Dr. Sasha – The Official Blog Of Scot McKay

Perfectionism And How To Tackle It…For Dating Success And Beyond

It has been a while since I posted my last article on this blog, and it’s already February 2009, so you may wonder why I have remained silent for a few weeks? And the truth is that I was afraid. Yes, I was afraid of writing an article which will be anything less than perfect. Didn’t I tell you that I was a perfectionist?

Perfectionism and Fear of Mediocrity

And while perfectionism is something socially acceptable, in essence it’s nothing else other than a fear of mediocrity. Yes, FEAR OF MEDIOCRITY. Such perfectionism creates a self-imposed pressure that we want to avoid. And this avoidance leads to procrastination and self-defeating fears. It says “If I can’t do it perfectly, then I really don’t want to do it at all.” How is it related to meeting women and enjoying a happy love life you may ask?

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Motivation Turbo-Charger Part 1: Getting Going

I want to make a confession. I have been putting off writing this article for about a week. I know that I have lots to write about, and yet I didn’t write this article until this very moment. I even made up all those “other” things to do around my office to avoid writing this.

And then it suddenly struck me: This is exactly how most guys put their love life on hold.

Some immerse themselves in work, some play computer games or watch porn on the Internet, and some collect any and all kinds of knowledge about picking up and seducing women, with little practical application.

Other guys actually get a lot of action going for a while, but then their motivation starts to subside.

Can you relate to any of these situations? If you can, then carry on reading. (And if you can’t relate, then you’re probably already very successful with women!)

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Alcohol-Free Authenticity — Improve Your Success With Women When Sober

When you are out on the town having a good time with your friends and talking to girls, it may be so tempting to have a few drinks. Perhaps, drinking allows you to relax, get you out of your head, makes you more impulsive and talkative, and helps you to be your natural attractive self with girls around you. As one of my friends said, “When you have a few drinks, it guarantees you a fun night out…”

The reason why drinking may help your game is that alcohol allows you to temporarily reduce your inhibitions and express your natural masculine desires. It also helps you to switch off the “script” (i.e. social conditioning, limiting beliefs and fears). And then your natural self springs into action and seizes the night. But…

Problems start when you have a few too many and relaxed and comfortable becomes sloppy and messy. Your mind may lose its sharpness and you may start failing the tests from women or be unable to plan how to close the deal…let alone that drinking may seriously affect your erectile function and the amount of cash in your pocket, including all the money you spend on taxis!

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A Powerful Way To Lead A Woman

What I’m going to share with you today is the kind of the elusive obvious that can totally make or break your interaction with the woman. If you frequently finish in the “just friends” zone with the woman or you are sometimes unable to transition your conversation with the girl from the “intelligent and witty” into the “naughty and intense” then this may be just that missing piece of the puzzle for you.

You know that women are emotional creatures. And they like to be led forward in your interaction with them. As one of my friends rightly said: “Women want you to lead them into the places they don’t yet realise they want to go.” So how do you lead a woman towards experiencing some powerful emotions about you, such as attraction, comfort, trust, and excitement? That’s right, you should lead her with your own emotions!

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Structured Authentic Game

A few years ago when I was just starting on this journey to becoming a man who is successful with women, I studied a lot of material on the structure of “outer” game. As many people here would know, a lot of various seduction-related sources agree on the general structure of the game. This can be loosely divided into the following sections: opening, building attraction, qualification, developing rapport or comfort & trust, and seduction.

At the time, I learnt a lot of canned lines and stories to be told during each of these stages to successfully progress to the next “level” in the seduction process. And I must tell you, I had a few issues with this approach.

Mainly, I felt that a lot of the material was totally incongruent to my personality, and instead of showing my real myself, I was presenting a girl with some kind of artificial “Pick Up Persona”. This persona was also extremely hard to maintain when I met the girl the next time, or to develop a relationship with the girl. And as honesty and authenticity are my core values, no wonder that I didn’t enjoy much that kind of game.

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Make Your Authentic Voice Heard

As I was driving home a couple of days ago thinking about writing this post, I got a message from my friend that sounded a bit new-agey but perfectly summarised some of my ideas on how we can relate to women from the position of authenticity.

That message said: “In your most authentic self your subconscious will appoint you to positions of spectacular grandeur. Unfortunately your well meaning but overactive mind replaces these appointments of success with positions of failure and inadequacy. It is only this reflex dis-appointment that prevents you from achieving your most fantastic, wondrous and incredible goals, because to your true self they are not goals but inevitable realities.”

As you know, there is a lot of advice out there in the Seduction Community telling men canned lines and stories to be told to women to win their hearts. This advice assumes that what you have to say as a man is not good enough to be told and has to be substituted with someone else’s lines.

But is this really true? Don’t you have your unique, authentic voice deep inside that always knows what to say and how to say it?

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How To Deserve What You Want By Being Yourself

The concept of deserving what you want is the fundamental one in this community. But let me ask you a question. How do you understand this concept?

See, some time ago I caught myself thinking that I constantly worked on developing myself in order to deserve great women in my life. Like an athlete preparing for a competition, or a soldier getting ready for a war.

I thought to myself: “Just do one more thing (whatever it was), and I’ll be ready to meet quality women out there!”

And by doing this I was, in fact, staying in my flat most of the time. Not meeting women, not having dates, not enjoying women’s company…because I thought I was not good enough yet to meet them!

And this was a big mistake on my part…

I remember how my friend once said to me: “It is much easier to get what you really want then what you think you can get.” But the thing is that most people go for what they think they can get. So there is a lot of competition for mediocrity, for the second best.

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How To Approach Naturally Without Fear

I always wondered how to approach and start a conversation with the attractive women I would meet on the street, in a supermarket, or in a coffee shop.

At first, I felt that initial excitement arising within me, but this excitement quickly turned into a paralytic fear…Have you ever felt this paralyzing, soul-freezing fear?

Hot on the trail of this fear, a string of thoughts would emerge—‘I don’t know what to say!’ or ‘What will she think of me?’—followed by images of her rejecting you, telling you to ‘get lost!’ and people around laughing at your humiliation.

I, for one, have surely felt it!

Finally, you might either psyche yourself to approach her or find a seemingly ‘good’ excuse to justify why you aren’t approaching her, such as ‘She’s way above my league’, ‘I’m not dressed for the occasion’, ‘Maybe next time–I’m in a hurry’, or ‘She’s not hot enough for me’.

Reasons for this so-called approach anxiety are many, and they are mainly due to social conditioning and our own negative experiences of the past. Let’s not explore these reasons any further—this has already been done repeatedly in many sources! I’d rather give you some practical advice on how to overcome this anxiety, from what I learnt through my own experiences of talking to about 1,000 women over the past 5 years, as well as what I have learnt from the vast experience of my friends.

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