Now, you see…before I even write a single word of this post, you’re probably already gearing up for the challenge of finding some OTHER dating coach to answer the questions I’m about to list, just because I said it can’t be done.
Well, so be it…but fair warning: once you see the list you might actually agree with me. That’s because the title of this post should probably have been, “5 Questions No Halfway Decent Dating Coach Should Presume To Be ABLE To Answer”.
But that’s too many words for a blog post title, really.
Never mind all that. Here’s the blasted list already.
Just to make it easier on everyone, I’m presenting the questions from the male perspective. Rest assured, however, that none of what we’ll discuss here today is gender-specific.
1) “Why Don’t Women Like Me?”
I get this one all the time…at least three or four times per week. Simply stated, unless I’m somehow able to stake you out in person and in real-time like a private investigator would, I have NO earthly idea why women don’t like you.
If you want, you can get on the phone with me. Better yet, send me a video of you out interacting with people socially. I just might be able to detect some things you can improve upon that way.
But I can’t answer a five-word e-mail like that and expect to do it any justice. There are just too many variables.
But if I DID answer it, my first two guesses would be it’s because you’re either creeping them out or coming off as neuter. Just sayin’…
2) “Why Did She Behave Irrationally?”
There’s a hard, fast rule when it comes to trying to rationalize the behavior of irrational people: You can’t.
Believe me when I tell you I’m the Grand Master of having tried and failed repeatedly at this.
As much as you’ve read about how women think and the established patterns of successful interactions with them, every one of them is an individual. It’s a dangerous thing to ever assume that EVERYONE (of either gender, frankly) will act or react in a certain, highly predictable way.
Now don’t get me wrong. If you’re talking about reasonable people of sound mind here, you can get darned close to predicting behavioral outcome pretty consistently.
But when they’re completely erratic? Forgettaboutit.
3) “What Did I Do Wrong?”
The story could be that the dude was out with a certain woman and out of nowhere she just went “cold” on him.
Or maybe he thought the date went well, but she never returned his calls afterward.
Sometimes, believe it or not, I get no details whatsoever.
But unless I get a LOT of detail, I really have no definitive way to answer the question.
Literally ANYTHING could have gone wrong. And face it, there are about 1000 things that CAN go wrong.
Here’s the clincher, though. It’s very possible the dude could have done NOTHING wrong. It could all be HER problem.
She could have a boyfriend and suddenly became overwhelmed with guilt.
She may have robbed a bank and gotten locked up between the first date and when he called her next.
She may have talked herself into believing she either didn’t deserve him and/or he was just going to break her heart like the last guy did.
It could be ANYTHING.
4) “How Do I Get [Insert Specific Person’s Name Here] To Go Out With Me?”
One of the truths I figured out very early on in my coaching career was that I really, truly cannot coach a third party indirectly.
In other words, don’t expect to get on the phone and conspire with me about how to affect change in someone else.
Everyone has free will, and ultimately they’re going to do what they want to do.
Granted, I’m nothing short of a miracle worker when it comes to helping people become more attractive to MOTOS (members of the opposite sex).
And yes, I might even be able to decode some of the messages you’ve been getting from the woman who you’ve got your eye on.
Generally speaking, yes…I can maximize your chances.
But I can’t MAKE anyone do anything.
5) “What Should My World View Be?”
This, perhaps, is the question that shocks me the most. I literally get my fair share of questions from people asking me what I think their belief system should look like.
I can never really be sure whether to take the question at face value, or instead simply read it as a hopeful request for me to validate what they THINK they already believe.
Either way, the bottom line is this: You’ve got to decide for yourself what you believe about life, love, the world and everything beyond it. Otherwise, it’s just not going to be genuine.
And if it’s not genuine, it’s not going to help you build real, authentic CHARACTER that’s attractive.
Now, before you pass it off as preposterous that anyone would ask me such a thing, consider this. The VAST MAJORITY of people really haven’t actually decided for themselves what they believe.
Rather, they fall into the system that they’re born into and never question it. Either that or they’re discouraged from asking questions due to social pressure.
I’m honored when people tell me they admire how Emily and I focus on having a cornerstone belief system to build character upon. I fully understand that not many other dating and relationship coaches underscore that.
But seriously…only you can figure out what “truth” means for you, and what principles will guide you in pursuing it.
So what do you think? Am I being too conservative in pronouncing these questions “unanswerable”? Do you think there are some ninja answers for one or more of these that could be 99.9% correct almost every time?
And while you’re at it, do you have any other examples of questions that probably can’t (or shouldn’t) be answered? If you’ve got some, let’s play “stump the dating coach” and see…