Scot McKay – The Official Blog Of Scot McKay

Doubling Down On “Toxic Masculinity”?

Masculinity is not a race to act more like a little boy. It’s about being a mature, responsible man. After all, that’s what younger women crave. Okay, let’s get real…it’s what all women crave.

Unfortunately, there’s a huge movement out there to double-down on “toxic masculinity”.

I understand the backlash against cancel culture and the promotion of an image of personal power as a middle finger to the whole movement.

I also get that there’s a mindset that complains about douchebags, all the while secretly wishing to BE one rather than sneering from the sidelines. That phenomenon is not to be underestimated. We’ve all seen employees get promoted and become the previously despised a-hole boss overnight.

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Free

You may have read that weird one-word title and immediately assumed you were about to get something for nothing.

Who am I to disappoint you? Here’s a free copy of my book Sticking Points Solved. You’ll love it.

What’s more, there are 320+ episodes of The Mountain Top Podcast For Men here that won’t cost you a dime.

But here’s the thing. I’d like to challenge you to think of something else entirely the next time you see the word “free”.

Perhaps you’ve always thought of yourself as self-reliant rather than as a victim, so it should come easily to immediately associate “free” with FREEDOM instead of a handout. But have you caught yourself lately reducing it more often to a passive state rather than a pro-actively asserted right?

If you have, you’re far from alone. That’s the societal trend nowadays, and it’s not a benevolent one.

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12 Wonders From The Past That Post-Modernity Has Stolen From Us

I was a high school kid in the early ‘80s when the term “digital” gained traction in the public headspace. I specifically remember the very moment I learned what the term meant relative to the analog nature of, well…everything in life up to that point.

As naïve as I may have been, I wondered then what life would be like when everything was reduced to simple ones and zeros. Wouldn’t it all be so finely-calculated to the point of being hyper-sanitary…and boring?

As it turned out, my simple teenage mind was prescient in many ways. In the rush toward digital everything, plenty of what made life interesting—and arguably better—has been lost, probably forever.

Realistically speaking, plenty of what I’m about to throw on the table happened long before “my day”. As such, my intent isn’t to sound curmudgeonly. It’s just that with technology moving at such breakneck speed toward The Singularity, I haven’t seen much written about what we’ve sacrificed along the way as collateral damage.

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The Future Is Also Male: 12 Ways It’s Still Up To Men To Change The World

[Ed. Note: Several years after writing this, it rings true more now than ever. Enjoy.]

You’re probably familiar with the saying, “The future is female”.

No doubt, we love strong, empowered, dirt shredding, Krav Maga ass kicking women who are 100% feminine all the time around here at Casa McKay. Those who know our family best have seen it first-hand.

But naturally, we’re also still about strong, empowered, 100% masculine men. We love you, man.

So I boldly proclaim to you that the future is male, also.

To be clear, it’s not like the future is male instead of female. The future isn’t genderless, either. Indeed, the future is both male and female, just as the entire history of humanity up to this point has inherently been.

Yes, we as men are collectively treating women better than ever before, as we should, and that trend will continue. Meanwhile, men and women can, should and will continue to make valuable contributions to society, and indeed to each other.

Since masculinity and femininity are indelibly tied to gender and procreation, that also means sexual polarity itself is not a zero-sum game. I mean, think of the stark irony of that very concept. We as men are, by Intelligent Design, about one half of the population. Regardless of what you may have heard that’s unlikely to change. Therefore, it’s logically untenable to think men are somehow irrelevant nowadays and going forward.

Yet, we’ve arrived at a moment in history where we’re met with a constant barrage of virtue signalling messages telling us as men we’re in the way of progress and perhaps even collectively “on the wrong side of history”. We’re exhorted to “do better”, without ever acknowledging the possibility that we might have some virtue already tucked away somewhere.

We’re told our innate masculinity is “toxic”, even at times by other men themselves. But as much as some try to root around in the dark for valid alternatives, often with ostensibly decent intentions, we aren’t given any.

