True Story: How To Handle AMOG Attempts By Pro Athletes

First of all, I just wanted to let everyone know that it’s me, Scot, who is posting this. Jim didn’t originally intend for what you are about to read to be a blog post. He was simply dropping me a note to tell me what had happened the night before. Posting it is purely my doing.

As a coach for X & Y Communications, Jim has come a LONG way with women in a relatively short amount of time. These days he’s got the greatest woman he’s ever met in his life…and she apparently is just as happy as he is. What you’re about to read underscores that.

Enjoy this story from Jim. In my mind, it clearly demonstrates the all-conquering power of being a “big four” man, as outlined in The Master Plan.

 

Hey Scot,

Funny story for you from last night. So Heidi and I went to a country night down the street from where I live at a local watering hole I frequent. Heidi was looking GORGEOUS and dropping jaws and derailing freight trains last night.

So she and I noticed a table of guys who were being extremely obvious staring at girls and then saying the usual stuff. So Heidi went to go to the bathroom and I could not help but smile when the three of them were staring at her with their tongues hanging out.

 

 

Continue reading “True Story: How To Handle AMOG Attempts By Pro Athletes”

X & Y On The Fly #40–When Kids Are In The Picture

X & Y On The Fly PodcastThis episode represents a bit of a change of pace for Emily and I. This time we talk about all the potential issues associated with dating when you have kids.

…Or when the person you are dating has kids.

…Or when you and the other person have kids together.

Basically, this show contains both dating and relationship advice, and will be helpful to those of you who are already married and leading the “family life” as well as those of you who are enjoying your wildly successful dating lives.

Wait a minute…who says married people can’t have a “wildly successful dating life”? Well, not us. And fear not…there’s more on that in there also.

So getchasum. This is a good one, based on feedback we’ve been getting. We’ve actually had the show posted for a couple of weeks now, but I’ve just gotten around to blogging about it.

As always, hit our main page to get in on the newsletter and grab your free copy of How To Deal With Breakups. I’ll be changing that soon, so consider this the “final call”.

By the way, the next XYotF is going to be called “Movie Moments”. Look forward to some creativity there, for sure. Emily’s ready for this one.

And yes…the next episode of The Chick Whisperer is in the works also. It will be called “The Dude Whisperer”, and I’ll leave the rest to you to figure out for now…

Be Good,

Scot

P.S. Please leave us a review on iTunes…and by all means subscribe. Even one more good review helps our rankings more than you know.

If you aren’t so into iTunes, you can also subscribe using our feed.

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The Chick Whisperer BONUS–Stop Giving Your Power Away

The World-Famous Chick Whisperer ShowAbout a year ago I recorded a very special episode of The Chick Whisperer with none other than Brent from Absolute Power Dating and David DeAngelo “Advanced Mastery Series” fame.

At the time it was produced, was offered as a special promotion rather than added to the regular feed.

Well, now that some water has passed under the proverbial bridge, I wanted to make sure that this show didn’t become a “lost episode”. So I’ve just made it available to everyone.

In it, Brent and I break down some key ways to maintain a leadership position with women and how not to become her “yes man”. In fact, you could also call this particular podcast “Just Say NO To Being A YES Man”. Nice.

Anyway, those of you out there who have been listening to the show for under a year probably never even knew this existed…so fire up. It’s epic as always, so enjoy.

iTunes is the way to go if you can, and you can get there by using any of the graphics on this post. If you do, we greatly appreciate positive reviews. I’ve figured out these actually help iTunes rankings, so it’s a great way to support the show.

If you’re not on iTunes, you can subscribe via the feed here.

Be Good,

Scot

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A Powerful Way To Lead A Woman

What I’m going to share with you today is the kind of the elusive obvious that can totally make or break your interaction with the woman. If you frequently finish in the “just friends” zone with the woman or you are sometimes unable to transition your conversation with the girl from the “intelligent and witty” into the “naughty and intense” then this may be just that missing piece of the puzzle for you.

You know that women are emotional creatures. And they like to be led forward in your interaction with them. As one of my friends rightly said: “Women want you to lead them into the places they don’t yet realise they want to go.” So how do you lead a woman towards experiencing some powerful emotions about you, such as attraction, comfort, trust, and excitement? That’s right, you should lead her with your own emotions!

 

 

Continue reading “A Powerful Way To Lead A Woman”

When It’s Time To Break Up

Breakups, ending the relationship, moving on–the wild emotional roller coaster ride that follows or ensues during. It can be one of the toughest emotional deals to go through, or at least that is the thought of many while enduring it. I will discuss a few things in the following article of when it is time to break up, and how to move on. My experience in this area mainly deals with the male perspective, yet I am sure both genders can pick up something from this. I will give two scenarios that I am familiar with.

Scenario One Are you now in a relationship where you are constantly questioning whether or not you are happy? At night maybe you are dreaming of that blonde you saw in the park, or reminiscing about your old sweetheart from say college.

