March 2008 – The Official Blog Of Scot McKay

Online Dating: Kicked Off The Island [Video]

As promised, here we go with another round of video blogs.

In between installments on that series about breakups we’re on, how about some more online dating tips you can actually use in the real world?

Have fun with this one, because just about everyone can relate to it. If you’re even marginally involved with online dating–or especially if you’ve been frustrated thus far by it–I think it’s going to lift a load off your shoulders…big time.

A shout to the guys at Fly Racing, who gave me the shirt off their back…literally.

Back atcha next time with Part Two of our series on breakups. Don’t touch that dial…

Be Good,

Scot McKay

Dealing With Breakups: When Something Heinous Has Happened [Part One Of Four]

Part One Of A Four Part Series On Breakups I’ve been threatening to write this series for a while, but fortunately I didn’t need an ultimatum in order to stick to the plan.

Sounds like a metaphor for a bad relationship, right?

Well, whatever the case, here we go on a full-tilt four part series on breakups.

This is a topic that isn’t covered nearly often enough, but which by my calculations is also a major area of interest to those of you who have written to tell me what you want to hear more about.

The way I see it, the formula is this:

A Question People Are Actually Asking + Not A Whole Lot Of Answers Out There Already = Probably A Good Idea For A Blog Post

So let’s get on it.

The logical way to break down this series into parts is as follows:

When Someone Did Something Heinous

When Nobody Did Anything Particularly Heinous

Ending Short-Term Relationships

Ending Long-Term Relationships

Throughout the process you’ll get the “hows” and the “whys”, featuring some practical steps and ideas.

One caveat before we start, however: I am writing this series in the spirit of dealing with dating relationships rather than marriages. When marital relationships, community property and small children are involved, some of the issues I discuss may require a bit different of a perspective (the notable exception being physical violence–my advice is always going to be to get out in those situations). As such, we’ll save that discussion for another time. Who knows, I may surprise you with a “surprise” Part Five.

So true to the plan, let’s deal with breaking up with someone because a major breach has happened.

Continue reading “Dealing With Breakups: When Something Heinous Has Happened [Part One Of Four]”

X & Y On The Fly #36 — How To Communicate With The Opposite Sex

Emily and I decided it was about time we did an episode on how men and women can not only learn how to decode what the other gender is saying, but actually speak to MOTOS (Members Of The Opposite Sex) in terms that they can actually understand.

First it was understanding MOTOS, now actually talking to and decoding them effectively once and for all? Yeah, we must be crazy.

But what can we say? We both had lots of energy at the exact same time (rare these days) when this was recorded last night and I personally believe this is one of our most amped-up episodes ever. If anything, there’s plenty of original stuff to think about in there.

So if you’re already a listener, mad love atcha. And if not, do yourself the joy of subscribing so from now on you’re the first to know when our little masterpieces are unleashed.

We love to find new reviews on iTunes, so please leave us a glowingly creative (and preferably positive) one. Get there by clicking on the graphic above.

And if XYotF has made even a shred of impact on your life, PLEASE Digg us, Stumble us or save us to Del.icio.us. The good word of listeners just like you helps our audience grow.

And don’t forget, when you go to www.deservewhatyouwant.com and sign up for our newsletter you can gain access to an unsyndicated BONUS EPISODE we call “The JuniorCast”. Wait until you get a load of what happened when Jr. was born, and what relationship insights came from it. If you are already a newsletter subscriber, simply log in using the e-mail address you are already subscribed with and you can download the BONUS EPISODE also.

Be Good,

Scot

Relationship Mastery 101 — And Now For Something Completely Different

The old Monty Python classic line holds true here.

When Lance Taylor called me last year telling me what he had in mind for a project, it took me a while before I was able to completely grasp what he was saying.

As he described his vision, I could’ve sworn he was actually thinking about getting a dogpile of pickup artists together and having them talk about how to succeed in actual relationships with women.

At first I thought this was crazy talk. But then again, I was one of the first guys he called, so I was happy to listen since there must have been some reason he picked up the phone and dialed my digits.

And as it turned out, I wasn’t imagining things after all. Lance was going to compile a series featuring some world-class seduction experts. And they were going to talk about long-term success with women.

Now I’m not a “pickup artist”, per se. But I’ll tell you, the concept was fascinating. After talking to Lance, I was absolutely thrilled to submit some of my very best material to him for that project of his.

fast forward six or eight months later, and I have to tell you…it’s STILL fascinating.

Only now, there’s a finished product.

Lance has dubbed it Relationship Mastery 101, and it’s a barnburner.

