Online Dating – Page 2 – The Official Blog Of Scot McKay

Online Dating: The Case For Instant Messaging

Some guys believe that instant messaging is to be avoided at all costs when beginning to talk to women we meet online.

I understand that sentiment to some degree, based on the logic that it’s always a good idea to get women from e-mail to phone–and then to first meeting–as soon as possible.

Apart from that, a lot of water starts rushing under the proverbial bridge and we may find ourselves having wasted a lot of time when and if we end up disappointed upon meeting. And no doubt, IM can be a major aggravating factor when it comes to prolonging the pre-meeting phase.

Likewise, the more we talk and talk to women before actually meeting them the greater the probability of slipping into the Dreamscape Effect, which is when we literally invent an image of the “real” woman we’re dealing with without actually having the benefit of knowing yet what reality holds. The longer this goes on, the more damaging the disappointment can be when it happens. We’ll discuss the Dreamscape Effect in greater detail in a future post.

So then, yes…if a woman is using IM simply as a means of protracting the process of getting to the first meeting, then such scenarios are to be avoided. If she repeatedly refuses to escalate to the next level of communication (e.g. e-mail to IM, IM to phone, phone to meeting) but continues to appear interested, then that’s likely what you are dealing with. “Safety” and “taking things slow” makes a good excuse, but very often she’s nervous about disappointing you, and this may be for good reason.

All of that said, here are some great ideas for using IM as an effective tool:

Continue reading “Online Dating: The Case For Instant Messaging”

Click With Him Is Now OFFICIALLY RELEASED!

Five months in the making, Click With Him has finally been released to the world…specifically, to every sharp woman out there who refuses to settle for mediocrity when it comes to online dating.

And true to form, I’ve been awake since about eleven a.m. yesterday taking care of all the “background” details to make sure Emily’s new program is absolutely top-notch.

It is. That’s an understatement.

Emily has free videos for you when you sign up at www.clickwithhim.com. They’ve all been posted within the last 24 hours, so this is all new information.

In them, she offers a friendly intro…then it’s down to business. She has two videos that give away secrets that (in my educated opinion, as a guy) are about the most powerful online dating ideas for women I’ve ever seen put into words.

She has absolutely got it right…any woman who watches those two videos will be instantly more attractive to the RIGHT kind of guys. I can recognize that immediately. Hell, looking back, women who “got” what Emily’s talking about almost always caught my attention online.

So why is she giving this kind of information away?

I concept is very simple really. Once you hear what Emily has going on in two videos of less than a minute each, you are going to have a very good idea of what the rest of over ten hours of Click With Him magic can do for one’s dating life.

Plus, the truth is I can begin to do Click With Him justice in this blog post. Once you behold every wonder that awaits you (as written on Emily’s web page in all it’s pink glory), it’s going to occur to you: There will never again be a good excuse for a woman not to dramatically increase her online dating success.

Seventeen audio programs, including a complete plan for meeting the guy of your dreams in 30 days or less (backed by a real track record to prove it can be done).

An online profile “makeover” so comprehensive that over an hour of audio and a full-length video program are devoted to it.

How exactly to weed out cheaters. How to find a great guy even if his profile isn’t so great. How to make sure first dates go brilliantly…leading to second dates and more. Special guests, with more to come (did we mention that Click With Him is going to continue to expand, just like VIRTUOSITY for the guys?).

Emily has even figured out how what makes men want to commit to the right woman.

So my advice, for the moment, is to stop reading this blog and get in on all the excitement at Click With Him.

Even if you’re a guy, you should see what Emily is talking about. She’s so right on that any guys’ game would be helped just to soak some of this all in.

Every single program I’ve ever seen with six or eight CDs worth of material has gone for at least double the $97 ticket price for Click With Him . Well, except for Online Dating Domination, but that doesn’t count.

Speaking of Online Dating Domination (and VIRTUOSITY for that matter), I couldn’t allow myself to do a profile makeover video for Emily’s new project without doing the same for my bros.

