Uncategorized – The Official Blog Of Scot McKay

Join Me On Substack For All The Newer Posts

As of June 2025, this blog has been migrated to Substack. Please join me there and subscribe.

So why the change? Several reasons, really.

First, the word “blog” is so 2007. “Substack” is quite literally where it’s at nowadays.

Then there’s the simple fact that Substack pretty much rules. You get all the benefits of a blog, except with a consistent highly-intuitive interface that’s common for all users.

Which brings me to the next major advantage: other users.

Instead of one lonely blog crying out in the wilderness (if you’ll pardon the histrionics), there are bunches and bunches of people on the same platform…all freely sharing and recommending each other’s Substacks to fellow users.

What also rocks pretty hard is I was able to migrate fifteen years’ worth of content from this blog over there with one click. What’s arguably even more kick-ass is I did the same with The Mountain Top Podcast.

And yes, unlike on Apple Podcasts, you can getchasum of every episode that remains live, not just the last 300.

Then there’s the more subjective factor. Substack is flat-out, straight-up more mature and buttoned up than other social media outlets. Compare the vibe to Instagram or TikTok and you’ll laugh out loud with joy if you’ve been starving for substantive, even civil conversation between real adults.

So I’m obviously fairly giddy over my long-overdue migration to Substack. I believe I’ve found my “happy place” there, and so might you.

Will it finally fulfill on my 18-year-old prophecy that every aspiring “brandividual” would have their own media outlet? Twitter/X came close, but Substack may be the culmination of that promise.

In fact, this brand-new article on that exact subject is pinned to the top of my Substack is a great place to start.

Be Good,

Scot McKay

P.S. Most of my content on Substack will be free. But yes, if you subscribe for five bucks a month I’ll load you down with goodies in appreciation. I’ll send you audio, video and/or PDF bonuses…including early access to the new VIDEO version of the podcast.

If you subscribe for a year at $50, you’ll get all that PLUS your choice of any previous Masterclass For Men. That’s a real-world $97 value by itself.

And yep, you can gift a subscription to anyone you’d like to as well.

Doubling Down On “Toxic Masculinity”?

Masculinity is not a race to act more like a little boy. It’s about being a mature, responsible man. After all, that’s what younger women crave. Okay, let’s get real…it’s what all women crave.

Unfortunately, there’s a huge movement out there to double-down on “toxic masculinity”.

I understand the backlash against cancel culture and the promotion of an image of personal power as a middle finger to the whole movement.

I also get that there’s a mindset that complains about douchebags, all the while secretly wishing to BE one rather than sneering from the sidelines. That phenomenon is not to be underestimated. We’ve all seen employees get promoted and become the previously despised a-hole boss overnight.

Continue reading “Doubling Down On “Toxic Masculinity”?”

The Future Is Also Male: 12 Ways It’s Still Up To Men To Change The World

[Ed. Note: Several years after writing this, it rings true more now than ever. Enjoy.]

You’re probably familiar with the saying, “The future is female”.

No doubt, we love strong, empowered, dirt shredding, Krav Maga ass kicking women who are 100% feminine all the time around here at Casa McKay. Those who know our family best have seen it first-hand.

But naturally, we’re also still about strong, empowered, 100% masculine men. We love you, man.

So I boldly proclaim to you that the future is male, also.

To be clear, it’s not like the future is male instead of female. The future isn’t genderless, either. Indeed, the future is both male and female, just as the entire history of humanity up to this point has inherently been.

Yes, we as men are collectively treating women better than ever before, as we should, and that trend will continue. Meanwhile, men and women can, should and will continue to make valuable contributions to society, and indeed to each other.

Since masculinity and femininity are indelibly tied to gender and procreation, that also means sexual polarity itself is not a zero-sum game. I mean, think of the stark irony of that very concept. We as men are, by Intelligent Design, about one half of the population. Regardless of what you may have heard that’s unlikely to change. Therefore, it’s logically untenable to think men are somehow irrelevant nowadays and going forward.

Yet, we’ve arrived at a moment in history where we’re met with a constant barrage of virtue signalling messages telling us as men we’re in the way of progress and perhaps even collectively “on the wrong side of history”. We’re exhorted to “do better”, without ever acknowledging the possibility that we might have some virtue already tucked away somewhere.

