relationships – The Official Blog Of Scot McKay

Online Dating Vs. Dating Online

Get Off The Phone And Meet The Woman In Person During the conversation Zan Perrion and I had for The Master Plan one of the most fascinating themes we discussed was how we as a modern culture are becoming more and more disconnected from each other.

One’s first thought when considering that idea is, “Hey, wait a minute. Everyone’s got an Internet connection and a cell phone these days. If anything, we’re more connected.”

But that’s precisely the issue. With the ability to get online for “typing and Skyping” on the fly, and the advent of text messaging we can communicate easier than ever. Granted.

But do we really connect?

Zan and I were in 100% agreement that we do not. Despite all the technology allowing us to communicate, people are actually gathering less often in real life. In the framework of our “wired” lifestyle we actually tend to meet fewer people in real life than we used to, and less often.

And perhaps most alarmingly, it would appear we like it that way.

One key example we covered was how people are actually dating online instead of online dating.

What am I talking about here?

Continue reading “Online Dating Vs. Dating Online”

Dealing With Breakups: When Nothing Particularly Heinous Has Happened [Part Two Of Four]

Part Two Of A Four Part Series On Breakups Ideally speaking, each of us should theoretically break up with everyone we ever date…except for one.

And as dark as it sounds, that’s actually a good thing.

I realize that reality isn’t always that uncomplicated, and believe me I have the track record to prove it. But I think you get my drift.

And here’s the deal: Provided you are the kind of person who is generally easy to get along with, and if you’ve had some practice at avoiding utterly poisonous MOTOS, then you are going to be faced with the inevitable: breaking up with someone who hasn’t really done you any harm whatsoever.

You’ve probably been there before already. You start dating someone who attracts you early on, but after some time has passed one of you has decided that he or she really isn’t “feeling it” anymore. Someone is starting to feel a pull towards freedom–or someone else–but this creates a genuinely awkward situation almost every time.

You see, most of us are decent, upstanding people who really don’t get off on trampling other people’s feelings. Especially people we sort of, well…like. Right?

So what happens is that when someone just “isn’t feeling it anymore” for whatever reason, things tend to drag on for longer than they rightly should–all in the name of “not hurting anyone”.

But protracting relationships that aren’t going anywhere only really leads to greater emotional drama down the road. It’s rather like sticking one’s head in the sand.

Case in point. One well-worn “exit strategy” is to tell the other person that he or she “needs some space” or even that they “should date other people”. Such euphemisms are universally code for, “I’m pretty much sick of you and want out, but I don’t know how to do that without completely flooring you.”

I see some of you nodding out there. Don’t shout me down for telling the truth.

Continue reading “Dealing With Breakups: When Nothing Particularly Heinous Has Happened [Part Two Of Four]”

Dealing With Breakups: When Something Heinous Has Happened [Part One Of Four]

Part One Of A Four Part Series On Breakups I’ve been threatening to write this series for a while, but fortunately I didn’t need an ultimatum in order to stick to the plan.

Sounds like a metaphor for a bad relationship, right?

Well, whatever the case, here we go on a full-tilt four part series on breakups.

This is a topic that isn’t covered nearly often enough, but which by my calculations is also a major area of interest to those of you who have written to tell me what you want to hear more about.

The way I see it, the formula is this:

A Question People Are Actually Asking + Not A Whole Lot Of Answers Out There Already = Probably A Good Idea For A Blog Post

So let’s get on it.

The logical way to break down this series into parts is as follows:

When Someone Did Something Heinous

When Nobody Did Anything Particularly Heinous

Ending Short-Term Relationships

Ending Long-Term Relationships

Throughout the process you’ll get the “hows” and the “whys”, featuring some practical steps and ideas.

One caveat before we start, however: I am writing this series in the spirit of dealing with dating relationships rather than marriages. When marital relationships, community property and small children are involved, some of the issues I discuss may require a bit different of a perspective (the notable exception being physical violence–my advice is always going to be to get out in those situations). As such, we’ll save that discussion for another time. Who knows, I may surprise you with a “surprise” Part Five.

So true to the plan, let’s deal with breaking up with someone because a major breach has happened.

Continue reading “Dealing With Breakups: When Something Heinous Has Happened [Part One Of Four]”

Hire Me As Your Dating Coach, Get Into A Top MBA Program

As you already know, our dating coaching style is VERY different.

We talk about excellence a lot. Not just with women, but in life. That’s exactly what character-based attraction and seduction is all about. [Note: To certain black-hat “bootcampers” who are bogarting my term lately, I challenge you to a debate on how exactly “character-based” anything can be taught by a FICTIONAL character. But I digress.] You become a great man (as opposed to a “Mr. Nice Guy” or a “Bad Boy”) and you attract great women. It isn’t all that complicated.

So it’s perhaps not entirely unexpected to receive an e-mail like the one I just opened about a half-hour ago from Frank in Boston: Continue reading “Hire Me As Your Dating Coach, Get Into A Top MBA Program”

Phone Game: Golden Input From A Woman

It’s no secret that we’ve been talking a lot about “phone game” around here recently.

Not only is the latest Power Session devoted to it, the latest X & Y Communications newsletter was also.

In that newsletter, we highlighted an e-mail question sent in by Brendan in California about finding the balance between calling a woman too little and too much.

Now as you know by now, not being “underground” has its advantages. Women not only tend to like what we tell guys about improving their skills with them, they also tend to get on my newsletter list and stay there.

Most claim that they enjoy reading about themselves from a guy’s perspective and/or regard the information as a guide to how to identify great men out there. Interesting, no doubt…either way.

Best of all, I often hear from the women on the list. Ever so often I even have the good fortune to open an e-mail from a woman that really offers some additional “insider information”.

About ten minutes ago, I received just such an email from Karen in Portland. In it she talks about her own “phone game” experiences. This “first-person” perspective is absolutely golden.

But the real gift to each and every guy reading this blog is her tandem of “Top 10 Lists” dealing with female reactions to calls from guys. Priceless.

Will you agree that everything she says is universally transferrable? Maybe, maybe not. But we all would do well to treat her message as a valid case study.

Enjoy… Continue reading “Phone Game: Golden Input From A Woman”

The Real Reason Why Women Will Stay With An Idiot/Jerk But Not A “Nice Guy” [Video]

As much as this particular topic is discussed, a part of me is surprised that what I talk about in the video below has NEVER been mentioned anywhere as far as I’ve seen.

We all know women cannot bring themselves to be attracted to Mr. Nice Guy. Yet it seems that Idiot/Jerks (or “I/Js”) practically never get the “JBF” talk. Perhaps the answer to why this tends to be the case has more to do with what women are like than with what the guys involved are like.

Push play below to see what I mean…

Next time, I’ll be posting Part Two of how to make your online profile narrative stand out from the rest.

Be Good,

Scot

X & Y On The Fly #35 — Get Over It: How To Fall Out Of Love

X & Y On The Fly Podcast It’s easy to let yourself fall in love. Falling OUT of love? Not so easy. Join Emily and I along with our guest the illustrious SoCal queen of dating advice herself Renee Piane for straight-talk on a subject that never quite seems to be addressed properly…or fully.

You know by now that XYotF shows tend to be packed to the gills with content, so I’d recommend subscribing and storing these golden nuggets of joy on your iPod.

And don’t forget, when you go to www.deservewhatyouwant.com and sign up for our newsletter you can get your grubby mitts on an unsyndicated BONUS EPISODE we call “The JuniorCast”. If you are already a newsletter subscriber, simply log in using the e-mail address you are already subscribed with and you can download the BONUS EPISODE also.

Be Good,

Scot