It isn’t even on the web page yet, but RIGHT NOW you can get a full online profile tutorial video with either program. And yep…I’m making more. Use “xy35off” when you order, compliments of Yours Truly.

Yours Truly,

Scot

P.S. Now I’m taking a nap!

Emily’s New Click With Him Program Launches TOMORROW

Product Image For Click With Him That’s right, after literally MONTHS in the making, Emily’s new flagship program for women Click With Him is ready for release.

It will be five months to the day since VIRTUOSITY was released to men everywhere who refuse to “settle” for any woman who isn’t of the highest echelon on Earth.

Now, it’s finally time for the ladies out there to have access to the same type of vision.

Having been the “techie” for Emily’s new program (as well as a “featured guest” and occasional interviewer) I have to tell you…she’s really outdone herself.

Yeah, I realize that’s a biased opinion. But after all, I did marry her for all the right reasons, I must say. You know: “Deserve What You Want” and “Never, Ever Settle“.

So yes, absolutely. This chick knows what she’s talking about. Not only is she presenting a full-on deep dive into how to be the kind of amazing women guys can’t wait to commit to (and can I get an “amen” from the brethren to making sure there’s more of them out there?), she’s unveiling literally everything she knows about how to succeed online as a woman. Continue reading “Emily’s New Click With Him Program Launches TOMORROW”

New And Improved: E-mails To The Highest Quality Women Online

In a previous post we considered the art of writing first e-mails to the very sharpest women online. In the case study I chose, the real-world group of targeted women in Los Angeles included actresses, models and even a former world-class gymnast.

Our hero, James, certainly had his work cut out for him. In order to succeed with this echelon of hotties and dominate his metro area, his first e-mails would have to rise to a level above some admittedly serious competition out there in Hollyrock.

Well, based on the input given after the first pass, James has gone back to the drawing board. Read on to find out how things are progressing.

As before, my words are represented in italics. The order in which he wrote the women changed this time, but note that I retained the sequencing convention from last time for easier reference this time.

So let’s take a look, shall we?… Continue reading “New And Improved: E-mails To The Highest Quality Women Online”

Writing First E-mails To The Highest Quality Women Online

What follows is a recent e-mail thread with a gentleman who hired me for an online dating success package.

Having changed names and withheld the original list of hotties’ usernames from Match.com in the LA metro area, I’ve decided to share the information with you for at least three reasons:

1) The women he selected as his “top-choices” were flat-out amazing. one was a former gymnast who was on her native country’s national team. Another two were actresses listed on iMDB. Another two were working (and presumably functioning as well) models. This guy had set the bar WAY up there, and I that.

2) His first blush at composing first e-mails would have caused anyone to blush. Seriously, though, his approach was so much like that of many other guys’ I’d worked with that I recognized it as a “textbook” situation that would benefit a potentially staggering number of guys.

3) As of the writing of this blog post (six days later), his profile and entire approach to online dating communication has already been RADICALLY transformed for the better. He is well on his way to dominating even the fiercely contested Los Angeles, CA Match.com market. Right on, James! (Again, not his real name)

A caveat. You may find my style very direct, especially if you typically think of me as having an easy-going demeanor. Remember, my job is to get results, not be “Mr. Nice Guy”. That said, my passion is to help guys just like James deserve what they want…and really, truly get it.

You already know I’m not “for entertainment purposes”. It’s all business. The good news is that straight-talk makes a huge difference in shortening lead time between “newbie” stage and online dating domination.

So see if any of this serves you well. Fasten your seat belts, here we go…. Continue reading “Writing First E-mails To The Highest Quality Women Online”

Step Two To An Online Profile That Stands Out [Part Two Of Two]

In part one of this series we discovered a major reason why most people have boring, generic online profiles. Simply put, we do what we’re told. When asked to write “About me and who I’m looking for” (a la Match.com), that’s exactly what we do.

As in–that’s what all of us do, it seems.

So as mentioned last time, we already know that you can dramatically increase your online profile’s effectiveness by rephrasing the questions more interestingly.

