Success With Women: Recognize Breakthroughs…And Kick The Door In.
Posted on January 25, 2009
Filed Under Austin Parker, Inner Game, Men Attracting Women, Uncategorized |
We’re all on our own journey and I’d like to share with you part of mine. One year ago I left my former career to start business, even though I had never sold anything before and had no idea what I was going to do.
I’ll spare the details as they don’t add much, but I struggled for months. I read a lot hoping to avoid failure, but as it turned out I tried two projects and they both failed.
Nearly crushed, I launched a third project, and waited for the onset of failure. Except that didn’t happen this time. It took off, and I made my first profits.
I then faced the question “how do I grow this business?” and I had to learn marketing. I stumbled at first seeing no results for my efforts, but I kept trying and eventually started seeing success in this area as well.
Tonight I noticed I’m finally thinking like an entrepreneur. I’m evaluating another project and I’m no longer struggling with the basics. Yes, I’m still learning but I have ideas to expand my reach and achieve larger goals. What happened?
I had a breakthrough. And that is what I’d like to share with you in this post. My goal is to take you through this process, help you understand it, and encourage you to continue towards your next breakthrough.
A breakthrough is a sudden conviction that you can do something you didn’t feel capable of before. The mental barrier is gone. The activity is now natural. Breakthroughs are not gradual–they hit at once, like a ton of bricks.
I remember my breakthroughs in dating: First, I realized it was ok to talk to strangers. Then I realized it was ok to invite new people into my life. I then learned the power of touch and calibrated this process. Its amazing how much more naturally things happen when you’re comfortable doing it. This, of course, led to breaking through sexual escalation barriers. Finally comfort in these things leads to
comfort assuming leadership in social situations.
Tools to take action are often talked about in the Seduction Community. Understanding the breakthrough process is just as important.
Understand that knowing a tool isn’t the same as using it. You may know its ok to say hi to someone but you won’t learn until you start doing it. Also realize that rejection is ok. Rejection will happen when you’re learning. Good things will happen too. Some women will give you the cold shoulder, but others will light up in your presence.
In the beginning it will feel like luck of the draw. Don’t worry about the randomness. Let it happen and keep trying.
When learning a new process, I think we slowly absorb the details. We act cautious and stumble out of fear. Not knowing the limits, we make conservative guesses about what they are. One day, after enough success and failure, our mental model is near complete. This is when the breakthrough comes. With a complete mental model you’ll
know what to expect and with this a natural confidence kicks in.
Knowing the limits brings comfort exploring their edge, ironically enough. The old fears and limits are replaced with real expectations. In the Community, we call this process calibration.
Getting to my first business “success” was painful. I’m not done yet, but I feel I’m at the second tier and trying new things. If you’re struggling, don’t worry. Its natural. Keep going, keep trying. Aim for little goals and celebrate the victories. If you feel certain behaviors or techniques are out of your league, don’t despair. One day you’ll
wake up surprised at your personal growth and find yourself ready to try new things. Good luck!
–Austin
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Bravo, Austin…well said.
Breakthroughs come from getting a lot of reps, and the process becomes natural.
I’ve seen enough people become walking encyclopedias of seduction community knowledge while still being mortally afraid to implement any of it in real life. At worst, they become experts at excusing their own failure.
I agree that taking action is the key to success with women and everything else.
Before I knew anything of “structured game” my friends and I would go to the mall and see how many numbers we could get.. I would approach girl after girl.
Even though I didn’t really know what I was doing I became comfortable approaching and talking to women. Also, I developed a sense of wit over time and the ability to comeback with “a better answer” more consistently.. which made the interactions more fun.
David Gideon
David Gideon’s last blog post: Neil Strauss Dating Course Part 9