Writing First E-mails To The Highest Quality Women Online
Posted on February 20, 2008
Filed Under Men Attracting Women, Online Dating |
What follows is a recent e-mail thread with a gentleman who hired me for an online dating success package.
Having changed names and withheld the original list of hotties’ usernames from Match.com in the LA metro area, I’ve decided to share the information with you for at least three reasons:
1) The women he selected as his “top-choices” were flat-out amazing. one was a former gymnast who was on her native country’s national team. Another two were actresses listed on iMDB. Another two were working (and presumably functioning as well) models. This guy had set the bar WAY up there, and I that.
2) His first blush at composing first e-mails would have caused anyone to blush. Seriously, though, his approach was so much like that of many other guys’ I’d worked with that I recognized it as a “textbook” situation that would benefit a potentially staggering number of guys.
3) As of the writing of this blog post (six days later), his profile and entire approach to online dating communication has already been RADICALLY transformed for the better. He is well on his way to dominating even the fiercely contested Los Angeles, CA Match.com market. Right on, James! (Again, not his real name)
A caveat. You may find my style very direct, especially if you typically think of me as having an easy-going demeanor. Remember, my job is to get results, not be “Mr. Nice Guy”. That said, my passion is to help guys just like James deserve what they want…and really, truly get it.
You already know I’m not “for entertainment purposes”. It’s all business. The good news is that straight-talk makes a huge difference in shortening lead time between “newbie” stage and online dating domination.
So see if any of this serves you well. Fasten your seat belts, here we go….
=====
—–Original Message—–
From: WITHHELD
Sent: Wednesday, February 13, 2008 3:37 AM
To: info@xandycommunications.net
Subject: Re: New Order for DateToOrder ONLINE SUCCESS PACKAGE-#DTOPO,James Cooper (Ref. # 26359820)
Scot,
Here are a few usernames of some girls I like on Match.
[Ed Note: List of Match.com usernames deleted]
I’ll try writing some email samples for you tomorrow.
James
=====
—–Original Message—–
From: Scot McKay–X & Y Communications
[mailto:info@xandycommunications.net]
Sent: Wednesday, February 13, 2008 4:13 AM
To: James Cooper
Subject: Re: Re: New Order for DateToOrder ONLINE SUCCESS PACKAGE-#DTOPO,
James Cooper (Ref. # 26359820)
[Ed Note: My words from this thread will appear in italics for clarity. You’ll thank me for this in a bit.]
OK, send me the e-mails tomorrow and I’ll take care of the entire
thing in one fell swoop.
Wow…I only had to look at the first one on your list {Woman #1] to figure out
you’re aiming high. She’s a good one.
[Woman #4] has a darn-near perfectly composed profile. That’s a case study, right there. My only exception is to her slight negativity over being online…but that’s picayune.
[Woman #10] is being way too picky, and unfortunately when women vocalize the “if you don’t fit my stats then don’t bother” in their profiles, they typically mean it. Any woman [Woman #11] not active for three weeks (or anything over a week, really) is also probably not available .
Cheers,
Scot
[Ed Note: #10 an #11 were not considered further]
=====
—–Original Message—–
From: WITHHELD
Sent: Wednesday, February 13, 2008 3:37 AM
To: info@xandycommunications.net
Subject: Re: Re: Re: New Order for DateToOrder ONLINE SUCCESS PACKAGE-#DTOPO,James Cooper (Ref. # 26359820)
Scot,
Well you did say to pick some high quality women… 
Anyway wrote up a couple of email ideas.
Let me know what you think. I have no idea.
James
Sample Emails
To: [Woman #1]
Subject: Re: Gymnastics…
Hi ! I’m having trouble sticking the landings in my routine! Maybe
it is my less than perfect abs?
I think you need to help me 
James
__________________________
To: [Woman #2]
Subject: Re: Brussels Griffon…
Brussels Griffon… Chewbacca separated at birth
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Brussels_Griffon_Rembrant.png
http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Chewbacca
OK I’m a geek, but it was my first thought, and you gotta love a girl
who has a wookie dog.
Hi!
James
__________________________
To: [Woman #3]
Subject: Re: Screaming orange motorola….
Almost a dealbreaker… If you were a “real” mac addict you would have
an iPhone.
But I’ll forgive you since you also love Honeywell space heaters
Hi!
James
__________________________
To: [Woman #4]
Subject: Re: die-hard romantic…..
Yippie Kayeaaa !!!! I “love” the Die-Hard movies, bonus points here I
come
Loved your profile, you had me at sprinkled coconut cupcakes….mmmmmmm.
Hi!
James
__________________________
To: [Woman #5]
Subject: Re: famous home cooked meals…..
OMG!!! Finally a girl who can actually cook…..
