May 2009 – The Official Blog Of Scot McKay

Letter From A Woman: How To Have The “Total Package”

The following e-mail was sent by a woman named Christine in response to the latest newsletter titled “The Day The Real Men Showed Up”. I’ve received several messages very similar to it, but there are a few very specific things Christine mentioned that inspired me to post this particular message. Read on…

Scot,

I will admit, I don’t read ALL the “guy emails” you send, but click on ones with pertinent titles. It never ceases to amaze me how RIGHT you are about women, ALL the time!!! 😉

I have been casually dating a “nice guy” for 5 months. On paper, this guy had it all right – the career, the stability, the friends, the great family, the hobbies, the interests, etc. But he had no game, no “leading man” skills whatsoever. I kept giving this guy a chance because he had all the other qualities I was looking for.

I kept waiting for “the man” to show up. He never did.

And it was a *total* attraction killer for me. Now that I look back, it was so obvious, right from the first date.

If this guy did “have game” he would be a total catch for any woman. My ex husband was a man with a lot of leading man skills, but not a lot of the other qualities that are attractive to women. I now know that the leading man skills were the biggest reason I married him, even when the other qualities were less than stellar.

Without those leading man skills, a guy can be no more than a friend to a woman. It’s the ugly truth.

Even worse, this guy calls to tell me how much he likes me and wants to have an exclusive relationship, and THEN admits to me that he knows he does not have “woman skills” but he doesn’t know how to fix it!!! Ugh! Ask me how much I wanted to email him your website link!!!!! My goodness, he has not even kissed me yet! It has been 5 MONTHS!

So, I am moving on, looking for the guy with the right amount of “leading man” combined with the all other qualities. I will not settle this time. And I will not waste 5 months on the next “no game” man like this, you can be sure of that.

Keep doing what you do, maybe I will come across one of your students yet. 🙂

Friends,

Christine!

Ocean City, MD

Man, I miss summers in Ocean City, MD. That was the good life.

But more importantly here, a lot of us as guys are missing the point.

The “Big Four” (masculinity, confidence, inspiring confidence and character) are foundational to attracting high quality women. But it truly is leadership that surrounds the “Big Four” and grounds it in objective, tangible reality for a woman.

That’s why when we produced a complete system on relationship management, we named it The Leading Man.

So sure, Christine’s ex-husband compelled her with pure leadership…even without a complete representation of “The Big Four”. This happens all the time, since women naturally respond to a confident man’s lead. Welcome to a key reason why women often end up with a guy who isn’t good for them. Sometimes confident leadership is all it takes to get a woman to hang out with you.

That’s right…much of what causes Idiot/Jerks to end up with the women we want is that they simply were confident enough to lead. Does everyone in such a situation ultimately “live happily ever after”? Of course not, but that’s the “hidden” part of the equation that we don’t often notice.

So fast forward to the present. Christine’s got a guy who seems to have “the whole package”–at least on paper–but who won’t (or can’t) step up and lead.

He admits to her he needs help in his skills with women, but shows little initiative with regard to getting his shop in order. To top it all off, he fails to even step up to the plate and kiss her after five months…even though she clearly wanted that to happen.

Failure To Deploy is failure to lead. Plain and simple.

So the moral of this story? Being a “Big Four” man is the foundation. Leadership is the fuel that sets it all in motion. That’s what the “whole package” really looks like.

Be Good,

Scot McKay

Online Dating Vs. Dating Online

Get Off The Phone And Meet The Woman In Person During the conversation Zan Perrion and I had for The Master Plan one of the most fascinating themes we discussed was how we as a modern culture are becoming more and more disconnected from each other.

One’s first thought when considering that idea is, “Hey, wait a minute. Everyone’s got an Internet connection and a cell phone these days. If anything, we’re more connected.”

But that’s precisely the issue. With the ability to get online for “typing and Skyping” on the fly, and the advent of text messaging we can communicate easier than ever. Granted.

But do we really connect?

