Deserve What You Want And Never, Ever Settle
Last time we talked about having to “compete” for people you’d like to date. But what happens once you’ve actually “won”? Let’s face it, at that point it’s time to re-evaluate, lest you face the type of danger I talk about in today’s video:
Be Good,
Scot
OK, check it out. I was casually leafing through the last issue of Cliff’s List, which in and of itself is nothing unusual, when I found something that stopped me dead in my tracks. These days, it takes something altogether original to get that kind of reaction from me.
What I found was something called Diabolik’s Seduction Community Toolbar. Basically, somebody (namely “Diabolik”) who is apparently as gifted technologically as he is interested in improving his skills with women came up with the concept–and it’s completely cool.
Basically, you download the lightweight application as you would Google’s Toolbar or anything similar. Installation is fast, intuitive and apparently bug-free. Then, the next time you open Internet Explore you have all the blogs, forums and associated other “goodies” from most of the big names in dating and seduction training for men at your fingertips. It’s like a “dating dashboard”. This is about as cool as it gets.
So definitely grab a heaping helping for yourself from the main download site. When you do, why not make your first official use of it to check out the Deserve What You Want forum? If you do, jump right in. These days we have FAR too many “lurkers” in relation to “posters”.
Be Good,
Scot
A lot of times Emily and I get e-mails from men and women (especially) who claim that they can’t stand competing for the affections of MOTOS (Members Of The Opposite Sex). Typically, they want to know how to eliminate such competition and/or how to “just say know”, as it were, thereby refusing to compete altogether.
Well, have I got a take on that concept for you. Watch below…
As noted, that’s Part One. Next time we’ll talk about the opposite side of the coin: What happens if you actually succeed at “eliminating the competition”? Prepare for a somewhat shocking answer…
Be Good,
Scot
If you read my newsletter this week you heard me talk about how a shocking number of guys think “all women” (especially American ones) are deceitful, manipulative golddiggers who’ll cheat on you, leave you and take all your money.
Yeah, well. You also heard me talk about how most guys who throw that level of blame over all women like a blanket should take a look in the mirror. After all, it’s easier to blame others than to deserve what you want (a concept one reader termed “profound”…go figure).
But don’t get me wrong, guys. I ain’t mad atcha. My #1 goal–as always–is simply to empower you to get GREAT WOMEN into your life. But you know how it is. It’s hard to transfer into reality a concept that you don’t even BELIEVE IN.
And rest assured, truly high-quality women aren’t like Santa Claus. They’re 100% real, whether you like it or not. They’re usually not overweight, old or bearded either. Nor do they get stuck in your chimney. Come to think of it, though, they do sometimes bring nice gifts.
I digress.
See that picture up there? That’s Ali from Miami. Here’s the e-mail I got from her after she read that last newsletter:
“AMEN!!! I am going to mass print this newsletter and give it to EVERY man I meet that complains that there aren’t any GOOD women out here. And I meet A LOT of them. I am amazed at how many men are disillusioned by MOTOS. Real or perceived, I don’t know. But it seems to be an epidemic. Just take a look at the Headlines/Opening lines on many male online profiles. Probably the most popular opener is….”Are there any good women out there”? I read this and scream…YES, YES there is! Me, Me.
I am a woman of the highest echelon and I am holding out for a man who deserves me! We will deserve each other.
Thank you Scot for the best newsletter yet!”
Yeah, well. I’m not surprised. I’m not surprised by Ali’s message OR her existence. Just in case any of you are attempting to believe that my relationship with Karaoke-girl (two posts below this one) is all “staged” or something, there’s more evidence for you that I’m not blowing smoke about all this “high quality women” stuff.
By the way, did you happen to catch the fact that Ali’s ONLINE? So tell me, what is it going to take for some of you guys out there to finally get your hands on this and start participating in life as we know it around here? Go back and dust off yesterday’s newsletter and getchasum using the killer coupon I sent you. It’s time for a whole new attitude…and some serious success with great women that is beyond your dreams.
What? You aren’t getting the X & Y Communications Weekly Newsletter yet? That means you aren’t getting my frequent cool surprises reserved for newsletter subscribers. It’s all FREE, of course, and you can start getting it (and STOP missing out) simply by using the form at the upper right corner of this blog.
