Category: Hilarious

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12 Wonders From The Past That Post-Modernity Has Stolen From Us

 
I was a high school kid in the early ‘80s when the term “digital” gained traction in the public headspace. I specifically remember the very moment I learned what the term meant relative to the analog nature of, well…everything in life up to that point.

As naïve as I may have been, I wondered then what life would be like when everything was reduced to simple ones and zeros. Wouldn’t it all be so finely-calculated to the point of being hyper-sanitary…and boring?

As it turned out, my simple teenage mind was prescient in many ways. In the rush toward digital everything, plenty of what made life interesting—and arguably better—has been lost, probably forever.

Realistically speaking, plenty of what I’m about to throw on the table happened long before “my day”. As such, my intent isn’t to sound curmudgeonly. It’s just that with technology moving at such breakneck speed toward The Singularity, I haven’t seen much written about what we’ve sacrificed along the way as collateral damage.

 
Rise Above Today's Tension Between Men And Women, With Better Relationships In Mind

 

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Behind The Scenes: 15 Secrets About The Mountain Top Podcast I’ve Never Admitted Before

 
Edroy And Odem, Next RightLots of you listen to The Mountain Top Podcast, and possibly even X & Y On The Fly also. Awesome. I’m grateful for every one of you, and genuinely appreciate your support over the years.

Well, except for any of you who are among the handful of angry, easily-offended women out there who’ve left appallingly hateful reviews, as if they’re going around searching for relatively decent dudes like me to ruthlessly lambaste for their personal enjoyment.

And to be clear, I’m not excepting them from my appreciation. I’m actually glad they cared enough to show up too. Rather, I’m simply doing them the service of excepting them from being referred to as “supporters” of the show. After all, I’m sure that would offend the hell out of them.

But enough about that. After over a dozen years of producing episodes, it’s time to let you in on fifteen of the deepest, darkest secrets we’ve carefully hidden from public knowledge for years. I mean, why not, right?

 
Because Forever Is Too Long To Not Get Along

 

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15 Things No Man Should EVER Say

 
Scot and EmilyMost of my online research on the subject du jour uncovered articles by angry women whose baseline vitriol toward men was barely concealed under the surface. Predictably, the vast majority were specifically about what men should never say to women in particular.

I found myself reading enduring endless rants over purely innocent, and in many cases ostensibly innocuous (e.g. “you look beautiful tonight”) alleged mistakes by men who meant well, it’s just that they were apparently ill-equipped to read angry women’s minds Said angry women, in turn not able to read men’s minds, therefore assumed the worst, of course.

Yeah, well…if you’re at all worried this is going to be that kind of post, save your brain cells. I’m not an angry woman, nor have I been hanging out with any lately who could theoretically influence my thoughts.

Rather, this is a man-to-man post with the well-meaning brotherly intention of saving guys from clearly demonstrating they have zero skill with women whatsoever.

That means I’ll be sparing you any semblance of politically correct regurgitation, including but not limited to “dog-whistling” or “virtue signalling”. That said, I make no apologies for “triggering” anyone. After all, Job One here is watching out for your best interests as a man who loves women.

So let’s get on with it, already.

And by the way, I’m not limiting the list to what we should never say to women per se. What follows is a more pure rendering of what should never be said by a man period.

 
Rise Above Today's Challenges To Relationships Between Men And Women

 

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5 Weird Things That Happen To Men After Sex

 
Shocked By SexKnowing you’ve grown accustomed to mostly serious dating and relationship advice around here, I’ve been thinking it’s time to take a break and look at the lighter side.

And what better way to take ourselves less seriously than to turn our attention to sex? More specifically, let’s talk about the strange, crazy things that happen to us as guys after “doing the deed”.

I’ve rattled off five such weird phenomena below, right off the top of my head. In doing so, I quickly realized that I’ve never heard any of these talked about publicly…ever. Yet, I’m 100% sure I can’t possibly be alone in experiencing them.

So here we go… Gentlemen, can you relate to any or all of these, or am I some special sort of “basket case”?

And ladies…did you ever in your wildest dreams realize any of this was going on?

 
Women Want Your Hands All Over Them

 

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8 Surefire Ways To Tell: Are You A Fun Person?

