I’m going to level with you on this one. Part of why I’m writing this particular blog post is because I want to force myself to finally come to grips with a subject that I’ve always thought I understood—at least in principle—but lately am not so sure I REALLY, TRULY get.
That would be the whole, widely celebrated idea of “taking oneself less seriously”.
Perhaps ironically, this means I’m about to take the topic seriously, for once. Just in case your head is about to explode already, let’s rephrase that: I’m really in the mood to get down to the bottom of it all, especially as it pertains to interpersonal relationships.
No doubt, every single time “taking oneself LESS seriously” is talked about it’s positioned as a GOOD thing. Following logically, “taking oneself TOO seriously” is universally positioned as a BAD thing.
But rather than be sheep and follow the herd, doesn’t it behoove us (sheep have hooves, get it?) to first explore what’s so bad about being “serious” about oneself?
I mean, it’s always a GOOD thing to be serious about one’s career, serious about the welfare of one’s family and the like. In that context, NOT being serious means having a cavalier attitude towards what really matters in life. That, of course, would be dangerously irresponsible.
So what about our actual, physical selves? Clearly, we should take our health, our fitness, our spirituality and our use of precious time seriously…or else we’ll risk squandering our lives away.
Doesn’t all that qualify as “taking oneself seriously”?
Well, here’s where the rubber meets the road. Yes…you and I definitely SHOULD take everything that can affect our lives and those we love seriously. We can’t play around with that stuff.
And in certain situations where it would be flatly inappropriate to be less than solemn, you do what you have to do. Liturgical churches, war memorial monuments and locker rooms after big losses all come to mind.
But on the other hand, you CAN—and most definitely SHOULD–“play around” with yourself. And you can take that any way you want to, I suppose. The point being that self-absorption about what bothers you or worries you is the ENEMY of personal happiness in the moment…and unfortunately, it’s also both unattractive and contagious.
Basically, the crux of whether you’re taking yourself either TOO seriously or LESS seriously comes down to how you choose to “go with the flow”. That’s what I believe people really mean when they talk about it. The context is in the NOW rather than in making good decisions for the FUTURE, et cetera.
As such, if you can, say, find humor in bothersome events or somehow avoid analyzing worries to the point where you’re focusing on the worst, then you’ll be a more FUN person to hang around with…even as you have more FUN yourself.
And it will all because you’ve “taken yourself less seriously” in that existential, social sense.
I really think that might be the essence of it. It’s not that you trivialize what’s important to keep track of in this life, it’s that you learn to jettison what really, honestly isn’t—so long as what you’re letting go of is a BUMMER.
Trivial stuff that’s a blast to partake of? That’s a different story…go for it!
So basically, a man who takes himself MORE seriously allows himself to ruminate upon the negative more freely, perhaps spending the next five minutes reading about corruption in the local police force and letting his blood boil.
Meanwhile, some guy who takes himself LESS seriously is watching a five-minute YouTube video on something hilarious. Well, either that or he’s attempting to master one of those ridiculous “paddle balls” with the rubber band stapled to a board on one end and a ball on the other.
Ultimately, how either of those people spent the last five minutes really didn’t matter much in the grand scheme of things. But the latter person certainly had more fun.
As I wrote those last several paragraphs, I immediately thought of this classic music video for some reason (which coincidentally represents about five minutes worth of fun on YouTube):
So there you have it. On one level being “serious” implies that “fun” is being trivialized, if not tossed by the wayside as utterly unimportant.
But here’s another angle worth considering. One thing I’ve noticed about the British is that their humor is utterly loaded down with what they’d call “silliness”. Indeed, “silly” practically equals “funny” to folks in the UK. This was very clearly evident in the comedy of Monty Python, Benny Hill and Rod Hull’s “Emu”, and is most certainly alive and well today in the likes of Rowan Atkinson and Mitchell and Webb (my personal favorites). In fact, it’s not at all uncommon for British humor to directly allude to the idea of being “serious” as the exact opposite of being “silly”.
If you have Netflix, try watching an episode or two of a BBC show called “The IT Crowd” after you’ve had a rough day. You’ll feel decidedly sillier afterward.
Heck, maybe you remember that Australian comedian/movie producer who legally changed his name to “Yahoo Serious”. Ironic comedy was evident even in his name, as he was most definitely very, very silly. For what it’s worth, his flick Young Einstein is worth watching.
