Women Attracting Men – The Official Blog Of Scot McKay

The Future Is Also Male: 12 Ways It’s Still Up To Men To Change The World

[Ed. Note: Several years after writing this, it rings true more now than ever. Enjoy.]

You’re probably familiar with the saying, “The future is female”.

No doubt, we love strong, empowered, dirt shredding, Krav Maga ass kicking women who are 100% feminine all the time around here at Casa McKay. Those who know our family best have seen it first-hand.

But naturally, we’re also still about strong, empowered, 100% masculine men. We love you, man.

So I boldly proclaim to you that the future is male, also.

To be clear, it’s not like the future is male instead of female. The future isn’t genderless, either. Indeed, the future is both male and female, just as the entire history of humanity up to this point has inherently been.

Yes, we as men are collectively treating women better than ever before, as we should, and that trend will continue. Meanwhile, men and women can, should and will continue to make valuable contributions to society, and indeed to each other.

Since masculinity and femininity are indelibly tied to gender and procreation, that also means sexual polarity itself is not a zero-sum game. I mean, think of the stark irony of that very concept. We as men are, by Intelligent Design, about one half of the population. Regardless of what you may have heard that’s unlikely to change. Therefore, it’s logically untenable to think men are somehow irrelevant nowadays and going forward.

Yet, we’ve arrived at a moment in history where we’re met with a constant barrage of virtue signalling messages telling us as men we’re in the way of progress and perhaps even collectively “on the wrong side of history”. We’re exhorted to “do better”, without ever acknowledging the possibility that we might have some virtue already tucked away somewhere.

We’re told our innate masculinity is “toxic”, even at times by other men themselves. But as much as some try to root around in the dark for valid alternatives, often with ostensibly decent intentions, we aren’t given any.

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10 Ways I Knew Emily Was “The One”

Scot and Emily Getting into a committed relationship is scary. As much as we hope the person we’re with is our “one and only”, everybody knows the reality of divorce rates.

Even so, I remain appalled by how many people willingly jump like lemmings off a cliff into an exclusive relationship—or even marriage—with Mr. or Ms. Wrong.

The crazy part is most people who settle are fully aware they’re doing so. Such bad relationship decisions may be driven by a biological clock that’s ticking, ulterior motives (e.g. money, citizenship), low self-esteem or even gnawing loneliness.

But how ironic is it that we have so much trouble positively identifying the right relationship when it comes along? Indeed, I get asked all the time how to be sure one’s significant other is really significant enough.

That’s because, good grief…I’m the right guy to ask. After a turbulent first marriage and a devastating divorce, why in the world would I ever get married again…especially when I had successfully crafted a lifestyle of dating many high-quality women at once?

I had to be sure.

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Top 10 Subtle Signs That Someone Lacks Character

Anyone who is blatantly narcissistic or psychopathic, has a hair-trigger temper, gets their jollies from swindling people, lies even when the truth is easy and/or robs banks is obviously short on character.

And on the flip side, people who have a well thought out belief system that’s the cornerstone of their lives, deliver on what they say they’re going to do, do the right thing even when nobody else is watching and generally believe in leaving the world a better place than they found it are considered to have good, strong character.

All of the that isn’t generally up for debate.

But in the middle there is a massive gray expanse, isn’t there? Nobody can be a paragon of perfection at all times, of course. Nevertheless, here are ten indicators of character deficiency that tend to fly under the radar.

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9 Ways You Ended Up In An Exclusive Relationship Without Even Knowing It

Feeling Pressured Into An Exclusive Relationship You Aren't Ready For?

As far as you were concerned, you’d met someone attractive and interesting and were simply “seeing where it all goes”.

You wanted time to evaluate the possibility of an exclusive relationship. In your mind, going steady with someone implies testing the waters of a long-term committed partnership. You don’t take that lightly, which is wise.

Yet here you are, and there she is.

By way of pure assumption, the two of you are understood to be boyfriend and girlfriend—seeing only each other, hurtling blindly toward a future together.

A huge part of you is left asking how this all happened. You’re scratching your head wondering how you never had any say in this matter. Is this even what you want?

If the situation I just described sounds pretty jacked up to you, that’s because it is. Yet you wouldn’t believe how many e-mails I get from men AND women reporting that it has happened to them, and wondering what to do about it.

