July 2012 – The Official Blog Of Scot McKay

Cheating Or Not: What Does “Being Faithful” Actually Mean?

How Do You Define Cheating? How come this topic hasn’t been discussed more frequently? I mean, there’s zero doubt that infidelity is a factor in countless broken relationships.

Perhaps we encounter so little elaboration on the subject because each of us believes we have a firm grasp of what it means to be “faithful” to a significant other.

But do we really? And what’s more, does our PARTNER believe the same way WE do? You just can’t make that assumption by default, or else serious trouble will be looming sooner than later.

Clearly, the key is open, honest communication early on.

So why do so many couples leave this topic “open ended”? The problem arises when neither partner wants to come off as overly jealous or insecure, or when one partner fears that opening such a “can of worms” will actually trigger jealousy in the other.

Nevertheless, if you care about a relationship, both of you have got to set expectations for yourself and for each other, and agree to them together.

Here are four particular areas that can help focus the somewhat nebulous topic of “fidelity”, making it easier to talk about and simpler to define.

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Are We Guys Really The “Commitment Phobes” Some Women Think We Are?

Are Men Afraid To Take The Plunge? Guys: Have you ever been in a relationship with a woman who, perhaps even subtly, is putting the pressure on you to marry her?

If the relationship had been going on for a matter of months (or even years) without you ever mentioning anything about “future plans”, let alone putting a ring on her finger, you may have been accused of being a “commitment phobe”.

Perhaps even MORE frustrating to women is when we as guys do talk about the possibility of getting married to them someday, but with a decidedly “open ended” twist to the conversation.

Maybe you’ve been there before. Heck, maybe you’re there right now.

So what’s the deal? Does she have a point? Are men naturally wired to be mortally afraid of getting into a committed relationship with a woman?

Let’s go ahead and open up that can of worms, because I’m not sure I’ve ever known anyone to have the guts to actually address this topic with some real truth.

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10 Simple Tests Of Whether You’re A Wimp Or Not

By now you know all too well that being a “wuss” is not attractive to women at all.

The very essence of what ignites femininity is directly tied to facing fear with courage, coming up with a plan when crisis hits and being a protector when danger and uncertainty loom.

And, well…you just can’t be ANY of those things if you’re a “scaredy-cat”, now can you?

Most of us will never be faced with storming Bin Laden’s camp in Pakistan, landing an airliner in the Hudson River or fending off a pack of wild tigers in the Sri Lankan jungle.

That’s all well and good, but you WILL need to be able to get through normal, everyday life in post-modern culture.

For better or worse, life in that context really does present nearly constant challenges to “man up”…even if they’re small or even subtle ones.

Nevertheless, you can bet your bottom dollar that women are watching.

With that in mind, I hereby present to you ten very basic, simple tests to tell with almost 100% certainty what kind of man you are.

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The Weird Pattern To Questions We Get

Given what Emily and I do for a living, as you imagine we’ve probably heard just about everything.

And truly, there’s no limit to the potential topics of discussion when it comes to matters of men relating to women and vice-versa.

Maybe that’s why it’s so blasted curious to me that about a quarter to a third of the questions we get follow a certain pattern.

It’s a very definable one, too. Here are just a few examples. See if you can pick up on what I’m talking about:

“Hey Scot, lately I’ve been completely unmotivated and even scared to ask a few women out. Yet they seem to flirt with me all the time. Should I man up and flirt back, or am I doomed to never having a girlfriend? Thanks, man.”

“Yo man, whenever I meet girls I try to ‘escalate’ as quickly as possible so I can ‘get the lay’. But the same thing always happens—they always tell me I’m a little too ‘intense’ for them and that they don’t want to go out with me. Should I stop pushing for sex so soon?”

And then there’s this sort of thing…which is way, way too common:

“Hello Scot and Emily. I live with my boyfriend, but he leaves me alone for most of the night and when he comes home drunk beats the heck out of me. He doesn’t have a job and spends most of what little I make on cocaine and gambling. Oh, and he slaps my two children around also and calls them names. Should I marry him?”

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