Be Good,
Scot
Find out how to get a great woman to hang out with for the holidays, and what to do once you’ve found her. Everything from how to handle Christmas parties, gift advice, fashion, social dynamics and–of course–secrets to making New Year’s Eve a blast.
If you weren’t able to make the original call, we’ve got cleanly edited copies of that latest tele-seminar we threw on the subject last week available for you to download for a paltry “love offering” of seven bucks (Yes, that’s even in US dollars).
Basically, this means you can rake in all of this outrageous wisdom and thereby separate yourself from the “herd” for about the cost of a super-sized #5 with cheese (for example).
Then again, I’m kind of hungry right now, so maybe that’s not as compelling as analogy as it could be.
What the heck…get your lunch AND your success with MOTOS “super-sized” for a grand total of what, $14? If only you could point and click yourself a Whopper this easily.
The important part here is that Carlos Xuma, Dean Cortez, and I gave up tips on holiday dating and how to maximize your opportunities to meet women this season, and how to kick off 2008 with the best bang of all. Most of this stuff was 100% original. Here’s what I mean:
–Have you ever wondered what kind of opportunities there are to meet women this holiday season? We’ll give you ideas on how, when, and where to meet them (and this involves ACTUALLY meeting them, not just talking about it).
–How to focus on the ridiculously ingenious ways to get the right women interested that are practically BUILT IN to the holiday season–Fashion styles and statements you can make to stand out from the rest of the guys
–Giving a gift to your woman? Potential girlfriend? We’ll talk about what gifts are good to get for a woman – and which gifts you must avoid at all costs! (This alone is worth the $7…no doubt)
–How to handle your holiday parties, and especially making the biggest impact on New Years Eve (Warning: You might be a little shocked by my “crown jewel” New Year’s strategy)
You can get your copy of the Holiday Hookup tele-seminar HERE. But hurry…by this time next week the program is going to be back to its “street price” of $14. So getting in on it now is like…well…buying yourself a free lunch. So who says “there ain’t no free lunch”…sort of?
Be Good,
Scot
Recently I received an e-mail from a guy in Australia who had heard Emily and I talking about karaoke here and there on X & Y On The Fly. He wanted to know if we had any advice regarding getting the most out of karaoke and therefore meeting lots of women…especially if you aren’t naturally gifted with world-class singing ability.
Karaoke…ah yes. The world’s most OVERLOOKED bar/club strategy. Nowhere else can you FORCE women to notice you like you can at a karaoke bar. Better yet, play your cards right and you have ridiculously silly built-in ways to meet the sharpest women in the place.
Here’s my top ten ways to get all of this done:
1) Don’t care…just GO FOR IT. Confidence pulls better than talent. Overall, taking yourself much less seriously than you usually do can be a massive plus.
2) Go after cool songs by people who can’t sing anyway. Anything by the Blues Brothers is perfect. Try “Sweet Home Chicago”. A caveat–some songs seem like they don’t require much talent, but they really do and the songs are HARD. Anything by Nirvana applies here. “Wonderwall” by Oasis is a song that also comes to mind, as is “Jumper” by Third Eye Blind. Curiously, those two songs in particular also get every girl in the place to sing along with you–which is a MAJOR plus. I love ’em all but they took major practice.
3) Assuming a firm grasp on how your personality conveys, go learn a song or two that is COMPLETELY UNLIKE your personality…and master it/them. The way to do this is to drop a measly buck on iTunes and download the song. Play it back to back to back until you have every nuance. Usually 5-10 times does it, and then you have it forever. I know one guy who only does songs by women like Aretha Franklin and Gladys Knight–and he nails them every time. He’s a masculine enough guy and the irony is rich, so people are loving it. Chicks cheer for him. Incidentally, you don’t know me well enough yet to hear what my personal secret weapons are…LOL.
4) If you can’t sing, rap. Try “Baby Got Back”. Goofball raps are generally better than serious gangsta rap, unless you’re just flat-out stone cold. Then, it’s a lot of fun. Again, iTunes is the ticket.
5) You may not be as bad a singer as you think. Sing along to stuff in the car and start getting a grip for whose stuff you can carry.
