October 2008 – The Official Blog Of Scot McKay

The Chick Whisperer BONUS–Stop Giving Your Power Away

About a year ago I recorded a very special episode of The Chick Whisperer with none other than Brent from Absolute Power Dating and David DeAngelo “Advanced Mastery Series” fame.

At the time it was produced, was offered as a special promotion rather than added to the regular feed.

Well, now that some water has passed under the proverbial bridge, I wanted to make sure that this show didn’t become a “lost episode”. So I’ve just made it available to everyone.

In it, Brent and I break down some key ways to maintain a leadership position with women and how not to become her “yes man”. In fact, you could also call this particular podcast “Just Say NO To Being A YES Man”. Nice.

Anyway, those of you out there who have been listening to the show for under a year probably never even knew this existed…so fire up. It’s epic as always, so enjoy.

iTunes is the way to go if you can, and you can get there by using any of the graphics on this post. If you do, we greatly appreciate positive reviews. I’ve figured out these actually help iTunes rankings, so it’s a great way to support the show.

If you’re not on iTunes, you can subscribe via the feed here.

Be Good,

Scot

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Junior Is A Flirt

I've got to teach this kid to put a shirt on in his online pics. And to wash his face while he's at it. Keep your infant daughters away from my kid. Actually, check that. Keep your pre-teen daughters away from him.

Seriously, Scot, Jr. (aka “Micky Mac”) is a serious flirt. Already. At the ripe old age of eleven months.

And yes…he’s diggin’ on “older women”.

We knew pretty quickly that he had a thing for g-i-r-l-s, but lately it has been taken to the next level. Sure, the little infant chickies in their little pink bows and Power Puff Grrrl diapers are “hot babes” to him, but he really has this thing for little girls about middle-school age. I mean, he just lights up when he sees them.

The whole thing is fascinating to watch actually, if I may say so myself.

For starters, you can forget about “approach anxiety”. When the kid “isolates his target” he practically jumps out of my arms trying to “kino” her. Once loose, he’s a master of the “three second rule”. He can’t crawl fast enough in her direction.

And of course, this usually elicits the desired, “Awww….how cute!” reaction, including occasional hugs, tickles and kisses. Nice.

And Micky-Mac is, well, “mackin'” the whole time.

But here’s where it gets weird.

Usually, when he sees a g-i-r-l he likes, his first thought when trying to get her attention is to growl like a little bear, complete with the arms in the air. “Grrr…AHHH!”

What’s up with that?

Well, putting two and two together, that’s the sort of thing I do when I play around with him. Me, his Dad. Mom doesn’t do that sort of thing.

So, basically, he gets that I’m a “boy” like he is, he knows that “g-i-r-l-s” are different and interesting, and somehow his instincts (or something) kick in and tell him to act like a boy toward these “different and interesting” human beings he sees.

Knowing that he’s like me, his Dad, he picks up on the “boy” behaviors I teach him and applies them “naturally” to MOTOS (Members Of The Opposite Sex).

In other words, he’s a flirt. And an effective one. And he’s not even a year old yet.

So let’s break this down.

First of all, it’s not like my kid is some sort of lady-killing prodigy or something.

In fact, if you look around, you’ll see that lots of kids, boy or g-i-r-l, exhibit the same sort of behavior at a very early age. I mean, who hasn’t seen a little toddler-sized girl batting her eyelashes at some b-o-y in the booth next door at Denny’s while slung over her mama’s shoulder?

The truth is that this goes on because we are HARD-WIRED to know the differences between genders from a very, very early age. And even MORE interestingly, it would appear that we’re basically born knowing how to interact with MOTOS and even generate attraction….all without any fear of “rejection”, natch.

I mean, “rejection”? What infant with parents who care has had any opportunity to get jaded by THAT yet?

And therein lies the irony.

It’s somewhere along the line later that the majority of us somehow lose our moxie and perhaps even our natural-born ability to be attractive to MOTOS…let alone flirt with them.

Not being a child psychologist, or any other kind of one either, I don’t have all the answers as to how or why all of this is what it is.

And granted, you can bet my kid has no idea what to actually do with these g-i-r-l-s once he actually “meets” them. Relationship management comes later, I suppose.

But I do know that if my eleven-month-old kid can “approach women” without fear and “create attraction”, then people older than he is should remain able to do so also.

Be Good,

Scot

Universal Conversation Skills: Talk To Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere

X & Y Communications Coach Austin Parker For the longest time I was frustrated. I wanted people to take an interest in me. After all I thought I was interesting. I had just returned to the states after two years living abroad. I thought I was a master conversationalist with the most interesting topic in the world: Me.

Little did I know I was ignoring the needs of everyone I met. It turns out they didn’t want to talk about me. They wanted to talk about themselves.

Then I learned the trick to connecting with people is to take an interest in them. There are specific ways to do this and today I will share them with you. Without further ado, I present:

Universal Conversational Skills (i.e. the ones that work with anyone, anywhere)

1) Ask open ended questions

An open ended question is something you can’t answer with just a yes or a no. If you ask someone, “Do you like this place?” you are inviting a yes or no answer. Unfortunately this doesn’t give much to go on. “What do you like about this place?” is a better one. When I ask a leading question I always try to emphasize the positive. It works.

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Let’s Hook Up And I’ll Do You

I started surfing back in the 80’s. Part of what went along with that, for better or worse, was using a certain lingo unique to surfers (or allegedly so). Some called it “dudespeak”.

A key example of this was when you’d meet some other dude who surfed, you’d say, “Yeah, man. Bring your stick and we’ll hook up…definitely.”

Of course, the intention there was to meet and go surfing.

Over time though, “hooking up” started to be a term that some people only used when referring to MOTOS (Members Of The Opposite Sex). All of the sudden, dudes weren’t “hooking up” any more to go surfing.

