Let’s Hook Up And I’ll Do You

Posted on October 17, 2008
Filed Under Hilarious, Life |

I started surfing back in the 80’s. Part of what went along with that, for better or worse, was using a certain lingo unique to surfers (or allegedly so). Some called it “dudespeak”.

A key example of this was when you’d meet some other dude who surfed, you’d say, “Yeah, man. Bring your stick and we’ll hook up…definitely.”

Of course, the intention there was to meet and go surfing.

Over time though, “hooking up” started to be a term that some people only used when referring to MOTOS (Members Of The Opposite Sex). All of the sudden, dudes weren’t “hooking up” any more to go surfing.

“Hooking up” was reserved for chicks.

Though nowadays you’ll still encounter the occasional clueless attempt at invoking the “colloquial” usage of “hooking up”, it pretty much always raises eyebrows when it comes up in that context.

After all, “hooking up” has long-since been hijacked by sexual innuendo.

But this phenomenon is certainly not limited to “hooking up” by any stretch.

Essentially, everywhere you look our language has been affected as such, hasn’t it?

Basically, you really can’t “drill”, “pound”, “bang”, or especially “ram” anything anymore these days, let alone “give it to me”, without eliciting a chortle from anyone within earshot.

As far as “poking” people on Facebook goes, who knows what they were thinking over there? I mean…don’t they know what they’re implying?

Well, at least when someone friends me on Facebook, the “personal message” can still say, “Hey, I came across your profile” without being misinterpreted…or can it?

And to be sure, the whole concept of the Flintstones having a “gay old time” these days evokes some disturbing images.

But the one that really causes me to wonder what kind of monster we’ve created for ourselves with all of this is how the word “do” has been reduced to bedroom humor. These days, it’s pretty much universally synonymous with “have sexual relations”, of course.

I mean, this is one of the most essential verbs in the English language. Little kids in ESL are taught “do” on day one, right along with “be” and “make”.

Well, then again, Mick Jagger was “making” some girl way back in 1964. So perhaps this is just natural progression. No basic tenet of our language is immune. Just ask anyone who’s ever BEEN WITH you before.

So “do” was actually late to the party, I suppose (whatever “party” means nowadays).

As recently as the mid-’80s, the verb to “do” was tough-guy talk for “put a bullet in his head”. Go watch some action/adventure flicks from back then and have a good laugh when the uber-badguy coldly hisses, “do him” in response to some henchman asking what to do with the innocent hostage.

And that was a ridiculous enough twist on the language in its own right.

So, apparently we have Bell Biv Devoe and/or Aerosmith to thank for flipping the switch from “do me” meaning “kill me” to “have sex with me”.

On second thought, considering some of the women I’ve dated in my darkest past, what’s the difference?

But I digress.

Very recently, I showed up somewhere that required I make an appointment. I forget whether it was to get my car “serviced” (*ahem*) or the dentist’s office or what. But the leather-faced senior lady with the “smoker’s voice” smiled at me and announced, “We can do you tomorrow morning, hun. How’s that?”

Or not. Sheesh.

I guess I’ve been brainwashed like the rest of us. Chalk it up to the game.

Be Good,

Scot

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• Scot McKay is a professional dating coach and founder of X & Y Communications.

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