We’re told our innate masculinity is “toxic”, even at times by other men themselves. But as much as some try to root around in the dark for valid alternatives, often with ostensibly decent intentions, we aren’t given any.

Continue reading “The Future Is Also Male: 12 Ways It’s Still Up To Men To Change The World”

Behind The Scenes: 15 Secrets About The Mountain Top Podcast I’ve Never Admitted Before

Edroy And Odem, Next Right Lots of you listen to The Mountain Top Podcast, and possibly even X & Y On The Fly also. Awesome. I’m grateful for every one of you, and genuinely appreciate your support over the years.

Well, except for any of you who are among the handful of angry, easily-offended women out there who’ve left appallingly hateful reviews, as if they’re going around searching for relatively decent dudes like me to ruthlessly lambaste for their personal enjoyment.

And to be clear, I’m not excepting them from my appreciation. I’m actually glad they cared enough to show up too. Rather, I’m simply doing them the service of excepting them from being referred to as “supporters” of the show. After all, I’m sure that would offend the hell out of them.

But enough about that. After over a dozen years of producing episodes, it’s time to let you in on fifteen of the deepest, darkest secrets we’ve carefully hidden from public knowledge for years. I mean, why not, right?

Continue reading “Behind The Scenes: 15 Secrets About The Mountain Top Podcast I’ve Never Admitted Before”

A Dating Coach’s Take On Why Mass Shootings Happen

I don’t consider myself a world expert in sociology, abnormal psychology or criminal justice. Nor am I sworn to the political right or left.

Given the conversation at hand, all of that might be an advantage in my case. At the very least, I have no problem “opening a can” on the conversation about the mass-shooting problem that nobody seems to be having. Whether that’s a can of worms or whoop-ass is for you to decide.

But either way, I’m not about to pretend I’ve figured out any definitive solution to such a complex issue. Rather, I’m simply about to present what has occurred to me naturally as a man who is immersed in the art and science of social dynamics and male/female relationships on a daily basis.

As such, the entire purpose of this post is to open the discussion among rational people who think for themselves. That means if you’ve been successfully propagandized by either the Right or the Left, prepare to be pissed off.

Remarkable stuff starts happening when one thinks for him or herself. I would love to have finished this piece sooner, but it’s been one of those posts where I’ve kept getting haunted by new and intriguing ideas even when I’m trying to think about something else.

I mean, by now my wife Emily has grown accustomed to me leaping out of bed in the night, all but sprinting to my computer with a spring in my step and a light bulb glowing over my head. But this time it has all been kicked it up a notch. Just last night I found myself driving home from the gym repeating “there’s a cause…pipe bomb…masculine self-fulfilling prophecy” over and over in my head so the spontaneous ideas wouldn’t evaporate before I managed to get home.

But the time has come. On with this crucial discussion.

Continue reading “A Dating Coach’s Take On Why Mass Shootings Happen”

A Dirty Dozen Examples: What To Do When She Does You Wrong

Men Treated Badly I’m disheartened by the number of truly angry guys there are out there.

Nonplussed by the trend toward female empowerment at the expense of the male gender, more and more men are “going their own way”. They’re saying they just don’t need real, live women anymore.

You need only rifle through the hundreds of comments on this other post to sense the raw force of the vitriol out there. The prevailing question is, “Why endure losing half of my wealth and sanity in divorce court to a woman who only bitched and complained anyway…assuming she didn’t flatly reject me before any of that could ever happen?”

With the availability of on-demand video porn in HD and even lifelike rubber dolls nowadays, these guys are wondering why anyone would even bother trifling with a real, live woman. Hell, I’m taken to task (or even burned at the stake) for actually liking women and having the audacity to encourage other men to do the same.

No good deed goes unpunished, apparently.

But yes, I actually still adore women, even though I could be easily led to believe I’m in a rapidly dwindling minority. I honestly believe that most women want to treat a good man right, and my life purpose remains promoting solid, healthy male/female relationship.

Still, the idea of whether women ultimately want to love us or destroy is is NOT the black-and-white issue that some would make it out to be.

I’m neither naïve nor foolish. Some may not know that I’ve experienced more than my fair share of tough breaks at the hands of poisonous women. So yes, I fully realize that women aren’t necessarily all smiling angels of mercy and perpetual blow jobs.

