In a previous post we considered the art of writing first e-mails to the very sharpest women online. In the case study I chose, the real-world group of targeted women in Los Angeles included actresses, models and even a former world-class gymnast.
Our hero, James, certainly had his work cut out for him. In order to succeed with this echelon of hotties and dominate his metro area, his first e-mails would have to rise to a level above some admittedly serious competition out there in Hollyrock.
Well, based on the input given after the first pass, James has gone back to the drawing board. Read on to find out how things are progressing.
As before, my words are represented in italics. The order in which he wrote the women changed this time, but note that I retained the sequencing convention from last time for easier reference this time.
So let’s take a look, shall we?…
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—–Original Message—–
From: James Cooper [mailto: WITHHELD]
Sent: Thursday, February 21, 2008 3:50 AM
To: info@xandycommunications.net
Subject: Re: First E-mails To Great Women
Scot,
I did a few revamps on some of the emails for your perusal. It is hard.
James
Your new e-mails are MUCH better. Now let’s tweak them so that they aren’t merely acceptible but JUMP off the page.
While these e-mails may get some women to write back, you’ll have to dig deep to pique the interest of the very best.
To: 001_happygolucky
Subject: Re: I don’t have time to read…
You’re still reading magazines and newspapers? Who has time for that,
the new thing is to just to go on a total news diet.Jon
It’s hard to tell whether you are being facetious or serious here. Remember, that ambiguity is your enemy in an environment of zero non-verbal communications. The best use of the ellipsis in subject lines is to actually split a sentence, completing it in the body of the e-mail.
That said, in this case I’d avoid planting the message that she shouldn’t have “time to read”. Human nature would commonly cause the thought to appear that “she therefore shouldn’t find time to read your e-mail either, buddy” (let alone your profile).
What comes to mind here is that sometimes it’s good to take down a few points of interest from a woman’s profile and consider all of them at once until a brief, witty and decidedly masculine thought surrounds any of them for you. This is as opposed to finding one particular point to write your e-mail about and wracking your brain until you come up with something that works.
I bring this up because I’ve used that concept to my advantage many times over, and because to be honest nothing jumps out at me with regard to how to make an e-mail to her interesting on the subject of not having time to read.”
The only thing that comes to mind, now that I’ve had a few minutes to consider it is:
“Re: I don’t have time to read…” –> “…either, which is exactly why I’m writing instead. Caught you smiling, Jon”
Sometimes a woman’s profile will genuinely give you little to work with in terms of interesting notes to riff on. I’ve actually used that very fact to my advantage before, telling women exactly that in my e-mail to her. This is done lightheartedly, of course, typically with a phrase like, “I know there’s an interesting woman under there somewhere…she just apparently needs some encouragement.”
To: [Woman #9]
Subject: Re: people watching…
A fun game is where you watch couples and try to guess what is going
on in their relationships. Or just making up stories for all the
people you are watchingJon
This is actually a GREAT topic to choose for your first email. To take this from okay to great, you need only change the simple statement to a QUESTION, which actively engages her:
“Have you ever watched couples and tried to guess how long they’ve known each other?”
To: [Woman #1]
Subject: Re: Brussels Griffon…
Interesting….some people say that a Griffon has one of the biggest
hearts and is one of the most loyal dogs ever.
I think a person’s choice of pet says a lot about them.Jon
This is an outstanding first e-mail. As long as your information is accurate (assuming you Googled “Brussels Griffon”), your message will show you are a man with a solid knowledge base and a man who can sense what is important to a woman. Challenge her with a question at the end, like “Would you agree?”
Remember here that perception is everything here above and beyond the words themselves. Even though you are asking “Would you agree?” in this case, the syntax is conversational not approval-seeking. You aren’t soliciting her approval, you are simply offering conversation. But it’s this question at the end that takes the e-mail from a static “versation” to an interactive CON-versation rife with potential.
To: [Woman #2]
Subject: Re: honeywell space heater…
OK I’ll bite. What’s the deal with the $1.50 tape measure and the
honeywell space heater?
