flirting – The Official Blog Of Scot McKay

A Woman’s Point Of View On Flirting [Guest Blog]

Meet Terry MacDonald.

She’s a new friend of ours and like most “lady gurus” whom we consider to be our favorites, she is all about the dating success of both women AND men. Our list is a short one, and we really have no idea why that is.

But nonetheless, we think you’ll like what Terry has to say as much as we do. I hand-selected this recent piece from her called “Flirting 101 (For Men And Women)” because I think it captures her matter-of-fact but very humorous style.

Enjoy!

Do you get tongue-tied when you meet a person of the opposite sex? Or when you’re meeting people for the first time?

I did. Being shy gave me a reputation for being a snob, being “hard to reach,” and worst of all, “having a superior attitude.” Whether you’re a man or a woman, it’s hardly the image you hope to project when you want to make a love match or even a new friend.

I met a woman who taught me a thing or two about looking approachable. One was to use my eyes when the right words locked up in my mouth. “It’s all in the eyes,” this master flirt said, and she’d never suffered a shortage of suitors, despite the fact that she was no Gisele Bundchen. Her boyish figure and the gap between her teeth discouraged nobody, though—people were drawn to her because of what she was saying with her eyes!

So I learned to convey interest in a guy with my eyes, even if I couldn’t think of a pertinent response. I also learned to smile with my eyes, instead of merely turning up the corners of my mouth (smiling is so important; why oh why do people neglect to do it?).

If shyness isn’t your problem, speaking with your eyes is also the antidote to speaking too much with your mouth. I’ve heard it said that God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason, and face it, good listeners often come off as brilliant conversationalists. Bonus: By listening carefully, you get to really know the person you’re interested in and figure out whether he or she’s worth your time.

The master flirt also taught me to lose the turtlenecks I liked to wear and replace them with V-neck blouses. Little did I know, turtlenecks can make the neck look short, and they give some wearers a double chin. So, if you’re a woman, wear a blouse in a flattering shade and keep the top two buttons open. If you’re a guy, go with a v-neck. The goal is to give that neck of yours a little exposure. It suggests vulnerability, which is attractive. It’s also sexy.

The tip to show neck may sound elementary if you’re a woman and already wearing down-to-there necklines, but displaying too much skin is even worse than showing too little: You’ll attract the very men you want to avoid. Oh, and if you’re a guy, remove the baseball cap, please! Who cares if you’re bald? Get rid of it. A bare head is so much more attractive than a baseball cap (or, worse, a cap with your mechanic’s logo on it!).

Now that you know how to make yourself approachable, it’s time for the next step: To get out and meet somebody.

Want more no-nonsense stuff from Terry? Terry MacDonald is the happily married author of How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams, which is right in line with Emily’s new Click With Him program for women.

You ladies out there can sign up for free dating tips from her right here, also.

And you have to check out her blog. Her recent post on Eliot Spitzer is nothing short of classic…she really hands it to him (deservedly). There’s also an excellent point about text messaging, which dovetails nicely with the telecom game we’ve been discussing lately.

Got some flirting strategies of your own to share? Give us your best.

Be Good,

Scot

Online Dating: The Case For Instant Messaging

Some guys believe that instant messaging is to be avoided at all costs when beginning to talk to women we meet online.

I understand that sentiment to some degree, based on the logic that it’s always a good idea to get women from e-mail to phone–and then to first meeting–as soon as possible.

Apart from that, a lot of water starts rushing under the proverbial bridge and we may find ourselves having wasted a lot of time when and if we end up disappointed upon meeting. And no doubt, IM can be a major aggravating factor when it comes to prolonging the pre-meeting phase.

Likewise, the more we talk and talk to women before actually meeting them the greater the probability of slipping into the Dreamscape Effect, which is when we literally invent an image of the “real” woman we’re dealing with without actually having the benefit of knowing yet what reality holds. The longer this goes on, the more damaging the disappointment can be when it happens. We’ll discuss the Dreamscape Effect in greater detail in a future post.

So then, yes…if a woman is using IM simply as a means of protracting the process of getting to the first meeting, then such scenarios are to be avoided. If she repeatedly refuses to escalate to the next level of communication (e.g. e-mail to IM, IM to phone, phone to meeting) but continues to appear interested, then that’s likely what you are dealing with. “Safety” and “taking things slow” makes a good excuse, but very often she’s nervous about disappointing you, and this may be for good reason.

All of that said, here are some great ideas for using IM as an effective tool:

Continue reading “Online Dating: The Case For Instant Messaging”

Hire Me As Your Dating Coach, Get Into A Top MBA Program

As you already know, our dating coaching style is VERY different.

