Despite its provocative title, this post actually has nothing to do with the classic Eddie Murphy reference from Coming To America.
Rather, there was a comment on the forum by Recce_God31 that I found so intriguing that I wanted to answer it here. The context is online dating secrets:
You want me to reveal MY SECRETS… well ok…. lol
I don’t recall the exact time I started using it but I had been noticing that many girls would mention it in their profiles so I just started using it verbatim.
What is this topic you ask? Its chocolate!! I can’t say I’ve ever met a girl that doesn’t enjoy eating chocolate. In my initial contact I will usually make a comment about her profile or ask a “serious” question. Then I try a have a funny segue into finding out if she is a fan of chocolate and what type is her favorite. I estimate that I get about an 70-80% response rate, I should start keeping a record of its performance.
Scot, why do you think this? Maybe Emily could shed some light on the subject. I would love to hear her opinion.
OK, well for starters, when someone out there is throwing around a “70-80% response rate” thanks to a particular online dating strategy, I consider it my beholden duty to share it with as many people as possible.
And I recommend that if you are into online dating you start “split testing” what Reece_God31 (or is that more like “Reese_God31“?) is talking about here.
But indeed the question has been posed as to why talking about chocolate would be so effective at getting women to write back. And it’s a good question, indeed.
I mean, women like chocolate. Sure. But they like shoes, also. And my educated guess is that talking about shoes in a first email is going to get you nowhere.
As suggested by the Peanut Butter Cup Deity himself (sorry, can’t capitalize “him” just yet there, pal), I brought this question forward to Emilita herself.
“Well, that’s easy. Women love chocolate”, she said.
“Yeah, but women love shoes too, but you aren’t going to write some guy back if he talked about shoes in his first e-mail”, I retorted.
“Oh, I don’t know…I might.”
“Work with me here.”
Finally, after musing about the concept for about five seconds further, Emily announced, “I think it’s all about how chocolate makes us feel. When women eat chocolate, it makes us feel all warm and fuzzy inside. We tend to eat chocolate when we’re upset so it makes us feel better. So, in a strange way, the guy who writes asking us about our favorite chocolate is calling to mind something that makes us feel good…”
Then came the clincher: “…and he didn’t talk about anything overtly sexual, which is how a lot of guys would talk thinking it would ‘turn us on’.”
Money.
Suddenly, the subtle genius of mentioning chocolate in a first e-mail to women was made clear before me.
We know that women ultimately are attracted to a man because of how he makes her feel. Every person out there who can give dating advice and fog a mirror at the same time knows that.
So yeah, you bring up something in email #1 that causes women to feel something they like feeling, then they credit you for helping them feel that way. You’re in.
Not to go all “NLP” on y’all here, but it is what it is. Cause and effect.
But I think there’s a deeper layer here, and my guess is this is where the true magic lies.
As Emily duly noted, women tend to eat chocolate in order to feel better. She also noted that lots of women eat chocolate on their period because there’s something in it that literally makes them feel better physically.
And what is it (for the millionth time) that women want most from a man? That’s right: safety and security. A woman wants to know that a man can hold her and tell her everything is going to be okay…and mean it.
So in a sea of guys who are coming off weird and creepy–especially if they’re using someone else’s pre-packaged openers–a guy comes along and brings up a subject that a very high percentage of women will not only find pleasing…but comforting.
And that’s the guy who “gets it” in the mind of the woman who opens his e-mail. Makes sense, doesn’t it?
Who knows? Maybe this is how men originally schemed up the concept of buying women chocolates.
And if you think about it, guys give flowers to women for a similar reason. That is, flowers sort of make women feel better too, right? What if we talked about flowers in first emails? Well, that might be worth a “field test” also, but my guess is that chocolate would still outperform.
Bringing up flowers sounds just a bit too contrived, as if you’re literally bringing flowers in the first email. And if you know me by now, you know that I don’t exactly advocate bringing flowers to first dates, let alone first e-mails, Mr. Desperate.
Chocolate is more multi-dimensional. After all, guys can get away with liking chocolate also. It can almost come off as a random conversation starter, can’t it? Talking about flowers would come off as cheesy and perhaps even manipulative…and that’s a dealbreaking combination.
So go write to some women about chocolate. Let me know how it works.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
Haha… I had no idea what this was going to be about… lol.
Good stuff.
Brad’s last blog post: Dating and Attraction 101