had this problem, as I’ve always been attracted to (slightly) older girls. When I was 14, I desired the 16 year old girls in school. When I was 16, I had a 18 y.o. girlfriend, and when I was 21 a 23 y.o. etcetera.
However, your point
“The bottom line is that a TON of guys start “making up for lost time” when they start getting better with women, and that would ostensibly include going back in time to get with their self-perceived “fair share” of teenaged girls.”
really resonated with me.
I am currently housebound since a few years due to serious illness, and I recognise the feeling that I somehow have to ‘make up for lost time/girls’.
(I am now 25, and if I would be able to get back out in the world soon, it feels like I would rather date slightly younger girls suddenly, than the 27 y.o. one’d expect given my history)
So thanks for the insight, at least it’s good to be aware of these kind of unconscious thought processes, whether or not we’ll end up using that information or not 😉
When I was 19, and dating a 42 year old, I asked my Dad for guidance on this issue. He gave me “half & double” as a rule of thumb. There are some nearly insurmountable problems dating woman less than half, or more than double your age. This is not just the cultural frame of reference, but there are some serious logistical considerations to work through.
If you are in your thirties, even if she is more than half your age, you can’t really socialize with friends of your own age if you are dating an 18 year old. I have friends in their thirties have kids in their early teens. It may hit them a little bit close to home.
Similarly, if you are dating a woman with children who are your age, everyone has to be quite well adjusted, and you will probably never be best friends with a guy when you are sleeping with his Mum. The probability that nobody involved is working out “Mother-Son Issues” is quite remote.
“Paging Dr. Freud… Dr. Freud to reception please.”
You can date over double, or under half, but it will turn out to be mostly sexual, and hence short-lived, because you can’t get the friends & socialising dynamic going to reinforce the relationship, because you can’t really go out anywhere.
Notice I didn’t say it was impossible, and I didn’t say it wasn’t fun.
I agree that having a girlfriend that age is problematic. I think they do it because they just want play. I just turned 32 and I think girls in their 30s even are immature. The 21 drinking thing is a HUGE problem too. When I was single I would fool around with the 18 year old if I had the opportunity, but I obviously would not take her seriously.
It’s not about age, so much as situations.
Having overcome some major health obstacles in my younger adulthood, I am not nearly as financially set or “settled down” as most men my age. My situation is more like that of a younger man establishing myself. An extreme case of the “late bloomer,” one might say.
Yes, I have my own place, but drive a beat-up (and mechanically great) old car and wear (sharp, uniquely stylish) second-hand clothes, which are all I can afford, and are actually way ahead of most people who have dealt with the health issues I’ve overcome. And thanks to the health focus I also look much younger than my age.
So, younger women tend to relate to me better, for the most part, having a more similar station in life. The exception being extremely “independent” women of low income, who are often of an artistic tendency. But alas, often embittered and cynical from having been run through the wringer by too many jerks.
I find most women my age just have financial expectations I can’t hang with. Traveling the world is not an option when growing a small business. Younger women I’ve known to have tended to be more interested in a man’s personal qualities, and have less of such expectations.
So when I’ve done online dating profiles (which tends not to work for men such as me who “look bad on paper”), my low end is something like 18… and my high end 99. Just to make the point it’s not about age, it’s about the person.
I’d say that older guys interested in younger women are not really interested in ‘girlfriending’ them. Sex with someone sexy is good and doesn’t require a long term commitment.
I agree that actually dating someone much younger is a bad idea…