Before you read this post, I ask that you ready yourself to learn and apply what you’re about to read.
When I first got into pickup this was my “working the room” game and it brought me much success. I challenge you to try this at your next customer meeting, house party, or night out.
Without further ado:
In the past I was terrible with names. When I was in college I was an orientation team leader one year. I had 20 freshman and I struggled with their names. To me this was embarrassing. Ask yourself, how can you hope to project any kind of interest in someone if you can’t even get their name right?
For this post I will discuss three types of learning senses: Audio, visual, and kinesthetic. We’ve all heard “use someones name as soon as you meet them”, or “visualize the person naked with their name tattooed across their forehead”, and you can think of others. I learned another technique that helped me as a kinesthetic (learn by doing!) guy. After you learn someone’s name and successfully repeat it, use your writing hand and discreetly go through the motion of writing their name with your hand.
Next time you’re out, try working the room. Open anyone up with whatever you’ve got. Then get their names. When doing group introductions, prevent the “shotgun name ritual”. The “shotgun name ritual” is where names are given faster than you can keep up.
People do this because they believe no one remembers names anyways. To them you’re just some stranger who doesn’t really care. Change this perception by repeating each persons name back to them and asking them to slow down if the introductions are moving too fast. And most importantly, use the techniques I just mentioned to remember the names. You will not forget a name if you combine two or three of them.
When you find someone you like, tease them with, “listen, I’m going to test you later, I plan to remember your name, so you’ll have to remember mine”. This leads to a few laughs and makes for great banter.
Later, when you meet folks again, greet them by their name. You’ll find they will greet you back by name. I’ve also found that when I greet people I met earlier by name, more often they treat me like a welcome friend rather than a stranger. It doesn’t take much of this to make you into the most popular guy or gal in the room.
Sometimes you’ll get the awkward “uh, oh, umm… hmm… I forgot your name, what was it?” Don’t be put off by this, this is a perfect opportunity for you and the other person. In this situation you can offer to teach these techniques to your new friend. I’ve found most people heard of the audio and visual techniques. Many have not heard of the kinesthetic technique and you will amaze them with it. After teaching these techniques, people remember my name. I also found that teaching something quick and useful is a powerful attraction tool.
I learned about the name techniques from Learn to Remember Any Name In 30 Minutes (an Audiobook available on iTunes) by Tony Wrighton. I recommend it if you want more background.
Last thing, if you forget a name, don’t sweat it. It does happen. Reemphasize that you consider names important and ask again.
Now you’re armed and ready. Let me know how it goes.
–Austin
