Joseph Jensen – The Official Blog Of Scot McKay

Interracial Dating: What to Do and What to Expect

The inspiration for this article came as I traced my personal evolution over the last 12 years. In 1997, I was forced to re-evaluate the lenses through which I viewed the world as I moved from the middle-class Cleveland suburb of my upbringing to the Ivy League where I encountered all races, cultures, and religions.

And whenever people mix, attraction happens.

What is “interracial”? I won’t get into biological or social constructs of race. For the purpose of this article, “interracial dating” refers to dating into a distinct cultural community other than one’s own. A white man dating an African- or Asian-American woman is dating interracially, but a white man dating a “fresh-off-the-boat” white woman from a closely-knit Eastern European immigrant community may experience more pronounced cultural differences.

Why date interracially? Examine your own motivations. Do women of other races fit your standard of beauty better than your own? Is it the lure of the exotic or forbidden? Is it the challenge of relating to a new group of people? Maybe more than one of the above, since the ideas of “self” and “outsider” are deeply ingrained into the human psyche. I won’t critique or psychoanalyze you, but you need to be honest with your own motivations, more on that below.

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The Guide To Speed Dating Success

(This post originated as a correspondence on speed dating between two X&Y team members. I have speed-dated on and off for approximately two years and observed the curious dynamic involved. I have left feeling like I found my “100” and left wondering why I wasted two hours of valuable SportsCenter rerun time. I have attended feeling like I could conquer the world, and attended three days out of the ICU. So without further ado…)

The event…

The format varies by organization–some have longer (8-10 min) vs. shorter (4-5 min) individual dates, some allow one-on-one time with everyone there whereas others will only put you across from a fraction of the ladies present, some have an “intermission” for unstructured interaction, others don’t. You get the picture.

Most events are bracketed by age range (e.g. 25-35) or other demographic characteristics (race, religion, professional status). Age ranges are not absolute but not infinitely flexible—a 37 year old could attend a 25-35 event, a 45 year old is pushing the limit.

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To Those Starting The Journey

“And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

–Anais Nin

Congratulations on making a decision that will transform your life.

Seriously, congratulations. You may think “I haven’t done anything, I just got tired of spending Saturday nights playing Minesweeper/staring at the lobotomy box/nervously gawking at hotties from across the bar.”

But you’ve decided to master your own life and stop wallowing in a septic tank of self-pity. How many people have come to the same realization as you and decided to do nothing, or worse–whine and yowl about it?

And let’s not forget the second part of that sentence—”…making a decision that will transform your life.” It’s not just about your ability to date. That extra confidence will show on the basketball court, in the client’s office, and at Thanksgiving dinner with your own family members.

Now, the first step of the journey is to take a long, hard look into the darkest corners of your brain.

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Discomfort and Awareness: A Tale of Two Dates

Consider two separate dates with two different women:

Scenario 1: It was a gorgeous Wednesday before a long weekend. I awoke from a full night’s sleep ready to conquer the world by lunch, and cure cancer by dinner. And I did (almost), giving a very well-received client presentation and setting a personal best on the bench press that morning. The winds of fate were at my back—if I didn’t have a very intriguing first date that night, I should have hit Mohegan Sun’s blackjack tables.

Scenario 2: Weather.com predicted scattered thunderstorms all week—I chose Tuesday because it was one of two free nights in the next two weeks. The PowerPoint slide swam before me, as last night’s four hours sleep were catching up to me. I had tried to hit the weights, but the mental haze was just too strong. I compromised my form on an overhead press and tweaked my trapezius muscle hard. I couldn’t hold my neck straight. I adjusted my collar in the mirror and a zombie stared back. How was I going to make it to—let alone through—that night’s date?

It wouldn’t follow logically that Date #1 ended with a tepid hug, while Date #2 with a passionate sunset kiss on Boston Common and an enthusiastic request for a second date, would it?

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