April 2008 – The Official Blog Of Scot McKay

Kino That Works, And The Women Who Love You For Getting It Right

Emily, Delivering The Classic KACS Don’t fall off your chair when I tell you what I’m about to say. But you might indeed want to sit down for this nonetheless.

Here it is. I’m going to be teaching more about “kino” from now on.

In the past I’ve given the concept a hard time in general. But going forward I’m going to be more open minded about the term.

Now listen up though. It’s not like I’ve ever been against touching women. In fact, I highly recommend doing it as much as possible, given the fair opportunity to indulge oneself is there for you.

It’s just that when it comes right down to it, what has always struck me as wrongheaded was the concept of slapping a scientific, NLP-inspired moniker on the whole phenomenon and then packaging it in a tightly-wrapped package with specific “deployment” instructions on how to “escalate” it or whatever.

That’s why I haven’t pushed the concept, at least as generally described within the Seduction Community.

Knowing that women respond powerfully to a man who is not sexually pushy, putting potential physical contact with any particular woman on a time schedule–complete with paint-by-numbers-inspired action steps–comes off as bass-ackwards.

Dudes. If you’re in need of improvement in terms of the number of women you’re getting to paw up these days, the very last thing you need is to over-analyze the minutiae of the scenario (some more).

Disagree if you’d like (the comment space below is calling your name). Go ahead and tell me that guys who are just starting out need a framework to begin with. Tell me that you’ve got to start with “baby steps”.

Continue reading “Kino That Works, And The Women Who Love You For Getting It Right”

X & Y On The Fly #37 — Dating Differences When You’re Younger Vs. Older

Let’s face it. This podcast truly has something for everyone.

In it Emily and I pick apart the advantages of dating when you are younger and the how that all stacks up compared to what dating is like for people in their thirties, forties and beyond.

Somewhere in between we cover the major dilemma often faced by those who are recent college graduates, and even get around to unveiling the hidden secret of single retirees who are dating again that all of us can learn from.

In other words, it’s “business as usual”: 100% original content for FREE that you are unlikely to hear elsewhere. Wait, I guess that’s not really “business as usual”, right? Well it is in the sense that you are probably completely used to getting something completely different out of X & Y On The Fly. We’ll keep it at that.

Subscribe and download here if you aren’t on iTunes. If you’ve got iTunes, just click the graphic above.

Remember to sign up for our newsletter at www.deservewhatyouwant.com and grab a hold of that SPECIAL BONUS episode called “The JuniorCast”, and leave us a comment the next time you drop by iTunes.

Back atcha again in a day or two with a real-life confession that I need to own up to…

Be Good,

Scot

P.S. By the way, if XYotF has even .006% meaningful to you, PLEASE Digg us, Stumble us or save us to Del.icio.us. The good word of listeners just like you helps our audience grow.

Online Dating: “Fence Sitters” [Video]

OK, this time around we’re going to talk about “Fence Sitters”.

Anyone who has ever been online and succeeded at getting some interaction going with MOTOS knows exactly what I’m talking about.

You start typing to someone via e-mail, and they try to put off taking things to the phone for as long as possible. And actually meeting? That could take months or even years based on some people’s timelines.

So what’s up with that? Watch the vid and find out:

Got any “fence sitter” stories or anything to add in general?

Be Good,

Scot

The Chick Whisperer #20 — “First Date Success: Welcome To Your Reality”

Dave M. is one busy guy these days. But that didn’t keep him from dropping in on the show for almost a full hour’s worth of non-stop game.

Let’s cut to the chase here. You’re probably used to hearing Dave M. talk about online dating. While it’s true that he and I could probably hash out online game for you all day long together (e.g. see VIRTUOSITY), I decided to think “out of the box” this time around.

Knowing that Dave is a master at online dating strategy, with the real-world track record to back it up, I started thinking perhaps it was time to unleash to the world exactly what this guy knows about how to make first dates go the way you want them to…every single time.

My logic dictated that the dude’s got to have tons of game here. After all, he’s had all the “practice runs” in the world to get it right, huh?

Rest assured neither he nor this session in general will disappoint you.