Well, the best course of action is always to have “The Talk” with everyone you’re dating, asking what they’re looking for from their dating life at the moment and telling them where you stand. Ideally this happens on the second or third date, and definitely before intimacy. But better late than never, regardless.

No matter what your long-term strategy is, however, what are the more subtle tactics that your would-be significant other might use to rope you into an exclusive relationship sooner than you’d like?

Here are nine of them to look out for:

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How To Be Everyone’s Favorite Person…Instantly

Why Are Promises So Hard To Keep? By now you’ve figured out that I don’t make unreasonable “easy button” claims.

But here is one of those exceptionally rare truths that isn’t only going to add ridiculous, off-the-chain value to your life, it’s also as simple as flipping a switch:

Be a man or a woman who does what you say you’re going to do.

Boom. Like I said, it’s not at all complicated or difficult to implement. There’s no learned skill. The only thing to remember is one’s own promise.

What we’re talking about here is nothing short of a cornerstone to character. Here in Texas where I live, keeping one’s word is perhaps treasured more than other places.

But there’s little doubt that the rare human being who makes promises and keeps them is beloved by all, regardless of geography. Man…life is SO much easier and more joyful when we have the pleasure of interacting with such high-end people.

Yet, so few people actually do what they say they’re going to do. Especially in California, I’ve noticed…ha!

Why is that?

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6 Incredibly Hot Things To Say When She Casually Brings Up Sex

Under The Table And Out Of Sight It’s such a shame, really. Sometime back in the pickup artist era it was decided that whenever women casually bring up sex during first date conversation—or friendly chit-chat, even—it must be some sort of “test”.

The assumption there is she’s evaluating how we deal with the “hot potato” she’s suddenly dropped in our lap.

If we overreact with excitement and/or shock, she’ll assume we’re undersexed, inexperienced and desperate. Losing our cool is an epic fail, openly demonstrating we’re not in her league.

But if we remain composed and casually engage in the conversation as if it’s no big deal, then we score big points.

On the surface, this might appear to be a reasonably accurate assessment of such a situation and how we might potentially handle it as guys.

But what if it’s not a “test” at all? I’d contend it’s more of an invitation to join in the mating dance.

Unfortunately, most guys take an exhilarating opportunity like that and squander it. They sense they’re being “tested” and fall into self-preservation mode instead of reaching for high gear.

No, you don’t shy away from the conversation. But nor should you simply keep it casual and matter-of fact. That’s mere survival, not glorious victory.

Remember, she started it. Go forth boldly under such circumstances.

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8 Surefire Ways To Tell: Are You A Fun Person?

Why Should India Have All The Fun Astonishingly, there’s very little on the web addressing the topic du jour. Mostly, it’s a few quiz sites asking pretty random questions that carry the personal assumptions of whoever authored them. There’s nothing really, well, helpful or definitive there.

So then, given how absolutely crucial being fun is to the attraction process, let alone building a healthy and vibrant social circle, I decided to go ahead and let the fur fly (or the powder, if you were in India earlier this month).

What do you say we let the fun begin? Right on…

Like everyone tends to believe that they have a sense of humor, everyone also typically thinks of him or herself as a fun person. After all, how much of a true “stick in the mud” does one have to be to self-identify as “no fun”?

A sense of humor is rare enough, so what about a sense of fun? Do you have one? There’s no irony in the fact that both of those factors are directly related. That could be why there are as few truly FUN people as there are folks with a sense of humor. Just sayin’.

Part of the problem, I think, is that people don’t recognize fun when they’re potentially heading for it, or even in the midst of it.

I mean, what IS “fun”, and should it be a priority or not?

So much of how you might answer that question for yourself is based on personality and mindset, for sure. But hey…the weird twist there is that even people who aren’t any fun tend to recognize when others ARE. Weird, right?

It’s all too easy to lapse into the philosophical or psychological factors at play here, isn’t it? But that wouldn’t be any fun!

So on with it. Here are 8 factors that pretty much tell the tale of whether you’re a FUN person or not:

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7 Women Who Are Probably Dateless (And Will Stay That Way)

Hi There. Avoid Me. Whenever I set out to write a post like this, I’m tempted to lead with a disclaimer.

This time I’m going to indulge.

If you’re familiar with my writings, my general philosophies and especially the strength of my relationship with my wife Emily, you already know that I genuinely adore women.

What you ALSO fully realize is that both Emily and I take an “equal opportunity” approach to doling out what’s commonly known as “tough love”.

