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Right on.

You just don’t get this stuff by being “underground”, fellas.

Of note, I just want to point out that my Top 10 lists are not all-inclusive. However, when developing them I picked the behaviors, from both perspectives, which either myself and/or my single girlfriend’s have encountered most frequently and consistently.

And yes Scot, I’ll give you this, if guy #2 starts calling me less frequently, it would likely increase the “want-factor” on my part. However, I absolutely would not start calling him more to make up the difference. I’ll just keep my already very active and full life as well as continue dating others, then just wait to see what happens.

But you are also right about the fine line between creeping us out. It is pretty easy to tell the difference. Calling multiple times in a short amount of time says needy and creepy. Sounding anxious when they finally reach us says creepy.

Having something to talk about, being interested in our day and talking about when to get together never creeps us out IF we are interested in a guy.

The fellow I’m dating works in Texas all week while I’m in Tulsa. He is up by 5:30 am, usually at work by 6:30. I’m an early riser too, but I joked about having an early meeting and needing a wake up call the first week he began traveling, when we were brand new. He called the next morning around 6 and cheerily laughed about being my wake up service.

That began a tradition of his calling every morning around that time. We began dating the week he began this work schedule and that has been since Jan of 2007. I can’t tell you how much we both enjoy that brief contact, early in the day! I used to joke it was his way of knowing no one else was in bed with me, and vice verse, but it is more than that. It is how we deal with his being out of town all week.

He also calls around the end of the day…5 ish or 6 ish, for us to touch base about how our day was and what we are doing that evening. He is usually asleep before 8:30 so calls when he is in bed for a longer chat about our day, our kids etc. All in all, we rarely talk for more than 10 minutes, total, during the day, but the regular contact keeps us connected and reinforces that we are really interested in each other. I will say that the ratio of calling is probably 80-20…he initiates most of the calls. I rarely call him just to talk, and I’m mindful of the fact that he doesn’t have much privacy during the day and has fast paced days.

There are no specific plans of “a future” together…we just focus on how we treat each other while he is gone and how we spend the time we have together on the weekends. I suspect that early on he began the regular contact because he knew I was active with friends and community events and he was worried I would not continue to date a fellow that was out of town.

I think it was how he dealt with the anxiety he had about whether I was going to continue to date him. There were a few times when he got a little “creepy”, especially when he could not get a hold of me…but I understood how it must feel to be in a hotel all week while your girlfriend was out and about in her town. I told him when I felt he was sounding anxious, so we always talked about our feelings of just not knowing where we stood when relationships were new. And I have to admit some nights I would wonder what he was doing, as several members of his consulting team were dating local gals or going to clubs. As we became a couple, we both relaxed and I think we would both be shocked if the other person was unfaithful or dishonest.

We built trust early on by the regular contact that assured the other we mattered and no one else was in the picture. And by his sharing some of his co-worker’s behaviors he did not respect I grew to know what sort of recreation he enjoyed. And that he was a man of integrity and high standards…worthy of my attention.