“Hooking up” was reserved for chicks.

Though nowadays you’ll still encounter the occasional clueless attempt at invoking the “colloquial” usage of “hooking up”, it pretty much always raises eyebrows when it comes up in that context.

After all, “hooking up” has long-since been hijacked by sexual innuendo.

But this phenomenon is certainly not limited to “hooking up” by any stretch.

Essentially, everywhere you look our language has been affected as such, hasn’t it?

Basically, you really can’t “drill”, “pound”, “bang”, or especially “ram” anything anymore these days, let alone “give it to me”, without eliciting a chortle from anyone within earshot.

As far as “poking” people on Facebook goes, who knows what they were thinking over there? I mean…don’t they know what they’re implying?

Well, at least when someone friends me on Facebook, the “personal message” can still say, “Hey, I came across your profile” without being misinterpreted…or can it?

And to be sure, the whole concept of the Flintstones having a “gay old time” these days evokes some disturbing images.

But the one that really causes me to wonder what kind of monster we’ve created for ourselves with all of this is how the word “do” has been reduced to bedroom humor. These days, it’s pretty much universally synonymous with “have sexual relations”, of course.

I mean, this is one of the most essential verbs in the English language. Little kids in ESL are taught “do” on day one, right along with “be” and “make”.

Well, then again, Mick Jagger was “making” some girl way back in 1964. So perhaps this is just natural progression. No basic tenet of our language is immune. Just ask anyone who’s ever BEEN WITH you before.

So “do” was actually late to the party, I suppose (whatever “party” means nowadays).

As recently as the mid-’80s, the verb to “do” was tough-guy talk for “put a bullet in his head”. Go watch some action/adventure flicks from back then and have a good laugh when the uber-badguy coldly hisses, “do him” in response to some henchman asking what to do with the innocent hostage.

And that was a ridiculous enough twist on the language in its own right.

So, apparently we have Bell Biv Devoe and/or Aerosmith to thank for flipping the switch from “do me” meaning “kill me” to “have sex with me”.

On second thought, considering some of the women I’ve dated in my darkest past, what’s the difference?

But I digress.

Very recently, I showed up somewhere that required I make an appointment. I forget whether it was to get my car “serviced” (*ahem*) or the dentist’s office or what. But the leather-faced senior lady with the “smoker’s voice” smiled at me and announced, “We can do you tomorrow morning, hun. How’s that?”

Or not. Sheesh.

I guess I’ve been brainwashed like the rest of us. Chalk it up to the game.

Be Good,

Scot

A Powerful Way To Lead A Woman

What I’m going to share with you today is the kind of the elusive obvious that can totally make or break your interaction with the woman. If you frequently finish in the “just friends” zone with the woman or you are sometimes unable to transition your conversation with the girl from the “intelligent and witty” into the “naughty and intense” then this may be just that missing piece of the puzzle for you.

You know that women are emotional creatures. And they like to be led forward in your interaction with them. As one of my friends rightly said: “Women want you to lead them into the places they don’t yet realise they want to go.” So how do you lead a woman towards experiencing some powerful emotions about you, such as attraction, comfort, trust, and excitement? That’s right, you should lead her with your own emotions!

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You Introverts Think You’ve Got It Tough?

Hey brothers, first of all, apologies for neglecting my contributions to this wealth of knowledge. I have been busy trying to acquire my first property and moving out. Thanks for your responses to my previous blog on cold approaches (and why they are so last century).

I have not always been an extrovert. In fact, in school I was one of the shyest kids out there. I was always content to observe the token hot chicks at school from afar and hang out with my so-called friends who I really had no interest in connecting with.

Tony Robbins says that you can do anything if you have a strong enough “why”. So, when I got to university, I intensified the pain I was feeling and used it to motivate myself to approach relentlessly. I would take up empty seats next to people and introduce myself. I quickly became known as that “fun, social guy from my psych class” and the title became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Within a few months I was hanging out with people whose company I actually enjoyed.

Before I knew it, I was taking good company for granted and the five years of my degree had flown by. I took up a job in the city and started getting out into the real world. I started spending more late nights in the city. A consequence of this was that it took about an hour to get home.

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When It’s Time To Break Up

Breakups, ending the relationship, moving on–the wild emotional roller coaster ride that follows or ensues during. It can be one of the toughest emotional deals to go through, or at least that is the thought of many while enduring it. I will discuss a few things in the following article of when it is time to break up, and how to move on. My experience in this area mainly deals with the male perspective, yet I am sure both genders can pick up something from this. I will give two scenarios that I am familiar with.

Scenario One Are you now in a relationship where you are constantly questioning whether or not you are happy? At night maybe you are dreaming of that blonde you saw in the park, or reminiscing about your old sweetheart from say college.

Chances are it is time to move on. Idealism and the “Hallmark Fantasy” are what may be blinding you here. By “Hallmark Fantasy” I mean you met this person, and it was great at first, but now it has lost its pizazz.

Hanging on like this is settling. It is also very dangerous. The other party may know the relationship has lost its spark. You have long discussions almost on the verge of heartbreak, yet heartstrings are pulled by the other and no break up happens. The other party agrees to make things better, to try the other’s activities.

Then for maybe a few weeks, you say everything is better, then it goes back into that old rut. The cycle begins again. The discussions, the emotions go up and down.

If you find yourself in this scenario, it is time to move on. The other party is not suited for you. They may be a great person, however they are not great for you.

Men usually hate to lose, and women know how to pull an emotional strings. Men see that happening and do not want to end it. So they keep trying. Stop the torture to yourself and move on. It will be difficult, but you should never settle…and your truly amazing person might be right around the corner.

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