It’s such a shame, really. Sometime back in the pickup artist era it was decided that whenever women casually bring up sex during first date conversation—or friendly chit-chat, even—it must be some sort of “test”.
The assumption there is she’s evaluating how we deal with the “hot potato” she’s suddenly dropped in our lap.
If we overreact with excitement and/or shock, she’ll assume we’re undersexed, inexperienced and desperate. Losing our cool is an epic fail, openly demonstrating we’re not in her league.
But if we remain composed and casually engage in the conversation as if it’s no big deal, then we score big points.
On the surface, this might appear to be a reasonably accurate assessment of such a situation and how we might potentially handle it as guys.
But what if it’s not a “test” at all? I’d contend it’s more of an invitation to join in the mating dance.
Unfortunately, most guys take an exhilarating opportunity like that and squander it. They sense they’re being “tested” and fall into self-preservation mode instead of reaching for high gear.
No, you don’t shy away from the conversation. But nor should you simply keep it casual and matter-of fact. That’s mere survival, not glorious victory.
Remember, she started it. Go forth boldly under such circumstances.
The evolved man doesn’t dive right into propositioning her, of course. Rather, he pushes the envelope forward just an inch and isn’t surprised when she takes a mile.
It’s all about sparking her imagination in a creative, yet still indirect way…at least at first.
Here are six seriously hot, sexy ways to lob that “hot potato” right back in her lap, in the best way possible. All of these are sure to naturally incite far more interesting conversation than changing the topic to politics or current events:
1) “Did you know you can actually taste adrenaline in a kiss?”
All six ideas I’m presenting to you here have a common feature: they avoid direct statement of sexual intent. I can’t overemphasize the importance of that.
You see, the key is to bring up thoughts that are seriously horny, yet theoretical. That way, you don’t come off as sexually pushy even as you’re planting irresistibly naughty thoughts in her head.
Note that by dropping the question above she’ll automatically draw a mental picture in that overactive imagination of hers.
Fear not. You’re in that mental picture without forcing the issue.
Better yet, she’ll immediately recognize that you not only know what passion is, you have some powerful talents working in your favor.
2) “I read somewhere recently why men and women play ‘footsie’ under the table.”
Obviously, you hold this particular poker hand in reserve for when you’re seated at a table across from her.
She’ll either give her opinion in response to your statement, or she’ll ask you to elaborate.
The story there is that when a man and a woman look in each other’s eyes, playing “footsie” creates a head-to-toe physical connection that’s a subtle metaphor for, well…something else that’s physical from head to toe.
You can leave it at that, or you can also add that because it usually happens under the table and out of the sight of others, it feels naughty and secretive.
After that brief explanation, you should pause briefly. Briefly enough, that is, for her to start playing footsie with you.
Boom. [mic drop]
I tell you, this one is like playing “truth or dare”, only without being so overt about it. Nice.
3) “You know, the Hawaiians actually have a word for breathing in your lover’s exhale when kissing passionately.”
Again, with one simple sentence you get her mind wandering into some very horny places. What’s more, they’re warm, tropical places.
Having visions dancing in her head of the two of you making out on a moonlit beach in Maui is never a bad thing.
4) “I’m curious, some people think kissing is more intimate than sex. How about you?”
If you’re interested in continuing the conversation she’s thrown on the table to see where it goes, this one’s a first-class option. The chances of it falling flat are virtually zero, and you could drive it coast-to-coast before it runs out of gas.
The strange thing about this topic is that it’s just wonkish enough to feel like you’re innocently discussing a Cosmo article, yet just horny enough that her impure thoughts are impossible to contain.
Have some fun with this one. See how long you can keep the conversation from turning direct. Bite your tongue and thereby practically dare her to blurt out what she wants you to do to her.
5) “Did you know that if you mentally focus all of your passion for a split second during lovemaking, your partner can physically feel a little electrical rush?”
You’re a magic man, mama. And she’ll know that for sure the very second you punctuate this sentence.
Be careful with this one, though. If she’s even remotely attracted to you she’ll start counting the minutes until you drill each other’s brains out.