But I promised yet another killer way to make your profile read differently. And this one is used by so few people out there that you will instantly separate yourself from the herd should you try what I’m about to tell you.

You see, the inherent problem is that the profile narrative is a writing assignment…literally. Filling it out reminds us–at best–of completing a job application.

And at worst, it feels a lot like writing an “essay” did back in junior high.

So subconsciously, many of us write as if we’re going to be graded. It’s almost as if someone at Match.com has a big red pen ready to scrawl disparaging notes in the virtual margin of our profiles.

Either that or, well…some people just never were all that good with essays at all so they’re starcrossed from step one. If you can’t spell, punctuate and/or agree in gender, number and case…well then you’re hurtin’ for certain.

And let’s face it…MOST of us (except for the freakish weirdos amongst us who think blogging is fun) really don’t look forward to writing “essays” anyway.

So what to do? After all, without a killer profile narrative you’re online presence suffers in a big way.

Well you could hire me to write something for you. But the problem is that I don’t do “profile rewrites”.

I do, however, teach men and women how to transform their mediocre profiles into expressions of greatness. All the time.

You see, were I to write your blasted “essay” for you the real problem might actually be exacerbated rather than helped.

Why?

Simple. Because whether I write your profile or you write it yourself with your head lost in “Sixth Grade Essayland” the issue is the same: It just flat-out won’t be YOU TALKING.

As much time as I spend writing stuff, I am no match for YOUR authentic self. And for that matter, neither is your mindset when lapsing into how you were trained as a child to compose theme papers.

The solution?

What you do instead of WRITING your profile at all is…you SPEAK your profile. Because when you SPEAK, your true self is portrayed.

If you have a digital voice recorder around the house, you’re all set. If you don’t, they’re about $60 retail (for a really good one, at that). Fortuitously, the chances are even pretty good that your mobile phone has a voice recorder feature.

Speak what you want to express in your profile narrative into the voice recorder. Then transcribe it. That’s all.

And don’t let me catch you making a “crib sheet” with notes scrawled on it. In order for this exercise to make sense, you must start only with general thoughts in your head rather than hardcopy notes or some memorized “lines”.

Speak from the heart. Remember how you rephrased the “essay question” itself (as talked about in Part One) and talk to those thoughts.

As retarded as it sounds, if you want to talk to a friend while you record or even pull up the profile of someone you potentially like and talk to it, go for it. Then again, if talking into thin air with your eyes glazed over does it for you, so be it. Whatever puts you into the flow.

When you are through, play it all back and write it down as you spoke it…COMPLETE with the “you knows” and “I’ll tell you whats”. Use the spell checker and by all means punctuate appropriately, but don’t correct your “grammar” or the wordsmithing itself. If you can upload the digital file to your computer as an MP3 and pause it as it plays that’s even better. If it’s kind of long, you can even use freeware like Audacity to edit it before you write. You have options.

My educated guess is that your profile narrative–when completed–will sound exactly like YOU talking. Probably because it IS you talking…duh.

And it will stand out from the sea of generic wannabes without a doubt.

Your responses will go up because your profile narrative will be REAL. You won’t have to write crap like “no games” because you’ve already DEMONSTRATED that concept. in real-time. Fantastic stuff.

And when you actually meet someone, you’ll not have to worry that you’ll seem completely different in real life than you did in your profile. Sure the pics will have to match also, but you already know that.

Go and give this a try and email me your success stories at scot@datetoorder.com.

BTW, if you are a guy there’s 11.5 hours MORE targeted strategy on how to dominate your metro area for you in the Online Dating Domination program. It takes a strategy that’s tight as a drum to call your own shots online, but it can absolutely be done…and in less time than you think. If online dating is frustrating you, imagine how it would feel to write women you actually WANT TO MEET…and HEAR BACK FROM THEM more often than not. What would your social life look like if you were able to harness online dating into being your tool like that…rather than vice-versa?

