The Lost Art Of Writing Love Letters

 
Should You Write Her A Love Letter?I recently got a call from a guy who couldn’t wait to share his latest success story with me. Suddenly, his new girlfriend was more adoring and affectionate than ever, which boosted his confidence to new heights and thrilled him to no end. What’s more, even the woman’s mother was now completely won over, telling him that she had thought such wonderful men didn’t exist anymore.

So what had triggered this bonanza of euphoria all around him?

He had hand-written his girlfriend a love letter.

He described it as a simple one, one page front and back. In it, he expressed how magical his time spent with her had been thus far and talked about a future full of exciting travels and boundless adventure together.

After sharing the details with me, he paused briefly before suggesting in a quieter, almost reverent tone that he had stumbled upon something really big here. In his words, “a type of wild card to solidify a relationship, or maybe a way to help a guy get the girl he’s been dating for a while to fall in love.”

 
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Continue reading “The Lost Art Of Writing Love Letters”

Seducing Wild Alaska: The Truth About Male/Female Ratios Up There

 
There's At Least One Hottie Out There Climbing The GlaciersWe’ve been in Alaska for the past two weeks.

For real. In fact, we just got back two nights ago and we’ve pretty much been catching up on sleep since.

Now, you’ve probably noticed that like one out of four shows on the Discovery or National Geographic channels have something to do with Alaska. Usually, they refer to it as “Wild Alaska”, or something similar.

Well, if you’ve been there you don’t need me to tell you that it lived up to the hype. Whether we were hiking glaciers in Kennicott, powering through the Kenai Fjords along with a pod of Dall’s Porpoises or hauling ass up the infamous Dalton Highway toward the Arctic Circle and beyond, Alaska was nothing short of an amazing and glorious adventure at every turn.

But to me, the WILDEST thing about Alaska was something completely different…and something wholly unexpected.

You see, I’ve been hearing from guys who actually LIVE in Alaska for years now. They all say the same thing over and over:

“But Scot, I don’t have a girlfriend and the problem is that I live in Alaska. There are like 50 guys for every woman here. I have no chance with odds like that! The competition is too much to overcome.”

Having received probably fifty e-mails like that but never having been to The Last Frontier myself, you can imagine what I expected to see once we touched down at Ted Stevens Int’l, grabbed our luggage and caught a ride to the hotel.

Both Emily and I had been led to believe we’d encounter a veritable Armistice Day Parade of buff, interesting, “Marlboro Man” types interrupted only occasionally by some pasty, unappetizing chick named “Large Marge” in a 4×4 pickup truck with “Halliburton” on the side.

Instead, the reality was nothing short of SHOCKING.

 
Most Valuable Player:  Be The Man High Quality Women Can't Resist

 

Continue reading “Seducing Wild Alaska: The Truth About Male/Female Ratios Up There”

5 Questions That No Dating Coach Can Answer

 
There Are Some Questions I Really Can't--And Shouldn't--Answer
Now, you see…before I even write a single word of this post, you’re probably already gearing up for the challenge of finding some OTHER dating coach to answer the questions I’m about to list, just because I said it can’t be done.

Well, so be it…but fair warning: once you see the list you might actually agree with me. That’s because the title of this post should probably have been, “5 Questions No Halfway Decent Dating Coach Should Presume To Be ABLE To Answer”.

But that’s too many words for a blog post title, really.

Never mind all that. Here’s the blasted list already.

Just to make it easier on everyone, I’m presenting the questions from the male perspective. Rest assured, however, that none of what we’ll discuss here today is gender-specific.

Continue reading “5 Questions That No Dating Coach Can Answer”

The Weird Pattern To Questions We Get

 
Given what Emily and I do for a living, as you imagine we’ve probably heard just about everything.

And truly, there’s no limit to the potential topics of discussion when it comes to matters of men relating to women and vice-versa.

Maybe that’s why it’s so blasted curious to me that about a quarter to a third of the questions we get follow a certain pattern.

It’s a very definable one, too. Here are just a few examples. See if you can pick up on what I’m talking about:

“Hey Scot, lately I’ve been completely unmotivated and even scared to ask a few women out. Yet they seem to flirt with me all the time. Should I man up and flirt back, or am I doomed to never having a girlfriend? Thanks, man.”