This one, along with numbers 1 and 3 are the most likely to elicit an uncontrollable reflex in her to whisper, “OMG…that is sooooo hot.” That’s always a good sign.
6) “You know what? I think people are too anxious to have sex when they first meet each other.”
What, am I crazy? Crazy like a ninja, perhaps.
You see, most women have their guard up on first dates, preparing themselves for yet another in a train of sex-focused men who are desperately trying to get in her pants.
By producing this unexpected morsel of truth, you serve notice that you’re different. It’s a “pattern interrupt”, of sorts, compared to what she’s used to.
Sure, she might go on a mini-rant–which may be in agreement OR disagreement with your statement, incidentally.
But experience tells me it’s far more likely you’ll have piqued her intrigue. At that point you might nonchalantly express (in third-person plural, of course) how people miss out on the thrill of the first time they make eye contact, hold hands or even kiss…all because they sacrifice such deeply satisfying romance in the name of rushing to the finish line.
Suddenly, she’ll realize you “get it”.
Why? It’s all about comfort and security. You’ve disarmed her anti-perv force shield. Plus, she senses you wield the power as a real man to respect her holistically as a woman, getting to know her and savoring each exciting moment.
Perhaps ironically, she’ll be practically begging you to ravish her sooner than you expected as a direct result. Go figure.
Did you notice that the slightest modicum of blessed patience goes A LONG way when it comes to this stuff? I’m astounded by how many men foolishly hamfist sexual conversation, diving in for the “kill” way too early.
When perfectly executed, the time it takes to exchange a mere sentence or two can make all the difference. That’s as little as fifteen seconds. Invest that time wisely and she’ll be biting her lower lip, flashing the “take me eyes” or squirming sideways in her chair. Maybe all three.
So, what do you think of all this? Guys…how have you handled it when a woman brings up sex? Are you skeptical it even HAPPENS on first dates?
And ladies, what say you? Am I on target with this or did I leave out an important point somewhere?
Be Good,
Scot McKay
insightful tips.
Interesting ideas. You never know, and it always pays to be ready.
I’ve never heard of any woman doing this at all. Mind you Anglo ” culture ” is sexually repressive for both genders, women are more sensitive to social stuff & what ” society ” expects from them ,so social conditioning will have an effect.
I promise it happens quite often, Kevin. Granted, women might not throw themselves at you sexually and/or say overtly horny things, but they often bring up sexual topics out of the blue.
Yeah, Kevin it happens (sometimes), and if you by chance come across this type of woman you may want to consider her a “keeper” unless she’s bat$hit crazy. People in Europe have less inhibitions about this than we do here in the good ‘ol USA. When I was there the women were generally friendlier, but i hear it’s getting more like here. We’re more Victorian/Puritanical than most developed and industrialized nations. Add radical feminism into the mix and you’ve got a disfunctional male-female dynamic that makes about as much sense as a one legged man in an a$$ kicking contest. It’s a sad shame but it’s the flotsam that we have to sift through.
It depends. You have to look at a woman’s personality holistically, but it definitely helps if she’s not angry at men and/or emotionally broken for reasons tied to sexuality.
I’ve traveled extensively, and I certainly agree that it’s amazing how sexually forward women in some other nations are relative to ours. I once spoke at a conference in Norway where people spontaneously started getting naked.
Then again, there are plenty of cultures that are more conservative, as well. The Middle East, much of sub-Saharan Africa, India, and much of the Pacific Rim come to mind.
Here in the USA, there’s considerable regional variation.
As for radical feminism, you can freely stay away from them. They’d generally rather have it that way anyway, notwithstanding the occasional gal who’ll come to us asking, “I hate men. Can you find me a good one?” Jeebus.
I do think kissing is more intimate than sex. As far as these subtle cues, a man would do well to learn these things. He would find out that many more women than he imagined are wanting to sleep with him. I actually think sometimes men are really the ones who are too wound up about sex.
I couldn’t agree more with all of those thoughts, Clovis. Women really are MUCH more comfortable talking about sex in general than most men are.