But here’s the thing. I present for your consideration what I believe to be an evolution of thinking on this whole topic.

Continue reading “A Dirty Dozen Examples: What To Do When She Does You Wrong”

Flirting Like Wildfire: 50 Hot “Done For You” Conversations That Lead To Sex

Hey everyone. Today marks the launch of my new book Flirting Like Wildfire on Amazon.com. I’ve put my heart and soul into it, as I do everything I write for y’all.

You can get your very own copy for a mere $2.99 here, and that includes access to a secret website containing ten free bonus audio programs, which is linked to at the end of the book.

Those audio programs cover a bunch of directly relevant topics like: how to talk dirty to a woman in the bedroom, how to move the sexual process along, getting a woman to reveal her deepest sexual fantasies, the scientific basis for falling in love, and lots more.

Sure, I’m giving away the farm for under three bucks, but hey…it’s all in the name of making it a “no brainer” for you to grab a copy and rocket it to #1 in its category on Amazon.

And what’s the book itself about? Well, the official description on Amazon pretty much says it all:

Continue reading “Flirting Like Wildfire: 50 Hot “Done For You” Conversations That Lead To Sex”

Is It A Bad Thing For Couples To Argue?

Enjoy The Argument...Especially The Part Where You Make Up At The End If you’re like me, you’ve seen your fair share of couples talking on TV or whatever about how happily married they are.

Maybe they’ve been blissfully married 50 years, etc., etc.

Have you ever noticed how often they talk about how LITTLE they’ve argued over the years?

I mean, my own parents have rarely—if ever—argued with each other, at least in front of us, their offspring. And yes, they truly have been blissfully married for over 50 years.

I’ve really never met two people who agree on most everything the way they do.

For what it’s worth, the foundations of what I’ve learned about what a great relationship should look like were formed at a very young age. My parents have always been a shining example of that.

But hold on a second.

Despite the evidence I’ve seen at home and on TV, is how much or how little a couple argues really ALWAYS such an effective barometer of “relationship health” as we’ve blindly given it credit for being all these years?

Continue reading “Is It A Bad Thing For Couples To Argue?”

How To Reconcile With Your Dad (And Why You Should Bother To)

The more guys I talk to the more it really hits home how many dudes out there really have a hard time relating to their dads.

And by “relating” I mean either identifying with OR communicating with…and in a multitude of cases BOTH.

For so many, the old adage that “you’ll end up just like your parents some day” seems more of a threat than a promise.

That’s too bad.

In a world where over 50% off all guys report having NO male role model to speak of, fewer and fewer men can honestly say they look up to their father in that regard…obviously.

Honestly, a huge number of boys grow up without a father figure in their life at all. So obviously, if there IS no dad it’s impossible to “relate” to him.

But even when you know exactly who your father is and where to find him, the relationship can go awry.

Never mind the fact that the father’s role in child development has been marginalized nowadays, leaving many men convinced that their presence just doesn’t matter in their kids’ lives.

(Well, either that or it helps them justify their pure laziness and/or apathy towards their sons and daughters.)

Where the rubber often meets the road is that we as sons and daughters instinctively (as in “innately”) have high expectations for our dads.

We are born in need of a hero to look up to, but that isn’t always the reality.

Not every dad is Ward Cleaver.

Continue reading “How To Reconcile With Your Dad (And Why You Should Bother To)”

X & Y On The Fly #45 — Open Relationships

It’s true that I don’t blog much anymore at all, let alone every time a new podcast episode hits the street.

But this particular newly-released episode of X & Y On The Fly probably is going to raise some eyebrows, so I figured I’d give you a bit of an idea of what to expect.

You see, here’s the deal. Emily and I are–and always will be for the foreseeable future–completely monogamous. And we like it that way.

As such, it’s it might not surprise you that the whole idea of “open relationships” is one of the very few major headings in the world of dating and relationships that had been conspicuous by its absence from our discussions thus far.

But still, it’s sort of like an “elephant in the room”, isn’t it?

Well, rest assured that Emily and I have been kicking around the idea of doing an X & Y On The Fly show on the subject for quite sometime. And now, for your listening pleasure, we’ve actually gone and recorded one.