“Yo man, whenever I meet girls I try to ‘escalate’ as quickly as possible so I can ‘get the lay’. But the same thing always happens—they always tell me I’m a little too ‘intense’ for them and that they don’t want to go out with me. Should I stop pushing for sex so soon?”

And then there’s this sort of thing…which is way, way too common:


“Hello Scot and Emily. I live with my boyfriend, but he leaves me alone for most of the night and when he comes home drunk beats the heck out of me. He doesn’t have a job and spends most of what little I make on cocaine and gambling. Oh, and he slaps my two children around also and calls them names. Should I marry him?”

Continue reading “The Weird Pattern To Questions We Get”

Women Really Are BORED…And They’re Waiting For YOU To Approach Them.

She's Bored To Tears...And We Hate When Women Cry, Huh? If you subscribe to my newsletter, which you should–especially if you’re a guy, then you probably caught my bit a week or so ago about how women are generally a lot more BORED on a regular basis than we think. Even the most attractive ones.

When you get right down to it, if and when you get over yourself and say hello to a woman you find attractive you’re very likely to find that she’s THRILLED you showed up. No kidding. She probably hasn’t had anything that exciting happen ALL DAY.

Still, a number of you chose to e-mail me with your doubts. In fact, enough of you still believe that every remotely attractive woman out there must be living like a “rock star” that I felt compelled to post a few of the responses to that newsletter that I got from various WOMEN who read it.

So that’s exactly what I’m about to do. Read ’em and weep…or be massively and powerfully encouraged. Your choice.

Continue reading “Women Really Are BORED…And They’re Waiting For YOU To Approach Them.”

Field Report: “I Presently Have Six Quality Women In My Life”

The Author And His Friend, The Former Bud GirlThis email is in reference to your News Letter about guys learning information to meet quality women and not applying what is taught to the real world. I am 100% living proof that your advice works. I have developed leaps and bounds after following your wisdom and reading your news letters. Your one on one counseling is superb. With that said, I presently have 6 quality women in my life. I know it’s not about the numbers, but the quality that counts. However, when guys start becoming successful, it happens, and a new learning process starts for yet another level. It has taken me three years to get here. Truth be told, if I can do it, anyone can.

One very important lesson that I have learned in the attraction process is for a guy to gain knowledge from other successful men and then, more importantly, apply this information to his life. Scot, what you and other experts have taught me is that it first starts with me learning from others and then acting on the gained knowledge to become a better man. There is no quick launch method, no attraction pill, and there is no one thing I can say or do to attract women. Who you are and how you attract women is all about learning and applying; making it part of who you are. I have learned that 20% of your time should be spent gaining book knowledge and 80% of your time should be spent applying what is learned to real life, with real females. The Army has a saying: a mediocre plan timely executed is far better than the most detailed plan not executed at all. Here is some general information that I have learned. If I had advice for those starting out, it is this:

1) If your desire is to attract better women, then become a better man that attracts women. The information is out there for those who want to learn. Make what you learn who you are in the real world. Learn by applying.

2) Learn to stop analyzing your actions with women, let go, and have fun. Be creative and become a kid again. Learn to be fun with women. Make meeting women a fun game. Adopt an attitude that you will put a smile on every woman’s face that you interact with in some way. I am living proof that it is fun to learn methods, apply, and spend time with quality women.

3) Get out and test everything. You must fail before you can succeed with women. Failure is your best friend. It’s tough love. Believe me, I learned to be cocky and funny the hard way. I turned more women off because I did not know how and when to apply. But experience prevailed! Even more important is learning to become masculine, naturally confident, and how to make it fun in almost any given situation. Learn creative conversations, spontaneity, intrigue, and how to shock her in a fun way. Learn to become the “man” of a woman’s dream and what that means.

4) Know your strength and weakness with women. Write out a plan to overcome your weaknesses and break your weaknesses down into small steps. Learning to be successful with women is a process. Develop small processes that work, add them to your entire attraction process system, and build upon it. You must learn attraction basics, develop a process that works for you, and lead women through it.

5) It is important to know that there are lots of quality women in the world and fewer quality guys who get it. Take advantage of these odds by becoming an attractive man that women want to be around. Know what you want and become a man that attracts her.

