The Power of Being Observant In Pickup

Posted on November 17, 2008
Filed Under Being Cool, Inner Game, Jim Dalton, Pickup |

Ok guys, around here it is mentioned a lot how a man can almost have what appears to be superpowers with a woman. Being observant is yet another one of those powers.

I find it to be the most important aspect in my dating game, especially lately. It takes experience, it takes ups and downs but then you will notice it starts to make a huge difference. It is about being observant in multiple different situations. Whether you are just about to try to pick her up, meeting someone for a date for the first time, an icebreaker on the fly, AMOG’ing another guy out, escalating kino, conflict resolution, etc. and etc., observation is a strong tool.

The key to a lot of it is being able to, in a sense, slow things down. A key part of this is body language. I mentioned in my article “From Russia with Love” about body language–Bond always has calm under fire. I do not walk into a bar, going, “OK…time to find my targets, and then point 5.6 to neg 3 minus, calibrate my energy and inoculate the number, target 6 will get canned line 7….”.

Yes I have a game plan, yes I have a structure…but it is simple. It is natural to me, I am not a robot about it. I see my whole game lately having a core of being observant in any situation.

I will give some key examples below how being observant will put you in the power of choosing, and putting things in slow motion. Remember gentlemen, it takes a lot of experience, mistakes, ups and downs, but with each situation you are fine tuning yourself.

1. Pickup:

Ok I will give an example from the other night. Now when I walk into any atmosphere, bar, super market, I walk in like I own the place. Believe me sharp women notice this. Yet when I walk in I pause for a second and I look around to take in the situation. I see if there are women I would speak to, get a feel for the atmosphere, and then I move to what I am going to do.

So back on topic. I was with my friends, and we went to a bar that has a post nightlife type feel. Comfortable couches, not loud, just more chill to basically enjoy conversation. So I walked up to the bar, and noticed two girls with a guy, yet the two girls gave me a strong look, an up and down, they turned to each other, giggled and then turned back to the guy. I gave a bit of a smile back. So on the way to the bar with my friend I walked by them and leaned in, said “Hey!” leaned back out.

I waited till they focused on me. “Why are you ogling at my shirt?”. Now that question was my line. See, nothing hard, nothing memorized, just simply observed what they were looking at. So one girl had some Celtics bracelet on, and asked “Can I trade you my bracelet for that shirt?” I put on an evil grin and said “Whoa, is that your attempt to get my shirt off? Get your head out of the gutter missy.”

Now her and friend both started testing me. Guys, a big part about pick up is that girls especially the sharp ones will test you right off the bat. They are testing your manhood, and to see if you are indeed genuine and not just lines. So I kept accusing them a bit. They were laughing, but throwing in a lot of questions and statements like “you wish we wanted your shirt off”, but I brushed that off and just kept teasing them.

Now in these situations, remember to always pay attention to what she does and not so much to what she says. Guys, this was all within about a minute. But every time they tested me they leaned in to me, one put her hand on me. “Get your hands off the goods” I said with a bit of a laugh.

Then BOOM they asked what I do for a living. I gave a playful answer and said “I am a butt model.” I waited for their jaws to drop, then I turned around and said “its cute isn’t it.” They both grabbed it, but I knew it was time to tone it down. And then I told them what I do, but immediately bridged it to passions.

Guys as soon as a girl asks about you in a serious manner, like your name or where you live, they are interested. Now if I did not observe there behavior, I probably would have thought I was being blown off before any of this. If I was too structured I would have been stuttering and stammering for some line or some step I should have been at, and not have been my natural self, essentially losing my power and coming from the position of chasing.

The way to learn this is basically just by rolling the dice and doing it. Learn from mistakes, learn from the good. Then you can read their body language.

Now another group came up to me and I opened them but they were cold, and one kept looking over her shoulder. I followed to where she was looking, it was a group of guys. One wanted to warm up I could tell, but she also kept looking back. They got their drinks, and went back to there boyfriends. I even called them out on there attitude, but they were not rude, they were just giving off the body language of “we can’t talk”.

Now as for the other girls where it was on, they had just met that guy they were with that night. They said they were open to go anywhere, which was in a sense testing and asking to see if I was a viable excuse to ditch him and hang with me. But after I screened them, I lost some interest, so I said well I am going to get back to my friends.

When the guy was leaving, they came back and asked me outright if they could hang with me. I said, “No, you guys have a great night.” I chose, I observed their personality, observed the situation and observed myself what I wanted out of the interaction.

I had a fun conversation, however I did not want to carry it any further. So with that I went back to my friends seeing that I did not have real attraction to either of them. Being observant in pick up, you can choose whether to deploy and set up a date or to eject and go on your way.

2. A Date:

So I was on a first date that was from an online site. Now from online, I try to go from email to number, to phone call, to first meet as quickly as I can. So my first phone call to her was ok. I was extremely tired after an AC/DC concert the night before. However we had a ton in common, and I could tell I saw myself dating her. I was so tired I even mumbled about the meet up, and only in a sense actually initiated it.

The next morning I was kind of like, “Oh man…not my best but oh well.” So I texted her the next day, like I said I would. I texted the meet up time and place, taking more charge. Now when she showed up, I had a planned out date in the bookstore. However I immediately noticed that her body language said she was nervous and certainly had a long day at work.

Being playful, teasing, and cocky/funny was way beyond this woman’s scope. Her body language was wary of me, and I could tell she had a long day. So I did not go ahead and force through a planned date, as it just would have been moving too fast for her. Granted guys, my noticing of this was in a sense very surgical game. Lots of first dates, interactions, and just understanding how to read body language allowed me to see this.