Expect almost a solid hour of non-stop game, kicking off with a voice mail from George at FSU asking about how to be consistently successful with women.

From there, it’s all about how to get your act together and maintain full mastery over first meetings with women. All I have to say is, “Bring a notepad to this party.” If you can soak up all the rapid-fire info here, you’re likely to cure yourself of first-date humiliation for a lifetime. And you and I both know that it’s all blue sky from there–as long as you can get this stuff right.

But no worries. We make it as easy as falling out of bed for you. No kidding.

By the way, listen closely at the end for a ridiculous scheme that Dave and I dreamed up right there on the spot…even while the audio recorder was running. I don’t want to give it away, because it’s a unique surprise specifically for you as a listener.

But let’s just say that putting the authors of two intensely potent and field-tested online dating programs together can end up being a lot like putting Beavis and Butthead in a room together armed with lighters and kerosene.

Kaboom.

So click the pic above and “subscribe” on iTunes to get in on the action. Please leave us a review, also. Thanks again to all TCW listeners for supporting the show.

No iTunes? Need the feed instead? It’s here.

I also had a “bleeding heart” and left that special unsyndicated bonus episode with Brent Smith on the server just for newsletter subscribers.

Nah. The truth is that as long as people are signing up for the newsletter to get it, I’ll be giving them a copy. That’s just the kind of guy I am, I guess.

Get in on the free newsletter for yourself and download the bonus podcast at www.thechickwhisperer.com . If you’re already getting the newsletter already, you can still grab a listen. All you do is log in with the same e-mail address you are already subscribed with and you can getchasum.

OK, having read all that, guess who hasn’t had much sleep lately?

Be Good,

Scot

P.S. And if The Chick Whisperer has made a positive impact on even .003% your life, PLEASE Digg us, Stumble us or save us to Del.icio.us. The good word of listeners just like you helps our audience grow.

How To Impress Your Vietnamese Date

Yesterday happened to be our first real “tax day” as X & Y Communications LLC, which was exacerbated by the fact that some myopic bonehead (namely me) decided that Power Sessions For Men programs should come out on the 15th of the month.

So with all of that now in the rear view mirror, I can’t think of a better time for a particularly lightweight blog post given all this talk about breakups lately.

Last night I got the kind of e-mail I particularly love to read: Someone else is succeeding at online dating more than ever before.

This time, a guy wrote me attaching the profile of a particularly attractive hottie who happens to be Vietnamese. And wow, she seems full of life, energy, compassion and feminine charm–a nearly perfect combination out of which to craft a woman’s personality, I’d say.

Her name is Thuy.

Having worked with Vietnamese kids back in the early years of my career as a life coach to teens, I suggested that my friend knock this woman’s sox off (presumably red, since they’re Bostonians) by telling her in his follow-up e-mail that it’s time to talk on the phone, especially since he bets he can pronounce her name correctly.

Continue reading “How To Impress Your Vietnamese Date”

Dealing With Breakups: Ending A Long-Term Relationship [Part Four Of Four]

Part Four Of A Four Part Series On Breakups For this fourth and final installment in our series on breakups, we’re going to deal specifically with what may be the absolute most difficult situation that anyone who is single ever has to face: breaking off a relationship that has gone on for a long time.

For the sake of clarity here at the beginning, this post is not about how to deal with divorce. As originally stated back in Part One, the concept of ending married relationships is replete with it’s own set of complications and therefore will be considered a wholly separate subject above and beyond what this series has been designed to cover. We’ll limit this particular conversation to ending long-term dating relationships.

So to kick this all off, let’s get a handle on exactly what such long-term dating relationships might look like.

There are as many reasons why two people would remain together for a long time as there are grains of sand on the beach, really. Some long-term relationships are casual or even “off and on” gigs that have carried on for months or even years, no doubt. And as long as both partners are honest and remain uncommitted to anyone else on a monogamous basis, this can be fine for everyone involved, of course.

But clearly, when one partner finds someone else OTHER than the casual partner whom he or she wants to be monogamous with, such casual relationships should end. But man is it difficult to simply cut ties with someone who has been there for so long, even on an offhand basis.