I have learned so much and I believe it’s time to tell my story. I still have far to go to where I want to be. As you know, it all works on levels and I am not there yet. However, I am also nowhere near the bottom and I have taken all that I have learned to heart. Right now life is fun and my biggest challenge is learning to manage my “hanging out” (dating) life. I have learned to not date anymore, but to simply hang-out when I find someone that I want to spend my time with. I have learned its not money or how much time, however, it is the “experience” that counts. I have learned to develop the experience by becoming spontaneous, intriguing, interesting, fun, and safe. I focus on making myself more excellent. I have learned it’s about having fun and relaxing. I approach women as it being exciting to find out who they are and challenging to take a woman through the attraction process. I have learned that the process is an adventure that is everywhere and anywhere I make it out to be.

— Kevin Kelly (Colorado Springs, CO)


Lt. Col. Kevin Kelly is currently on active duty in the U.S. Army in Colorado, having recently returned from yearlong tour in Afghanistan. He’s finishing up a Ten-Plus program with me and obviously doing great. I was pleasantly surprised to receive this detailed account from him in last night’s e-mail, and it’s reprinted with his permission. Thanks for your service to our country, and for sharing your insights, Kevin. Terrific stuff.


As far as your success with women goes, if you’re interested in going from where you are right now to where you want to be then Ten-Plus is probably right for you also. It’s a guided plan of action with guaranteed results. For more, check out dating-coaches.com. or contact me personally at scot@deservewhatyouwant.com.

 
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Letter From A Woman: How To Have The “Total Package”

The following e-mail was sent by a woman named Christine in response to the latest newsletter titled “The Day The Real Men Showed Up”. I’ve received several messages very similar to it, but there are a few very specific things Christine mentioned that inspired me to post this particular message. Read on…

Scot,

I will admit, I don’t read ALL the “guy emails” you send, but click on ones with pertinent titles. It never ceases to amaze me how RIGHT you are about women, ALL the time!!! 😉

I have been casually dating a “nice guy” for 5 months. On paper, this guy had it all right – the career, the stability, the friends, the great family, the hobbies, the interests, etc. But he had no game, no “leading man” skills whatsoever. I kept giving this guy a chance because he had all the other qualities I was looking for.

I kept waiting for “the man” to show up. He never did.

And it was a *total* attraction killer for me. Now that I look back, it was so obvious, right from the first date.

If this guy did “have game” he would be a total catch for any woman. My ex husband was a man with a lot of leading man skills, but not a lot of the other qualities that are attractive to women. I now know that the leading man skills were the biggest reason I married him, even when the other qualities were less than stellar.

Without those leading man skills, a guy can be no more than a friend to a woman. It’s the ugly truth.

Even worse, this guy calls to tell me how much he likes me and wants to have an exclusive relationship, and THEN admits to me that he knows he does not have “woman skills” but he doesn’t know how to fix it!!! Ugh! Ask me how much I wanted to email him your website link!!!!! My goodness, he has not even kissed me yet! It has been 5 MONTHS!

So, I am moving on, looking for the guy with the right amount of “leading man” combined with the all other qualities. I will not settle this time. And I will not waste 5 months on the next “no game” man like this, you can be sure of that.

Keep doing what you do, maybe I will come across one of your students yet. 🙂

Friends,

Christine!

Ocean City, MD

Man, I miss summers in Ocean City, MD. That was the good life.

But more importantly here, a lot of us as guys are missing the point.

The “Big Four” (masculinity, confidence, inspiring confidence and character) are foundational to attracting high quality women. But it truly is leadership that surrounds the “Big Four” and grounds it in objective, tangible reality for a woman.

That’s why when we produced a complete system on relationship management, we named it The Leading Man.

So sure, Christine’s ex-husband compelled her with pure leadership…even without a complete representation of “The Big Four”. This happens all the time, since women naturally respond to a confident man’s lead. Welcome to a key reason why women often end up with a guy who isn’t good for them. Sometimes confident leadership is all it takes to get a woman to hang out with you.

That’s right…much of what causes Idiot/Jerks to end up with the women we want is that they simply were confident enough to lead. Does everyone in such a situation ultimately “live happily ever after”? Of course not, but that’s the “hidden” part of the equation that we don’t often notice.

So fast forward to the present. Christine’s got a guy who seems to have “the whole package”–at least on paper–but who won’t (or can’t) step up and lead.

He admits to her he needs help in his skills with women, but shows little initiative with regard to getting his shop in order. To top it all off, he fails to even step up to the plate and kiss her after five months…even though she clearly wanted that to happen.