Here in the states we can sometimes appreciate silly humor, but we’ve clouded the concept by also embracing the likes of Lewis Black, Ron White and Bill Burr, who most definitely have an edge to their stuff that you just can’t label “silly”. Part of what makes those guys funny to us is that they often seem to be taking themselves MORE seriously than not, at least according to the working definition I’m using here.
Then you have more “deadpan” guys like Bob Newhart and Stephen Wright. Their comedy lies in the fact that they really ARE “serious”. That’s pretty crazy, isn’t it? Could the genius of that sort of humor be that we love to actually make fun of people who take themselves TOO seriously, especially if they help us do so? How’s that for “ironic humor”, right?
So then, being “silly” is a valuable component of taking oneself less seriously, for sure. But you really can’t be “silly” all the time, can you? And sometimes you’re also practically forced to deal with something negative, whether you like it or not…right? What’s the secret to “taking oneself less seriously” even in more, well, “serious” contexts like a business meeting or the like?
That’s where the most powerful dimension of all comes into play. Let’s go back to that idea of “self absorption” for a minute. In my mind, another key way you can take yourself less seriously is by not allowing yourself to get too worked up over bad stuff–especially your own bad stuff. That is, you just don’t let irritating thoughts or events get the best of you.
I mean, look at the disastrous social effects wrought by letting relatively small troubles get the best of you. The more worked up someone gets over the little things, the more likely they are to get picked on by their peers. That’s never a good thing. Weirdly, the more serious you take YOURSELF, the LESS seriously others take you.
Meanwhile, the positive ramifications of being less self-absorbed are equally undeniable. For starters, you experience less stress by taking a “no worries” attitude. Not only does that help your personal sense of well being, it makes you a MUCH more likable person socially.
Speaking of the Aussies, they’ve practically built their culture around the “no worries” attitude, to the point that they take GREAT pride in it. That is to say, they perhaps understand the overall value of “taking oneself less seriously” more than anyone else on Earth.
If you accidentally bump a baby stroller into an Australian guys’ chair at a restaurant and apologize, he’s almost 100% likely to smile and say, “aw, you’re alright!” with a surprising level of enthusiasm. Oddly, it’s almost as if you’re welcome to do it over and over again if necessary. It’s no wonder that most everyone on Earth thinks fondly of Australians, no?
I can’t help but think that another great way to crush self-absorption would be to become more outwardly-focused. It follows logically that taking the attitude that we’re going to care more about others and be more compassionate would by definition take our attention away from all the worry, bitterness, busy-ness and “blood boiling” anger so often associated with taking oneself too seriously. Why is that so much easier said than done? Surely, we’d all like to be more relaxed and “less serious”, right…or wouldn’t we?
And hey, what about male/female relationships? Well, we can pretty much conclude that taking ourselves less seriously puts both us and others at ease. It’s good for our health, and it makes people like us and want to hang around with us. And it’s flat-out more FUN. So when thinking about what attracts women to men and vice-versa, you can easily recognize how taking ourselves less seriously would be of massive benefit.
A man, for example, appears to have more personal control and greater patience. By not flipping out and stressing over irritating details, he therefore comes off as a more effective protector. By relaxing and having more fun, he improves his social proof, becoming even more attractive to women. And most definitely, any man who can “bring out the playful” in a woman makes her feel more feminine, which is what “igniting femininity” is all about. Great news all around.
And yes, “girls just want to have fun” and we as men love them for it. So it’s as if taking oneself less seriously is practically prerequisite for sparking high-powered attraction in men. Ask any guy and he’ll tell you that negativity and worry throw cold water on the flames of passion faster than just about anything else.
I have to tell you, with that I’ve definitely convinced myself of not only what it means to “take oneself less seriously”, but also the imminent importance of it.
How about you? Do you think it’s as important as I do? Do you agree with my definitions of what it means, or did I leave out something important? Would you rather take yourself more seriously and register a complaint? Or shall we all simply go join the Monty Python Ministry of Silly Walks?
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. All of this reminds me, have you ever approached a woman only to have her tell you, “I have a boyfriend”? Should you take that seriously, or not? Guess what, I’ve actually got a free report that shows you exactly what to do when you hear those dreaded words. It’s a short, entertaining read.
So, don’t be Mr. Anal, but don’t be a clown?
