Make Your Authentic Voice Heard

Posted on September 1, 2008
Filed Under Dr. Sasha, Men Attracting Women, Seduction |

As I was driving home a couple of days ago thinking about writing this post, I got a message from my friend that sounded a bit new-agey but perfectly summarised some of my ideas on how we can relate to women from the position of authenticity.

That message said: “In your most authentic self your subconscious will appoint you to positions of spectacular grandeur. Unfortunately your well meaning but overactive mind replaces these appointments of success with positions of failure and inadequacy. It is only this reflex dis-appointment that prevents you from achieving your most fantastic, wondrous and incredible goals, because to your true self they are not goals but inevitable realities.”

As you know, there is a lot of advice out there in the Seduction Community telling men canned lines and stories to be told to women to win their hearts. This advice assumes that what you have to say as a man is not good enough to be told and has to be substituted with someone else’s lines.

But is this really true? Don’t you have your unique, authentic voice deep inside that always knows what to say and how to say it?

I remember seeing an incredibly beautiful woman on the street a while back. When I saw her, I had a compulsion to walk over and tell her something that I did not quite put in words, because the next second my conscious mind kicked in and said: “Hold on a moment, what opener are you going to use?” And a few seconds after, as I was searching through the vast array of suitable openers in my memory, she was gone!

And what I suppressed the moment before was in fact the perfect, most genuine opener for that situation…

So how can you free your authentic voice and make it heard to others?

Feel your best when you are out to meet women. In fact, feel your best whenever you can! When you feel good, when you are “in-state”, everything just falls in place. So how can you maximise this feel-good factor in your life?

Well, there is no quick fix here, my friend. You have to actually create the life you enjoy for yourself. And this means creating a lifestyle where you do what your love for a living, something that makes you express your truest gift to the world.

And as we know, great women love men with a clear direction in life. What this also does though is that it trains your unconscious that it is OK to express what you really want to say.

There are cheap substitutes for this genuine self-expression such as drugs and alcohol, that allow people to temporarily free their heads and speak their minds. That is why there are so many people around who are unhappy in their day jobs, drowning their misery in alcohol every weekend. Disclaimer: This doesn’t mean that alcohol is an evil per se to be avoided, and I personally enjoy a glass of full-bodied Shiraz or a pint of Guinness when I am out meeting friends.

Of course it takes time to build a life you love living every second, but there are ways how you can help yourself being authentic and speaking this way with women right now.

First of all, eliminate all negativity from your life. For example, let go of all people in your life who are negative or drag you down in some way. Surround yourself with fun, like-minded people who support and inspire you.

Being the part of this community is a great step in the right direction here.

Also when you go out, do fun things with positive people and go to places you genuinely enjoy, as meeting women in those places would come most naturally to you. For example, I have spent a lot of my time and effort trying to build connections with women in loud bars where my voice sounded rather like a scream for help.

And it took me a while to discover that quiet bookstores like “Borders”, lively streets or shopping malls are in fact the places where I feel in my own element and where I can have the most authentic interactions with quality women.

I am a great believer that when we enjoy ourselves and feel good, the words we say are the most authentic and congruent with how we are at our best. When you are out at a place you enjoy – whether it is a basketball stadium or an arts gallery – build the fun vibe by talking to your friends and being sociable with everyone around you. Then talking to women would come as an extension of this, and the words you say will be the most authentic ones you can possibly come up with.

If you are reading this post you probably think a lot more deeply than an average guy. And this is great most of the time, as this thinking is what helps us to grow and develop ourselves.

However, sometimes this thinking is what hinders our progress. An example of this is in situations when feeling is more appropriate then thinking, such as when you’re on a date with a woman. Analysing hundreds of possible “what if’s?” is not the right place to be when it is time to feel the moment and kiss a woman, agreed?

So how do you get out of your head and access your feelings? Personally, I find the whole idea of energy centres quite useful here. To get out of my head and into my body, you can simply shift your awareness from your head towards your chest / heart. Focus on your breathing coming in and your lungs, or imagine as if you are talking from your chest. Just trust yourself to do it, and you will be amazed at the power of the words that will be coming from your mouth this way.

Another point is ensuring that the voice you speak is actually your voice. I was recommended a great book a couple of years ago “Change Your Voice, Change Your Life” by Dr. Morton Cooper. What I learnt from that book is that when we grow up we take on the voices (i.e. pitch, inflexion, etc.) of people that surround us and have an impact on us, such as our parents or teachers.

So the voice you speak today may not be your natural voice! And there are some simple exercises that can help you to discover your natural voice. That voice which is unique to you and is perceived best by your listeners.

Think for a moment how all famous speakers, singers and actors have their distinctive voices we enjoy hearing… And when you discover YOUR voice, the women around you will be there just enjoying your voice, in many cases no matter what the content of your words is! But that is the topic for a whole another article…A related point is that if English is not your first language (e.g. it is not for me), then you may consider getting a few voice-coaching lessons to soften your accent and to improve your delivery, as this can dramatically improve how you come through to people around you.

What I also learnt from various communication trainings I attended in the past is that our words are an unconscious function of the brain, and reflect the intention we set for the interaction. And if a guy’s intention is ‘I’m going to go and impress & seduce that woman with my charisma, humour, stories, and magic tricks’, then it is quite understandable he could be terribly anxious about approaching a woman and sound very inauthentic when he does.

Compare that with “I’m curious if she’s someone I can relate to”, which would likely come through as a more genuine intention indeed. And once you have set that, trust your unconscious mind to complete the gaps and generate the right words. That’s how the best communicators operate in any area of life, not only dating.

I hope this article gave you some useful how-to ideas on how to sound (and be) genuine in your interactions with women, so get out there and make your authentic voice heard!

–Dr. Sasha

drsasha@deservewhatyouwant.com

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• Scot McKay is a professional dating coach and founder of X & Y Communications.

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