To subscribe and listen, you need look no further than iTunes:

Subscribe On iTunes Now

Or if you prefer, you can go straight to the RSS feed:

Subscribe Via RSS Feed

I have to tell you, this may be the very first (and last) time you hear a monogamous couple broach this subject publicly, which is actually a shame. Sort of like how I believe one’s core world view shouldn’t be decided by “accident of birth” but rather by personal choice, how one structures one’s romantic relationships should be decided much in the same way.

Let’s face it. It’s a fear-based reaction to try to prohibit someone who you’d like to believe the way you do from reading literature that conflicts with it, yet that’s what parents and shortsighted faith-based institutions do all the time.

Bummer. Because if you want to be a stronger follower of [insert world view of choice here] instead of a “yes man”, then you should know why you don’t believe in something else.

Here in the US, at least, the core concept of getting married to one other person has pretty much been the de facto standard for, well, ever. We get that this “cultural meme” is pretty much forced on us.

So rest assured you can bet that Emily and I also completely get it if you’re not so interested in “your father’s Oldsmobile”. We understand if you think socialized monogamy is only for the faint of heart and is probably largely responsible for all the cheating and divorce that goes on in these parts.

But here’s the thing. We’ve indeed read and heard all about open relationships…including The Lifestyle, “circles”, even the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy of the rich and famous.

And we’ve still made the choice to be a couple, as in two people together. It’s an informed choice. We’re neither “trapped” nor in “possession” of one another, it’s just that we love each other wildly and wholeheartedly believe in the “one man/one woman” arrangement.

So YES…as you listen to this podcast, you can plan on hearing some very honest musings with regard to all kinds of open relationships. We’ll talk about the pros and cons, and we’ll do so without judgment.

But we’re not pretending to be “experts” on the subject, nor do we have time to cover every single nuance of every single angle. So be sure to cut us a break here. Perhaps more than any other show we’ve ever done, this one is more of a pure social discussion than a “teaching tool”.

In other words, that’s all long for “sit back, relax and enjoy.”

Be Good,

Scot

P.S. By the way, if you get the show on iTunes and you really like it, please be sure to leave us a review. And tell a friend or three. Much obliged.

Success With Women: Recognize Breakthroughs…And Kick The Door In.

X & Y Communications Coach Austin Parker We’re all on our own journey and I’d like to share with you part of mine. One year ago I left my former career to start business, even though I had never sold anything before and had no idea what I was going to do.

I’ll spare the details as they don’t add much, but I struggled for months. I read a lot hoping to avoid failure, but as it turned out I tried two projects and they both failed.

Nearly crushed, I launched a third project, and waited for the onset of failure. Except that didn’t happen this time. It took off, and I made my first profits.

I then faced the question “how do I grow this business?” and I had to learn marketing. I stumbled at first seeing no results for my efforts, but I kept trying and eventually started seeing success in this area as well.

Continue reading “Success With Women: Recognize Breakthroughs…And Kick The Door In.”

X & Y On The Fly #40–When Kids Are In The Picture

This episode represents a bit of a change of pace for Emily and I. This time we talk about all the potential issues associated with dating when you have kids.

…Or when the person you are dating has kids.

…Or when you and the other person have kids together.

Basically, this show contains both dating and relationship advice, and will be helpful to those of you who are already married and leading the “family life” as well as those of you who are enjoying your wildly successful dating lives.

Wait a minute…who says married people can’t have a “wildly successful dating life”? Well, not us. And fear not…there’s more on that in there also.

So getchasum. This is a good one, based on feedback we’ve been getting. We’ve actually had the show posted for a couple of weeks now, but I’ve just gotten around to blogging about it.

As always, hit our main page to get in on the newsletter and grab your free copy of How To Deal With Breakups. I’ll be changing that soon, so consider this the “final call”.

By the way, the next XYotF is going to be called “Movie Moments”. Look forward to some creativity there, for sure. Emily’s ready for this one.

And yes…the next episode of The Chick Whisperer is in the works also. It will be called “The Dude Whisperer”, and I’ll leave the rest to you to figure out for now…

Be Good,

Scot

P.S. Please leave us a review on iTunes…and by all means subscribe. Even one more good review helps our rankings more than you know.

If you aren’t so into iTunes, you can also subscribe using our feed.