You seem pretty cool, but that list of favorite things ….hmmmmJon
OK, the space heater is because she likes to be warm…and cherishes the “portability” of making that happen on the fly without driving her electric bill through the roof. The tape measure is either because she can monitor how well her diet’s going in a more reliable way than a scale can offer and/or because she likes to hang pictures straight.
Here, the subtlety of where improvement is needed lies in the fact that even though you ask a question, that very question belies lack of potential insight into what is important to women. Were you able to nail down exactly why seemingly esoteric things are important you’d catch her attention.
In my personal profile, I had a list of favorite items that when taken in context formed a decidedly masculine picture. Were a woman to ask me (cynically, no less) why I chose such odd things I might consider her potentially ignorant of how to make a man happy if not downright judgmental toward all things masculine. This of course would be a likely overreaction, but a red-flag nonetheless.
Ultimately, I’d probably go for an angle different than the space heater here. I like the challenging aspect of seeming pretty cool vs. not being altogether convinced just yet. Find something more subjective than her list of favorites to play off of and you’ll have a winner there.
To: [Woman #3]
Subject: Re: Rachel Ray…
Don’t know much about her. I’m usually watching and Anthony Bourdain:
No Reservations.
Did you see the episode on this new mad scientist cooking trend called
Molecular Gastronomy? I’m thinking of trying it out.Jon
Rachael Ray (even when spelled right) is not the best way to go here. Not only does talking about her take the focus off of the woman you’re REALLY communicating with, it’s altogether useless to mention anything you “don’t know much about”. Contrast this with the inherent smartness of your comments about Brussels Griffons above. Remember, women LOVE LOVE LOVE a guy who’s on-point and has things under control.
Simply reading a bunch of women’s online profiles in rapid succession is an excellent and underutilized way to learn a lot about how women think in a very short amount of time.
One time I read a profile where the woman talked of a man with “…one pocket full of loose change and a Swiss Army knife in the other…they just don’t make men like that anymore, and I want one.” You’re darn skippy they don’t. You know, therein lies an example of EXACTLY what to write in your own profile if you happen to be after the kind of woman who appreciates old-school masculinity, because that is a fitting mental picture.
To: [Woman #6]
Re: They communicate with low voice, and eyes…
So true. I find that when I am really “there” with a woman, our
breathing slows and our voices drop to a whisper. My eyes gaze deep
into her soul, hers into mine. Time stands still and the world fades
into a blur…Jon
OK, this is FANTASTIC imagery here. You really have a gift for this.
The most effective venue for this sort of stuff is on the phone though…a bit later on in the “get to know you phase”. It would say all the right things at that point.
In a first e-mail however, it’s decidedly overbearing as it is written. Fortunately, this is easily rectified here by simply rolling it back a bit:
“So true. I find that when I am really ‘there’ with a woman, time stands still and the world fades
into a blur…”
See that? The message you WANT to send remains intact, while summarily eliminating the feeling that you are “laying it on a bit thick”.
See, man? I told you how close you were. I trust you have some visibility here now into how clearly you can distance yourself from other guys online, and how you absolutely, positively have it in you to do so.
Being in LA you’ve got your work cut out for you, though. After all, you’re up against guys like my buds Dave Wygant and Grant Adams out there. LOL
Cheers,
Scot
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So as you can see, James has made LOTS of great progress. It’s important to note that most of his e-mails as written would have outperformed the vast majority of what most guys would write.
Even so, the bar has to be raised to a very high level in order to succeed with the absoute top-level women.
Are you noticing that the only real difference was taking just a bit of extra time to build the habit of creating stellar e-mails rather than settling for “good enough”?
In most cases, guys are literally startled by the increase in measurable results afforded by a relatively small amount of time spent mastering the art of writing first e-mails.
Once the skill is learned, writing great first e-mails is no more complicated than writing mediocre ones–that’s the beauty of it.
Can you get the job done? Do you want to actually meet your first choice among women online instead of wondering aloud whether they could possibly be as amazing in person as they are on “paper”? Being left always to wonder and never to know for sure flat-out sucks, doesn’t it?
Sure it does. Getting what we’re talking about here right is well worth the effort.
E-mail me if you’d like a partner in getting that handled.
Be Good,
Scot