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Behind The Scenes: 15 Secrets About The Mountain Top Podcast I’ve Never Admitted Before

Edroy And Odem, Next Right Lots of you listen to The Mountain Top Podcast, and possibly even X & Y On The Fly also. Awesome. I’m grateful for every one of you, and genuinely appreciate your support over the years.

Well, except for any of you who are among the handful of angry, easily-offended women out there who’ve left appallingly hateful reviews, as if they’re going around searching for relatively decent dudes like me to ruthlessly lambaste for their personal enjoyment.

And to be clear, I’m not excepting them from my appreciation. I’m actually glad they cared enough to show up too. Rather, I’m simply doing them the service of excepting them from being referred to as “supporters” of the show. After all, I’m sure that would offend the hell out of them.

But enough about that. After over a dozen years of producing episodes, it’s time to let you in on fifteen of the deepest, darkest secrets we’ve carefully hidden from public knowledge for years. I mean, why not, right?

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A Dating Coach’s Take On Why Mass Shootings Happen

I don’t consider myself a world expert in sociology, abnormal psychology or criminal justice. Nor am I sworn to the political right or left.

Given the conversation at hand, all of that might be an advantage in my case. At the very least, I have no problem “opening a can” on the conversation about the mass-shooting problem that nobody seems to be having. Whether that’s a can of worms or whoop-ass is for you to decide.

But either way, I’m not about to pretend I’ve figured out any definitive solution to such a complex issue. Rather, I’m simply about to present what has occurred to me naturally as a man who is immersed in the art and science of social dynamics and male/female relationships on a daily basis.

As such, the entire purpose of this post is to open the discussion among rational people who think for themselves. That means if you’ve been successfully propagandized by either the Right or the Left, prepare to be pissed off.

Remarkable stuff starts happening when one thinks for him or herself. I would love to have finished this piece sooner, but it’s been one of those posts where I’ve kept getting haunted by new and intriguing ideas even when I’m trying to think about something else.

I mean, by now my wife Emily has grown accustomed to me leaping out of bed in the night, all but sprinting to my computer with a spring in my step and a light bulb glowing over my head. But this time it has all been kicked it up a notch. Just last night I found myself driving home from the gym repeating “there’s a cause…pipe bomb…masculine self-fulfilling prophecy” over and over in my head so the spontaneous ideas wouldn’t evaporate before I managed to get home.

But the time has come. On with this crucial discussion.

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15 Things No Man Should EVER Say

Scot and Emily Most of my online research on the subject du jour uncovered articles by angry women whose baseline vitriol toward men was barely concealed under the surface. Predictably, the vast majority were specifically about what men should never say to women in particular.

I found myself ~~reading~~ enduring endless rants over purely innocent, and in many cases ostensibly innocuous (e.g. “you look beautiful tonight”) alleged mistakes by men who meant well, it’s just that they were apparently ill-equipped to read angry women’s minds Said angry women, in turn not able to read men’s minds, therefore assumed the worst, of course.

Yeah, well…if you’re at all worried this is going to be that kind of post, save your brain cells. I’m not an angry woman, nor have I been hanging out with any lately who could theoretically influence my thoughts.

Rather, this is a man-to-man post with the well-meaning brotherly intention of saving guys from clearly demonstrating they have zero skill with women whatsoever.

That means I’ll be sparing you any semblance of politically correct regurgitation, including but not limited to “dog-whistling” or “virtue signalling”. That said, I make no apologies for “triggering” anyone. After all, Job One here is watching out for your best interests as a man who loves women.

So let’s get on with it, already.

And by the way, I’m not limiting the list to what we should never say to women per se. What follows is a more pure rendering of what should never be said by a man period.

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10 Ways I Knew Emily Was “The One”

Scot and Emily Getting into a committed relationship is scary. As much as we hope the person we’re with is our “one and only”, everybody knows the reality of divorce rates.

Even so, I remain appalled by how many people willingly jump like lemmings off a cliff into an exclusive relationship—or even marriage—with Mr. or Ms. Wrong.

The crazy part is most people who settle are fully aware they’re doing so. Such bad relationship decisions may be driven by a biological clock that’s ticking, ulterior motives (e.g. money, citizenship), low self-esteem or even gnawing loneliness.