We talk about excellence a lot. Not just with women, but in life. That’s exactly what character-based attraction and seduction is all about. [Note: To certain black-hat “bootcampers” who are bogarting my term lately, I challenge you to a debate on how exactly “character-based” anything can be taught by a FICTIONAL character. But I digress.] You become a great man (as opposed to a “Mr. Nice Guy” or a “Bad Boy”) and you attract great women. It isn’t all that complicated.

So it’s perhaps not entirely unexpected to receive an e-mail like the one I just opened about a half-hour ago from Frank in Boston: Continue reading “Hire Me As Your Dating Coach, Get Into A Top MBA Program”

New And Improved: E-mails To The Highest Quality Women Online

In a previous post we considered the art of writing first e-mails to the very sharpest women online. In the case study I chose, the real-world group of targeted women in Los Angeles included actresses, models and even a former world-class gymnast.

Our hero, James, certainly had his work cut out for him. In order to succeed with this echelon of hotties and dominate his metro area, his first e-mails would have to rise to a level above some admittedly serious competition out there in Hollyrock.

Well, based on the input given after the first pass, James has gone back to the drawing board. Read on to find out how things are progressing.

As before, my words are represented in italics. The order in which he wrote the women changed this time, but note that I retained the sequencing convention from last time for easier reference this time.

So let’s take a look, shall we?… Continue reading “New And Improved: E-mails To The Highest Quality Women Online”

Phone Game: Golden Input From A Woman

It’s no secret that we’ve been talking a lot about “phone game” around here recently.

Not only is the latest Power Session devoted to it, the latest X & Y Communications newsletter was also.

In that newsletter, we highlighted an e-mail question sent in by Brendan in California about finding the balance between calling a woman too little and too much.

Now as you know by now, not being “underground” has its advantages. Women not only tend to like what we tell guys about improving their skills with them, they also tend to get on my newsletter list and stay there.

Most claim that they enjoy reading about themselves from a guy’s perspective and/or regard the information as a guide to how to identify great men out there. Interesting, no doubt…either way.

Best of all, I often hear from the women on the list. Ever so often I even have the good fortune to open an e-mail from a woman that really offers some additional “insider information”.

About ten minutes ago, I received just such an email from Karen in Portland. In it she talks about her own “phone game” experiences. This “first-person” perspective is absolutely golden.

But the real gift to each and every guy reading this blog is her tandem of “Top 10 Lists” dealing with female reactions to calls from guys. Priceless.

Will you agree that everything she says is universally transferrable? Maybe, maybe not. But we all would do well to treat her message as a valid case study.

Enjoy… Continue reading “Phone Game: Golden Input From A Woman”

Lose The Exclamation Point…And Be Proud [Video]

OK gentlemen, it’s time for another video blog.

And this time I’m going to talk about pickup strategy. Yes, even in the world of character-based seduction it’s absolutely still crucial to have game when approaching women.

Amazingly, I’ve never seen or heard the subject of this video talked about. Here’s a hint: It’s not always “what to say next” (which I’m asked about constantly) but HOW to say it.

Be sure to watch the entire vid, though, because just for good measure I’m going to share with you a simple four-word phrase that you actually CAN use verbatim which helps you master the key principle of this video until it becomes habit…and beyond.

And ladies, all of this is golden for you also.

So what do you have to say about all of this? Leave your comments…I don’t ask for those nearly enough around here.

Next time, we’ll have real-life demo of how (and how not) to write first-emails to the absolute sharpest women online. Don’t miss it.

BTW, how’s your phone game coming along these days? And text messaging…is it helping you or hurting you out there? This month’s Power Sessions For Men program is an hour and twenty minutes of non-stop practical info on “Telecom Game”. What’s the hot phone set-up for success with women? How do you handle getting numbers and then putting those numbers to good use? How do you handle voice mail? And what’s the right way to handle phone conversations with women you are already seeing on a regular basis? Best of all I give you step-by-step tutorial on how exactly to make women incredibly worked up (in the best way possible) over the phone. As for texting, I’ll show you how not to ruin a perfectly good relationship with text messaging (like so many guys do) along with world-championship caliber text flirting strategy.

There’s more but that last paragraph was already too long. Just click here for all the info on Power Sessions. Or, I’ll give you the “Telecom Game” Power Session for free with any purchase as a one-month trial membership.

Be Good,

Scot

Step Two To An Online Profile That Stands Out [Part Two Of Two]

In part one of this series we discovered a major reason why most people have boring, generic online profiles. Simply put, we do what we’re told. When asked to write “About me and who I’m looking for” (a la Match.com), that’s exactly what we do.

As in–that’s what all of us do, it seems.

So as mentioned last time, we already know that you can dramatically increase your online profile’s effectiveness by rephrasing the questions more interestingly.

But I promised yet another killer way to make your profile read differently. And this one is used by so few people out there that you will instantly separate yourself from the herd should you try what I’m about to tell you.