And ladies, after literally months of work Emily is very, very close to releasing her brand-new program called Click With Him. We literally have the very last of 17 audio programs in the editing stage, and if you click the link above you can check out the basics already and even pre-order. Among what she has in store is a 30-Day Plan To Finding A Great Man Online (which she can back up) and a full-scale top-secret session on how to become the kind of woman a man wants to commit to. Believe me when I tell you there’s something to what she talks about.

Emily even had me sit down and spill how to spot great men behind mediocre profiles. Hey…not every guy reads this blog, let alone has Online Dating Domination on his iPod, okay?

I’ll be talking again to you soon…literally. Then next post will be video.

Be Good,

Scot

Step One To An Online Profile Narrative That Stands Out [Part One Of Two]

Ever notice how people tend to say the exact same stuff in online dating profiles?

Seriously, if it isn’t the same tired chorus of “I don’t want to play games” or “friends first”, then it’s what I unaffectionately refer to as “Comma Chameleon Syndrome”. This is where someone (man or woman, really) proceeds to spew forth a comma-delimited list of literally everything he or she can think of to describe him or herself. Typically, when considered as a whole, the list paints a picture of that person as pretty much whomever you’d like for them to be. Like a chameleon, this person’s “true colors” are clearly (or is that “unclearly”?) subject to change.

So why is it that everyone seems to follow such a generic “formula” for writing a profile? Seriously…virtually nobody stands out from the crowd, even though instinctively most of us know doing so can dramatically increase online dating success.

Well, the simple fact that the exercise is called a “narrative” in online-dating speak (I’ve even seen a dating site or two refer to it as an “essay”…crazy) tends to put people in the same frame of mind as they were back in elementary school. And when a writing task is approached more as an “assignment” than a creative expression, what tends to result is very much like unto what you see on the typical online dating “essay”, huh?

I believe there’s a secondary issue that compounds this state of affairs even further. Namely, the instructions to the online dater on how to fill out the “narrative” section are wrong-headed.

On Match.com, for example, the only description for the section when confronted with filling it out reads “About me and who I’m looking for”.

My theory is that–again, like what we were all taught back in grade school–people simply do what they’re told.

We’ve all been trained to “follow directions” and to “be objective” when it comes to writing assignments. And for Heaven’s sake, one simply must follow proper paragraph structure and whatever. If your school experience was anything like mine, you’d otherwise be hit with “VAGUE” and “INEFFECTIVE” scrawled in red ink all over your “essay” when it was returned to you.

So then, what do we do on those profiles of ours?

We write a litany of things that describe us. And then we write a litany of things to describe some third-party whom we are allegedly “looking for”, as if we’ve lost our puppy and are making posters to wallpaper the neighborhood with.

If your head, you already know that talking about yourself (especially in list form) is B-O-R-I-N-G to MOTOS (Members Of The Opposite Sex) when you’re out on dates. Guess what? Nothing’s different in this context.

And who is going to be inspired by a generic list of bullet points when it comes to “who you’re looking for?”

Once you begin to see exactly why we tend to write such boring profiles, you can quickly determine the solution: Break the blasted rules.

That’s right, instead of blind obedience to the given format, why not try rephrasing the objective in a whole new way?

Instead of “About me”, try thinking of the concept as: “What sets me apart as especially attractive” or even, “Why you will be attracted to me”. I particularly like the second option because it’s positioned in the second person. When you have a particular person in mind whom you are addressing, the free-form section of your profile can’t help but improve.

And that goes double when it comes time to rephrase “Who I’m looking for”. Have a particular person in mind–even dare I say someone whose profile interests you quite a bit–and write to that person. Put “one-itis” phobia on the shelf for now and treat this as an objective exercise designed to get you results. Then, write to the thought of “What your life will be like after we meet”, or “What the person I’m wild about is really like.” Lookit, you can rest assured that the finished product in such case, when written out, will be more inspiring and hella more positive than a list of traits or “dos and don’ts”, right?

So that’s a simple but highly-effective strategy for combating “generic” profiles. Although somewhat obvious when you think about it, almost nobody deviates from “following directions”. Be a trail-blazer and watch your responses increase noticeably.

But what of the related issue about writing our narratives as if we’re composing a 6th grade theme-paper? I’ve got that issue covered in a way that will blow your socks off…next time.