Yeah, well…what follows is one of those “tough love” posts.

So fair warning: It’s either time to buckle down or bring your sense of humor, one or the other.

That’s because I’m about to throw down a full-on rant about the seven types of women who shouldn’t even THINK about blindsiding some guy with their crazy, possibly sociopathic tendencies.

But to be clear, every bit of what I’m about to say is NOT gender-specific. Guys for whom the shoe fits are likely to get the short end of the relationship stick also, no doubt.

It’s just that 90% of this blog’s readership is men, hence the context.

Enough already. Let’s get on with it…

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Will You Pass The “Interesting Test”?

Emily Being Interesting By now you know that a man who leads an interesting life replete with way cool and exhilarating activities stands a much better chance of attracting desirable women than a guy who spends most of his time on the couch watching the tube and eating Cheetos.

This is much to the chagrin of probably 75% of all men out there, apparently. My inbox is stuffed with messages from guys who wonder aloud about HOW to “lead an exciting life”, be a “man of adventure” or simply, well…how to be more interesting in SOME non-complicated way.

In all fairness, many of us may already be more potentially intriguing and exciting to women than we think. Consider, for example, how easy it is for us as guys to compare ourselves to the highest-functioning men out there and make blanket judgment on the fly that we’re about as boring and “vanilla” as it gets.

I mean, every time you read about Sir Richard Branson he’s doing something new and devastatingly amazing. Wasn’t building an international record company, several airlines, flying hot air balloons, getting a private island and founding Virgin Galactic ENOUGH, already?

You get on Netflix and are confronted with Ewan McGregor riding through Africa on a BMW motorcycle. Most of us would be doing cartwheels to be cast as an extra in the next Star Wars film, but this guy was freaking Obi Wan Kenobi. The next thing you know, he’s going on round-the-world travel adventures.

But here’s the thing. Even THOSE guys spend plenty of “down time” doing mundane stuff. It’s just that the camera isn’t rolling during those times for obvious reasons.

Perhaps we fall into the trap of believing that we have to live like Steve Irwin or James Bond (who’s fictional, no less) or else we’re slackers.

Personally, I believe this mindset comes from the same place as the assumption that all beautiful women are wined and dined 24/7 and whisked off to exotic locations on private jets at least twice a week.

The first step is to relax. You can find paparazzi pics on the Internet of Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher going grocery shopping. If they don’t have to be Lara Croft and/or Indiana Jones, neither do you.

But make no mistake. You can’t be a chronic bump on a log, either. You have to exercise your ability to be interesting at least SOMETIMES, or the “adventure muscle” might atrophy.

So then, what yardstick does one use to figure out whether one is interesting ENOUGH to be at least potentially attractive to MOTOS (members of the other sex)?

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Do Men Even Notice Women Anymore?

Not me, it was the guy behind me...I swear.

[Please Read: This has obviously become an incendiary post, to the point of going viral. If you are a #MGTOW and wish to take me to task for having had a vibrant, highly-satisfying dating life that led to a happy, fulfilling relationship with a wonderful woman, I’ve already responded to similar comments more than enough times below. Likewise, every #MGTOW battle cry and every stat you guys use to drive your confirmation bias has already been brought up and respectfully responded to (most of which several times). Going forward, I’ll only be approving well-articulated comments that add something new to the conversation. Please read this other post before commenting to gain clarity on my gender-neutral position on human behavior. Oh, and yes…I’m fully aware that both the #MeToo Movement and COVID-19 have happened since this post was originally written.]

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A while back I was on a coaching call with a woman who happens to be smart, successful and beautiful. We were actively discussing creative ways she might encourage the kind of man she deserves to introduce himself, start a conversation and sweep her off of her feet.

Out of the blue, she posed one of the most poignant questions I’d been asked in quite some time:

“Scot, do men even LOOK at women anymore? I mean, do they even NOTICE us out there?”

My knee-jerk response, had I not stopped to ponder the issue, may have been something to the effect of, “Well, of course. Men have been making it a point to stop and admire women they happen to see when they’re out and about since the dawn of recorded time. And probably before that as well.”

But instead I paused. The question wasn’t a mere throwaway…some miscellaneous rant from a woman who couldn’t understand why she couldn’t even catch a man looking, let alone get him to approach her.

So we talked about it some. And since I was on a road trip and passing through South Carolina, Georgia and Florida, I decided to do somewhat of a field study.