Scot,
patience is key,
this weekend, i met two really hot women,
I acted calm, like sex was the last thing on my mind, flirted just a little, they threw themselves at me.
i actually stole a girl from a buddy because he came on too strong (she told me so)
Most definitely. I’d also say you didn’t exactly “steal” that one from your friend if he never really had her attention to begin with.
I question the notion that one can “steal” another’s partner, anyway. One can act in a crass and inappropriate manner toward another’s companion, for certain; but I don’t consider any partnership healthy unless they WANT it, as opposed to feeling obligated or worse yet, “owned.”
Another seemingly contradictory matter is that I’ve observed conveying this attitude tends to make people with high self esteem want to be with someone all the more.
Well, ultimately I’d agree with that, especially in the context of LTRs. But it is indeed interesting how a guy most certainly can divert a woman’s attention from someone else in an early-stage pickup setting.
Agree wholeheartedly. For those of you like me who are wired more for creativity than memory, internalize the principles, and use your own creativity.
I enjoy “savoring each exciting moment”, as Scot puts it, and turning up the heat, anyway, and all that’s necessary is to communicate that, and not necessarily verbally. There are infinite variations on the theme, and improvised ones are often the hottest.
“Kissing is a great preview”
Its as if you learn my mind! You appear to know a lot
approximately this, such as you wrote the ebook in it or anything.
I believe that you simply can use a number of % to force the message home
a bit, however as an alternative to that, which is wonderful
blog. A fantastic read. I am going to definitely be back.
Hey Scot,
You know I like your website, but sometimes I’ve got to pick your brain when you talk about certain “issues” that catch attention, so answer me this:
1- How come women can “flip off the switch” at
the drop of a hat if they go from being
“turned on” to “turned off/friend zone” just
because a guy made a goof up in what he
said or because he held his nose the wrong
way? Is their sexual focus just a passing
thought for a brief minute?
2- If women are that much more comfortable
talking about sex than men is it because
they are more or less ambivalent about the
whole matter?
3- In regards to the comment Clovis made (I
think that’s a guy’s name, no offense)
about more women wanting to sleep with a
guy than he realizes, are you sold on the
idea that some women are sitting around
thinking or saying to each other, “yeah, I
really would like to f@ck that guy.”
Seriously?
4- If women are as keen on sex as men are how
come they seem to have no problem using it
as a reward/punishment tool to manipulate a
guy without any remorse?
Thanks!
1) The potential for spontaneous loss of attraction is actually not a gender-specific phenomenon. Usually, it’s not a simple, innocuous bit that triggers it though. Rather, it’s something that either represents a potential pattern and/or comes off as a rather major breach.
2) Nope. It’s because women talk about it more matter-of-factly amongst themselves, and in many cases because they’ve long-since demystified it.
3) Yes, that’s a fact. And they fantasize when they masturbate, too.
4) Because men foolishly let them. Try not letting them and watch an entire new world open up before your very eyes. Think of it this way, are women who are scrambling to marry a rich guy any more into money than the rich guy himself?
Ok, I’m not going to run this into the ground,but I’m not quite with you on #4. How do you “try not letting them?”
Thanks.
It’s simple, really…at least philosophically speaking. If you’re rather indifferent about whether you have sex with them or not, then withholding sex has no power over you. In turn, once they realize that you have retained your masculine power, they’re more sexually attracted to you. Bonanza.
It’s funny how that works 🙂
I remember several years ago when my ex fiance
and were having a little spat and I walked out
of her house and went back to mine. I made up
my mind that I wasn’t going to make the first
move to reconcile matters. This went on for
about 8-10 days. Then I got a phone call from
guess who wanting to know if she could come by
and talk to me, so she did. When I answered
the door, she came in wearing a long wool coat. She
took 2 cans of raw oysters out of the
coat, then took off the coat. The coat was the
only thing she was wearing. Then she said,
“I’ve been without long enough.” Then I had a
nice oyster appetizer, and the next 2 hours
were a kind of a blur but it did have a happy
ending!