breakups – The Official Blog Of Scot McKay

X & Y On The Fly #39–Dealing With Exes

Who wants “drama” with exes? Certainly not us. And unless you’re weird or something, neither do you.

So that said, tune in to the latest episode of X & Y On The Fly and find out how Emily and I have kept that stuff to a bare minimum in our life, and–more importantly–how you can do the same.

And while we were at it, we tackled the ridiculously-complex topic of how to get an ex back, if that’s what you want. Find out killer strategies for getting an ex boyfriend or girlfriend back after you screw up–regardless of who broke up with whom.

…Of course, that’s all assuming you really want that ex back after all. Do you really?

Whatever the case, whether you have an “ex” to deal with at the moment or not, this show will arm you with some serious knowledge that you’ll likely find immensely valuable someday–one way or another.

All of this, of course, is oddly appropriate considering all this talk about relationship management lately thanks to the upcoming release of The Leading Man.

Plus, this stuff is just flat-out entertaining. Especially when Emily says “meow” instead of “now” like she does.

As always, hit our main page to get in on the newsletter and grab your free copy of How To Deal With Breakups. This show is a great excuse to do exactly that, right?

Be Good,

Scot

P.S. If you like what you hear, please leave us a review on iTunes…and by all means subscribe. If you aren’t so into iTunes, you can subscribe using our feed too.

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Dealing With Breakups: Ending A Long-Term Relationship [Part Four Of Four]

Part Four Of A Four Part Series On Breakups For this fourth and final installment in our series on breakups, we’re going to deal specifically with what may be the absolute most difficult situation that anyone who is single ever has to face: breaking off a relationship that has gone on for a long time.

For the sake of clarity here at the beginning, this post is not about how to deal with divorce. As originally stated back in Part One, the concept of ending married relationships is replete with it’s own set of complications and therefore will be considered a wholly separate subject above and beyond what this series has been designed to cover. We’ll limit this particular conversation to ending long-term dating relationships.

So to kick this all off, let’s get a handle on exactly what such long-term dating relationships might look like.

There are as many reasons why two people would remain together for a long time as there are grains of sand on the beach, really. Some long-term relationships are casual or even “off and on” gigs that have carried on for months or even years, no doubt. And as long as both partners are honest and remain uncommitted to anyone else on a monogamous basis, this can be fine for everyone involved, of course.

But clearly, when one partner finds someone else OTHER than the casual partner whom he or she wants to be monogamous with, such casual relationships should end. But man is it difficult to simply cut ties with someone who has been there for so long, even on an offhand basis.

Truly, for many such a scenario represents “crunch time” insofar as deciding what it is he or she wants in life. Is it going to be to have a casual long-term relationship (or several), or go for stability with one person long-term? Unless an open long-term relationship with a primary partner is an option for you, you’ve got to be comfortable with “retirement” from casual dating if you decide to become monogamous with someone. Otherwise, your integrity (and your character, which is one of the “Big Four”, remember) goes down the drain.

The problem with this whole scenario is that when long-term casual relationships end, it often comes out that one partner actually was holding onto unspoken hopes for something more.

Continue reading “Dealing With Breakups: Ending A Long-Term Relationship [Part Four Of Four]”

Do Women Really Bail Out Of Relationships With Guys They Like?

Those of you who receive the X & Y Communications Newsletter read earlier today about how it’s possible that a woman will bail out of a relationship with a guy even if he hasn’t done anything particularly wrong.

Basically, the premise is that if a woman is afraid of being hurt, or in someway feels she isn’t deserving of a relationship with a great man, she may pull the proverbial plug on things.

In other words…a man can theoretically drive a woman away simply because he’s got his act together as far as the “Big Four” are concerned.

At least one reader has already e-mailed me, claiming what I’m talking about must only happen to “rock stars and movie actors”.

So how about it? Do women really ever say they “need their space” or “just want to be friends” because of their own insecurities?

In case there are any other doubters out there, read this message I just got via MySpace from a guy who wishes to remain anonymous. Here’s the truth…complete with empirical evidence.