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Rejection And The Rules Of Approach [Part Two]

As promised in Part One, let me give you an example from my Saturday night.

One group was sitting awkwardly at the bar, in a big circle they made with a bunch of meathead looking guys to their right. I could not tell if they were friends or not.

One other girl looked completely miserable, while her friend was completely coddled by a guy. Yet another girl gave me a huge long up and down look then she went to the bar and was nearly lying on it talking to the bartender.

A second group, well they all had on rings and then their husbands came over.

In another group was a cute bunch of girls who just walked in, and were smiling and laughing.

Now, I was hoping the band would take a break soon because it was simply way too hard to talk. I had surveyed my options, and it was almost like a fun version of “musical chairs”.

So back to group one. They were sitting weirdly at the bar and one guy seemed to have a girlfriend in the group. I said, “Let’s walk around, they are not going anywhere for a bit.”

Now I have no problem approaching a group with guys but I like to study it a bit before deciding on a plan. Basically I look for wedding bands, really drunk guys or girls in the group, or an argumentative group.

Once talking to them, a key I look for is if the girls are kinda interested when talking to them, with matching body language. When I see that, I know I have an opportunity to open the group and basically just begin talking.

Continue reading “Rejection And The Rules Of Approach [Part Two]”

Online Dating: Match.com’s New “Match Your Friends” Feature [Video]

Hello All:

Last time you got my rant on eHarmony. Well, as you’re about to find out, as much of a “Match.com Apologist” I am, it’s time for “equal time”.

And for sure, Match isn’t completely off the hook by any stretch.

Here’s the latest evidence…

First it was “If you completely fail at online dating for six full months, we’ll give you more of the same.” Now we have this gem.

So what’s your take? Would you let your friends choose your dates?

Would you get “testimonials” from your friends (or exes?) and put them on your profile? That’s the other new feature of Match.com–which I conveniently forgot to mention in the video.

Be Good,

Scot

P.S. For your trouble in having to deal with their shenanigans (and mine), I think you deserve 15% off when you join Match.com. I can make that happen for you:

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Can Your Google Toolbar Do THIS?

OK, check it out. I was casually leafing through the last issue of Cliff’s List, which in and of itself is nothing unusual, when I found something that stopped me dead in my tracks. These days, it takes something altogether original to get that kind of reaction from me.

What I found was something called Diabolik’s Seduction Community Toolbar. Basically, somebody (namely “Diabolik”) who is apparently as gifted technologically as he is interested in improving his skills with women came up with the concept–and it’s completely cool.

Screenshot Of The Diabolik Seduction Community Toolbar

Basically, you download the lightweight application as you would Google’s Toolbar or anything similar. Installation is fast, intuitive and apparently bug-free. Then, the next time you open Internet Explore you have all the blogs, forums and associated other “goodies” from most of the big names in dating and seduction training for men at your fingertips. It’s like a “dating dashboard”. This is about as cool as it gets.

So definitely grab a heaping helping for yourself from the main download site. When you do, why not make your first official use of it to check out the Deserve What You Want forum? If you do, jump right in. These days we have FAR too many “lurkers” in relation to “posters”.

Be Good,

Scot

What Dating, Attraction and Seduction Issues Matter To YOU?

OK, well SHE can frame herself in red anytime. As long as it's as demonstrated in this pic rather than on Match.com. Me? I could use a nap (as usual).
Obviously, this blog is so new that you can still get high off of sniffing the pages.

But with a few posts (and cervezas) under our belt around here, it’s time to get more interactive. One of the great things a blog does, by nature, is get YOU involved. So with that in mind, it’s time to do something that seems almost obvious yet is easily forgotten by many.

I want to ask YOU…the READER…what it is that you would like to see more focus on. You’ve read lots of “dating advice”, and we both know that a lot of it tends to start sounding the same after a while.

Give us your most sought-after topics that you just aren’t getting any joy on from elsewhere. My pledge to you is that your requests will be heard and we’ll get to work on answering the kind of questions you are actually asking–and getting down to the issues that affect you the most.

Don’t be shy. Reply to this post and tell us what you’d like to see. Within reason. Of course.

Be Good,

Scot

We’ve Got To Be Careful Where We Point This Thing

We love to hear success stories from readers and listeners. Fortunately, it happens often and we never grow tired of it.