Meanwhile, for over NINE HOURS of practical online dating strategy that can help you become more successful online than any other guy in your metro area (for real) be sure to check out Online Dating Domination. By the way, Emily’s new online dating program for women, called Click With Him, is coming very, very soon.

Be Good,

Scot

A Surefire Secret To Effective Online Dating Profile Pictures

Okay, hopefully all the guys know by now to keep their shirts on for their online dating pics. And to not post pictures that look like they’re about to kill someone. And to avoid pics taken at strip clubs.

And in the interest of equal time, I’m sure women know by now not to go with the “Glamour Shot”, more pictures of the cat than of themselves, close-cropped face shots and/or anything blurry.

But what can we use as a yardstick for measuring good pictures? We’re usually left to the process of elimination here, aren’t we?

In coaching calls lately I’ve been describing the quintessentially perfect online dating profile pic as “warm, yet confident”. One woman–at a loss for what that actually looks like–asked for examples. Going through my “archives” for suitable examples was a very real “proof-of-concept” moment, as I realized that nearly all of the women who had caught my attention online–including Emily–had primary photos that captured exactly what I was talking about. So, I sent her some.

From there, realizing that this “warm yet confident” concept was truly on-point, my imagination was thereby tuned in to the concept. But the question remained as to what exactly to tell someone to get him or her into the proper mindset to produce some winning photos.

Shortly thereafter, while evaluating some software online, I got the proverbial 2×4 upside the head.

It happened when I saw a graphic advertising “live customer assistance”. Ironically, I even have very similar graphics here in the X & Y Communications web universe, but had still managed to overlook the obvious. Yet, the truth is crystal clear once one’s eyes are opened to it: Virtually every picture on the web of a headphone-wearing customer service agent–guy or girl–would make an outstanding online profile pic. Just rip the blasted headphones off and they would be all set.

Customer Service Chickie, Lookin' All Warm And Confident

Why is this the case? Well, any such pic almost always shows a warm, confident individual. Sure, the people in such photos are often good-looking, but not always “off the charts” hott by any stretch. Nevertheless, they typically come off as very attractive–in the literal sense. We are drawn in.

This is all by design.

After all, what’s the purpose of one of those “headphone pictures”? You got it…the idea is to get you to jump the fence, click the graphic, and start a conversation. If the person seems friendly, easy to talk to and as if they wouldn’t laugh at us for having dumb questions…we’re more likely to take the plunge and talk.

Here's Another Warm And Confident One

Moreover, if that same person appears to look as if he or she is likely to have the answer we’re looking for, so much the better. And nothing demonstrates the clear possibility of competence than an aura of confidence.

So let’s bring the concept full-circle. Just what is the point of your online dating profile pictures? Exactly–the point is to encourage people to contact you. In many ways, therefore, the goal is ultmately the same as that of online sites with customer service agents.

Can She Help You? Probably So.

So why not take a lesson from their collective marketing savvy and put it to work for you: When you take some shots for your online dating profile, ask your self “WWCSD?” (“What Would Customer Service Do?”)

My guess is that such a mindset–as “unorthodox” as it may sound–will bring you ridiculously positive results. It certainly can’t hurt.

Operators Are Standing By...And Just How Long Will You Wait By The Phone For It To Ring?

Strangely enough, if you look at the X & Y Communcations “Team Page” you could probably slap headphones on both Emily and I and we’d pretty much be instantly transformed into credible customer service agents. As fortune would have it, both her pic and mine on that page began life as–yes–our respective primary pics on Match.com. Go figure.

For more revolutionary and proven ways to take your online dating success to the ultimate level, be sure to take a close look at Online Dating Domination. Guys, that’s the plan for becoming the most successful guy in your entire metro area on any dating site of your choice. And ladies, Emily’s got a similar plan for you coming very, very soon. Stay tuned.