While there are some added plot complications (e.g. first sex recently, jealous friends), I think the message is loud and clear: Sometimes women do “run away” precisely because a guy is doing everything right.

Note the most poignant parts are in bold type.

Continue reading “Do Women Really Bail Out Of Relationships With Guys They Like?”

Dealing With Breakups: When Something Heinous Has Happened [Part One Of Four]

Part One Of A Four Part Series On Breakups I’ve been threatening to write this series for a while, but fortunately I didn’t need an ultimatum in order to stick to the plan.

Sounds like a metaphor for a bad relationship, right?

Well, whatever the case, here we go on a full-tilt four part series on breakups.

This is a topic that isn’t covered nearly often enough, but which by my calculations is also a major area of interest to those of you who have written to tell me what you want to hear more about.

The way I see it, the formula is this:

A Question People Are Actually Asking + Not A Whole Lot Of Answers Out There Already = Probably A Good Idea For A Blog Post

So let’s get on it.

The logical way to break down this series into parts is as follows:

When Someone Did Something Heinous

When Nobody Did Anything Particularly Heinous

Ending Short-Term Relationships

Ending Long-Term Relationships

Throughout the process you’ll get the “hows” and the “whys”, featuring some practical steps and ideas.

One caveat before we start, however: I am writing this series in the spirit of dealing with dating relationships rather than marriages. When marital relationships, community property and small children are involved, some of the issues I discuss may require a bit different of a perspective (the notable exception being physical violence–my advice is always going to be to get out in those situations). As such, we’ll save that discussion for another time. Who knows, I may surprise you with a “surprise” Part Five.

So true to the plan, let’s deal with breaking up with someone because a major breach has happened.

Continue reading “Dealing With Breakups: When Something Heinous Has Happened [Part One Of Four]”

X & Y On The Fly #36 — How To Communicate With The Opposite Sex

Emily and I decided it was about time we did an episode on how men and women can not only learn how to decode what the other gender is saying, but actually speak to MOTOS (Members Of The Opposite Sex) in terms that they can actually understand.

First it was understanding MOTOS, now actually talking to and decoding them effectively once and for all? Yeah, we must be crazy.

But what can we say? We both had lots of energy at the exact same time (rare these days) when this was recorded last night and I personally believe this is one of our most amped-up episodes ever. If anything, there’s plenty of original stuff to think about in there.

So if you’re already a listener, mad love atcha. And if not, do yourself the joy of subscribing so from now on you’re the first to know when our little masterpieces are unleashed.

We love to find new reviews on iTunes, so please leave us a glowingly creative (and preferably positive) one. Get there by clicking on the graphic above.

And if XYotF has made even a shred of impact on your life, PLEASE Digg us, Stumble us or save us to Del.icio.us. The good word of listeners just like you helps our audience grow.

And don’t forget, when you go to www.deservewhatyouwant.com and sign up for our newsletter you can gain access to an unsyndicated BONUS EPISODE we call “The JuniorCast”. Wait until you get a load of what happened when Jr. was born, and what relationship insights came from it. If you are already a newsletter subscriber, simply log in using the e-mail address you are already subscribed with and you can download the BONUS EPISODE also.

Be Good,

Scot

X & Y On The Fly #35 — Get Over It: How To Fall Out Of Love

X & Y On The Fly Podcast It’s easy to let yourself fall in love. Falling OUT of love? Not so easy. Join Emily and I along with our guest the illustrious SoCal queen of dating advice herself Renee Piane for straight-talk on a subject that never quite seems to be addressed properly…or fully.

You know by now that XYotF shows tend to be packed to the gills with content, so I’d recommend subscribing and storing these golden nuggets of joy on your iPod.

And don’t forget, when you go to www.deservewhatyouwant.com and sign up for our newsletter you can get your grubby mitts on an unsyndicated BONUS EPISODE we call “The JuniorCast”. If you are already a newsletter subscriber, simply log in using the e-mail address you are already subscribed with and you can download the BONUS EPISODE also.

Be Good,

Scot