Continue reading “Relationship Mastery 101 — And Now For Something Completely Different”

A Woman’s Point Of View On Flirting [Guest Blog]

Meet Terry MacDonald.

She’s a new friend of ours and like most “lady gurus” whom we consider to be our favorites, she is all about the dating success of both women AND men. Our list is a short one, and we really have no idea why that is.

But nonetheless, we think you’ll like what Terry has to say as much as we do. I hand-selected this recent piece from her called “Flirting 101 (For Men And Women)” because I think it captures her matter-of-fact but very humorous style.

Enjoy!

Do you get tongue-tied when you meet a person of the opposite sex? Or when you’re meeting people for the first time?

I did. Being shy gave me a reputation for being a snob, being “hard to reach,” and worst of all, “having a superior attitude.” Whether you’re a man or a woman, it’s hardly the image you hope to project when you want to make a love match or even a new friend.

I met a woman who taught me a thing or two about looking approachable. One was to use my eyes when the right words locked up in my mouth. “It’s all in the eyes,” this master flirt said, and she’d never suffered a shortage of suitors, despite the fact that she was no Gisele Bundchen. Her boyish figure and the gap between her teeth discouraged nobody, though—people were drawn to her because of what she was saying with her eyes!

So I learned to convey interest in a guy with my eyes, even if I couldn’t think of a pertinent response. I also learned to smile with my eyes, instead of merely turning up the corners of my mouth (smiling is so important; why oh why do people neglect to do it?).

If shyness isn’t your problem, speaking with your eyes is also the antidote to speaking too much with your mouth. I’ve heard it said that God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason, and face it, good listeners often come off as brilliant conversationalists. Bonus: By listening carefully, you get to really know the person you’re interested in and figure out whether he or she’s worth your time.

The master flirt also taught me to lose the turtlenecks I liked to wear and replace them with V-neck blouses. Little did I know, turtlenecks can make the neck look short, and they give some wearers a double chin. So, if you’re a woman, wear a blouse in a flattering shade and keep the top two buttons open. If you’re a guy, go with a v-neck. The goal is to give that neck of yours a little exposure. It suggests vulnerability, which is attractive. It’s also sexy.

The tip to show neck may sound elementary if you’re a woman and already wearing down-to-there necklines, but displaying too much skin is even worse than showing too little: You’ll attract the very men you want to avoid. Oh, and if you’re a guy, remove the baseball cap, please! Who cares if you’re bald? Get rid of it. A bare head is so much more attractive than a baseball cap (or, worse, a cap with your mechanic’s logo on it!).

Now that you know how to make yourself approachable, it’s time for the next step: To get out and meet somebody.

Want more no-nonsense stuff from Terry? Terry MacDonald is the happily married author of How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams, which is right in line with Emily’s new Click With Him program for women.

You ladies out there can sign up for free dating tips from her right here, also.

And you have to check out her blog. Her recent post on Eliot Spitzer is nothing short of classic…she really hands it to him (deservedly). There’s also an excellent point about text messaging, which dovetails nicely with the telecom game we’ve been discussing lately.

Got some flirting strategies of your own to share? Give us your best.

Be Good,

Scot

Online Dating: The Case For Instant Messaging

Some guys believe that instant messaging is to be avoided at all costs when beginning to talk to women we meet online.

I understand that sentiment to some degree, based on the logic that it’s always a good idea to get women from e-mail to phone–and then to first meeting–as soon as possible.

Apart from that, a lot of water starts rushing under the proverbial bridge and we may find ourselves having wasted a lot of time when and if we end up disappointed upon meeting. And no doubt, IM can be a major aggravating factor when it comes to prolonging the pre-meeting phase.

Likewise, the more we talk and talk to women before actually meeting them the greater the probability of slipping into the Dreamscape Effect, which is when we literally invent an image of the “real” woman we’re dealing with without actually having the benefit of knowing yet what reality holds. The longer this goes on, the more damaging the disappointment can be when it happens. We’ll discuss the Dreamscape Effect in greater detail in a future post.

So then, yes…if a woman is using IM simply as a means of protracting the process of getting to the first meeting, then such scenarios are to be avoided. If she repeatedly refuses to escalate to the next level of communication (e.g. e-mail to IM, IM to phone, phone to meeting) but continues to appear interested, then that’s likely what you are dealing with. “Safety” and “taking things slow” makes a good excuse, but very often she’s nervous about disappointing you, and this may be for good reason.

All of that said, here are some great ideas for using IM as an effective tool:

Continue reading “Online Dating: The Case For Instant Messaging”

The Chick Whisperer #19–“What Do I Do Next?”