You see, the inherent problem is that the profile narrative is a writing assignment…literally. Filling it out reminds us–at best–of completing a job application.

And at worst, it feels a lot like writing an “essay” did back in junior high.

So subconsciously, many of us write as if we’re going to be graded. It’s almost as if someone at Match.com has a big red pen ready to scrawl disparaging notes in the virtual margin of our profiles.

Either that or, well…some people just never were all that good with essays at all so they’re starcrossed from step one. If you can’t spell, punctuate and/or agree in gender, number and case…well then you’re hurtin’ for certain.

And let’s face it…MOST of us (except for the freakish weirdos amongst us who think blogging is fun) really don’t look forward to writing “essays” anyway.

So what to do? After all, without a killer profile narrative you’re online presence suffers in a big way.

Well you could hire me to write something for you. But the problem is that I don’t do “profile rewrites”.

I do, however, teach men and women how to transform their mediocre profiles into expressions of greatness. All the time.

You see, were I to write your blasted “essay” for you the real problem might actually be exacerbated rather than helped.

Why?

Simple. Because whether I write your profile or you write it yourself with your head lost in “Sixth Grade Essayland” the issue is the same: It just flat-out won’t be YOU TALKING.

As much time as I spend writing stuff, I am no match for YOUR authentic self. And for that matter, neither is your mindset when lapsing into how you were trained as a child to compose theme papers.

The solution?

What you do instead of WRITING your profile at all is…you SPEAK your profile. Because when you SPEAK, your true self is portrayed.

If you have a digital voice recorder around the house, you’re all set. If you don’t, they’re about $60 retail (for a really good one, at that). Fortuitously, the chances are even pretty good that your mobile phone has a voice recorder feature.

Speak what you want to express in your profile narrative into the voice recorder. Then transcribe it. That’s all.

And don’t let me catch you making a “crib sheet” with notes scrawled on it. In order for this exercise to make sense, you must start only with general thoughts in your head rather than hardcopy notes or some memorized “lines”.

Speak from the heart. Remember how you rephrased the “essay question” itself (as talked about in Part One) and talk to those thoughts.

As retarded as it sounds, if you want to talk to a friend while you record or even pull up the profile of someone you potentially like and talk to it, go for it. Then again, if talking into thin air with your eyes glazed over does it for you, so be it. Whatever puts you into the flow.

When you are through, play it all back and write it down as you spoke it…COMPLETE with the “you knows” and “I’ll tell you whats”. Use the spell checker and by all means punctuate appropriately, but don’t correct your “grammar” or the wordsmithing itself. If you can upload the digital file to your computer as an MP3 and pause it as it plays that’s even better. If it’s kind of long, you can even use freeware like Audacity to edit it before you write. You have options.

My educated guess is that your profile narrative–when completed–will sound exactly like YOU talking. Probably because it IS you talking…duh.

And it will stand out from the sea of generic wannabes without a doubt.

Your responses will go up because your profile narrative will be REAL. You won’t have to write crap like “no games” because you’ve already DEMONSTRATED that concept. in real-time. Fantastic stuff.

And when you actually meet someone, you’ll not have to worry that you’ll seem completely different in real life than you did in your profile. Sure the pics will have to match also, but you already know that.

Go and give this a try and email me your success stories at scot@datetoorder.com.

BTW, if you are a guy there’s 11.5 hours MORE targeted strategy on how to dominate your metro area for you in the Online Dating Domination program. It takes a strategy that’s tight as a drum to call your own shots online, but it can absolutely be done…and in less time than you think. If online dating is frustrating you, imagine how it would feel to write women you actually WANT TO MEET…and HEAR BACK FROM THEM more often than not. What would your social life look like if you were able to harness online dating into being your tool like that…rather than vice-versa?

And ladies, after literally months of work Emily is very, very close to releasing her brand-new program called Click With Him. We literally have the very last of 17 audio programs in the editing stage, and if you click the link above you can check out the basics already and even pre-order. Among what she has in store is a 30-Day Plan To Finding A Great Man Online (which she can back up) and a full-scale top-secret session on how to become the kind of woman a man wants to commit to. Believe me when I tell you there’s something to what she talks about.

Emily even had me sit down and spill how to spot great men behind mediocre profiles. Hey…not every guy reads this blog, let alone has Online Dating Domination on his iPod, okay?

I’ll be talking again to you soon…literally. Then next post will be video.

Be Good,

Scot

The Real Reason Why Women Will Stay With An Idiot/Jerk But Not A “Nice Guy” [Video]

As much as this particular topic is discussed, a part of me is surprised that what I talk about in the video below has NEVER been mentioned anywhere as far as I’ve seen.