Truly, for many such a scenario represents “crunch time” insofar as deciding what it is he or she wants in life. Is it going to be to have a casual long-term relationship (or several), or go for stability with one person long-term? Unless an open long-term relationship with a primary partner is an option for you, you’ve got to be comfortable with “retirement” from casual dating if you decide to become monogamous with someone. Otherwise, your integrity (and your character, which is one of the “Big Four”, remember) goes down the drain.

The problem with this whole scenario is that when long-term casual relationships end, it often comes out that one partner actually was holding onto unspoken hopes for something more.

Continue reading “Dealing With Breakups: Ending A Long-Term Relationship [Part Four Of Four]”

Online Dating: How Come My E-mails Aren’t Getting Answered? [Video]

Time for another video blog.

One of the most sobering facts that guys in particular face when getting started with online dating is that women simply do not flood their inboxes with e-mails like they may have hoped in their fantasies.

Further, even when taking the bull by the horns and proactively writing to women, the response rate can be disarmingly low.

Find out in this video how widespread this issue is, what “average” performance really looks like, and some of the reasons why e-mails don’t get answered.

Here’s a hint: Things aren’t always what they seem…

Next time we’ll tackle the fourth and final part of that series on breakups: How to end long-term relationships.

Be Good,

Scot

Do Women Really Bail Out Of Relationships With Guys They Like?

Those of you who receive the X & Y Communications Newsletter read earlier today about how it’s possible that a woman will bail out of a relationship with a guy even if he hasn’t done anything particularly wrong.

Basically, the premise is that if a woman is afraid of being hurt, or in someway feels she isn’t deserving of a relationship with a great man, she may pull the proverbial plug on things.

In other words…a man can theoretically drive a woman away simply because he’s got his act together as far as the “Big Four” are concerned.

At least one reader has already e-mailed me, claiming what I’m talking about must only happen to “rock stars and movie actors”.

So how about it? Do women really ever say they “need their space” or “just want to be friends” because of their own insecurities?

In case there are any other doubters out there, read this message I just got via MySpace from a guy who wishes to remain anonymous. Here’s the truth…complete with empirical evidence.

While there are some added plot complications (e.g. first sex recently, jealous friends), I think the message is loud and clear: Sometimes women do “run away” precisely because a guy is doing everything right.

Note the most poignant parts are in bold type.

Continue reading “Do Women Really Bail Out Of Relationships With Guys They Like?”

Dealing With Breakups: Ending Short-Term Relationships [Part Three Of Four]

Part Three Of A Four Part Series On Breakups For the first two segments of this series we focused mainly on the question of “why” a potential breakup would happen.

For this third installment, and for the final one, we’ll be talking more about the “when” factor.

You and I both already know that there’s a big difference between ending relationship that hasn’t been going on all that long versus breaking up when you’ve been seeing each other (or married to each other?) for months or even years.

Or is there?

The answer may very well be, “It depends.” And what it “depends” on is generally the emotional state and/or maturity level of the partners involved.

People can get super wrapped-up in a relationship very, very quickly. In fact, if you are particularly solid in your ability to create attraction while projecting a tantalizing image of high character and irresistible charisma, then you may run into a particularly upsetting problem.

You see, once you become a person who genuinely deserves what he or she wants, you are going to find that people you date even once or twice will literally go on a mission to corral you into the barn, pardner. Preferably now, that is, if not as soon as possible.

As high-quality a problem as this sounds, it can get downright irritating if your own personal plan is to get to know as many MOTOS as you are comfortable with on the way to discovering (over a reasonable amount of time, please) who the right person for you is.

Or, sheesh…maybe you’d like to JUST DATE LOTS OF PEOPLE for now. Period.

Continue reading “Dealing With Breakups: Ending Short-Term Relationships [Part Three Of Four]”

Online Dating: Match.com’s New “Match Your Friends” Feature [Video]

Hello All:

Last time you got my rant on eHarmony. Well, as you’re about to find out, as much of a “Match.com Apologist” I am, it’s time for “equal time”.

And for sure, Match isn’t completely off the hook by any stretch.

Here’s the latest evidence…

First it was “If you completely fail at online dating for six full months, we’ll give you more of the same.” Now we have this gem.

So what’s your take? Would you let your friends choose your dates?