Hi!
James
__________________________
To: [Woman #6]
Subject: Re: Sagittarius…..
I heard somewhere that two Sagittarians are better than one… we
should get to know one another.
On the other hand you’re still watching 24….but I can forgive that
if you buy me a glass of wine at Yamashiro.
Hi!
James
____________________________
To: [Woman #7]
Re: They communicate with low voice, and eyes…
The scientists are right, I can see by your eyes that you are a kind
and compassionate person.
I think you will find the same in me…
Hi my name is James.
____________________________
To: [Woman #8]
Re: Warm chocolate chip cookies…
….just out of the oven slightly crispy but still soft with the
chocolate hot on the tongue…..mmmmm
I bet you appreciate the smell of fresh cut grass as well…
Hi my name is James.
_______________________
To: [Woman #9]
Re: Hot tea thru a straw…
No way!!!? And you like monkeys too… I think I am in love
We need to get to know one another
James
=====
—–Original Message—–
From: Scot McKay–X & Y Communications [mailto:info@xandycommunications.net]
Sent: Thursday, February 14, 2008 11:28 PM
To: James Cooper
Subject: First E-mails To Great Women
Importance: High
[Ed. Note: My words in this thread below are in italics, which should make it a bit easier to follow. Also, as you’ve already noted there is not room here to offer your the benefit of perusing each woman’s respective profile. Similarly, I found the ethics of posting their usernames questionable as despite the fact that they have posted their profiles on the Internet for anyone to see, I don’t see them as having had the purposes of this blog post in mind. (Ha!) Fortunately, however, if you assume that any seemingly esoteric references are based on their respective profile content you’ll soon realize you need fewer of the “details” than you may have thought.]
OK, James.
You are in Los Angeles and have raised the bar IMMENSELY high. Frankly, ANYONE (including me or anyone else) would have to be damn near perfectly manicured in thought, word, deed (and appearance) to get the attention of these women.
You said in your message that you have “no idea” what actually to write, so let’s get clued in step-by-step, shall we?
Highlighting your flaws and asking women to take on the masculine role–while showing signs of demonstrating a decidedly feminine side yourself–will NOT help you.
Before I even give you the details below, I want you to learn to ask yourself the following questions when composing e-mails to women:
1) Is there NO QUESTION a man is writing my e-mail to her?
2) Is what I am writing CONTRIBUTING TO attraction or creating a roadblock?
3) How would I RESPOND to this e-mail were I her? (This is more reliable than you think because it gets you inside her head a bit.)
4) Do I sound confident, fun and yet SAFE to be in the car alone with?
Now, let’s continue… Be advised that what you are about to read is VERY DIRECT input and you may want to get your “firesuit” on for this.
But my focused interest is in getting you the RESULTS you want.
You’ve selected extremely high-end women, which I applaud you for. Most men can’t bring themselves to even dream like this, I’ve noticed. But this can only mean that your first-e-mail game has to be on-point to a level that leaves 100% of other men in the dust. This is not easy to pull off, obviously.
Moreover, giving you “paint-by-numbers” instructions will not help you meet the goal–at least not in your case since you are demanding the very best.
As you read what I’ve written below, notice that I give some very objective “clean up” steps, but the improvements aren’t so easy to spell out. As you read, keenly focus on understanding the subjective nuances of how effective first-emails to such women are constructed.
You must demonstrate a full compliment of masculine confidence, composure and the ability to INSPIRE confidence. You must be interesting but neither overbearing nor flighty. You must be safe and sound without being boring. You must capture her imagination without making her want to call the police.
It’s mentally taxing to write such e-mails at first. But the results are well worth it. And I promise it gets to be second-nature with practice. There’s a flow to it.
So imagine holding that little Bulgarian gymnast in your arms and feeling her soak up your masculine security…adoring the moment with every fiber of her precious being. Few guys will ever experience that, but you will…provided you can discipline yourself to get where you want to be.
Here are my responses:
To: [Woman #1]
Subject: Re: Gymnastics…
Hi ! I’m having trouble sticking the landings in my routine! Maybe
it is my less than perfect abs?I think you need to help me
James
First and foremost (and this is the SECOND time today I’ve said this exact same thing, so it’s like deja vu…and the first guy was older than you), get RID of the exclamation points and smileys. They come off as too “overeager” and approval seeking, first of all–which spells INSTANT RECYCLE BIN with this group of women. Smileys are a feminine deal, ESPECIALLY “winkey smileys”. They should go away.
Next, anything having to do with gymnastics is going to be “lame” to this woman. She hears it all the time, and WORSE–every guy she hears it from likely thinks he’s pretty slick for bringing it up.