Be Good,

Scot

I Wasn’t Kidding. High Quality Women Exist, For High Quality Men

Ali From Miami If you read my newsletter this week you heard me talk about how a shocking number of guys think “all women” (especially American ones) are deceitful, manipulative golddiggers who’ll cheat on you, leave you and take all your money.

Yeah, well. You also heard me talk about how most guys who throw that level of blame over all women like a blanket should take a look in the mirror. After all, it’s easier to blame others than to deserve what you want (a concept one reader termed “profound”…go figure).

But don’t get me wrong, guys. I ain’t mad atcha. My #1 goal–as always–is simply to empower you to get GREAT WOMEN into your life. But you know how it is. It’s hard to transfer into reality a concept that you don’t even BELIEVE IN.

And rest assured, truly high-quality women aren’t like Santa Claus. They’re 100% real, whether you like it or not. They’re usually not overweight, old or bearded either. Nor do they get stuck in your chimney. Come to think of it, though, they do sometimes bring nice gifts.

I digress.

See that picture up there? That’s Ali from Miami. Here’s the e-mail I got from her after she read that last newsletter:

“AMEN!!! I am going to mass print this newsletter and give it to EVERY man I meet that complains that there aren’t any GOOD women out here. And I meet A LOT of them. I am amazed at how many men are disillusioned by MOTOS. Real or perceived, I don’t know. But it seems to be an epidemic. Just take a look at the Headlines/Opening lines on many male online profiles. Probably the most popular opener is….”Are there any good women out there”? I read this and scream…YES, YES there is! Me, Me.

I am a woman of the highest echelon and I am holding out for a man who deserves me! We will deserve each other.

Thank you Scot for the best newsletter yet!”

Yeah, well. I’m not surprised. I’m not surprised by Ali’s message OR her existence. Just in case any of you are attempting to believe that my relationship with Karaoke-girl (two posts below this one) is all “staged” or something, there’s more evidence for you that I’m not blowing smoke about all this “high quality women” stuff.

By the way, did you happen to catch the fact that Ali’s ONLINE? So tell me, what is it going to take for some of you guys out there to finally get your hands on this and start participating in life as we know it around here? Go back and dust off yesterday’s newsletter and getchasum using the killer coupon I sent you. It’s time for a whole new attitude…and some serious success with great women that is beyond your dreams.

What? You aren’t getting the X & Y Communications Weekly Newsletter yet? That means you aren’t getting my frequent cool surprises reserved for newsletter subscribers. It’s all FREE, of course, and you can start getting it (and STOP missing out) simply by using the form at the upper right corner of this blog.

Be Good,

Scot

FREE Teleseminar On Holiday Season Success With Women: TONIGHT (12/6)

QUICK REMINDER:

I wanted to remind you guys out there about our next FREE Teleseminar happening on 12/6
– THAT’S TONIGHT.

Remember that this is a TELE-seminar – meaning that you dial in on
your phone to listen in. No travel necessary!

Carlos Xuma and I (and maybe a special guest…) will be giving up tips on holiday dating and how to maximize your opportunities with women this season, and how to kick off 2008 with the best bang of all…

– Have you ever wondered what kind of opportunities there are to meet women this holiday season? We’ll give you ideas on how, when, and where to meet women…

– How do you handle New Years parties?

– Hidden strategies that help you meet more women

– Killer secrets to maximizing special–but usually overlooked–advantages the Holidays bring

– Giving a gift to your woman? Potential girlfriend? We’ll talk about what to give for gifts and why…

…plus a whole bunch more. Here’s the link to get the call information:

http://www.instantteleseminar.com/?eventid=1272945

We also need your questions, so be sure to submit them in the form
on the page…

We suggest you dial-in early to get this presentation in its
entirety.

Remember, it’s a conference call where you dial in and listen in…

TIME: 6:00 PM PACIFIC / 9:00PM EASTERN (GMT -5)
DATE: Thursday, December 6th.
PHONE NUMBER TO DIAL: 218-486-3695
CONFERENCE ID (Enter When Prompted): 167688#

That’s TONIGHT! Mark it on your list, check it twice, and we’ll talk to you
later (literally).