But how ironic is it that we have so much trouble positively identifying the right relationship when it comes along? Indeed, I get asked all the time how to be sure one’s significant other is really significant enough.

That’s because, good grief…I’m the right guy to ask. After a turbulent first marriage and a devastating divorce, why in the world would I ever get married again…especially when I had successfully crafted a lifestyle of dating many high-quality women at once?

I had to be sure.

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What Have We Replaced The Seduction Community With?

Shocked By Sex What’s truly bizarre to me is guys who have been working on getting better with women for less than, say, five years (therefore, the vast majority) have probably never even heard of The Seduction Community.

Essentially, it’s a lot like how my sixteen year-old daughter has no idea who Sam Kinison is.

So for the sake of clarity, what was The Seduction Community?

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5 Weird Things That Happen To Men After Sex

Shocked By Sex Knowing you’ve grown accustomed to mostly serious dating and relationship advice around here, I’ve been thinking it’s time to take a break and look at the lighter side.

And what better way to take ourselves less seriously than to turn our attention to sex? More specifically, let’s talk about the strange, crazy things that happen to us as guys after “doing the deed”.

I’ve rattled off five such weird phenomena below, right off the top of my head. In doing so, I quickly realized that I’ve never heard any of these talked about publicly…ever. Yet, I’m 100% sure I can’t possibly be alone in experiencing them.

So here we go… Gentlemen, can you relate to any or all of these, or am I some special sort of “basket case”?

And ladies…did you ever in your wildest dreams realize any of this was going on?

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A Dirty Dozen Examples: What To Do When She Does You Wrong

Men Treated Badly I’m disheartened by the number of truly angry guys there are out there.

Nonplussed by the trend toward female empowerment at the expense of the male gender, more and more men are “going their own way”. They’re saying they just don’t need real, live women anymore.

You need only rifle through the hundreds of comments on this other post to sense the raw force of the vitriol out there. The prevailing question is, “Why endure losing half of my wealth and sanity in divorce court to a woman who only bitched and complained anyway…assuming she didn’t flatly reject me before any of that could ever happen?”

With the availability of on-demand video porn in HD and even lifelike rubber dolls nowadays, these guys are wondering why anyone would even bother trifling with a real, live woman. Hell, I’m taken to task (or even burned at the stake) for actually liking women and having the audacity to encourage other men to do the same.

No good deed goes unpunished, apparently.

But yes, I actually still adore women, even though I could be easily led to believe I’m in a rapidly dwindling minority. I honestly believe that most women want to treat a good man right, and my life purpose remains promoting solid, healthy male/female relationship.

Still, the idea of whether women ultimately want to love us or destroy is is NOT the black-and-white issue that some would make it out to be.

I’m neither naïve nor foolish. Some may not know that I’ve experienced more than my fair share of tough breaks at the hands of poisonous women. So yes, I fully realize that women aren’t necessarily all smiling angels of mercy and perpetual blow jobs.

But here’s the thing. I present for your consideration what I believe to be an evolution of thinking on this whole topic.

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Top 10 Subtle Signs That Someone Lacks Character

Anyone who is blatantly narcissistic or psychopathic, has a hair-trigger temper, gets their jollies from swindling people, lies even when the truth is easy and/or robs banks is obviously short on character.

And on the flip side, people who have a well thought out belief system that’s the cornerstone of their lives, deliver on what they say they’re going to do, do the right thing even when nobody else is watching and generally believe in leaving the world a better place than they found it are considered to have good, strong character.

All of the that isn’t generally up for debate.

But in the middle there is a massive gray expanse, isn’t there? Nobody can be a paragon of perfection at all times, of course. Nevertheless, here are ten indicators of character deficiency that tend to fly under the radar.

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9 Ways You Ended Up In An Exclusive Relationship Without Even Knowing It

Feeling Pressured Into An Exclusive Relationship You Aren't Ready For?

As far as you were concerned, you’d met someone attractive and interesting and were simply “seeing where it all goes”.

You wanted time to evaluate the possibility of an exclusive relationship. In your mind, going steady with someone implies testing the waters of a long-term committed partnership. You don’t take that lightly, which is wise.