Zan and I were in 100% agreement that we do not. Despite all the technology allowing us to communicate, people are actually gathering less often in real life. In the framework of our “wired” lifestyle we actually tend to meet fewer people in real life than we used to, and less often.

And perhaps most alarmingly, it would appear we like it that way.

One key example we covered was how people are actually dating online instead of online dating.

What am I talking about here?

Continue reading “Online Dating Vs. Dating Online”

True Story: How To Handle AMOG Attempts By Pro Athletes

First of all, I just wanted to let everyone know that it’s me, Scot, who is posting this. Jim didn’t originally intend for what you are about to read to be a blog post. He was simply dropping me a note to tell me what had happened the night before. Posting it is purely my doing.

As a coach for X & Y Communications, Jim has come a LONG way with women in a relatively short amount of time. These days he’s got the greatest woman he’s ever met in his life…and she apparently is just as happy as he is. What you’re about to read underscores that.

Enjoy this story from Jim. In my mind, it clearly demonstrates the all-conquering power of being a “big four” man, as outlined in The Master Plan.

Hey Scot,

Funny story for you from last night. So Heidi and I went to a country night down the street from where I live at a local watering hole I frequent. Heidi was looking GORGEOUS and dropping jaws and derailing freight trains last night.

So she and I noticed a table of guys who were being extremely obvious staring at girls and then saying the usual stuff. So Heidi went to go to the bathroom and I could not help but smile when the three of them were staring at her with their tongues hanging out.

Continue reading “True Story: How To Handle AMOG Attempts By Pro Athletes”

What Women REALLY Want: If You Think It’s MONEY, Read This…

OK, here is a letter from a woman that I felt particularly compelled to share. If you’ve just finished reading my latest newsletter, then this is the SECOND e-mail from a woman you’ve seen written in response to what we’re talking about in The Master Plan.

The message is clear, gentlemen. Women want their men back. And unlike “underground” seduction tactics, we talk about what really works with women in broad daylight (no pun intended).

Does it make perfect sense that women just might rave about dating advice that really works? Does it also make perfect sense that if you’ve got to hide your strategies from women they might not work? Man, I really hope so by now.

But just in case you’re still on the fence, read this:

LETTER FROM A WOMAN

Hi Scot,

I find your newsletters interesting, and from a female perspective, I totally agree with the “Big Four” characteristics you mention (masculinity, confidence,inspiring confidence in women, and character).

I’ve met some men who on paper looked like great catches, but I ultimately decided not to pursue a relationship with them because something just didn’t feel right. Looking at those four characteristics you mention, in each case, the man didn’t have one or more of the four characteristics.

Continue reading “What Women REALLY Want: If You Think It’s MONEY, Read This…”

The Master Plan Is LIVE

Today is the day everything changes.

Until now, it has been implied to us as guys that we needed to “soften our demeanor”, “be nice” and otherwise fall in line with modern “feminized” culture.

The problem? Although we’ve been encouraged to think masculinity is somehow a bad thing, nobody ever gave us a roadmap for what to replace it with.

Obviously, the answer isn’t to be more feminine. Nothing lands a guy in the “Just Be Friends” zone more quickly.

So are we supposed to just “turn off” the masculinity…cold turkey? Well…if you’re neuter, you pretty much have zero chance at attracting anyone sexually.

Maybe the solution is a lot more simple.: There really isn’t anything wrong with masculinity to begin with.

That’s what I personally believe. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that most women want their men back.

Continue reading “The Master Plan Is LIVE”

The Master Plan — You Already Are A “Natural”

Lately there’s been lots of talk about “natural game”…as if all we need to do is emulate a guy who we see as a “natural”, and we’ll somehow become more attractive to women.

Now sure, having some guys who are great with women show you the ropes isn’t such a bad idea. But do we really need to copy someone else’s entire persona in order to successfully attract the kind of women we want?

Well, a lot of us as guys have been suspecting something all along: We are all “naturals”. By being born male, we’re supposed to be attractive to women by our very nature. Simply put, you were BORN to attract women.

Continue reading “The Master Plan — You Already Are A “Natural””