For the latest episode, I got the newest VIRTUOSITY co-conspirator, Cory Skyy, in on the game.

Cory’s ideas pretty much blow everyone away who takes time to listen to what he’s got to say. This is for good reason, since his approach to “natural game” is on a whole new level.

So what better guy to have sit in for the latest topic, which is “What Do I Say Next?”

That question is pretty much the most popular question to ask of all time around here. I get e-mails from guys literally every day (sometimes sitting back to back in my inbox) asking me some form of that question.

Well, as you’ve come to expect around here, Cory and I don’t just slap a “band-aid” on that question and call it a solution. Instead, we take the long view and show you how to never have to worry about having to ask “What Do I Do Next?” ever again.

We also take the time to answer a voice mail from Dave in Indiana about how to handle things when you’ve been seeing only one woman “unexclusively” for a while more in concept than in reality…but then you really do meet someone else you’d like to date also. If you think about it, that’s a damn good question.

So click the pic above and “subscribe” on iTunes to get in on the action. Please leave us a review, also. Thanks again to all TCW listeners for supporting the show–we’re back on the front page in our iTunes category. Much appreciated

There’s also one last chance to get your hands on that special unsyndicated bonus episode with Brent Smith that we produced especially for newsletter subscribers. Get in on the free newsletter for yourself and download the bonus podcast at www.thechickwhisperer.com . If you’re already getting the newsletter already, no worries…just enter the same e-mail address you are already subscribed with and you can download the bonus episode also.

Be Good,

Scot

Brad Howard’s Adonis Effect — Every REAL Advantage Is A GOOD Advantage

Have you seen this yet? There’s some buzz about it so you may have.

Brad “Angel Eyes” Howard… author of more books and articles than anyone I know (except me)… including the popular Fat Loss Black Book… just sent me a special copy of his new collaboration called “The Adonis Effect“.

I have to admit it took me a bit of time to grasp the true “gravitas” of this particular deal. But basically, that’s only because I’m one of three options: 1) Too dense to “get it”, 2) Too dense LITERALLY to get it (let’s just say I could use this program), and/or… 3) The Adonis Effect is so different than anything else out there that you have to think outside the proverbial box to get your head around this piggy.

I wish I had more time to get more into this but needless to say… I’ll be putting this to good use myself.

So today was the big launch, and these guys are only guaranteeing 500 copies of the fast action version of The Adonis Effect.

After that, I’m told that they’ll likely pull the “Explode” bonus… which is something that you definitely want to get
your hands on.

By the way, I threw my own hat into the ring in the form of a special bonus audio program on Real Seduction that I did with Joseph “Thundercat” Matthews. I’ve been selling that as a standalone product lately, but you can get it as part of the killer Adonis Effect package.

If you want to reserve your copy (and I HIGHLY recommend you
do!), then you need to click here right now.

Seriously, this will provide you with a solid foundation in
life and could be the best thing that you do for yourself
in 2008 (if you got VIRTUOSITY in 2007, that is).

And here’s one last thing.

I hear that the current reservation list is well over the 13,000+ point so you’ll want to make sure you act fast to secure your copy and get the red hot bonuses.

Be Good,

Scot McKay

More On “Reverse One-Itis” And Falling In Love Too Fast

If you receive the X & Y Communications newsletter, you just read my answer to a man who has a woman in his life who is expressing clear emotional attachment early on in the non-exclusive relationship.

If you don’t receive the X & Y Communications newsletter, that problem can be cured by using the form of a the top of the right-hand column over there. –>

As promised, here is another similar question from Sander in Atlanta (which if you’re from Boston, rhymes.) This time, there’s the added complication of him wondering how not to fall into a similar situation himself.

Read on… Continue reading “More On “Reverse One-Itis” And Falling In Love Too Fast”

Hire Me As Your Dating Coach, Get Into A Top MBA Program

As you already know, our dating coaching style is VERY different.

We talk about excellence a lot. Not just with women, but in life. That’s exactly what character-based attraction and seduction is all about. [Note: To certain black-hat “bootcampers” who are bogarting my term lately, I challenge you to a debate on how exactly “character-based” anything can be taught by a FICTIONAL character. But I digress.] You become a great man (as opposed to a “Mr. Nice Guy” or a “Bad Boy”) and you attract great women. It isn’t all that complicated.

So it’s perhaps not entirely unexpected to receive an e-mail like the one I just opened about a half-hour ago from Frank in Boston: Continue reading “Hire Me As Your Dating Coach, Get Into A Top MBA Program”