Failure To Deploy is failure to lead. Plain and simple.

So the moral of this story? Being a “Big Four” man is the foundation. Leadership is the fuel that sets it all in motion. That’s what the “whole package” really looks like.

Be Good,

Scot McKay

 

 

 








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What Women REALLY Want: If You Think It’s MONEY, Read This…

James Bond Would Cringe...As Am IOK, here is a letter from a woman that I felt particularly compelled to share. If you’ve just finished reading my latest newsletter, then this is the SECOND e-mail from a woman you’ve seen written in response to what we’re talking about in The Master Plan.

The message is clear, gentlemen. Women want their men back. And unlike “underground” seduction tactics, we talk about what really works with women in broad daylight (no pun intended).

Does it make perfect sense that women just might rave about dating advice that really works? Does it also make perfect sense that if you’ve got to hide your strategies from women they might not work? Man, I really hope so by now.

But just in case you’re still on the fence, read this:

LETTER FROM A WOMAN

Hi Scot,

I find your newsletters interesting, and from a female perspective, I totally agree with the “Big Four” characteristics you mention (masculinity, confidence,inspiring confidence in women, and character).

I’ve met some men who on paper looked like great catches, but I ultimately decided not to pursue a relationship with them because something just didn’t feel right. Looking at those four characteristics you mention, in each case, the man didn’t have one or more of the four characteristics.

 

 

 

Continue reading “What Women REALLY Want: If You Think It’s MONEY, Read This…”

Online Dating Success…A Real-World 76% Response Rate?

OK, here it is. I get a lot of heat from certain people regarding the claim of being able to achieve a 60-80% response rate from Match.com. Apparently, some guys believe that’s a notion so preposterous as to be flat-out impossible.

Actually, some women even think it’s a bit over-the-top to expect that.

Well, let me take this opportunity to tell you I believe you can do it. Moreover, the solution is well within your grasp, courtesy of Online Dating Domination.

But hey, I can understand why some would be skeptical. After all, most guys quit online dating in frustration…never having gotten a single date from the experience to show for it.

And it’s not like that’s really their fault. After all, the way some of these dating sites are set up, it really looks like the deck is stacked against us guys from the very beginning…with the interface having been designed almost invariably to appeal to female clientele, who are always harder to get to sign up.

All in all, it’s hard to portray yourself as the man you truly are, and even harder to get the mission-critical first e-mails right.

Taking everything I just shared into consideration, I wanted to share an e-mail with you I just received from a guy who is seeing some amazing success online. Better yet, he’s getting the job done after only a month and a half.

I really love it when guys outperform my “preposterous” claims. It’s even better when they do so in record time, in a notoriously competitive metro area (San Francisco) and–get this–are meeting super hot women in the process. I deleted the screen names he provided here for obvious reasons, but I’ll tell you…this guy has very good taste.

Hey Scot,

Hope all’s well on your end as we cruise into the holidays. I have some comments and then some quick questions…

First of all, I have to say that although I’ve only been exploring it for a month now, I’m pleasantly surprised with online dating. Before giving it a go I wasn’t sure what to expect, with some people hailing it as a great weapon in one’s dating arsenal (yourself included), and others out there who complain about nobody replying and there being only fat chicks.

Thus far, I’ve seen those negatives to be totally bogus. I’m batting 17/21 (76%) for initial replies and about 11/22 (52%) that I’ve already met or appear to be heading in that direction with.

I’ve met three of these women so far this past weekend and they were all great women…very smart and looked much better than their profiles, two being undeniably beautiful, the other more of an intense “cute”.

The one I saw today was drop dead gorgeous in person and very fun and we laughed a lot, as I did with the other two as well.

The other two have already expressed interest in meeting up again, and I suspect the woman I met today will be similar. Thanks a lot for the cool ideas in your products that played a definite role in getting me thus far down the “path”.

—Michael

So there you have it. Stone-cold proof that you can get ridiculous online dating success…if you have the right plan.

And what’s up with the exact percentages? I’m grateful that you ran the numbers Michael, but I hope you aren’t taking a sliderule on dates. Considering he’s in SF, he can probably perform complex calculus equations on his iPhone anyway.

So major kudos to Michael. If you’ve got success stories, I want to hear ’em. If your success stories still have yet to be written, I strongly suggest you get your hands on Online Dating Domination and stop putting that success off any longer.

