Do Women Really Bail Out Of Relationships With Guys They Like?

Posted on April 9, 2008
Filed Under Inner Game, Letters From Readers, Men Attracting Women |

Those of you who receive the X & Y Communications Newsletter read earlier today about how it’s possible that a woman will bail out of a relationship with a guy even if he hasn’t done anything particularly wrong.

Basically, the premise is that if a woman is afraid of being hurt, or in someway feels she isn’t deserving of a relationship with a great man, she may pull the proverbial plug on things.

In other words…a man can theoretically drive a woman away simply because he’s got his act together as far as the “Big Four” are concerned.

At least one reader has already e-mailed me, claiming what I’m talking about must only happen to “rock stars and movie actors”.

So how about it? Do women really ever say they “need their space” or “just want to be friends” because of their own insecurities?

In case there are any other doubters out there, read this message I just got via MySpace from a guy who wishes to remain anonymous. Here’s the truth…complete with empirical evidence.

While there are some added plot complications (e.g. first sex recently, jealous friends), I think the message is loud and clear: Sometimes women do “run away” precisely because a guy is doing everything right.

Note the most poignant parts are in bold type.

Hah, how amazing that letter came out around this time.

Well, little update. Through a rather odd series of events [the woman I’m seeing] ended up totally blindsiding me telling me she needed to make sure a relationship is what she really wants. As I dug deeper it got flakier and flakier. She wants me to stick around while she figures out what she wants. While in a bit of a fog, I at least found the courage to stand up and tell her that im not going to wait around. I was just chalkin it up to “the game”, taking my lessons that ive learned, and walking away.

It just well…blows… when you get to the point that you open yourself up to someone and then they change their mind. I should have seen it comming…she was always so worried about me losing interest or not being sure of what I wanted. Irony…

I know she has made that same comment about “waiting for me to change…to be like all the other guys”. And she is constantly worried she will do or say something to make me lose interest.

Well…through a series of events on Friday she did a good bit of freaking out all weekend (I was not made aware of this till monday evening) in thinking that we were moving too fast. She has now told me that she wants to take things very slow because shes afriad that she will lose me and lose a great relationship if she tries to speed things up (even though she really wants to, and well…we sped it up alot Friday when we hopped in bed). So add to that freaking out a bit..a single friend of hers who dosnt want her (Mandy) to get into a relationship because she dosnt have a b/f and wants someone to hang out with all the time so she dosnt feel left out…and its a recipe for disaster (keep in mind I didnt find all this out till about 10pm tuesday night).

The whole time until then she was telling me we needed to go back to dating and then that changed to maybe just as friends by the end of monday evening.

i could tell that this wasnt really HER idea, she was WAY too upset about it. We talked (email) yesterday and I told her I was seriously considering just moving on becaue the situation was entirley too weird. Well that really tore her up…more than it should have if she really wanted to end things. On Monday when this had all gone down, she told me she needed her space and to call her end of the week or something. Well, guess who calls me last night? So we talk, we clear up a few confusions, and she just dumps it all out how she was freaking out because she really likes me, and she asked her friend what she should do after what happened on Friday. She admitted looking back that her friend was the WRONG person to ask as she could now see she was getting selfish advice. I made it clear that im not in a relationship with any of her friends and that she needed to ultimatley make her own decisions. We talked more about it and I told her that I understood her concerns and that we could go back to just dating. I think if she had been right there she would have hugged me to death. She realized that she almost lost me by not wanting to lose me, and was very thankfull to be given that “grace”. She made a comment about “I wonder what you think of me after all that, I was stupid…”.

Shes deffinatley into me, there is just no 2 ways around it. Shes jumping up and down inside every time she hears or sees me. She is not a very emotional person (having met her parents I can see why) yet there are times when she can just no longer contain herself. On several occasions I made comments that I would call her in a few days, or the next day after a date. She cant wait and ends up calling me before then. Thats why I was REALLY confused when she wanted to call it all off…especially when she didnt seem like she wanted to.

Having said that, I have gone back to keeping other options open just in case. If nothing else im getting a full on crash course on the inner workings of female behaviour

Thanks man!