Be Good,

Scot

Online Dating Profile Rating #20

Online Dating Profile Rating Podcast Now brought to you by Match.com. It’s about time, huh?

Anyway, we are back to overhauling profiles after a brief hiatus while we upgraded our affiliation. In this episode we take a look at a woman’s profile that has gone to the dogs…literally. No worries, though. A little “tweakage” will go a LONG way.

Grab a listen now. And if you want to submit your Match.com username for possible consideration on the show, e-mail it to scot@datetoorder.com.

Subscribe here.

Be Good,

Scot

Online Dating: The Red Frame Of Death

He's at it again. Stay away from the steps this time, big guy.
Everyone who has ever used a PC knows what a “BSOD” is. The dreaded “Blue Screen Of Death” is what happens when your computer decides it has basically had enough, and crashes harder than Cosmo The Hairless Terrier after a long day of “turbo barking” and spinning aimlessly in circles until unwittingly falling down the stairs.

But before I get the Mac apologists in the audience all warmed up, my real point here is to address something even more pointless than a cratered PC.

Every once in a while I’m going to blog about online dating tips that are “bonus content” above and beyond what you’ll find in Online Dating Domination. This post in particular is about the Red Frame Of Death (RFOD), which craters your CHANCES in the online dating world. Especially tragic is that this RFOD phenomenon happens at the hands of one simple decision, usually made at the time of signing up.

Now bear in mind that there are LOTS of bad decisions one can make right when getting started with online dating. Some you dig yourself out from under as you build skill. Others, not so much.

Look, here it is in plain English: NEVER pay extra to have that red frame put around your picture on Match.com.

In fact, I’m not even sure how it GETS there to begin with. Based on some quick searching around the site, it’s decidedly hard to even figure out how to PUT it there. And when you consider that Match.com stands to get more of your money for providing this “service”, all that says to me is that they can’t even bring themselves to upsell you there with a straight face.

Supposedly, it’s designed to help you stand out from the crowd in search results.

So what’s the problem?

Well pragmatically speaking, if you are a guy it’s a waste of money no matter what. For the most part, the best women aren’t even searching. They’d rather YOU be a man of bold initiative and search for them.

But more subjectively speaking, nothing says “I’m flat-out desperate for any attention whatever other human being who can fog a mirror is willing to give me” than becoming the only person on a page of 100 people who has that silly feature activated.

Seriously. Whose reckoning of human psychology led them to reason the following sequence?

2) Incredibly desirable MOTOS notice your picture first in a sea of anonymous “non-framed” pics.

3) Said desirable MOTOS collectively slap their own foreheads and exclaim, “Criminy! How could I have MISSED THAT one until now!”

4) E-mails from eager admirers flood the Framed One’s inbox.

Uh…I don’t think so. Back in the real world, incredibly desirable MOTOS notice your picture alright. But at that point the scarlet frame around your mugg may as well be a scarlet letter on your forehead. And that letter would be “L”.

Remember, people on the other side of the computer in the online dating world don’t really know you…yet. It’s all about the first impression. And if someone has that red frame around his or her face, the judgment (fair or not) is going to be that he or she is caught in a futile vortex of approval seeking neediness, aggravated by an utter lack of confidence in his or her own ability to stand out from the crowd based on natural merit.

And this judgment call occurs in a split second. And it cannot be recovered from.

Besides…red? The emotions triggered by red are NOT the ones you want to inspire…at least not yet. How many airlines with RED planes are still in business? Even Southwest switched to blue. And Northwest doesn’t count because it’s a terrible airline and therefore SHOULD be red. Suffice it to say there’s a reason why almost all airliners have blue paint on them somewhere.

Similarly, we don’t talk about “red flags” in the dating world for no reason. So resist the urge to literally become one.

Be Good,

Scot

We’ve Got To Be Careful Where We Point This Thing

We love to hear success stories from readers and listeners. Fortunately, it happens often and we never grow tired of it.

And every once in a while one comes along that really gets our attention.

Such was the case a few days ago when I got a call on Skype.