6) A little known trick–you can get the KJ (karaoke jockey) to raise or drop the key. I drop two keys and I’m Jon Bon Jovi or Vince Neil. It drives other dudes nuts, especially nights when my pipes are on. They’ll say stuff like, “Dude…you NAILED that. There’s NO WAY I could hit that.”7) Some songs are MUCH cooler as karaoke songs than in “real life”. You’ll get a feel for this by watching. The point is not to get caught up in making sure you sing a “cool song”. Maybe “7a” here is singing songs sung by guys but that women LOVE.
8) Know an “old standard”. Dean Martin or Frank Sinatra are killers. One of my favorites to pull this time of year is The Christmas Song by Nat King Cole. This is straight-up pimping out of the box, I’m telling you. And the younger you are, the better this goes over.
9) Tip the KJ and get to know him/her like you would a bouncer or a bartender. Things will go better for you.
And the ULTIMATE…
10) MASTER at least one amazing M/F duet. As soon as some chick you want to meet turns out to be brave enough to get up there and sing tell her (not ask her) that you want her to do a duet with you. “Picture” with Sheryl Crow and Kid Rock is the default, easy standard these days.
On the topic of that last point above, I fantasized for the longest time about finding a “wingwoman” who could master “Paradise By The Dashboard Light” by Meat Loaf and belt out her part like a champion. These days, Emily and I have now built that particular duet into our trademark. At least half the times we go to our regular places we close out the night at 10 mins. to 2a with that and it brings the house down (including last night). I still get a rush doing it. I’d love to get Meat Loaf on The Chick Whisperer sometime…LOL
Be Good,
Scot
Here is one of the most elementary secrets to making sure you maintain an image of “coolness” at all times. Yet, a shocking number of guys completely overlook it. The video below explains all…
So what do you think? Any humorous vignettes to share?
More on this sort of stuff is here.
Be Good,
Scot
Not too long ago I had the chance to sit down with the “thinking man’s” dating and seduction coach, and fellow Texan, Rion Williams. I’m pleased to have been his guest.
In this interview for his Lifestyle Dating Radio podcast, Rion and I generate some completely original material as we discuss exactly what it is that makes women feminine and how we as men should respond to that. It’s all about LEADERSHIP, my brethren.
Be sure to subscribe using the link below and GETCHASUM….
Rion Williams’ Lifestyle Dating Radio
You probably already know who Rion is, but just in case here’s the link:
Rion is also featured in VIRTUOSITY, discussing with me how to ignite femininity. It was an epic session.
I’ll be back atcha again real soon with another video blog.
Be Good,
Scot
QUICK REMINDER:
I wanted to remind you guys out there about our next FREE Teleseminar happening on 12/6
– THAT’S TONIGHT.
Remember that this is a TELE-seminar – meaning that you dial in on
your phone to listen in. No travel necessary!
Carlos Xuma and I (and maybe a special guest…) will be giving up tips on holiday dating and how to maximize your opportunities with women this season, and how to kick off 2008 with the best bang of all…
– Have you ever wondered what kind of opportunities there are to meet women this holiday season? We’ll give you ideas on how, when, and where to meet women…
– How do you handle New Years parties?
– Hidden strategies that help you meet more women
– Killer secrets to maximizing special–but usually overlooked–advantages the Holidays bring
– Giving a gift to your woman? Potential girlfriend? We’ll talk about what to give for gifts and why…
…plus a whole bunch more. Here’s the link to get the call information:
http://www.instantteleseminar.com/?eventid=1272945
We also need your questions, so be sure to submit them in the form
on the page…
We suggest you dial-in early to get this presentation in its
entirety.
Remember, it’s a conference call where you dial in and listen in…
TIME: 6:00 PM PACIFIC / 9:00PM EASTERN (GMT -5)
DATE: Thursday, December 6th.
PHONE NUMBER TO DIAL: 218-486-3695
CONFERENCE ID (Enter When Prompted): 167688#
That’s TONIGHT! Mark it on your list, check it twice, and we’ll talk to you
later (literally).
Be Good,
Scot
Want to know how to get ALL the women? Here’s the secret. Fair warning: This is not what your friendly neighborhood PUA wants you to know…
Be Good,
Scot
No, we haven’t lost our minds. Yes, we think the subject matter of this podcast is within your reach (and everyone else’s, for that matter). For the details, you are just going to have to listen in.