Would you get “testimonials” from your friends (or exes?) and put them on your profile? That’s the other new feature of Match.com–which I conveniently forgot to mention in the video.

Be Good,

Scot

P.S. For your trouble in having to deal with their shenanigans (and mine), I think you deserve 15% off when you join Match.com. I can make that happen for you:

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Online Dating: My Rant On eHarmony [Video]

A warm welcome to the second video blog in the latest series dealing with Online Dating.

By now, you know that I’m generally a good-natured guy. So I figure that I’ve built enough “emotional capital” with you that I can indulge myself in a good, old-fashioned rant or two now and then.

With that in mind, what better place to turn than eHarmony. (or is that, “eHarm-Me”?)

OK, well…enough of an intro. I’m already getting carried away. I’ll let the video do the talking.

But did I mention that eHarmony actually rejects over 20% of it’s applicants without explanation…after they’ve spent over an hour completing the questionnaire? To me that’s gotta feel kind of like losing a hard-earned Word document to the “blue screen of death” before hitting “save”.

Wait…I have to throw in that if you are a guy under 5’7″ they’ve already predetermined that you’ll get rejected, since–after all–you’re “unmatchable” (read about it here, on eHarmony’s own server under “The Chemistry Factor” section.

Okay, okay. It’s time for the video. Really this time…

So what are your experiences with eHarmony? Are yours different than mine? Share your point of view by leaving a comment.

At 5’7″, I guess I made the cut (FYI, 5’6″ does indeed get rejected, as noted here).

I was set up with women 2000 miles away who were the exact opposite of what my preferences stated (including smoking habits and spiritual beliefs). In fact, my “potential soulmates” were literally all over the map–literally and figuratively.

So after systematically rejecting my allotment of ten per day (?) for the first few days in a row, I asked customer service about all of this.

The response? “Well,” they said matter-of-factly, “why didn’t you just limit your responses to your own metro area?”

Go figure. When you actually fall for their plaintive exhortation to “not limit your geography…this is your soulmate we’re talking about here!”, what happens? They lead with Sacramento, California and Nampa, Idaho when they actually had “the girl next door” in their back pocket all along. Great.

As it turned out, my “soulmates” in San Antonio didn’t cut it either. The one that was interesting I had already met…on Match.com!

OK, then.

Lest I be branded a “Match.com apologist” by the masses, I’ll give you my “rant” on them next time around! It’s all in good fun.

Be Good,

Scot

Dealing With Breakups: When Nothing Particularly Heinous Has Happened [Part Two Of Four]

Part Two Of A Four Part Series On Breakups Ideally speaking, each of us should theoretically break up with everyone we ever date…except for one.

And as dark as it sounds, that’s actually a good thing.

I realize that reality isn’t always that uncomplicated, and believe me I have the track record to prove it. But I think you get my drift.

And here’s the deal: Provided you are the kind of person who is generally easy to get along with, and if you’ve had some practice at avoiding utterly poisonous MOTOS, then you are going to be faced with the inevitable: breaking up with someone who hasn’t really done you any harm whatsoever.

You’ve probably been there before already. You start dating someone who attracts you early on, but after some time has passed one of you has decided that he or she really isn’t “feeling it” anymore. Someone is starting to feel a pull towards freedom–or someone else–but this creates a genuinely awkward situation almost every time.

You see, most of us are decent, upstanding people who really don’t get off on trampling other people’s feelings. Especially people we sort of, well…like. Right?

So what happens is that when someone just “isn’t feeling it anymore” for whatever reason, things tend to drag on for longer than they rightly should–all in the name of “not hurting anyone”.

But protracting relationships that aren’t going anywhere only really leads to greater emotional drama down the road. It’s rather like sticking one’s head in the sand.

Case in point. One well-worn “exit strategy” is to tell the other person that he or she “needs some space” or even that they “should date other people”. Such euphemisms are universally code for, “I’m pretty much sick of you and want out, but I don’t know how to do that without completely flooring you.”

I see some of you nodding out there. Don’t shout me down for telling the truth.

Continue reading “Dealing With Breakups: When Nothing Particularly Heinous Has Happened [Part Two Of Four]”