boyfriend – The Official Blog Of Scot McKay

Dealing With Breakups: When Nothing Particularly Heinous Has Happened [Part Two Of Four]

Part Two Of A Four Part Series On Breakups Ideally speaking, each of us should theoretically break up with everyone we ever date…except for one.

And as dark as it sounds, that’s actually a good thing.

I realize that reality isn’t always that uncomplicated, and believe me I have the track record to prove it. But I think you get my drift.

And here’s the deal: Provided you are the kind of person who is generally easy to get along with, and if you’ve had some practice at avoiding utterly poisonous MOTOS, then you are going to be faced with the inevitable: breaking up with someone who hasn’t really done you any harm whatsoever.

You’ve probably been there before already. You start dating someone who attracts you early on, but after some time has passed one of you has decided that he or she really isn’t “feeling it” anymore. Someone is starting to feel a pull towards freedom–or someone else–but this creates a genuinely awkward situation almost every time.

You see, most of us are decent, upstanding people who really don’t get off on trampling other people’s feelings. Especially people we sort of, well…like. Right?

So what happens is that when someone just “isn’t feeling it anymore” for whatever reason, things tend to drag on for longer than they rightly should–all in the name of “not hurting anyone”.

But protracting relationships that aren’t going anywhere only really leads to greater emotional drama down the road. It’s rather like sticking one’s head in the sand.

Case in point. One well-worn “exit strategy” is to tell the other person that he or she “needs some space” or even that they “should date other people”. Such euphemisms are universally code for, “I’m pretty much sick of you and want out, but I don’t know how to do that without completely flooring you.”

I see some of you nodding out there. Don’t shout me down for telling the truth.

Continue reading “Dealing With Breakups: When Nothing Particularly Heinous Has Happened [Part Two Of Four]”

Dealing With Breakups: When Something Heinous Has Happened [Part One Of Four]

Part One Of A Four Part Series On Breakups I’ve been threatening to write this series for a while, but fortunately I didn’t need an ultimatum in order to stick to the plan.

Sounds like a metaphor for a bad relationship, right?

Well, whatever the case, here we go on a full-tilt four part series on breakups.

This is a topic that isn’t covered nearly often enough, but which by my calculations is also a major area of interest to those of you who have written to tell me what you want to hear more about.

The way I see it, the formula is this:

A Question People Are Actually Asking + Not A Whole Lot Of Answers Out There Already = Probably A Good Idea For A Blog Post

So let’s get on it.

The logical way to break down this series into parts is as follows:

When Someone Did Something Heinous

When Nobody Did Anything Particularly Heinous

Ending Short-Term Relationships

Ending Long-Term Relationships

Throughout the process you’ll get the “hows” and the “whys”, featuring some practical steps and ideas.

One caveat before we start, however: I am writing this series in the spirit of dealing with dating relationships rather than marriages. When marital relationships, community property and small children are involved, some of the issues I discuss may require a bit different of a perspective (the notable exception being physical violence–my advice is always going to be to get out in those situations). As such, we’ll save that discussion for another time. Who knows, I may surprise you with a “surprise” Part Five.

So true to the plan, let’s deal with breaking up with someone because a major breach has happened.

Continue reading “Dealing With Breakups: When Something Heinous Has Happened [Part One Of Four]”

X & Y On The Fly #36 — How To Communicate With The Opposite Sex

Emily and I decided it was about time we did an episode on how men and women can not only learn how to decode what the other gender is saying, but actually speak to MOTOS (Members Of The Opposite Sex) in terms that they can actually understand.

First it was understanding MOTOS, now actually talking to and decoding them effectively once and for all? Yeah, we must be crazy.

But what can we say? We both had lots of energy at the exact same time (rare these days) when this was recorded last night and I personally believe this is one of our most amped-up episodes ever. If anything, there’s plenty of original stuff to think about in there.

So if you’re already a listener, mad love atcha. And if not, do yourself the joy of subscribing so from now on you’re the first to know when our little masterpieces are unleashed.

We love to find new reviews on iTunes, so please leave us a glowingly creative (and preferably positive) one. Get there by clicking on the graphic above.

And if XYotF has made even a shred of impact on your life, PLEASE Digg us, Stumble us or save us to Del.icio.us. The good word of listeners just like you helps our audience grow.

And don’t forget, when you go to www.deservewhatyouwant.com and sign up for our newsletter you can gain access to an unsyndicated BONUS EPISODE we call “The JuniorCast”. Wait until you get a load of what happened when Jr. was born, and what relationship insights came from it. If you are already a newsletter subscriber, simply log in using the e-mail address you are already subscribed with and you can download the BONUS EPISODE also.

Be Good,

Scot

More On “Reverse One-Itis” And Falling In Love Too Fast

If you receive the X & Y Communications newsletter, you just read my answer to a man who has a woman in his life who is expressing clear emotional attachment early on in the non-exclusive relationship.

If you don’t receive the X & Y Communications newsletter, that problem can be cured by using the form of a the top of the right-hand column over there. –>

As promised, here is another similar question from Sander in Atlanta (which if you’re from Boston, rhymes.) This time, there’s the added complication of him wondering how not to fall into a similar situation himself.

Read on… Continue reading “More On “Reverse One-Itis” And Falling In Love Too Fast”

Emily’s New Click With Him Program Launches TOMORROW

Product Image For Click With Him That’s right, after literally MONTHS in the making, Emily’s new flagship program for women Click With Him is ready for release.

It will be five months to the day since VIRTUOSITY was released to men everywhere who refuse to “settle” for any woman who isn’t of the highest echelon on Earth.

Now, it’s finally time for the ladies out there to have access to the same type of vision.

Having been the “techie” for Emily’s new program (as well as a “featured guest” and occasional interviewer) I have to tell you…she’s really outdone herself.

Yeah, I realize that’s a biased opinion. But after all, I did marry her for all the right reasons, I must say. You know: “Deserve What You Want” and “Never, Ever Settle“.

So yes, absolutely. This chick knows what she’s talking about. Not only is she presenting a full-on deep dive into how to be the kind of amazing women guys can’t wait to commit to (and can I get an “amen” from the brethren to making sure there’s more of them out there?), she’s unveiling literally everything she knows about how to succeed online as a woman. Continue reading “Emily’s New Click With Him Program Launches TOMORROW”

X & Y On The Fly #35 — Get Over It: How To Fall Out Of Love

X & Y On The Fly Podcast It’s easy to let yourself fall in love. Falling OUT of love? Not so easy. Join Emily and I along with our guest the illustrious SoCal queen of dating advice herself Renee Piane for straight-talk on a subject that never quite seems to be addressed properly…or fully.

You know by now that XYotF shows tend to be packed to the gills with content, so I’d recommend subscribing and storing these golden nuggets of joy on your iPod.

And don’t forget, when you go to www.deservewhatyouwant.com and sign up for our newsletter you can get your grubby mitts on an unsyndicated BONUS EPISODE we call “The JuniorCast”. If you are already a newsletter subscriber, simply log in using the e-mail address you are already subscribed with and you can download the BONUS EPISODE also.

Be Good,

Scot