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My 8 Favorite Female TV Characters Of All Time

Okay, Larry Hagman may have actually touched her at least once. First of all, some of you are going to roll your eyes and shake your head at this list. I’m actually looking forward to that, if for no other reason than it will prove the true point of this post (if there really is one).

That’s this: All that really, seriously matters when it comes to YOUR choice of women is what YOU like.

Since this is my blog, what you’re about to behold is a nothing more than a dead giveaway of my personal taste. Indeed, each individual’s taste is different, and in my arrogant opinion that happens to mean that neither Ginger NOR Marianne make the cut.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m SURE I’ve missed some legit candidates, especially if they were hidden away on daytime soap operas or shows watched only by teenage girls. “TV Land” is a big place, so I didn’t exactly exhaust all possible resources compiling my list. As such, I actually look forward to being reminded of who I forgot…thanks to those of you who have different and/or more complete memories than I.

Another caveat is that I haven’t exactly been a voracious consumer of television shows over the years, so I’m sure there were jaw-dropping hotties along the way who completely slipped my radar. Those of you outside of the States in particular might be able to enlighten me.

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Do You “Take Yourself Too Seriously”?

The Ministry Of Silly Walks I’m going to level with you on this one. Part of why I’m writing this particular blog post is because I want to force myself to finally come to grips with a subject that I’ve always thought I understood—at least in principle—but lately am not so sure I REALLY, TRULY get.

That would be the whole, widely celebrated idea of “taking oneself less seriously”.

Perhaps ironically, this means I’m about to take the topic seriously, for once. Just in case your head is about to explode already, let’s rephrase that: I’m really in the mood to get down to the bottom of it all, especially as it pertains to interpersonal relationships.

No doubt, every single time “taking oneself LESS seriously” is talked about it’s positioned as a GOOD thing. Following logically, “taking oneself TOO seriously” is universally positioned as a BAD thing.

But rather than be sheep and follow the herd, doesn’t it behoove us (sheep have hooves, get it?) to first explore what’s so bad about being “serious” about oneself?

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That New Bud Light Commercial Where They’re On A First Date

If you’ve been watching the NCAA tournament at all this year, you’ve probably already seen this commercial about three dozen times:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMExuin6U-c

Considering that it centers around a first date between two people who’ve met online, I figured it would be fun to talk about it some…especially since I haven’t broken down any TV commercials around here lately.

So let’s get into it.

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7 Clues That You’re Being Too Picky

Be Selective, Not Picky If you’ve been reading this blog and/or my newsletters for some time, you already know how much I tend to harp on “settling”.

Essentially, I firmly believe that we shouldn’t allow ourselves to get into a long-term relationship with ANYONE who isn’t really who we want.

That’s all well and good.

But a couple of days ago, someone wrote in and basically asked this:

“Okay, smart guy. It’s loud and clear by now that I shouldn’t ‘settle’. But wait a minute, Trigger. How am I supposed to know if I’m being TOO picky?”

Interesting. On the surface, one’s knee-jerk reaction might be to assume that if “settling” is such a dirty, forbidden state of affairs then there would theoretically not be any such thing as being “too picky”.

But as it turns out, you really CAN cross the line if you’re not careful.

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5 Ways Dating Has Benefited From Modern Technology

We've Come A Long Way, Baby... Having driven over 2000 miles so far on our first annual “International Fall Road Trip” Emily and I have had plenty of time to come up with weird topics of conversation. Especially while driving through Missouri and Indiana late at night.

One such discussion centered around how modernity has affected dating relationships. Needless to say, there was a lot to talk about…a lot of it well worth sharing with you.

For the purposes of this post, though, I’m going to limit the scope to technical advances of the last 25 years or so. There’s no doubt that wondrous inventions like the automobile, motion pictures and heck, deodorant, have done wonders for the dating fortunes of millions. But geez, if you go back that far “dating” as we commonly know it didn’t even exist (although beer did). Nevertheless, I’ve got to draw the line somewhere.

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Pushing Each Other’s “Hot Buttons”

The Big Red Monster We’re all familiar with the whole concept behind “hot buttons”. Usually, when the topic comes up in conversation it’s in the context of complete exasperation. Some people really just know how to set us off…and the craziest part is that it’s typically the people we know best.