Yet here you are, and there she is.

By way of pure assumption, the two of you are understood to be boyfriend and girlfriend—seeing only each other, hurtling blindly toward a future together.

A huge part of you is left asking how this all happened. You’re scratching your head wondering how you never had any say in this matter. Is this even what you want?

If the situation I just described sounds pretty jacked up to you, that’s because it is. Yet you wouldn’t believe how many e-mails I get from men AND women reporting that it has happened to them, and wondering what to do about it.

Well, the best course of action is always to have “The Talk” with everyone you’re dating, asking what they’re looking for from their dating life at the moment and telling them where you stand. Ideally this happens on the second or third date, and definitely before intimacy. But better late than never, regardless.

No matter what your long-term strategy is, however, what are the more subtle tactics that your would-be significant other might use to rope you into an exclusive relationship sooner than you’d like?

Here are nine of them to look out for:

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Asian Women Vs. Beer Men And Traffic Lights

It’s already an established fact that I have this thing for Asian flight attendants. And it’s not even like I prefer Asian women in particular. It’s just that the flight attendants over there tend to be more feminine, more graceful and—best of all—almost obsequious in their pleasure to serve. It all makes for a more enjoyable 14-hour flight.

Oh, and if you really hit the jackpot, they dress in seriously exotic uniforms that no Western flight attendant would be caught dead wearing in public, like this:

Women in Asia aren’t afraid to be, well, female. That, combined with the tantalizing cultural differences between East and West, ensure that we as male visitors are treated to frequent surprises of the best possible kind.

Once you step off of the airplane, you just might find women where you never think they’d be, dripping in feminine charm at a time and place far-flung from where you’d expect to find it.

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How To Be Everyone’s Favorite Person…Instantly

Why Are Promises So Hard To Keep? By now you’ve figured out that I don’t make unreasonable “easy button” claims.

But here is one of those exceptionally rare truths that isn’t only going to add ridiculous, off-the-chain value to your life, it’s also as simple as flipping a switch:

Be a man or a woman who does what you say you’re going to do.

Boom. Like I said, it’s not at all complicated or difficult to implement. There’s no learned skill. The only thing to remember is one’s own promise.

What we’re talking about here is nothing short of a cornerstone to character. Here in Texas where I live, keeping one’s word is perhaps treasured more than other places.

But there’s little doubt that the rare human being who makes promises and keeps them is beloved by all, regardless of geography. Man…life is SO much easier and more joyful when we have the pleasure of interacting with such high-end people.

Yet, so few people actually do what they say they’re going to do. Especially in California, I’ve noticed…ha!

Why is that?

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6 Incredibly Hot Things To Say When She Casually Brings Up Sex

Under The Table And Out Of Sight It’s such a shame, really. Sometime back in the pickup artist era it was decided that whenever women casually bring up sex during first date conversation—or friendly chit-chat, even—it must be some sort of “test”.

The assumption there is she’s evaluating how we deal with the “hot potato” she’s suddenly dropped in our lap.

If we overreact with excitement and/or shock, she’ll assume we’re undersexed, inexperienced and desperate. Losing our cool is an epic fail, openly demonstrating we’re not in her league.

But if we remain composed and casually engage in the conversation as if it’s no big deal, then we score big points.

On the surface, this might appear to be a reasonably accurate assessment of such a situation and how we might potentially handle it as guys.

But what if it’s not a “test” at all? I’d contend it’s more of an invitation to join in the mating dance.

Unfortunately, most guys take an exhilarating opportunity like that and squander it. They sense they’re being “tested” and fall into self-preservation mode instead of reaching for high gear.

No, you don’t shy away from the conversation. But nor should you simply keep it casual and matter-of fact. That’s mere survival, not glorious victory.

Remember, she started it. Go forth boldly under such circumstances.

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Tindog: Straight Pimpin’, Canine Style

Chance Meeting In The Park In a completely random move, one of my Ten-Plus guys sent me pictures of what looked like his Golden Retriever on Tinder.

Upon closer inspection, the logo on the app said “Tindog”.

