The concept of deserving what you want is the fundamental one in this community. But let me ask you a question. How do you understand this concept?
See, some time ago I caught myself thinking that I constantly worked on developing myself in order to deserve great women in my life. Like an athlete preparing for a competition, or a soldier getting ready for a war.
I thought to myself: “Just do one more thing (whatever it was), and I’ll be ready to meet quality women out there!”
And by doing this I was, in fact, staying in my flat most of the time. Not meeting women, not having dates, not enjoying women’s company…because I thought I was not good enough yet to meet them!
And this was a big mistake on my part…
I remember how my friend once said to me: “It is much easier to get what you really want then what you think you can get.” But the thing is that most people go for what they think they can get. So there is a lot of competition for mediocrity, for the second best.
And as the popular saying goes, “If you always go for the second best, you will never be completely satisfied.”
For example, a lot of guys go for “average” women just because they think they do not deserve the high quality ones. So, comically, those average women get hit on much more than the best ones…
So what does deserving REALLY mean?
See, you do not need to be a perfectly flawless superman to deserve women.
Nope.
But…you do need to BE YOURSELF AT YOUR BEST.
And that means being HONEST with yourself first of all. Being honest about what you REALLY want in your dating/sex/ove life, in your career, in your family life.
This means honesty in self-expression. A musician who loves his music is more honest to himself than a guy who does a corporate job he hates but does it out of fear of not making a living. Ever wonder why some musicians get many women in their lives?
This means honesty in expressing your desires. One of my friends, when he sees two attractive girls, opens his conversation with them by suggesting a threesome later in the night. Shocking? Yes. A trick? No! Because this is what he genuinely wants. And it works magically for him, because he is being honest and congruent with his desires.
See, women do not want you to be a perfect and flawless superhero in order to be with you. Ask any women for advice and they would say: “Just be yourself!”
But what the heck do they mean by that?
Yes, they want you to be yourself. The REAL you, without all the layers of social conditioning, fears and insecurities. And, as sex coach Alex Allman says, it does take BIG balls to be fully yourself when you’re with a woman.
Many guys are just pretending to be real when they’re around women. They feign disinterest or they “go caveman”. They tell fantasy stories about their adventures, about other women in their lives, about being a leader of men or protector of loved ones.
You would tease women and banter with them naturally. You would play games with them because YOU find it fun, not because it increases their buying temperature. You would tell them stories from your life, as a part of a natural process of getting to know each other. You would be a real, sometimes vulnerable human being, not a social robot pretending to have “vulnerabilities”.
So yes, you would be yourself at your best. No pretense. No hesitation. No fear. Just 100% pure you.
And that’s one of the biggest secrets of “naturals”. They are comfortable to be themselves around women. They express their desires and ask for what they really want. They are being authentic.
You may ask me a question. “Ok, I want to be 100% myself around women. But how the hell do I do that?”
Well, that’s a subject of another article…
So until next time, think where in your life you’re suppressing the real you and how you can set him free. That’s the first step. And the powerful one.
Any comments / questions – just drop me a line.
–Dr. Sasha
drsasha@deservewhatyouwant.com
My comment on how to be yourself, gaining confidence. Which is a lot of interactions, and self observations. Great post Dr. Sasha.