Maybe a BIT simplistic, but you’ve got the right idea, for sure.
Hey, I was wondering I don’t take myself serious at times, but how do you find the right balance, because there are times where you just cant be silly or not take yourself less serious in certain situations cause the world around you forces you, for example something bad happens and you have to be serious and focused on that situation (like losing your job example). Can you be less serious in those situations? Thanks for the great article, it was a great read.
Saj
P.S
I have sent two emails to you but never got a reply. I sent a third one and I believe it was your secretary who said that I had to be a power session member in order to get my e-mails read and answered, is that true? If so can you give me a link to it. Thanks again.
Hey Saj, glad you enjoyed the post. Good question…I’d say is all comes down to what’s appropriate for the situation, no doubt. Being inward-focused and worried all the time is a major part of “taking oneself too seriously”. But I HAVE known people (*cough*) who have actually cracked jokes at funerals and had people tell them they appreciated them lightening the load a bit…
As for Power Sessions, yeah man. It’s long since gotten to the point where I have to prioritize the guys who are part of that inner circle. There are just too many e-mails to shake a stick at. Power Sessions gets your e-mails answered guaranteed, and only has a nominal fee attached. You can actually get anything you want at http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/store and a free month will come with it, no problem.
Thanks Scot I have read this article over and over it is a great one. It represents the character of a big four man.
I agree. And that’s a bit ironic, considering that most people would think of “strong character” as being very serious.
Good topic. I think that the two existential approaches discussed are not contradictory, what is however, is that people apply them prematurely. I mean that, we are more easily able to go with the flow -when the important stuff (family, relationship etc, whatever is for us), is figured out already. A person would missapply these approaches, if he or she decided to be ‘fun and careless’, even before figuring the important stuff up – that would be a cover up. Just like a tree needs strong rooting in the ground to move with the wind, so too, a man (and especially a male) needs to be serious about stuff that is serious, in order to be open and relaxed, about stuff that is not. About other aspects of life. And this of course applies to relationships: if you know what you want out of a woman you date (as you should), and remain congruent with it by your daily actions, then you are at ease. Naturally so.
Oh yeah, no doubt. You’ve got to be serious about stuff that really matters. Not sweating the small stuff is what it’s all about, really.
Hey Scott, I always enjoy your blogs and its all interesting for discussion.
I guess like everyone in the world, we all had our rough moments. I do agree in the balance of all things in the universe, including being in between too serious and too laid back.
There is this little anecdote I am currently experiencing: Here in Vancouver BC, I don’t know in the rest of Canada, people tend to have this mentality of “do what you love to do with passion and money will come later”. And I tell you, when it comes to seriousness, it comes to money, because man…Vancouver is expensive. As an artist and designer, I am having a bit of a rough time looking for creative jobs, starving artist stereotype; however, I still volunteer while doing what I love to do with passion…along with a part-time job to get by. I could say it’s a crappy one, but at the same time it’s not worth to complain because its a balance I have figured out. And even if there is no money involved in the artistic projects that I am doing, we do it with love and passion because we want it to be successful in the future.
I believe that the line between being too serious and too laid back has to do with positive attitude. One can only be laid back when one has it figured out, otherwise circumstances can be stressful; therefore, taking life more seriously.
It’s the same with what the media implements to society. We want to all have a Bob Marley attitude towards life when we are constantly bombarded by the news. In fact, I heard today in the CBC from a so-called interview with a University professor, and she stated that “now a days every individual is his/her own brand and determining how well they sell themselves will determine who wins and who losses”. Wow man, to me this sounded very serious and its scary too. I said, I will try to market myself to the best of my abilities; however, when she stated win/lose…to me that sounded like a matter of life/death. It got serious for me…and at the same time I remember what my dad told me from an old saying that says: “There is no wrong that lasts 100 years nor body that can endure it”. So I said, you know what…even if it sounds scary, even if people sound serious all the time, keep your heads up and be positive, for the good of my well-being and happiness. So I decided to be less serious and continue the path of life. After all, I am still alive.
Cheers
PS: Check out my website, have some visual fun!
http://www.reboradv.com
Talking about being serious about something
I’d say that personal branding really takes on the image/personality of the individual behind the brand. That’s by definition, if you think about it. So someone who’s dead serious all the time would brand him/herself in that way, whereas someone who doesn’t take him/herself so seriously would have a personal brand that would reflect that.