Dude…what? It’s not like dogs need help hooking up. I mean, they’ll hump anything that walks…including my left leg.

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The Lost Art Of Writing Love Letters

Should You Write Her A Love Letter? I recently got a call from a guy who couldn’t wait to share his latest success story with me. Suddenly, his new girlfriend was more adoring and affectionate than ever, which boosted his confidence to new heights and thrilled him to no end. What’s more, even the woman’s mother was now completely won over, telling him that she had thought such wonderful men didn’t exist anymore.

So what had triggered this bonanza of euphoria all around him?

He had hand-written his girlfriend a love letter.

He described it as a simple one, one page front and back. In it, he expressed how magical his time spent with her had been thus far and talked about a future full of exciting travels and boundless adventure together.

After sharing the details with me, he paused briefly before suggesting in a quieter, almost reverent tone that he had stumbled upon something really big here. In his words, “a type of wild card to solidify a relationship, or maybe a way to help a guy get the girl he’s been dating for a while to fall in love.”

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Who Else Is Ready To Message Mariah Carey On Match.com?

Celebrities Are Turning Up On Online Dating Sites More Often This past week Mariah Carey signed up for Match.com and posted a profile.

In case you think I’m kidding, log in and run a username search for “MC1toInfinity”. There she is…at least as of June 7th, 2015 when I’m writing this.

It’s all legit, by the way. Mariah talked about it herself and major media is carrying the story.

Now, not being the type of guy who gets star struck, you’re probably wondering why I care about this.

It’s because she said she can cook. Nah, I’m just kidding.

Mostly, it’s significant because it throws a big old sloppy wrench in the works. Any stigma associated with online dating, were it still a factor anywhere, has now officially been banished into the wilderness forever.

I mean, if a globally known pop star who has always “been considered attractive by her friends” is online, there aren’t many Mulligans to be handed out when it comes to the “I’m too good for that”, “that’s for people who can’t meet anyone in the ‘real world'” or “I’m not desperate enough for that” excuses.

As it turns out, this sort of thing isn’t a fluke, either. The likes of Halle Berry and Lindsey Lohan, among other Hollywood types, have confirmed personally that they’ve done the online dating thing.

Regardless of your personal opinion on any of the aforementioned women, we all have to agree that they’re probably not short on male attention.

I’ll spare you the list of other famous and arguably attractive people—male and female—who’ve turned up on Match, eHarmony and even Tinder (!) because you can Google the list yourself.

But even among guys I’ve worked with, the women they’ve met online include cheerleaders for pro teams (at least four of those), a former contestant on The Bachelor and even an Olympic gymnast.

So with that rant out of the way, what’s up with Mariah?

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8 Surefire Ways To Tell: Are You A Fun Person?

Why Should India Have All The Fun Astonishingly, there’s very little on the web addressing the topic du jour. Mostly, it’s a few quiz sites asking pretty random questions that carry the personal assumptions of whoever authored them. There’s nothing really, well, helpful or definitive there.

So then, given how absolutely crucial being fun is to the attraction process, let alone building a healthy and vibrant social circle, I decided to go ahead and let the fur fly (or the powder, if you were in India earlier this month).

What do you say we let the fun begin? Right on…

Like everyone tends to believe that they have a sense of humor, everyone also typically thinks of him or herself as a fun person. After all, how much of a true “stick in the mud” does one have to be to self-identify as “no fun”?

A sense of humor is rare enough, so what about a sense of fun? Do you have one? There’s no irony in the fact that both of those factors are directly related. That could be why there are as few truly FUN people as there are folks with a sense of humor. Just sayin’.

Part of the problem, I think, is that people don’t recognize fun when they’re potentially heading for it, or even in the midst of it.

I mean, what IS “fun”, and should it be a priority or not?

So much of how you might answer that question for yourself is based on personality and mindset, for sure. But hey…the weird twist there is that even people who aren’t any fun tend to recognize when others ARE. Weird, right?

It’s all too easy to lapse into the philosophical or psychological factors at play here, isn’t it? But that wouldn’t be any fun!

So on with it. Here are 8 factors that pretty much tell the tale of whether you’re a FUN person or not:

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