Women Want A Man Who Will Lead…Here’s Proof

Posted on December 31, 2007
Filed Under Inner Game, Letters From Readers, Men Attracting Women, Newsletter Follow-Up |

In the latest edition of the X & Y Communications weekly newsletter, I shared with you an e-mail from a man who had been dating a particularly sharp woman. She had been showing some clear signs of interest, including staying out with him way later than she planned on date #2.

Yet, our hero (in this case Russell from Michigan) was used to distinct “chasing behavior” from other women he had been dating recently. So when that latest woman didn’t exactly follow suit in the form of calling first, suggesting where to go on dates, making overt statements of interest, etc. he took it as either a minimal interest level or (gasp) manipulative behavior. After all, why should a guy have to do all the “heavy lifting” here?

In my answer to his e-mail, I reassured him that the woman was likely very interested in him. Importantly, she was equally likely not a manipulator who wanted him to “chase” her.

My take on the situation was in fact that she was simply one of those rare, amazing women who demonstrates a sense of dignity that rare, amazing men ALSO tend to possess. That is to say, she understands the attraction-killing danger of giving away one’s power in the form of neediness and/or insecurity.

She wasn’t about “chasing” anyone…or about “chasing” at all, really. High-quality men and women are past that much in the same way that Mark Cuban is past checking out his personal credit report.

But most importantly, like virtually all other particularly sharp women, she was looking for benevolent leadership from our main man Russell. She requires a man who can make decisions, have situations handled, and set plans based on genuine recognition of her reasonable preferences and desires as a woman.

Since releasing that newsletter, the responses I’ve received have been fascinating. Typically, some of you guys have been sending me examples similar to Russell’s from your own life asking me to unravel what occurred. Apparently, what we’re discussing here is so foreign to standard “Seduction Community” teaching that it’s frying our collective circuits as guys.

But wait…I also heard from numerous women. That’s right, gentlemen…the ladies are reading the newsletter. And here’s a random sampling from an almost uniform chorus of female voices:

“Hey Scot…..loved your email today (female here) You are so on the mark with your thought process and advice. Where have all the men gone that can ‘lead’? Appreciate your candid info….you really know ‘what a girl wants’. HAPPY NEW YEAR” –Diane in Canada

“I’ve been reading your articles for a few weeks now and I just had to respond to your latest article - YOU ARE SO RIGHT ON!! I am so perplexed/frustrated with meeting men who have absolutely no leadership skills like this guy. We have a great time but then do… ????
Anyway, I wish all men would be reading your newsletters. I mostly just think they are clueless with no malice intended but I do NOT want to be a teacher. Keep up the good work. I really appreciate it and hope to meet a wonderful one of these days!” –Ginger from Parts Unknown

“I love your response to Russel, and you have my sincere congratulations for recognizing and pointing out the quality women truly do want men who lead. I understand Russell’s confusion over the situation with the woman he tried to date. It seems that men particularly have a stereotype of women - that we are bossy and always “want to call the shots.” In reality, we call the shots because the men often do not. But, deep down, we really want a man to lead. We adore men who will stand up for his convictions and give us something to respect and follow. Trust me, I am a woman who have been married to the same man for over 12 years. So, keep up the great work!! All the best.” –Kirsten from Who Knows Where

…and this gem:

“I don’t usually respond to any dating emails but this one was compelling and
I couldn’t resist. You summed it all up by telling him that we women crave masculinity. It’s a NON-NEGOTIABLE! Women can’t resist a charming, smart, socially savvy man who leads. That is
sexy to us. A man who can lead in turn makes us want to explode with our femininity, which is what you men want, right!?

So, guess what boys…we won’t even keep your number on our cell phones if you don’t show us we are worth the effort! Any indication of weakness on your part automatically eliminates you from the running!

By expecting the woman to call (at least in the initial stages of dating) you are sending this woman a message that you Do Not Value HER (which is also an indication of arrogance on your part..way up there on that list of turn-offs). How can you possibly expect to win-over that “High-Quality” woman if you don’t let her know that she’s worth your time and effort?! If you don’t do your part to inspire us to shower you with our femininity, then you can’t have it. Period. End of story. It’s simple guys…pick up the phone…D-I-A-L! Show us your manliness–and your reward will be great.” –Abby from Seattle

So, Abby. Tell us how you really feel, huh?

All of this reminds me to remind you that what we are up to around here is not “underground”. I couldn’t really give a rat’s hindquarters if women “find out” what we’re talking about. In fact, see for yourself…they not only know about it, they’re cheering me on.

I hear one of you guys out there saying, “Yeah Scot, but women will say they want something from a guy and their actions will demonstrate the exact opposite.”

Really? Are you sure about that, or is that just something you learned from somewhere “underground”?

Yeah well, I like it right here above ground, where the sun shines. Real women have spoken, and you can choose to believe that they know what they’re talking about…or not.

As for me, I’ve always preferred women who knew what they were talking about. Women who say one thing and do something else kind of bore me. Then again, men who are like that are sort of a drag also, as anyone who has ever been in the business world (or bought a used car) can attest.

So here’s my challenge to you for 2008, guys: Are you going to keep doing what you’ve always done when it comes to attracting women?

If you’ve decided that enough is enough and that it’s time to trade in mediocrity for a wildly successful dating life, then you know what to do. Here’s the link I mentioned in the newsletter…and those of you who are on the guest list for it have the secret code I gave.

I’ve got your back and am at your side as you attain a level of success with great women that very, very few men will ever even realize exists.

And ladies, what about you? Do you refuse to settle for anyone less than a man of masculine leadership and character? If you think all men are lacking in that department, it’s time to cut loose old ways of thinking and begin to recognize the simple truth that there are a multitude of men out there who deserve great women. The question is, are you ready to meet one? If you don’t have a clear answer, here’s a great place to start.

Take care, and thanks again to everyone who writes and/or leaves comments. I’ll be back again in a day or two with what could be the ultimate wintertime first date idea.

Be Good,

Scot

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• Scot McKay is a professional dating coach and founder of X & Y Communications.

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