Be Good,

Scot McKay

P.S. Ladies, be sure to click the banner below and watch Emily’s new video. It’s a lot of fun.

 

 








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Who Says The Leading Man ISN’T About Pickup, After All?

Okay, so you’ve been hearing me tell you about how The Leading Man is all about relationship management. And although I do share some secrets for establishing yourself as a relationship manager from minute one when you meet a woman, mostly I’ve been saying that The Leading Man focuses on what happens after pickup.

That’s all well and good, because there are plenty of pickup products out there already–and virtually nothing on how to have a solid long-term relationship with the right woman for you. Sure, a few scattered programs may give lightweight lip service to the importance of being able to keep women around long-term and such, but they always end up talking about how fast you can get any woman into bed…again. Right?

So I’ve been doing what I can to make it abundantly clear that The Leading Man is not about pickup.

Well, just when I think I have it all figured out…Victor from Hawaii stops me dead in my tracks with this e-mail:

 

 

Continue reading “Who Says The Leading Man ISN’T About Pickup, After All?”

Why I Wake Up Excited In The Morning

Having read the title of this post, I have a guess what you might be thinking. No, it’s not necessarily because Emily is in a frisky mood…again.

At least that’s not what I’m referring to this time.

Instead, I have a letter from a reader that I want to share with you. His name is Marcio, from Brasil.

Now I remember when Marcio first got Virtuosity and subscribed to Power Sessions. That was several months ago, and he told me he felt he had a long way to go with women.

Today, things are different for him. I’ll let his field report speak for itself:

 

 

Continue reading “Why I Wake Up Excited In The Morning”

Sexual Chocolate

You Know You Want Some, LadiesDespite its provocative title, this post actually has nothing to do with the classic Eddie Murphy reference from Coming To America.

Rather, there was a comment on the forum by Recce_God31 that I found so intriguing that I wanted to answer it here. The context is online dating secrets:

You want me to reveal MY SECRETS… well ok…. lol

I don’t recall the exact time I started using it but I had been noticing that many girls would mention it in their profiles so I just started using it verbatim.

What is this topic you ask? Its chocolate!! I can’t say I’ve ever met a girl that doesn’t enjoy eating chocolate. In my initial contact I will usually make a comment about her profile or ask a “serious” question. Then I try a have a funny segue into finding out if she is a fan of chocolate and what type is her favorite. I estimate that I get about an 70-80% response rate, I should start keeping a record of its performance.

Scot, why do you think this? Maybe Emily could shed some light on the subject. I would love to hear her opinion.

 
Newly Expanded With MIND BLOWING 100% Original Concepts

 

Continue reading “Sexual Chocolate”

Do Women Really Bail Out Of Relationships With Guys They Like?

Those of you who receive the X & Y Communications Newsletter read earlier today about how it’s possible that a woman will bail out of a relationship with a guy even if he hasn’t done anything particularly wrong.

Basically, the premise is that if a woman is afraid of being hurt, or in someway feels she isn’t deserving of a relationship with a great man, she may pull the proverbial plug on things.

In other words…a man can theoretically drive a woman away simply because he’s got his act together as far as the “Big Four” are concerned.

At least one reader has already e-mailed me, claiming what I’m talking about must only happen to “rock stars and movie actors”.

So how about it? Do women really ever say they “need their space” or “just want to be friends” because of their own insecurities?

In case there are any other doubters out there, read this message I just got via MySpace from a guy who wishes to remain anonymous. Here’s the truth…complete with empirical evidence.

While there are some added plot complications (e.g. first sex recently, jealous friends), I think the message is loud and clear: Sometimes women do “run away” precisely because a guy is doing everything right.

Note the most poignant parts are in bold type.

 

 

Continue reading “Do Women Really Bail Out Of Relationships With Guys They Like?”

More On “Reverse One-Itis” And Falling In Love Too Fast

If you receive the X & Y Communications newsletter, you just read my answer to a man who has a woman in his life who is expressing clear emotional attachment early on in the non-exclusive relationship.

If you don’t receive the X & Y Communications newsletter, that problem can be cured by using the form of a the top of the right-hand column over there. –>

As promised, here is another similar question from Sander in Atlanta (which if you’re from Boston, rhymes.) This time, there’s the added complication of him wondering how not to fall into a similar situation himself.