The XYotF shows tend to be full-length deals, so I’d recommend subscribing and slapping these puppies on your iPod.
While this show is a bonanza unto itself, we fully realize we haven’t been producing nearly enough episodes. So here’s a surprise. Go to www.x-net-media.com and sign up for our newsletter. When you do, you’ll get a shiny new copy of a special BONUS EPISODE we call “The JuniorCast”. If you are already a newsletter subscriber, simply log in using the e-mail address you are already subscribed with and you can download the BONUS EPISODE also.
So see? We’ve got your back.
Be Good,
Scot
Now brought to you by Match.com. It’s about time, huh?
Anyway, we are back to overhauling profiles after a brief hiatus while we upgraded our affiliation. In this episode we take a look at a woman’s profile that has gone to the dogs…literally. No worries, though. A little “tweakage” will go a LONG way.
Grab a listen now. And if you want to submit your Match.com username for possible consideration on the show, e-mail it to scot@datetoorder.com.
Subscribe here.
Be Good,
Scot
Will you look at this? Some guys get all the luck. This is my next-door neighbor’s actual license tag.
By way of simple housekeeping, before you get your boxers (or panties) in a wad about me posting people’s plates on the ‘net, get a load of this (for example) and consider cutting me a break, will you?
So let’s get to the point. Noticing this license plate, I couldn’t help but realize that James Bond (aka “007”) is never in the “Just Be Friends Zone”, now is he? It’s terra incognito for him.
Why is this?
Well, simply put, my man JB isn’t going around chasing each woman as if she’s the last mirror-fogging example of a female homo sapien walking the planet. Moreover, James has options. He’s in demand by women, which means he can be a real, legitimate chooser rather than chaser. No spasmatic reactions or indecisive waffling there–007 has everything handled.
He’s got an interesting and adventurous life, has the concept of cool down cold (if you know what I mean) and women all over the place are buying into whatever the man is selling.
Maybe the British accent has something to do with it, but I doubt it. Even the British women are all over him.
So if you are finding yourself being “JBFed” by women more often than not, start paying attention to your demeanor, attitude and how you carry yourself. Ask, “WWJBD?”
If you do that, my guess is that your success with MOTOS will be a lot less humble, Tex.
Be Good,
Scot
P.S. Speaking of license plates, take a look at this. If you are a leadfoot like me, your ship has come in…
You know that infamous dating advice disclaimer about being “for entertainment purposes only”? Having given it some thought, some of it actually may be…
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Has this ever happened to you?
You, as a man, image of masculinity such that you are, are in the company of a woman (as is often the case, we hope). Maybe you are at the mall (as is not often the case, we hope), or some social event, or God forbid a sporting event. Out of nowhere, she turns to you and requests, “Here, hold my purse. I’ll be right back.”
Blindly obliging this request, gentlemen, is The Thing That Must Never Be.
It’s a test. It’s a test not only of your manhood, but of your ability to be manhandled. It could be an unconscious one on her part, but then again it could be a calculated assessment to how well you’ll eventually accept being cuckolded in the not-too-distant future.
Someone said, “Dude, what does ‘cuckolded’ mean?”
Exactly.
To many of you out there, this may seem like a minor issue…or even a hang-up. But I’m telling you, I’ve never seen a man who exhibits the “Big Four” holding some chick’s purse for her. Especially if she’s trying on a few things at The Limited.
I’ve also never seen a woman gaze lovingly and with glowing admiration upon a man who is clutching her purse patiently pending her return.
So don’t feel “obligated” guys. Just say “no”. If she isn’t up to schlepping her purse around, she should have left it home. And if she isn’t understanding of your point of view and/or uses your “lack of cooperation” as a weapon later then consider that a warning message about what a long-term relationship with her looks like.
Ultimately, this is all rolled into “The Reverse Golden Rule” as outlined in last week’s newsletter. You know, “Would I ever do unto someone else what is being done unto me here?”
Let me spell this out. I’m not going to expect Emily to sit with me on a Sunday afternoon and endure a full four quarters. That said, considering I can’t even endure a full four quarters of my Ravens this season maybe that’s a poor example. How about, “Hey, why don’t you and your fresh manicure go out and check the oil in my F-150 real quick?” “What do you mean, ‘I don’t think so’, you mean you can’t figure out something that easy?”
