how to break up – The Official Blog Of Scot McKay

Breakups, ending the relationship, moving on–the wild emotional roller coaster ride that follows or ensues during. It can be one of the toughest emotional deals to go through, or at least that is the thought of many while enduring it. I will discuss a few things in the following article of when it is time to break up, and how to move on. My experience in this area mainly deals with the male perspective, yet I am sure both genders can pick up something from this. I will give two scenarios that I am familiar with.

Scenario One Are you now in a relationship where you are constantly questioning whether or not you are happy? At night maybe you are dreaming of that blonde you saw in the park, or reminiscing about your old sweetheart from say college.

Chances are it is time to move on. Idealism and the “Hallmark Fantasy” are what may be blinding you here. By “Hallmark Fantasy” I mean you met this person, and it was great at first, but now it has lost its pizazz.

Hanging on like this is settling. It is also very dangerous. The other party may know the relationship has lost its spark. You have long discussions almost on the verge of heartbreak, yet heartstrings are pulled by the other and no break up happens. The other party agrees to make things better, to try the other’s activities.

Then for maybe a few weeks, you say everything is better, then it goes back into that old rut. The cycle begins again. The discussions, the emotions go up and down.

If you find yourself in this scenario, it is time to move on. The other party is not suited for you. They may be a great person, however they are not great for you.

Men usually hate to lose, and women know how to pull an emotional strings. Men see that happening and do not want to end it. So they keep trying. Stop the torture to yourself and move on. It will be difficult, but you should never settle…and your truly amazing person might be right around the corner.

Continue reading “When It’s Time To Break Up”

Part Two Of A Four Part Series On Breakups Ideally speaking, each of us should theoretically break up with everyone we ever date…except for one.

And as dark as it sounds, that’s actually a good thing.

I realize that reality isn’t always that uncomplicated, and believe me I have the track record to prove it. But I think you get my drift.

And here’s the deal: Provided you are the kind of person who is generally easy to get along with, and if you’ve had some practice at avoiding utterly poisonous MOTOS, then you are going to be faced with the inevitable: breaking up with someone who hasn’t really done you any harm whatsoever.

You’ve probably been there before already. You start dating someone who attracts you early on, but after some time has passed one of you has decided that he or she really isn’t “feeling it” anymore. Someone is starting to feel a pull towards freedom–or someone else–but this creates a genuinely awkward situation almost every time.

You see, most of us are decent, upstanding people who really don’t get off on trampling other people’s feelings. Especially people we sort of, well…like. Right?

So what happens is that when someone just “isn’t feeling it anymore” for whatever reason, things tend to drag on for longer than they rightly should–all in the name of “not hurting anyone”.

But protracting relationships that aren’t going anywhere only really leads to greater emotional drama down the road. It’s rather like sticking one’s head in the sand.

Case in point. One well-worn “exit strategy” is to tell the other person that he or she “needs some space” or even that they “should date other people”. Such euphemisms are universally code for, “I’m pretty much sick of you and want out, but I don’t know how to do that without completely flooring you.”

I see some of you nodding out there. Don’t shout me down for telling the truth.

Continue reading “Dealing With Breakups: When Nothing Particularly Heinous Has Happened [Part Two Of Four]”