I’m sure you’ve read the news about the unfortunate and tragic events that unfolded in Suburban Pittsburgh on Tuesday night.
My sincerest condolences go out to the victims, their families, and anyone else directly affected.
One particularly unfortunate part of the story is that the gunman, George Sodini, left a blog chronicling his premeditation of the crime and his motivation for doing it in lurid, shocking detail. One of the most consistent themes within the context of what he wrote was his failure with women.
So as you might imagine, I’ve been flooded with e-mails asking my take on what happened and/or asking me to draw parallels between what Mr. Sodini was struggling with and what thousands of frustrated guys deal with on a daily basis.
But I will not be indulging in the latter. And my take on the tragic occurrence Tuesday night is simply this:
No matter how frustrated you may be with women right now, you are NOT like George Sodini.
Yes, some guys experience such a painful pattern of rejection with women over the course of years (or even decades) that they grow very bitter. And yes, Mr. Sodini’s blog shows some clear signs of the self-defeating “limiting beliefs” that we see every day in guys who are not as successful with women as they like.
But there are several very unique aspects of Mr. Sodini’s situation that cannot be overlooked.
First, Mr. Sodini apparently did not want help. Strangely, and pathologically, he was oddly content with his pain enough to make it the focus of his existence in many ways. Whether this was simply a “defense mechanism” on his part against perceived helplessness is debatable, but all I can say is that if you are reading this you likely are all about getting better with women rather than celebrating defeat.
Interestingly, there’s mention in Sodini’s blog about possibly needing a life coach, but he quickly dismisses the premise. This I know: His name doesn’t appear on my customer list, nor that of anyone else I informally checked with.
Next, we’re talking about a man here who literally chose to be unsuccessful even in the face of success. He speaks of having no friends, yet mentions being invited to several parties and get-togethers. By his own account, he was able to approach women and have conversations with them.
Oddly, even vis-a-vis his various rants about not having been on a date in ages and going without sexual intimacy for 19 years, he mentions having been on a date recently. From the way the account was written, it’s easy to concluded that Sodini decided the date would be a failure without the woman’s help.
Indeed, several times Sodini speaks of achieving successes that most people would take joy in–including a substantial promotion at work less than two weeks ago–only to immediately dismiss them as not changing his resolve to end both his life and that of others also in the process.
It’s very much as if killing himself and others was his chief goal, and life successes were viewed as pesky potential distractions from what he perceived as his “mission” of sorts.
And that’s just flat-out sick.
So no. Neither you, nor I nor anyone else I know is like George Sodini. Your frustration with women isn’t going to make you go on a shooting spree if you don’t get it handled, dude. And as such, I will not succumb to the “marketing opportunity” here as it is perhaps perceived by others in the dating advice field.
Every one of us as guys has our frustrations with women, and indeed every woman experiences frustration with men at some point also. That’s life. It’s a human thing.
And indeed, most of us are all about getting through those frustrations and achieving breakthrough success rather than wallowing in the pain…aren’t we?
Be Good,
Scot McKay
Kudos for not using this as a marketing opportunity, Mr. McKay!
Sometimes, I get into “Frustration-Mode”… But as Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is brave five minutes longer.”, the courage to hold on always got me past hard times.
Great post today, Mr. McKay!