Read on… Continue reading “More On “Reverse One-Itis” And Falling In Love Too Fast”

Hire Me As Your Dating Coach, Get Into A Top MBA Program

Ten-Plus Is Scot McKay's Most Popular Dating Coaching Program

As you already know, our dating coaching style is VERY different.

We talk about excellence a lot. Not just with women, but in life. That’s exactly what character-based attraction and seduction is all about. [Note: To certain black-hat “bootcampers” who are bogarting my term lately, I challenge you to a debate on how exactly “character-based” anything can be taught by a FICTIONAL character. But I digress.] You become a great man (as opposed to a “Mr. Nice Guy” or a “Bad Boy”) and you attract great women. It isn’t all that complicated.

So it’s perhaps not entirely unexpected to receive an e-mail like the one I just opened about a half-hour ago from Frank in Boston: Continue reading “Hire Me As Your Dating Coach, Get Into A Top MBA Program”

New And Improved: E-mails To The Highest Quality Women Online

In a previous post we considered the art of writing first e-mails to the very sharpest women online. In the case study I chose, the real-world group of targeted women in Los Angeles included actresses, models and even a former world-class gymnast.

Our hero, James, certainly had his work cut out for him. In order to succeed with this echelon of hotties and dominate his metro area, his first e-mails would have to rise to a level above some admittedly serious competition out there in Hollyrock.

Well, based on the input given after the first pass, James has gone back to the drawing board. Read on to find out how things are progressing.

As before, my words are represented in italics. The order in which he wrote the women changed this time, but note that I retained the sequencing convention from last time for easier reference this time.

So let’s take a look, shall we?… Continue reading “New And Improved: E-mails To The Highest Quality Women Online”

Never, Ever Settle Now Available Separately…For A Limited Time

Scot McKay's Fourth Book Is Titled Never, Ever Settle

Okay, okay.

I’ve had bunches of e-mails asking if I was ever going to make my fourth book Never, Ever Settle available outside of the VIRTUOSITY package.

With so many people taking their 2008 new year’s resolutions seriously (and the year is already about 4% up, folks, so get crackin’!), I figure now’s the time to let as many people get their hands on it as would like to.

It’s like a little slice of VIRTUOSITY, really.

So if “Failure To Deploy” is a recurring theme in your dating life, it’s time to do something about that (literally). Never, Ever Settle covers the causes of dating failure in vivid detail. More importantly, however, it gives you the straight-up practical plan necessary to take action and start getting what you deserve.

After all, it is the direct sequel to Deserve What You Want, building on that foundation. And there’s MUCH, MUCH less than you think standing in the way between you and the great women who should be in your life.

If you haven’t yet read Deserve What You Want, you should. And if you have, you’ll love Never, Ever Settle.

Be Good,

Scot
 








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The Best Wintertime First Date Idea Ever

Here is some Q & A that went on recently between a reader and I. While there are some key general principles in there about setting up oneself for success on first dates, the greatest takeaway is the reader’s date idea itself. Read on.

Hi Scot:

I just thought i would email you to see if you have an answer that you could give to me advising me about going on a date with this beautiful girl.
I have had the date set up for a couple of weeks and explained to her that because of Christmas I had no money, setting a date in January (well next Friday).

I’m planning on taking her ice skating and then for a nice meal. But I found out that she has another date tomorrow night (Sunday) and I was just wondering what your advice would be about this–whether to keep the date as I do really want to take her out, but I just don’t know as of [learning about her going] on this other date.

Also any tips you could give me that would really give me a good chance to get a second date and take her out even more.
I have my hopes up about this date as I don’t have much luck with the ladies but I am hopefully changing this over the next year.

Many thanks,

Colin (United Kingdom)

Hello Colin:

Well, first of all I wouldn’t have told her that I needed two weeks to plan the date because I had no money.

Second of all…I wouldn’t have needed to have any money anyway.

Third…I would have recognized that a truly sharp, worthwhile woman cares more about my interest in spending time with her than how much money I’m spending. And I would have made plans for a LOT sooner…if just to go Christmas shopping together or to see the Christmas lights downtown. Whatever.

That she has a date with another guy tomorrow is in and of itself immaterial. That’s the bed you’ve made by empowering her to explore other options during the interim between when you asked and when your date actually happens. If after that date she likes him more than you, that’s the way it goes. On the other hand, if he blows it for himself as many guys do (either by being too sexually pushy and or…wait for it…by trying to impress her with how much money he spends on her) then you may actually be handed an opportunity on your evening with her to show her how a real man operates.

