Retail Stores: Maximize Your Numbers In The Dating Game

Posted on April 3, 2009
Filed Under Being Cool, Jim Dalton, Men Attracting Women, Pickup |

Hey guys, this article hit my mind as I thought about my journey in the dating game. Retail stores, malls, etc. are fantastic places to start out if you are just beginning your self change in the dating game. It’s a great place to get over fear of approach, work on successful banter, and become comfortable in your own shoes. On the flip side, if you are successful already, this is a great place to keep going on your journey of authenticity and strong character, all the while having a bit of fun and enjoying the dating game.

If you are just beginning this journey, you probably have a ton of stuff running in your head. Icebreakers to open the conversation, what do I say next, tests, body language, etc. It can be overwhelming. For some cold approaches are difficult. However I still believe that you just have to harness those nerves of a cold approach and enjoy them, and just go over and do it. Now in a retail store, those nerves are a little less. Why? Well the women there are being paid to work, and they have to be courteous to you. However, know this, they are at work, they are most likely wanting to have a break from the routine, and have someone light up their day. Also in no way are you obligated to buy anything.

So first off, you are learning to get over that belief that women do not want to be bothered. That hinders so many guys and creates so many excuses. As you talk to more women who are working in retail settings you will begin to see this. Women like to be approached outside of a bar setting. It shows a lot of masculinity. Even if you are nervous, they appreciate the guts it took to do it and most likely they will be just as nervous. So that excuse needs to be dropped.

OK, so lets say you go to a mall. Or even a street full of shops. Go into a bunch of stores. Look for a woman you desire who is working there. I used to have a lot of fun doing this; I would have a curiosity with each store I entered.

So lets say now you see a woman you find attractive. Well here is your chance to take the lead. Walk into that place as if you own it, take a deep breath and have a strong mindset. Attempt to tap into that masculine energy. Now if someone else comes up to you, to offer you help, say no thanks and walk right up to that one you found to be attractive.

A couple of things going on here to mention before I go on. You are taking command of your life, and realizing you do not have to please everybody. Now don’t be a jerk, but instead work on that inner voice where you are comfortable around people. The only way you will do that, and understand that, is by going out and doing this.

Also that cute girl will appreciate your masculinity that you chose her out of all the possible people who could have helped you. So go up to her, and take the lead. Now you may not be buying anything, but this is a golden opportunity for you to practice what you have just been learning. Take mental notes on how it applies to you and more importantly on her reaction to you. This is also a great venue to try out an icebreaker, that you maybe read or heard. You said to yourself, oh man I like that, I feel like that is from me. So ask her, while she is getting some shirts for you, one of your icebreakers. Maybe something like “Is it true that every girl likes Grey s Anatomy?”. Watch for reactions and HAVE FUN with it.

A page from my notes when I did this is this. I would go into say a shirt store. I would do what I was doing above, and then I would say. “Alright, if I came to pick you up on a date, what colors/shirt/outfit/etc. would make you say…Damn you look hot. Something that would make your eyes glow.”

Now that is not some rehearsed line, but it was amazing how they would get out of sales pitch mode and really take a look at me. Then maybe I would accuse them of staring. I was being natural. I am naturally playful and sometimes cocky. I had no no bad intentions, but just adding fun to the interaction. Then after that I would ask maybe a bit about dates, or dating. Then I would move the conversation into what was natural. Passions, traveling, etc, whatever came to mind. In a sense, I would bridge the conversation and mood from business to a more fun interaction. After a while I was on autopilot, and I was having more fun shopping then I ever had. No matter what the store, I knew I could have a good conversation or at least a good laugh.

So if you are beginning the journey, just work on what you have been reading and see that women like to be talked to and approached…and will make excuses to stay around you longer.

Now here some goals that you should be looking for starting out in these situations. One, if she is hanging around longer than she has to. Two, she is giggling and smiling. Three, if she asks “Where are you from?” “What do you do?” “What’s your name?”, she is interested and attracted to you. You will soon find out, 1,2, and 3 will be true wherever you meet a woman. So get out there, and have fun. Before you know it, you will be approaching not only the girls who work there, but also ones who do not.

Now lets say you are a bit advanced, or knowing yourself you are ready to step it up a notch. You have solid character, you want to start adding some great women in your life, or maybe still looking to choose that “one”. The newest difference is, though, that you understand the dynamics a bit more.

Now this is also a good time to either try your own icebreakers or create them on the fly. Also at this point you will most likely have such a presence that a simple “Hey, how are you doing?” is all you need. You probably have a lot more confidence in being a lot more direct, since you are now coming from the heart.

So like above–no different–take charge. Light up those women in the store. What I liked to do sometimes was go to the cologne department, spray some on my arms, a few different scents. Then go around the mall asking a ton of women which ones smelled best. It was a blast. So have fun, walk into the store, and have three women there help you. Have ones who are shopping there get involved. This time for you to learn how to in a sense have a masculine alpha presence coming from the heart. Instead of saying “Uhh, can you grab me that shirt”, you are saying confidently “Grab me a few of those shirts over there. Nothing sheer, get your head out of the gutter.” Again, have fun with it.

Now at this point if you are talking to a lot of women in retail stores, you do stlll have one obstacle. Some of these girls get asked out a lot. Now if you are doing what is mentioned above, you are coming out of the gate stronger than 90% of everyone else.

So two takes I have on this. If you are already good at bridging the conversation, then you know how to start setting up the date. You can even set up the date to be right there. So lets say you are mentioning a place you know or event you have planned, mention it to them like this: “I got X going on Saturday at 1pm. I think you would be an interesting person to have tag along.” Or “Hey I am going to grab a coffee and sit down for a bit over at X, you can join me for a bit–but only if you behave.”

You will find out that is a much more natural, confident way of setting up a date. They might test, but if you are coming from a place of choosing (i.e. having options), most likely you will bash right through that test. You’ll embrace it. So from there go for the contact information.

The other way, is if you are perhaps rushed or just noticed her quickly. Go up and say something along the lines like, ” Hey, I am pressed for time/I am sure you are busy, yet I noticed you had a great energy about you and are someone I would like to get to know. Lets exchange contact information.” Understand that you will be shocking and flattering them at the same time.

Guys, you’re going to get some tests. I find a common one to be “I have a boyfriend”. 90% of the time this is not true. So when you hear this, just keep the conversation up–even be playful about it. “Great he can come too, I am shirt shopping on X, and could use another eye.” Or ” I am glad you have someone to keep you busy when I am not around.” If you have great presence and are confident, eventually they will feel safe in your presence. So go for the contact information, and remember always get there number. When they say, “let me take your number…” You know its a game. Call it out, as you have high standards, and then give another chance.

Remember always that you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Whether beginner or advanced, you are maximizing interactions and getting more numbers–as well as getting out there and enjoying life. Not to mention, a side effect of this is discounts at stores, not waiting in lines, free drinks, a phone full of new contacts and dates. So have fun with it, and enjoy. Before you know it, you will be doing street approaches, and will have a confidence everywhere. You’ll be running on autopilot. Thus enjoying being your Alpha self.

–Jim

jim@deservewhatyouwant.com

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• Scot McKay is a professional dating coach and founder of X & Y Communications.

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