A Powerful Way To Lead A Woman

Posted on October 12, 2008
Filed Under Dr. Sasha, Inner Game, Men Attracting Women, Relationship Management |

What I’m going to share with you today is the kind of the elusive obvious that can totally make or break your interaction with the woman. If you frequently finish in the “just friends” zone with the woman or you are sometimes unable to transition your conversation with the girl from the “intelligent and witty” into the “naughty and intense” then this may be just that missing piece of the puzzle for you.

You know that women are emotional creatures. And they like to be led forward in your interaction with them. As one of my friends rightly said: “Women want you to lead them into the places they don’t yet realise they want to go.” So how do you lead a woman towards experiencing some powerful emotions about you, such as attraction, comfort, trust, and excitement? That’s right, you should lead her with your own emotions!

Frequent Mistakes Guys Make

You see, many guys, especially when they just start on this journey of mastery with women, would approach a woman extremely nervous and fearful, focusing on reciting some lines or stories they memorized. And they get the cold shoulder from a girl. She would feel uncomfortable around that guy, because HE is leading her there with his emotional state. Conversely, someone who is confident and playful when he approaches a woman for the first time, do not need to come up with any elaborate opener, because his body language and emotional state trigger all the right kind of emotions to guarantee a welcoming response from the woman.

Another problem many guys have is totally desensitising themselves. They are OK to start conversation with a girl and carry on with it, because THEY DO NOT FEEL ANYTHING, no emotion at all… Apart from that little nagging voice in their head querying: “What should I say next?” or “When should I touch or kiss her?”, that makes them mildly uncomfortable and nervous. And the result is that no matter how good is WHAT they say to a woman, HOW they say it sounds incongruent with the content. And women, being extremely sensitive as they are, would pick up on this incongruency sooner or later and feel alarmed about that guy.

Actually I remember myself a while ago when I met a really attractive Russian girl. She was excited to see me, and I was saying all the right things to her. Yet, I felt no emotion around her as I was too afraid to show myself as weak and vulnerable, and to be hurt. Eventually, she lost all her attraction to me as I was not escalating the interaction, and she must have assumed that I am not interested in her. Well, I learnt my lesson that time…

How To Lead A Woman With Your Emotions

So what is the solution to this “emotional” problem? Well, it is rather simple yet profound. You should first FEEL the emotion you want the woman to experience with you in order to lead her towards feeling it.

If you want her to feel relaxed and playful when you approach her, feel that way yourself. If you want her to go through a range of emotions when you tell her a fascinating story, feel the emotions preserved in the story as you’re telling the story. If you want her to get excited around you, get excited yourself. If you want her to feel sexually aroused with you when the moment is right, feel turned on yourself first.

You see, the emotions that you experience manifest in your delivery (e.g. pauses, pace) as well as in your facial expressions and body language. And women can pick up on those subtle clues very well.

How To Practice Emotions

Ok, you may say this all sounds good, but how do you “do” those emotions in real-time when you are talking to a girl? Well, the first thing you need to do is to ALLOW yourself to feel the emotion, i.e. allow yourself to get excited and playful when approaching and talking to a beautiful girl, and allow yourself to go through a variety of emotional states during your conversation. Finally, allow yourself to feel turned on when you want to escalate things physically.

And as in many cases, practice is the king here. The more you experience emotions, the better you become at it. So practice excitement, playfulness, fascination, sadness, anger, and any other emotion as you speak. All emotions are useful, and a woman wants you to be able to lead her into a variety of emotional states with her. You can even practice telling a good story or reciting your favourite song in front of the mirror, as you focus on experiencing the feelings stored in that story or song.

Another exercise you can do is to start telling a story with a low level of excitement (i.e. 1 on 1-10 scale) and then gradually increase the level of excitement all the way up to 10 as you carry on telling the story.

Recap

To sum up, it’s not enough just to say the right things when you’re with a woman, you have to actually experience first-hand the emotions and feelings you want the woman to feel when she is around you. The more comfortable you become with your emotions, the more comfortable will be a woman experiencing those emotions around you. This way you will lead the woman wherever you want her to go with you.

Have fun and have an adventure!

Your friend,

–Dr. Sasha

drsasha@deservewhatyouwant.com

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• Scot McKay is a professional dating coach and founder of X & Y Communications.

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