And every once in a while one comes along that really gets our attention.

Such was the case a few days ago when I got a call on Skype.

I could tell immediately that Espanol was this gentleman’s first language as he began–with great excitement–to tell me what was going on in his life.

He and his girlfriend had been listening to the X & Y On The Fly podcast for months, and we had inspired them. They were launching a podcast of their own, sharing dating and relationship advice with a global audience.

“Sweet!”, I responded. Having dragged Emily into the conversation from the other room. Now with his girlfriend conferenced in, I said “Tell us more about yourselves.”

“Well, she is the greatest woman in the world.”, he began. His girlfriend returned a similar sentiment…in perfect English.

Emily noticed the difference between their accents and offered some encouragement, “You know, my Mom’s first language was Spanish and my dad didn’t speak any at all. It was a real challenge for them, but you know they’re still happy together after over 40 years.”

As she responded, I detected an unmistakable Canadian inflection in her voice as she talked “aboot” their relationship, and how smitten they were.

Remembering that the guy had told me at the beginning of the conversation that he was from Mexico, but now living in Oklahoma, curiosity got the best of me.

Observing all of this, I said to her, “You sound Canadian. You’re from north of the border and him from the south. How in the world did you both find your way to Oklahoma? Talk about serendipity.”

Yeah, well…you know what happens when you assume.

“Umm…I’m sort of still in Canada.”, she offered.

The guy jumped in right away. “I’m fully prepared to move to Canada to be with her as soon as I can.”

Emily and I looked at each other wordlessly. Long distance relationship. Language barrier. International barrier.

And I couldn’t help it. Like “Mr. Stay Puft” just “appeared” in Dan Aykroyd’s mind in Ghostbusters, the joke just surfaced out of nowhere in my twisted imagination: “Forget whether he’ll still love her in the morning. Will he still love her in February?”

Finally, after what almost was allowed to become an awkward silence, I slipped further into the realm of ridiculous assumptions. “Well, I’m sure you make the most of every single minute you get to spend together. I can tell you are very confident in your feelings for one another.”

“Almost” was just a sweet memory at that point. We had tripped the “awkward silence” activator.

“Uh…well…we plan on that sometime in the near future.”

Don’t ask me which of the two uttered that one. Frankly, I forget. I was too flabbergasted to notice.

Indeed. They had never met. It had been seven months.

They say that love is blind, but that’s a hella long blind date. Especially in two different languages…and with two different passports.

But they genuinely appear to both be super nice people and we wish them well. Apparently, they have webcams and stuff.

And their podcast on dating advice is coming soon to an iPod near you.

And we were their inspiration.

And we’ve got to be careful where we point this thing.

Be Good,

Scot

Re: Greek Islands, Badminton, DaVinci Codes, etc.

I couldn’t help myself. WordPress put “Hi!” or “Hello!” in the subject line, and you know how I feel about that.

And see, I got you to “open” my first message. Nice.

Here’s the strange part. I really thought I was doing a blog already. You know, all my newsletter articles tend to show up neatly on the main site thanks to the magic that is RSS.

But then one day not too long ago, my “dating guru” buddies started wanting to blogroll me. After getting over the initial shock of such a forward request, I realized that there was no such way to accommodate such.

Well, now that problem is “no problem”, isn’t it?

But now that we’re here, I’m loaded down with ideas. The first of such was to finally make a page on my server that actually has a clean appearance with loads of whitespace. Those of you who have been squinting at my forum for months now should be pleased with that development for sure.

But thinking beyond the surface, I am feeling this sensation of a new freedom…The momentum of cathartic expression welling up inside. The type of which that can only portend utter explosion into the Blue Sky of The Blogosphere that has been pent up for months within me.

That and I’ll actually have a home for relatively concise thoughts that are nice to express, but not quite ready for “prime time” exposure to thousands of demanding newsletter subscribers.

Plus, The Piper may end up paying me the “instant gratification” I’ve been doling out in heaping helpings for over a year now in the form of “immediate downloads which you can be reading within five minutes”.

So all of that blathering is long for “Welcome”. I look forward to your well-wishes as well as to any rotten veggies you may hurl at the screen. After all, a man has to eat somehow.

Be Good,

Scot McKay