I could tell immediately that Espanol was this gentleman’s first language as he began–with great excitement–to tell me what was going on in his life.

He and his girlfriend had been listening to the X & Y On The Fly podcast for months, and we had inspired them. They were launching a podcast of their own, sharing dating and relationship advice with a global audience.

“Sweet!”, I responded. Having dragged Emily into the conversation from the other room. Now with his girlfriend conferenced in, I said “Tell us more about yourselves.”

“Well, she is the greatest woman in the world.”, he began. His girlfriend returned a similar sentiment…in perfect English.

Emily noticed the difference between their accents and offered some encouragement, “You know, my Mom’s first language was Spanish and my dad didn’t speak any at all. It was a real challenge for them, but you know they’re still happy together after over 40 years.”

As she responded, I detected an unmistakable Canadian inflection in her voice as she talked “aboot” their relationship, and how smitten they were.

Remembering that the guy had told me at the beginning of the conversation that he was from Mexico, but now living in Oklahoma, curiosity got the best of me.

Observing all of this, I said to her, “You sound Canadian. You’re from north of the border and him from the south. How in the world did you both find your way to Oklahoma? Talk about serendipity.”

Yeah, well…you know what happens when you assume.

“Umm…I’m sort of still in Canada.”, she offered.

The guy jumped in right away. “I’m fully prepared to move to Canada to be with her as soon as I can.”

Emily and I looked at each other wordlessly. Long distance relationship. Language barrier. International barrier.

And I couldn’t help it. Like “Mr. Stay Puft” just “appeared” in Dan Aykroyd’s mind in Ghostbusters, the joke just surfaced out of nowhere in my twisted imagination: “Forget whether he’ll still love her in the morning. Will he still love her in February?”

Finally, after what almost was allowed to become an awkward silence, I slipped further into the realm of ridiculous assumptions. “Well, I’m sure you make the most of every single minute you get to spend together. I can tell you are very confident in your feelings for one another.”

“Almost” was just a sweet memory at that point. We had tripped the “awkward silence” activator.

“Uh…well…we plan on that sometime in the near future.”

Don’t ask me which of the two uttered that one. Frankly, I forget. I was too flabbergasted to notice.

Indeed. They had never met. It had been seven months.

They say that love is blind, but that’s a hella long blind date. Especially in two different languages…and with two different passports.

But they genuinely appear to both be super nice people and we wish them well. Apparently, they have webcams and stuff.

And their podcast on dating advice is coming soon to an iPod near you.

And we were their inspiration.

And we’ve got to be careful where we point this thing.

Be Good,

Scot

“If You Don’t Recognize Which Movie This Obscure Line Is From, Don’t Bother.”

The title of this post references the sick joke women in particular play on themselves in more online dating profiles than I care to count. Seriously…who mortgages her entire future happiness with a guy on familiarity with some quote from a movie which nobody saw other than her?

I have not the words.

But never mind that. This is about something completely different but mildly reminiscent.

Tonight I was working on outgoing first e-mails to women with a guy who put me to work for him on an Online Dating Success Package. Every once in a while during the course of such a session a profile surfaces that almost makes me desirous of “coming out of retirement” just to send this ONE e-mail. JUST THIS ONCE.

And earlier this evening, just such a moment occurred.

The closing statement of a certain woman’s profile read as follows:

“My philosophy on life can be summarized quite succinctly … I think Churchill said it best … major brownie points to be given for anyone that is familiar with this quote.”

…And of course, she leaves us to ponder the question.

My answer to this woman would have been to me an obvious one.

Subject: Re: Winston Churchill, Brownies, Etc.

Woman: “Mr. Churchill, were you my husband I’d poison your tea.”

Churchill: “Madame, were I your husband I’d gladly drink it.”

So tell me, I hit the nail on the head there…didn’t I? LOL!

Be Good,

Scot

Emily agreed that e-mail would be irresistible. It demands a response from anyone with a sense of humor. Let’s face it, I can hardly resist sending it!

Be brave guys…everyone else is pouring the “nice guy” e-mails into her inbox.

Be Good,

Scot