[Name Withheld]

By the way, from what I can tell “Mr. Anonymous” handled the situation brilliantly. Go thee and do likewise, should this ever happen to you.

Another video blog next time. No more “rants” for a while. I promise.

Be Good,

Scot

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2 Comments

Comment by Picking up women

2008-04-24 00:34:41

Its really true that women may pull away for the slightest reasons. I really enjoyed this post.

 

Comment by iblackpirate

2008-06-29 18:48:11

well… I know women take on these weird scenarios that do not make any sense in masculine perspective and thus complete miscomunication ocurrs… she says something like… it is your beer cold?… meaning that if the plumber came… and repair the fridge… or have y noticed my new hair do?… bizzarre shit… that she is THINKING on her own and has no impact to what is logically happening… so LOGICALLY women and men, can´t talk… they live purely from the heart… and men and men… understand each other cause nothing mean anything at all is direct and to the exactness of the words… so the equilibrium has to happen between water and oil… they dont mix… neither talk the other´s perspective… but then… if we want LOVE in our lives… we men I mean… we need to at least understand their complexity in the simple…. her language, the elusive obvious! … and see the world as she sees it… but then there is the risk of philosophing and then this letter can be endless… as this sort of issue between the sexes can make lots of men EUNUCHS by force… and that it is devastating for men that could bring themselves to pure fear… and into depression… and suicide… or the desire to run away and leave and change situations… looking for the ideal banana… we are so afraid… that we need to keep moving… this is bizzarre…. life is a lot simpler… does not has to be any particular way other than hers… but in order to keep her on a tight leash… is to never be interested in her to HOLD ONTO… as a means of MARRIAGE or NEEEEEEDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYY. And that happens to all the men that are beyond attentive… and begin to FALL INLOVE… what is fall in love?… simply try to fulfill and emptiness inside them selves that claims to be accepted, and since you reflect yourself perfectly of this other you like due to that eye looking close and the passion that arises… then life seem BETTER with this other person than with anyone else… right?… the issue here is that takes away FREEDOM OF MOVEMENT… cause now there is another to consult what´s next or worry about… so the question is it worth it to share with another of your liking if there is the respect of the distance… but I know what you love… and you can avoid it on the manifest reality of the other… I am not that other… I am also a single traveler… that has girlfriends that last me 2 years… and then we split…. some others stay shorter periods of time… and accept the circumstances as they are b´cause is worth for them… and this worth has nothing to do with I, this I is merely a companion and friend coming along… she can´t put their hands on me and my space and keep me… I am unkeeplable… because I rather not travel along with needy fear to be left out… or forgetten… I am not a Nanny… dont pretend anyone to be that for I… I am a “John Doe” I am not her daddy, I am a Man, traveling this life alongside with everyone else… I dont think I´ll ever replicate not my dharma… I AM MOST interested in women that already have a FOCUS on her personal security… and then walk along with another in the same circumstances… NEEDY no ones need that… So… when women leave us is because we simply turned childish, and that is a big turn off for both sides… I rather like her to cuddle me, than I cuddle her… she needs to want it… and let her come to you… if you step towards her… and want to KEEP HER… mmmm you are in serious business and she is no longer seduced… she is looking at life from a Man to be kept… and another set of rules come along and you are no longer a seducer… you are a husband… and if she is not ready and do not want to go there because she was seen you as a seducer, but then you turned needy… you changed the game… the seducing game came suddenly to game over, and daddy came along… babies came along the mind… so there are subtleties over subtleties on women meaning …. freud could not answer the question… WHAT DO WOMEN WANT?… Live your life, stop caring if you ever again have sex… and stop worrying so much about the need to have a MATE in your life… FOCUS your attention or learn the rules… I am not yet a student of this page… dont have much of a clue what this people teach… but I felt to write… I am an anonymous person… posted on the net for everyone to see… atually I am writting this for my self… as I am the center of the entire story… I am celibate by force… simple because something is missing in my communications with them… when they are infront of me… I am a wreck… and come across as freaky… thus they get afraid… and leave my space because they perceive it… they are women… no matter what I think I could do … there is something else happening in the inside that they READ LOUD in their perception… and I am not a possibility… game over!!!…

 

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• Scot McKay is a professional dating coach and founder of X & Y Communications.

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