So I instead went down the ‘get to know her route’ instead, over some tea and a relaxed conversation. So I took the lead and said, “Do you want a tea or coffee?, I am gonna grab a tea. Do want to sit down?” Now most of you are saying, that is not taking the lead. However guys my body language and tone, was the “its gonna be ok.” Now she said, “You have no idea how bad I want to sit, long day at work.” I said “Yeah, I noticed that the second you walked in, here I am gonna grab a tea and then we will take a seat upstairs and you can unwind.”

Guys it was like a weight lifted off of her shoulders, she put on a big smile, and as I was trying to dig my wallet out to pay for my tea, she ordered one and quickly paid for hers and mine. I hardly even noticed, till I asked if she paid for them.

I said thanks and that the next round is on me. I sat her down, and said, “So talk to me, tell me about your day.” Off she went, and then the conversation just carried. I kept listening to her and observing her, and when the conversation led to passions and favorite movies to which we kept quoting is when I slightly started to throw in little attraction spikes. Accusing her of checking me out, teasing her every time her foot mistakenly hit me. Though in small doses.

If you notice, canned routines and lines would have gotten me rejected in a few seconds here. So when it was over she said, “I have to admit I was really wary, this was my first date after being on Match for three months. However I certainly enjoyed it. You did not seem to nervous though, which I appreciated and made me feel at ease to be honest.”

It immediately related to me and I said “Its ok, I am the exact same way. I am always a bit wary at first and I just rather get a feel for the person first sometimes. Just to make sure you are not a crazy stalker.” She laughed and off we went.

Now I called her about a day or so later and guys, it was pure attraction. I was teasing her, bantering, back and forth. I have the next date all planned and she is stoked–she already feels comfortable enough to go on a car ride with me. Being observant in this situation allowed me to change gears, and let her know she can feel comfortable and trust my presence.

Now I put a little more gas on the fire and she is giddy on the phone with me now. However, if I just forced fed her my first date, which was a good planned one, she just would not have been able to handle it. That is the the key about being observant, understanding your inner voice, and then being cognizant of the woman’s state.

I do come from a bit of a view point where everything at first is a test, but her test of me was about whether or not she can feel comfortable around me enough to allow her personality to come out. If I started teasing her right off the bat, she probably would have felt like she was still at work. Now taking the lead instead with a calm presence with my body language set me up later to ignite her femininity.

I did not get into her frame, instead I brought her into my relaxed state. When you have this power of observing, which takes time, you can move and think on the fly like I did. Again, this takes time and experience. Not just with dates, but talking to both genders, and learning through your various interactions. Then you can start getting in tune with moods, thus being the alpha male and be the stronger presence.

3. AMOG a guy out:

That means basically to handle another guy if he is coming off as a threat in some way, or basically saving some girls from a beta male *evil laugh*.

I do not try to ruin other guys games, however there are times when you will have to deal with jerks. I was at my favorite watering hole a while ago, and a guy kept bumping into me and moving into me at the bar. I turned around and said in a calm tone “You ok, man? Do you need some help or something?” Now I am 6′2″ and 200 pounds and work out a lot. But by no means am I the muscle head in the place, but I carry a bit of a frame, However he was not exactly tiny either.

Another side note, strong body language guys carried with confident swagger, you will find those muscle bound dudes get out of your way. Alpha style, baby. So back on topic I was non threatening, but he said in an angry tone “Move out of the way I want to get a drink.” I responded. “Ah, did your mom not teach you any manners? Just say excuse me man. I would have moved, just a simple ‘excuse me’ like your mom taught you, that’s all.”

His body language then went to confrontational, he said, “Do you have a problem?” I laughed and said, “Man, really its ok, just say ‘excuse me’ like you were taught, and then I would have moved. Here, let me get the bartenders’ attention for you.”

Now the gorgeous bartender in this place always flirts with me and whenever I need a drink or her attention she comes instantly. I called her over, with a playful almost disbelieving tone. “This guy needs a drink and was too intimidated by us to ask, so help him out. Help him out will you?” I patted him on the back, and said “There you go man, no worries, just say ‘excuse me’ next time, enjoy your drink and have a great night.”

My tone was like I was the CEO of his emotions, and I was amused as to why he was like the way he was. He was embarrassed. I was non-confrontational, and he knew that any type of confrontation would have made him look like a whiny child.

However I had my standards, and I observed what he was doing. He buried himself into his beer muttering to himself but he knew what was up. He knew if he went further, I would have had him thrown out.

The pretty bartender came over later and said “Thanks, that guy was a jerk. What did you do that has him so depressed?” Guys you will find out, that I/J (idiot/jerks) are generally insecure, and when they pound their chest and you just call out the insecurities, even the most muscle bound jerk will just back off. It’s a matter of observing it. If he wanted to get physical, I would have been able to tell–and I would have quickly gotten him thrown out.

Observe guys, and you will be a calming presence in almost any situation, and people know you are man enough to handle anything. They will know you have your standards, and you do not back down from your standards. Women will see that you have things handled and effectively under control.

So there you go, gentleman. I could give loads more examples. However, it’s time to go out there and learn how to fine tune your own game. Like I said, mistakes I have made as well as huge breakthroughs have all aided to this.

It didn’t come overnight. However it has fine tuned me to the point where on that date I mentioned I could just immediately tap into her emotional side and tell her everything is going to be alright. Being observant can help you calm emotions in heated moments, have great success talking with a woman, or even give you great conversation in any random spot.

So go out there and learn to embrace it. I take notes on a lot of my interactions. It helps me a ton. I hope to hear from you guys, and I hope my examples show a bit of guidance on the power of being observant.

–Jim

jim@deservewhatyouwant.com

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• Scot McKay is a professional dating coach and founder of X & Y Communications.

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