Yeah well, she can figure it out alright. That doesn’t change the fact that it’s a completely unreasonable request.
Were I her, I’d purrrr some offhand response to the effect of, “Why sure, baby. Here…hold my purse for me while I do that.”
Let’s all respect each other’s masculinity and femininity, ladies and gentlemen. Even when it’s at the brief and momentary cost to our own personal convenience.
Got any examples of your own? Let’s hear about them.
Be Good,
Scot
John Scot Micajah McKay, Jr. was born on 11/17 at 9:12p, weighing in at 7 lbs., 4 oz. Everyone is healthy and happy, and we’ve had a house full of people since.
Actually, we’ve had a house full of people since well before “Junior” was born. Emily decided to have the baby at home, which proved to be an amazing experience that after some initial reticence I now have to endorse 100% having lived it. Basically, I was this kid’s obstetrician–with full support from the “dream team” of midwives. Besides having the joy of literally catching my son when he was born (who slimed me good at the time–that’s my boy), being able to take bubble baths, watch football and do walks around the neighborhood during the early part of the process proved immensely more appealing than hanging out in the hospital.
All of this is highlighted even further by the fact that Emily was in labor for 27.5 hours. Besides being beautiful and a sweetheart, she’s strong and determined. And despite a natural childbirth, she didn’t complain once. I’m telling you guys, you get the right one in your life and “retiring” from the game is a no-brainer…as long as the decision is yours.
Here are some more “before and after” pics for you. Emily and I both truly appreciate all of the notes we received from many of you over the course of the last nine months. We’re thrilled to welcome “Junior” into our lives, and you can rest assured we plan to raise him up to be a man of high character, real masculinity and genuine confidence.
By the way, he is named “Micajah” after his 7th-great grandfather who died at the Alamo. Being a direct decendant to a “defender” and having been born right here in “Santone” would make that a seriously cool name, for those of you keeping score at home. Besides, he’s got the marketing-friendly alliterative initials working which you really can’t beat. And if he is humiliated anyway, he’s got other options to choose from that have served his old man well so far.
And yes…how useful would all this be if I wasn’t handing out “cigars”? This is a momentous occasion, calling for an equally momentous coupon code. So here goes–simply go to www.deservewhatyouwant.com and get any e-book or program (including Online Dating Domination or–yes–even VIRTUOSITY) using the coupon code CIGAR50 when you order, and I’ll give you 50% off. I’ll keep this coupon active until the last football game is over on Thanksgiving Day, which seems about right. Either I’m in a good mood or the “diaper fund” is clouding my thinking, so enjoy that special opportunity.
Be Good,
Scot
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…and it’s a CARTOON.
Seriously, check out the pic to the left here. I found an ad for the company who does these things in my inbox. The hilarious part is that the difference between the chick in the e-mail’s graphics and the one you see here was literally two minor adjustments. I’m convinced this was pure coincidence, but still…it caught my attention.
So basically, I call this Emily’s “Evil Twin” because she: 1) Refuses to smile,… 2) …had the WRONG voice, which was something I saw happen in The Exorcist, and… 3) …has the distinct look of some Japanimation super-chick from one of those bizarro “Adult Swim” shows on Cartoon Network.
Yeah, well. I’m glad I got the better of the two “twins”, right? The good folks at SitePal may yet sell me on “Emily II”, if they can somehow teach her to smile and if I can overlay an actual recording track of Emily being friendly. That would change the whole ball game.
BTW, I tried to get one of the many avatars they have on their demo site to look like me, but no joy. As if that’s what we need around here anyway.
Be Good,
Scot
Obviously, this blog is so new that you can still get high off of sniffing the pages.
But with a few posts (and cervezas) under our belt around here, it’s time to get more interactive. One of the great things a blog does, by nature, is get YOU involved. So with that in mind, it’s time to do something that seems almost obvious yet is easily forgotten by many.
I want to ask YOU…the READER…what it is that you would like to see more focus on. You’ve read lots of “dating advice”, and we both know that a lot of it tends to start sounding the same after a while.