Also, (and this is very, very subtle) when you highlight her strength while poking fun at your own relative inability you have decreased your social value relative to hers. Again, INSTANT DELETION time. Combined with asking her for “help” you demo some serious weakness at a time when your first impression MUST be alpha.
Remember also–as for all the rest below–that you must gauge the personality of your response to what you are inferring from the profile. If she’s playful, be playful. If she sounds fun but with a wry sense of humor, do the cocky/funny thing. But you cannot expect to do cocky/funny with ALL women. That’s a tactical error.
With this one, I’d find something interesting about her profile that’s NOT gymnastics and make a very astute observation that even she hadn’t thought of. Had I written her personally, I would have mentioned that I didn’t recall ever hearing a Bulgarian accent before, and that perhaps I’d be intrigued to hear what it sounds like. That is if she believes she can live up to the rest of her profile. That would be important to me.
Notice that in such case I’m not hiding that I am interested, but I am not already sold on her either. Intrigued, yes. Does she however need to earn the next step? Absolutely.
Calmly and confidently exerting this level of advanced initial e-mail transcends everything you’ve ever heard or assumed from “online dating strategy”. And rightly so–these are NOT garden-variety giggle-girls looking for attention that you are dealing with here.
Now, for the record, imagine what this approach would do for women who aren’t quite at the echelon these women are. Would you melt all of them mercilessly and perhaps unfairly?
Perhaps…but equally likely NOT.
Ironically, women whose standards aren’t as high often are so used to drivel from other guys that they either don’t know what to make of an e-mail like what I’m talking about here, OR–sad to say–they can’t even relate and miss all the value.
Online dating domination is very, very different than the “numbers game” indeed.
Let’s continue onward…
To: [Woman #2]
Subject: Re: Brussels Griffon…
Brussels Griffon… Chewbacca separated at birth
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Brussels_Griffon_Rembrant.png
http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/ChewbaccaOK I’m a geek, but it was my first thought, and you gotta love a girl
who has a wookie dog.Hi!
James
Again, you refer to yourself as a geek and then invoke a long-standing stereotype of geekdom: Star Wars. Plus, you lose points for misspelling “Wookiee”. Can you imagine receiving a two-word response correcting your spelling? Ouch.
Such improbable but possible outcomes have GOT to be dealt with using 20/20 foresight, as does saying “you gotta love” a high-end women whom you haven’t ever even spoken to yet.
I realize the above sounds picayune. But you must understand the itchy trigger finger hovering over the left mouse button of every single high-end woman online. The very slightest hint of lower social value or incomplete masculine character spells D-E-L-E-T-E-D.
A key counter-concept here is that these high-end women have so often been kowtowed to that the simple act of NOT kowtowing gets their attention quite effectively.
To: [Woman #3]
Subject: Re: Screaming orange motorola….
Almost a dealbreaker… If you were a “real” mac addict you would have
an iPhone.But I’ll forgive you since you also love Honeywell space heaters
Hi!
James
OK, let’s kill the “Hi!” because it reminds me of a Dodge Neon commercial from the ’90s. Those cars were marketed to women, true. But men aren’t “marketed” effectively to women in the same manner Dodge Neon’s were.
I have no idea why you’d fixate on Honeywell space heaters. If she did that’s weird, so for you to resonate is flat-out creepy…even to her, probably. ANYTHING remote construed as creepy must go…always. And I did say REMOTELY, so yes…we’ll be picayune in this regard also. Zero tolerance, especially on first-emails.
The subject line is good.
“If you were a ‘real’ mac addict you would have an iPhone.” could stand alone as the entire context of the e-mail, signed “James” (simply).
To: [Woman #4]
Subject: Re: die-hard romantic…..
Yippie Kayeaaa !!!! I “love” the Die-Hard movies, bonus points here I
comeLoved your profile, you had me at sprinkled coconut cupcakes….mmmmmmm.
Hi!
James
There’s WAY, WAY too much “pre-approval” here. Remember–she’s “pre-approved” more often than Mark Cuban is for credit cards.
I bet you already saw that one coming based on what I’ve said so far, huh?
And here it is: You DO NOT love sprinkled coconut cupcakes as much as she does. No chance. The “mmmm” only serves to underscore the issue. This is not “rapport building”, it’s “kissing up” in the barest form.
Kill the references to guy movies. I can guarantee you this woman didn’t have Bruce Willis in mind when she mentioned “die-hard”. Here would be a great opportunity to ask her how she defines “romantic” and then offer your definition. If it’s a good one, you’ll melt her.
But as it stands, no “bonus points”.
This is a good opportunity to mention that women are generally stretching the truth when they go on and on about all their guy-like passions. Occasionally, you may even call them out on it. It’s magical to do so when done in the context of inviting her to show her feminine nature more.