As an aside, the fact that she TOLD you about the other date is likely a sign of interest in YOU rather than him. Think about it. Yet you are asking me questions as if you feel you’ve already “lost” before you’ve even gone out with her. Success with her and with women in general has to start with the confident mindset of a man who is a winner and assumes rich options with women.

If you haven’t told her about the “nice dinner” after the ice skating plans, I wouldn’t. I am also assuming you know how to ice skate decently (not necessarily like Sidney Crosby or anything, but at least as well as she’ll be able to) and therefore can demonstrate confidence and leadership.

That said, ice skating sounds like an exceptional first date idea. There are built-in ways to be “physical” together that are quintessentially perfect for sending the right messages. You can hold her hand, skate arm-in-arm if she’s a beginner, and physically help her up after a fall (not by the arm like an NBA player, please).

You can even perform the all-powerful “out of context dance twirl” a time or two when you’ve stopped skating and are ready to step off the ice (or already have). All of these examples allow you to show that you can lead physically WITHOUT coming off as a horn dog. Note the distinct difference between what I’m talking about here and “escalating kino”, which is how sex-focused men try to manipulate women whom they assume–and typically mistakenly so–aren’t wise to what’s going on.

Ice skating. Good call. Most Definitely.

Pick her up for the evening and take her skating. Don’t plan on this lasting for any longer than an hour and a half or so because it gets old (and cold) faster than you think–especially if there’s a lot of falling going on. Believe me when I tell you a nice restaurant is not going to fit the texture of the evening after that anyway.

Assuming you two are having fun, then you announce that it’s time to go grab a bite afterward. Choose somewhere that’s inexpensive and with a lightweight atmosphere. It is imperative that this be about continuing to spend time together now that you’re hungry having ice skated for a while. You are not attempting to impress her with dinner here. Then, continue the fun conversation making best use of the doubtlessly humorous or otherwise talkworthy stuff that happened while you were ice skating.

Getting this right isn’t difficult, my good friend. I can guarantee it’s at least easier than learning to ice skate was.

Oh…and lest I forget. Watch for the perfect first-kiss moment, which could come at any time. If you help her up after another slip up on the ice and she stays close to you and looks you in the eye rather than skating off right away, PLEASE kiss her…briefly but effectively. If you don’t, every woman reading this will come to your door and go “Ruth Buzzi” on your happy beating you over the head with their purses.

Assuming the best in the above scenario, when you take her home after dinner, walk her to her door, tell her you had fun and that you’ll call her. Then LEAVE. No more kisses. Get this last step right and the guy from the date before yours is in BIG trouble. She won’t be able to stop thinking about you. And please don’t wait “three to five days” to call the poor chick, will you?

Enjoy.

Be Good,

Scot
 








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Women Want A Man Who Will Lead…Here’s Proof

In the latest edition of the X & Y Communications weekly newsletter, I shared with you an e-mail from a man who had been dating a particularly sharp woman. She had been showing some clear signs of interest, including staying out with him way later than she planned on date #2.

Yet, our hero (in this case Russell from Michigan) was used to distinct “chasing behavior” from other women he had been dating recently. So when that latest woman didn’t exactly follow suit in the form of calling first, suggesting where to go on dates, making overt statements of interest, etc. he took it as either a minimal interest level or (gasp) manipulative behavior. After all, why should a guy have to do all the “heavy lifting” here?

In my answer to his e-mail, I reassured him that the woman was likely very interested in him. Importantly, she was equally likely not a manipulator who wanted him to “chase” her.

My take on the situation was in fact that she was simply one of those rare, amazing women who demonstrates a sense of dignity that rare, amazing men ALSO tend to possess. That is to say, she understands the attraction-killing danger of giving away one’s power in the form of neediness and/or insecurity.

She wasn’t about “chasing” anyone…or about “chasing” at all, really. High-quality men and women are past that much in the same way that Mark Cuban is past checking out his personal credit report.

But most importantly, like virtually all other particularly sharp women, she was looking for benevolent leadership from our main man Russell. She requires a man who can make decisions, have situations handled, and set plans based on genuine recognition of her reasonable preferences and desires as a woman.