Give us your most sought-after topics that you just aren’t getting any joy on from elsewhere. My pledge to you is that your requests will be heard and we’ll get to work on answering the kind of questions you are actually asking–and getting down to the issues that affect you the most.
Don’t be shy. Reply to this post and tell us what you’d like to see. Within reason. Of course.
Be Good,
Scot
Everyone knows that bringing wingwomen along when you go out for a night on the town can have an amazing positive effect. Social proof. Female intuition. People buying on the approval of others. Outstanding stuff.
But wait a minute. All of this assumes you aren’t actually out on a real date yet. What if you could have the benefit of wingwomen even when you are out on a “solo flight” with a woman? Unthinkable?
Guess again.
The concept I want to introduce to you is one I call “Embedded Wingwomen”. Don’t get any preconceived notions–we’re not talking about “in-bedding” your “wingwoman” here. This is probably even better.
In fact, I’m indebted to one of my favorite business authors here. Harvey MacKay wrote nearly 20 years ago now (How To Swim With The Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive, p.66) on how you as a businessman can “Create Your Own Private Club” for the purpose of entertaining customers. And you can do so at just about any nice restaurant of your choosing.
How so? Simple. You pay the restaurant (or bar, or lounge, etc.) a visit during it’s lowest hour. Think three o’clock in the afternoon if you have a restaurant in mind. During this visit, you meet the manager and explain to him or her what you have in mind. Essentially, you offer your credit card number and a signed slip ahead of your actual planned visit with the customers in tow. You then ask to be welcomed by name, and that your guest be welcomed by name as “Mr./Ms. X”, and that you are assigned a particularly effective full-time member of the waitstaff who is perceived to carry job stability, and preferably a regular schedule. Then you pre-approve a 25% gratuity.
When you arrive, you entertain your guests with the “red carpet treatment” extended throughout the night. When finished, you get up and leave. No waiting around, no drama. And most importantly no check.
And since you are a man or woman of your word, the next time around goes even more smoothly. A relationship is established. And you have essentially accomplished what Harvey has taught you.
Masterful stuff.
But this isn’t a business blog. We’re talking attraction and seduction here. And granted, it’s slicker than snake snot to apply Harvey’s exact principle to the dating world. Most definitely…but not until you’re sure that one’s a keeper, please.
So here’s how I adapted the principle and gave it a new twist when I was going on a LOT of first dates.
I had several very key places I enjoyed taking women to. I made it a point to build relationships with management and with very key female employees. Again…full-timers with regular schedules (which I made note of). I served notice to all of the above that I was more than happy to take care of them if they took care of me. Having built the first-name relationship using, frankly, much of that same old common-sense rapport building stuff we’re taught to use with attractive MOTOS, the die is cast.
Returning later with a woman, my new friend is behind the bar as expected. She greets me by name. Later, after a few laughs, I send my date to the bar for another round…or whatever. It’s then that my “embedded wingwoman” tells my date how hot/great/generous/cool/etc. I am. The comments are unsolicited, of course. The best part of this is that she’s telling the truth. I have indeed been nothing less than hot/great/generous/cool/etc. towards her in setting up the whole thing.
So my date returns to me with an extra measure curiosity and perhaps attraction. I actually witnessnessed measurable demeanor changes directly correlated to this effect more times than I could keep count of.
But that’s not where it ends. The next trip to the bar I’d make myself. That’s when I’d get a second or two of oh-so valuable female feedback on my date. Was she cool to the bartender, who she wasn’t trying to impress? Priceless.
And again, with each subsequent visit after having lived up to your own end of the bargain, things get better and better…and more amazing for the women you are with.
In one particularly glorious situation, I made friends with a particularly outgoing bisexual bartender at what is perhaps the most romantic “PDA bar” in the city of San Antonio.
BTW, every man needs a “PDA bar” on his radar screen. If that concept isn’t self-explanatory, e-mail me for some coaching immediately.
Anyway, I got to the point where I’d sit at the bar with a woman and simply excuse myself to the restroom for a blessed few minutes. By the time I returned, I was set to soon receive a report on more “dimensions of compatibility” than eHarmony could shake a stick at.
As you can see, the principle is actually a fairly simple one.
Be Good,
Scot