For example, if a woman harps on about how she loves the NFL, action/adventure flicks and changing clutches you might say, “Underneath the NFL-watching, clutch-changing exterior I’m wondering if there’s a true woman under there who’s feminine side can only be ignited by a man who understands leadership, order, ambition and the true meaning of a kiss.”
These are the e-mails that stop women like that in their tracks. They’re bold but decidedly tasteful, intelligent statements.
To: [Woman #5]
Subject: Re: famous home cooked meals…..
OMG!!! Finally a girl who can actually cook…..
Hi!
James
Do I really have to elaborate on “OMG!!!” at this point? Go here: www.abigailsxratedteendiary.com…
[Ed Note: Not really “x-rated”, the web site is for a top-ranked video podcast from the iTune’s “Comedy” section where the middle-aged male host (sporting a goatee, no less) passes himself off as a pre-teen girl with a bizarre disorder that affects “her” appearance. Actually funny after you watch for a while.]
…and watch as many episodes as it takes to either be cured of your and the host’s kindred tendencies and/or to vomit…whichever comes first (unless it’s vomiting, in which case keep watching until the former occurs also).
Note that one such episode actually makes fun of a female teacher who apparently has a crush on the host. This is called “ironic humor” for a reason.
You’ll also need to refer to these “girls” as women. And rather than represent a guy who’s going to shackle her to the stove (not a great first impression), you may mention more of a “team approach”…telling her she’s about to get a run for her money in the kitchen.
To: [woman #6]
Subject: Re: Sagittarius…..
I heard somewhere that two Sagittarians are better than one… we
should get to know one another.
“Uh…no we shouldn’t” will be her knee-jerk response. This is to be avoided–best so by skipping the pre-approvals.
On the other hand you’re still watching 24….but I can forgive that
if you buy me a glass of wine at Yamashiro.
I see your playful banter here, but she may not. E-mail is very unforgiving as far as non-verbal communications go. Best not to talk about her buying you stuff here.
To: [woman #7]
Re: They communicate with low voice, and eyes…
The scientists are right, I can see by your eyes that you are a kind
and compassionate person.I think you will find the same in me…
Hi my name is James.
It really is best to sign with your first name. No “Hi my name is”.
“I think you will find the same in me…” is once again approval-seeking.
To: [woman #8]
Re: Warm chocolate chip cookies…
….just out of the oven slightly crispy but still soft with the
chocolate hot on the tongue…..mmmmmI bet you appreciate the smell of fresh cut grass as well…
Hi my name is James.
I’m not sure how grass and cookies correlate. Seems like a stretch.
The pattern I’m starting to put together in your e-mails is not simply one of pre-approval and over-eagerness. There’s a decided tone of FOLLOWING rather than LEADING.
Rather than fall back on what she speaks about in her profile and tell her you relate and like what she does, try intentionally purposing to send the conversation in a new, uncharted direction.
This basically comes down to taking something in her profile and sparking an interesting tangent from it–particularly one that’s designed to highlight your strong masculine traits, like the “NFL” example above.
To: [woman #9]
Re: Hot tea thru a straw…
No way!!!? And you like monkeys too… I think I am in love
We need to get to know one another
James
See all the notes above for all the elaboration you need. You ARE NOT in “love”. You don’t even know her yet.
Besides…dude…you fall in love with people who like monkeys?
Think about this for a second.
Do you honestly think this is what women are looking for in e-mail responses from us guys? Women expect leadership, composure, direction and a solid plan. If you fall over yourself like this you are sending the exact OPPOSITE messages.
You do not normally fall in “love” with monkey lovers anymore than you possess a supernatural craving for coconut-sprinkled cupcakes.
Cheers,
Scot
P.S. The women you have selected are SO phenomenal and your first e-mail issues are SO common to most guys that I may make a blog post of this e-mail . If I do I will absolutely not use your name.
=====
Well, with that, it looks like I’ve made good on my plan to make this thread into a blog post.
Do “James’” e-mail compositions bear any likeness to your own? Are you sure?
Share your thoughts on first e-mail messages to great women.
And what I mentioned at the outset of this post bears repeating: James sent me a final revision of his profile this morning that flat-out ROCKS. Just six days later he “gets it”.
That reminds me. I’ll be hard at work this week making some new demo vids for Online Dating Domination on how to set up your profile and do effective searches, and Emily is planning the same for her brand-new Click With Him program for women (which is ALMOST ready to be launched).
BTW, if you are ready for an Online Dating Success Package like James got, be sure to get in touch.
Be Good,
Scot
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oops, a smiley! wait, an exclamation point! d’oh! i’m not good at this. wait, that’s showing that I’m decreasing my social standing…lol (laughing with me, not at me)…
i’ll leave now.
abi
http://www.abigailsxratedteendiary.com