Since releasing that newsletter, the responses I’ve received have been fascinating. Typically, some of you guys have been sending me examples similar to Russell’s from your own life asking me to unravel what occurred. Apparently, what we’re discussing here is so foreign to standard “Seduction Community” teaching that it’s frying our collective circuits as guys.

But wait…I also heard from numerous women. That’s right, gentlemen…the ladies are reading the newsletter. And here’s a random sampling from an almost uniform chorus of female voices:

“Hey Scot…..loved your email today (female here) You are so on the mark with your thought process and advice. Where have all the men gone that can ‘lead’? Appreciate your candid info….you really know ‘what a girl wants’. HAPPY NEW YEAR” –Diane in Canada

“I’ve been reading your articles for a few weeks now and I just had to respond to your latest article – YOU ARE SO RIGHT ON!! I am so perplexed/frustrated with meeting men who have absolutely no leadership skills like this guy. We have a great time but then do… ????
Anyway, I wish all men would be reading your newsletters. I mostly just think they are clueless with no malice intended but I do NOT want to be a teacher. Keep up the good work. I really appreciate it and hope to meet a wonderful one of these days!” –Ginger from Parts Unknown

“I love your response to Russel, and you have my sincere congratulations for recognizing and pointing out the quality women truly do want men who lead. I understand Russell’s confusion over the situation with the woman he tried to date. It seems that men particularly have a stereotype of women – that we are bossy and always “want to call the shots.” In reality, we call the shots because the men often do not. But, deep down, we really want a man to lead. We adore men who will stand up for his convictions and give us something to respect and follow. Trust me, I am a woman who have been married to the same man for over 12 years. So, keep up the great work!! All the best.” –Kirsten from Who Knows Where

…and this gem:

“I don’t usually respond to any dating emails but this one was compelling and
I couldn’t resist. You summed it all up by telling him that we women crave masculinity. It’s a NON-NEGOTIABLE! Women can’t resist a charming, smart, socially savvy man who leads. That is
sexy to us. A man who can lead in turn makes us want to explode with our femininity, which is what you men want, right!?

So, guess what boys…we won’t even keep your number on our cell phones if you don’t show us we are worth the effort! Any indication of weakness on your part automatically eliminates you from the running!

By expecting the woman to call (at least in the initial stages of dating) you are sending this woman a message that you Do Not Value HER (which is also an indication of arrogance on your part..way up there on that list of turn-offs). How can you possibly expect to win-over that “High-Quality” woman if you don’t let her know that she’s worth your time and effort?! If you don’t do your part to inspire us to shower you with our femininity, then you can’t have it. Period. End of story. It’s simple guys…pick up the phone…D-I-A-L! Show us your manliness–and your reward will be great.” –Abby from Seattle

So, Abby. Tell us how you really feel, huh?

All of this reminds me to remind you that what we are up to around here is not “underground”. I couldn’t really give a rat’s hindquarters if women “find out” what we’re talking about. In fact, see for yourself…they not only know about it, they’re cheering me on.

I hear one of you guys out there saying, “Yeah Scot, but women will say they want something from a guy and their actions will demonstrate the exact opposite.”

Really? Are you sure about that, or is that just something you learned from somewhere “underground”?

Yeah well, I like it right here above ground, where the sun shines. Real women have spoken, and you can choose to believe that they know what they’re talking about…or not.

As for me, I’ve always preferred women who knew what they were talking about. Women who say one thing and do something else kind of bore me. Then again, men who are like that are sort of a drag also, as anyone who has ever been in the business world (or bought a used car) can attest.

So here’s my challenge to you for 2008, guys: Are you going to keep doing what you’ve always done when it comes to attracting women?

If you’ve decided that enough is enough and that it’s time to trade in mediocrity for a wildly successful dating life, then you know what to do. Here’s the link I mentioned in the newsletter…and those of you who are on the guest list for it have the secret code I gave.

I’ve got your back and am at your side as you attain a level of success with great women that very, very few men will ever even realize exists.

And ladies, what about you? Do you refuse to settle for anyone less than a man of masculine leadership and character? If you think all men are lacking in that department, it’s time to cut loose old ways of thinking and begin to recognize the simple truth that there are a multitude of men out there who deserve great women. The question is, are you ready to meet one? If you don’t have a clear answer, here’s a great place to start.

Take care, and thanks again to everyone who writes and/or leaves comments. I’ll be back again in a day or two with what could be the ultimate wintertime first date idea.

Be Good,

Scot
 








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