We all know women cannot bring themselves to be attracted to Mr. Nice Guy. Yet it seems that Idiot/Jerks (or “I/Js”) practically never get the “JBF” talk. Perhaps the answer to why this tends to be the case has more to do with what women are like than with what the guys involved are like.

Push play below to see what I mean…

Next time, I’ll be posting Part Two of how to make your online profile narrative stand out from the rest.

Be Good,

Scot

Step One To An Online Profile Narrative That Stands Out [Part One Of Two]

Ever notice how people tend to say the exact same stuff in online dating profiles?

Seriously, if it isn’t the same tired chorus of “I don’t want to play games” or “friends first”, then it’s what I unaffectionately refer to as “Comma Chameleon Syndrome”. This is where someone (man or woman, really) proceeds to spew forth a comma-delimited list of literally everything he or she can think of to describe him or herself. Typically, when considered as a whole, the list paints a picture of that person as pretty much whomever you’d like for them to be. Like a chameleon, this person’s “true colors” are clearly (or is that “unclearly”?) subject to change.

So why is it that everyone seems to follow such a generic “formula” for writing a profile? Seriously…virtually nobody stands out from the crowd, even though instinctively most of us know doing so can dramatically increase online dating success.

Well, the simple fact that the exercise is called a “narrative” in online-dating speak (I’ve even seen a dating site or two refer to it as an “essay”…crazy) tends to put people in the same frame of mind as they were back in elementary school. And when a writing task is approached more as an “assignment” than a creative expression, what tends to result is very much like unto what you see on the typical online dating “essay”, huh?

I believe there’s a secondary issue that compounds this state of affairs even further. Namely, the instructions to the online dater on how to fill out the “narrative” section are wrong-headed.

On Match.com, for example, the only description for the section when confronted with filling it out reads “About me and who I’m looking for”.

My theory is that–again, like what we were all taught back in grade school–people simply do what they’re told.

We’ve all been trained to “follow directions” and to “be objective” when it comes to writing assignments. And for Heaven’s sake, one simply must follow proper paragraph structure and whatever. If your school experience was anything like mine, you’d otherwise be hit with “VAGUE” and “INEFFECTIVE” scrawled in red ink all over your “essay” when it was returned to you.

So then, what do we do on those profiles of ours?

We write a litany of things that describe us. And then we write a litany of things to describe some third-party whom we are allegedly “looking for”, as if we’ve lost our puppy and are making posters to wallpaper the neighborhood with.

If your head, you already know that talking about yourself (especially in list form) is B-O-R-I-N-G to MOTOS (Members Of The Opposite Sex) when you’re out on dates. Guess what? Nothing’s different in this context.

And who is going to be inspired by a generic list of bullet points when it comes to “who you’re looking for?”

Once you begin to see exactly why we tend to write such boring profiles, you can quickly determine the solution: Break the blasted rules.

That’s right, instead of blind obedience to the given format, why not try rephrasing the objective in a whole new way?

Instead of “About me”, try thinking of the concept as: “What sets me apart as especially attractive” or even, “Why you will be attracted to me”. I particularly like the second option because it’s positioned in the second person. When you have a particular person in mind whom you are addressing, the free-form section of your profile can’t help but improve.

And that goes double when it comes time to rephrase “Who I’m looking for”. Have a particular person in mind–even dare I say someone whose profile interests you quite a bit–and write to that person. Put “one-itis” phobia on the shelf for now and treat this as an objective exercise designed to get you results. Then, write to the thought of “What your life will be like after we meet”, or “What the person I’m wild about is really like.” Lookit, you can rest assured that the finished product in such case, when written out, will be more inspiring and hella more positive than a list of traits or “dos and don’ts”, right?

So that’s a simple but highly-effective strategy for combating “generic” profiles. Although somewhat obvious when you think about it, almost nobody deviates from “following directions”. Be a trail-blazer and watch your responses increase noticeably.

But what of the related issue about writing our narratives as if we’re composing a 6th grade theme-paper? I’ve got that issue covered in a way that will blow your socks off…next time.

Meanwhile, for over NINE HOURS of practical online dating strategy that can help you become more successful online than any other guy in your metro area (for real) be sure to check out Online Dating Domination. By the way, Emily’s new online dating program for women, called Click With Him, is coming very, very soon.

Be Good,

Scot

I Want You But I Can’t Stand You [Video]

Ever meet someone you really can’t stand, but yet you feel this sexual desire for him or her anyway? What’s up with that? I mean, someone can insult you, irritate you to no end or–amazingly–even be bent on making one’s life flat-out miserable, yet the sexual attraction is clearly there.

Take a look at the video below for the low-down on this completely unintuitive but very real human phenomenon…

I’ll be back with another video for you in a few days…this time on why we’re not “underground” when it comes to seduction around here. It’s all in broad daylight…next time.

Be Good,

Scot