If you grew up with siblings, that was likely your initiation into this whole reality…whether your buttons were being pressed or you were doing the pressing.

Personally, I was the oldest of three by five and seven years respectively. Geez, did my kid brother and sister ever know exactly how to make me mad.

And given the fact that they generally got away with their shenanigans while I got blamed for whatever mayhem ensued made things all that much worse for me and hilarious for them.

Yep…they knew exactly what buttons to push in order to get the desired (i.e. highly entertaining) results.

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Is It A Bad Thing For Couples To Argue?

Enjoy The Argument...Especially The Part Where You Make Up At The End If you’re like me, you’ve seen your fair share of couples talking on TV or whatever about how happily married they are.

Maybe they’ve been blissfully married 50 years, etc., etc.

Have you ever noticed how often they talk about how LITTLE they’ve argued over the years?

I mean, my own parents have rarely—if ever—argued with each other, at least in front of us, their offspring. And yes, they truly have been blissfully married for over 50 years.

I’ve really never met two people who agree on most everything the way they do.

For what it’s worth, the foundations of what I’ve learned about what a great relationship should look like were formed at a very young age. My parents have always been a shining example of that.

But hold on a second.

Despite the evidence I’ve seen at home and on TV, is how much or how little a couple argues really ALWAYS such an effective barometer of “relationship health” as we’ve blindly given it credit for being all these years?

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What The Heck Is A Man’s “Feminine Side”, Anyway?

What Does 'Getting In Touch With Your Feminine Side' Mean?
First of all, before we get into this you have to know how impossible it was to find a decent pic to go along with this post. Just about every potential image I initially thought would be clever turned out to be nothing short of creepy.

Maybe there’s no coincidence there. Perhaps talking about men as having a “feminine side” is inherently creepy to begin with, it’s just that nobody dares say anything because the idea of “getting in touch with one’s feminine side” has become such a cliché over the years.

And like most clichés, people tend to use that particular one conveniently when it seems to fit the situation…without really giving much thought to it.

But what in the world does it MEAN for a man to “get in touch with his feminine side”? And is it a good thing to do so? Geez…do we even HAVE a “feminine side”?

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The Weird Pattern To Questions We Get

Given what Emily and I do for a living, as you imagine we’ve probably heard just about everything.

And truly, there’s no limit to the potential topics of discussion when it comes to matters of men relating to women and vice-versa.

Maybe that’s why it’s so blasted curious to me that about a quarter to a third of the questions we get follow a certain pattern.

It’s a very definable one, too. Here are just a few examples. See if you can pick up on what I’m talking about:

“Hey Scot, lately I’ve been completely unmotivated and even scared to ask a few women out. Yet they seem to flirt with me all the time. Should I man up and flirt back, or am I doomed to never having a girlfriend? Thanks, man.”

“Yo man, whenever I meet girls I try to ‘escalate’ as quickly as possible so I can ‘get the lay’. But the same thing always happens—they always tell me I’m a little too ‘intense’ for them and that they don’t want to go out with me. Should I stop pushing for sex so soon?”

And then there’s this sort of thing…which is way, way too common:

“Hello Scot and Emily. I live with my boyfriend, but he leaves me alone for most of the night and when he comes home drunk beats the heck out of me. He doesn’t have a job and spends most of what little I make on cocaine and gambling. Oh, and he slaps my two children around also and calls them names. Should I marry him?”

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Three Little Words (No…Not THOSE Three Little Words)

It was my oldest daughter who started it.

Back when she was about two she started saying, “I like you” to me.

Of course, we told her we loved her all the time.

But she was the one to take the initiative to take things a step further. Even though she was so young, she recognized that saying “I like you” is different than saying “I love you”.

Upon first consideration, you may perhaps think of “I like you” as somehow junior to its heavier “I love you” relative.

Indeed, many of us think of—and even joke about—“I like you” as kind of “ILY Lite”, possibly reserved for when someone we’re dating drops the “ILY” bomb on us before we’re exactly willing or ready to reciprocate.

Her: “I love you.”

Him: “Uh…I, um…LIKE you too.”

While I fully get the dynamics of such an unfortunate conversation, I think it’s a mistake to automatically relegate “I like you” to the realm of the relatively trivial.

That’s because when used effectively, the phrase can convey as much, if not MORE power than “I love you” can.

Even at age two, my daughter realized that.

The secret to making “I like you” count is using it proactively instead of reactively.

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