 
Why Should India Have All The FunAstonishingly, there’s very little on the web addressing the topic du jour. Mostly, it’s a few quiz sites asking pretty random questions that carry the personal assumptions of whoever authored them. There’s nothing really, well, helpful or definitive there.

So then, given how absolutely crucial being fun is to the attraction process, let alone building a healthy and vibrant social circle, I decided to go ahead and let the fur fly (or the powder, if you were in India earlier this month).

What do you say we let the fun begin? Right on…

Like everyone tends to believe that they have a sense of humor, everyone also typically thinks of him or herself as a fun person. After all, how much of a true “stick in the mud” does one have to be to self-identify as “no fun”?

A sense of humor is rare enough, so what about a sense of fun? Do you have one? There’s no irony in the fact that both of those factors are directly related. That could be why there are as few truly FUN people as there are folks with a sense of humor. Just sayin’.

Part of the problem, I think, is that people don’t recognize fun when they’re potentially heading for it, or even in the midst of it.

I mean, what IS “fun”, and should it be a priority or not?

So much of how you might answer that question for yourself is based on personality and mindset, for sure. But hey…the weird twist there is that even people who aren’t any fun tend to recognize when others ARE. Weird, right?

It’s all too easy to lapse into the philosophical or psychological factors at play here, isn’t it? But that wouldn’t be any fun!

So on with it. Here are 8 factors that pretty much tell the tale of whether you’re a FUN person or not:

 
X-Ray Vision Into A Woman's Deepest Fantasies

 

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Adventures In Relationship Management

 
Don't Freak Out...It's Just A LizardToday, with the long weekend approaching I wanted to take a break from the dating advice stuff per se and tell you what happened here at El Rancho McKay this morning.

As she often does, Emily held one of her now infamous “Estrogen Fests”.

Actually, they’re not really called that. That’s just what I refer to them as. The real name for the daytime version of such an event is a “Play Date”.

You see, Emily is the queen of the local MeetUp group for stay-at-home moms with pre-schoolers desperately in need for someone to play with. (I’ll let you decide for yourself whether it’s the pre-schoolers or the moms I’m referring to there.)

For what it’s worth, the nighttime version of the “Estrogen Fest” is called “Mom’s Night In”. The kids don’t show up for those.

One night I somehow got blindsided by a “MNI” and was therefore at home when the “festivities” started. As it so happened, I was booked as a guest on a national radio show that same night. During a commercial break, I conspired with all twenty or so young mommies to shout “hello” in unison to the show’s host right after we got back on the air.

I didn’t give details of how or why there was literally a crowd of women at my house on a Thursday night. The show’s host never asked. Beautiful.

Anyway…this morning’s edition was the “PD” version, of course.

I used to get the heck out of Dodge when these things were scheduled to happen at our house. But sooner than later, I decided I actually enjoyed the idea of a bunch of young women running around my house in the morning barefoot and giggling with each other.

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10 Simple Tests Of Whether You’re A Wimp Or Not

 
By now you know all too well that being a “wuss” is not attractive to women at all.

The very essence of what ignites femininity is directly tied to facing fear with courage, coming up with a plan when crisis hits and being a protector when danger and uncertainty loom.

And, well…you just can’t be ANY of those things if you’re a “scaredy-cat”, now can you?

Most of us will never be faced with storming Bin Laden’s camp in Pakistan, landing an airliner in the Hudson River or fending off a pack of wild tigers in the Sri Lankan jungle.

That’s all well and good, but you WILL need to be able to get through normal, everyday life in post-modern culture.

For better or worse, life in that context really does present nearly constant challenges to “man up”…even if they’re small or even subtle ones.

Nevertheless, you can bet your bottom dollar that women are watching.

With that in mind, I hereby present to you ten very basic, simple tests to tell with almost 100% certainty what kind of man you are.

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Thank You For Your Contribution To Limiting Global Population Growth



[Ed. Note: Fair warning, what you are about to read is a mostly
satirical piece. You’re going to need to activate your sense of
humor before proceeding.]

Hey you know, with the global population now estimated to be at
about six-and-a-half billion (and growing), it’s become critical
that we as a human race do SOMETHING to keep the population from
exploding at an even greater rate than it has been lately.

What with people living something like twice as long on average as
they did roughly a century ago, the need for this is even more
apparent…as anyone can plainly see.

The formula I propose goes something like this:

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