Chances are it is time to move on. Idealism and the “Hallmark Fantasy” are what may be blinding you here. By “Hallmark Fantasy” I mean you met this person, and it was great at first, but now it has lost its pizazz.

Hanging on like this is settling. It is also very dangerous. The other party may know the relationship has lost its spark. You have long discussions almost on the verge of heartbreak, yet heartstrings are pulled by the other and no break up happens. The other party agrees to make things better, to try the other’s activities.

Then for maybe a few weeks, you say everything is better, then it goes back into that old rut. The cycle begins again. The discussions, the emotions go up and down.

If you find yourself in this scenario, it is time to move on. The other party is not suited for you. They may be a great person, however they are not great for you.

Men usually hate to lose, and women know how to pull an emotional strings. Men see that happening and do not want to end it. So they keep trying. Stop the torture to yourself and move on. It will be difficult, but you should never settle…and your truly amazing person might be right around the corner.

 

 

Continue reading “When It’s Time To Break Up”

Who Says The Leading Man ISN’T About Pickup, After All?

Okay, so you’ve been hearing me tell you about how The Leading Man is all about relationship management. And although I do share some secrets for establishing yourself as a relationship manager from minute one when you meet a woman, mostly I’ve been saying that The Leading Man focuses on what happens after pickup.

That’s all well and good, because there are plenty of pickup products out there already–and virtually nothing on how to have a solid long-term relationship with the right woman for you. Sure, a few scattered programs may give lightweight lip service to the importance of being able to keep women around long-term and such, but they always end up talking about how fast you can get any woman into bed…again. Right?

So I’ve been doing what I can to make it abundantly clear that The Leading Man is not about pickup.

Well, just when I think I have it all figured out…Victor from Hawaii stops me dead in my tracks with this e-mail:

 

 

Continue reading “Who Says The Leading Man ISN’T About Pickup, After All?”

The Leading Man Is Now Available Worldwide

As of yesterday at noon Texas time, The Leading Man has now been released to the world.

Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock, you already know that this is the world’s first complete system for relationship management. If you’re on anyone else’s mailing list besides mine and/or read any one else’s blog you’ve probably heard about it at least once elsewhere.

What you may not know, however, is that I made major “surprise” additions to The Leading Man just in time for its official worldwide launch.

Granted, there was already over ten hours of detailed instruction on how to wear the pants without losing your shirt, how to quarterback your relationships instead of feeling like the waterboy, and how to lock down the “revolving door” of women in your life.

But now I’ve also included a special bonus video featuring X & Y Communications coach Jim Dalton and I talking about how to select an amazing woman while eliminating the wrong ones. This is your first chance to see one of our new coaches in action.

Plus, I’ve added a killer new “round table” discussion. In it, you’re going to get women’s opinions on what exactly
what they want from a man in terms of effective relationship management I invited none other than Kim from Pickup Podcast, Liz from Inner Game Magazine and–of course–Emily from right here at X & Y Communications. In other words, YES…you’re going to find out whether or not what I teach in The Leading Man is on the money or not…even in our own household.

Then, just to make sure I packed as much value as I knew how to into this thing, I added four more bonuses…each of which could easily stand alone as a separate product (in fact, a couple of them have before).

I have to tell you, response has been tremendous thus far, about 26 hours into the launch. There is clearly a demand for this sort of teaching, so it is my honor and privilege to share with you absolutely everything I’ve got on how to build solid relationships with high-quality women.

So, go ahead and check out the four free videos I have on the site for you, and also be sure to join the special mailing list I have set up for The Leading Man while you’re there. I’m giving away a mountain of free bonus gifts…just for signing up.

And YES…the price for this system is going to be going up to $147 from it’s $97 release price sometime this coming week. Just in case you’re still on the fence about whether or not to pull the trigger on this special launch week offer, consider this e-mail from Georgiy in “parts unknown”:

hey man,

you’re charging TOO LITTLE for your program with all the hype you’ve created.

I observed your whole launch process, and with all the buzz you have created the price you charge should be at least twice as much. I was hoping to see 297!!!

I’m telling you this because I’ve been a student of jeff walker and frank kern for a long time and that is just my humble opinion 😉

-Georgiy

Hmm…I guess Jeff Walker and Frank Kern’s loss is your gain. By the way, I told Georgiy that he was more than welcome to buy three copies of The Leading Man if it made him feel better.

Nah, I just want to make The Leading Man more accessible to everyone who wants stronger, more satisfying long-term relationships with great women. In fact, you can even break the $97 special launch week price into three monthly pieces if you’d like to.


So take a look, and let me know what you think if you get in on it. I’ve put my heart and soul into The Leading Man, and I think you’ll enjoy it.

Be Good,

Scot

P.S. By the way, I am absolutely, positively going to be expanding this program as I have Virtuosity. The first addition is already planned…

 

 








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Why I Wake Up Excited In The Morning

Having read the title of this post, I have a guess what you might be thinking. No, it’s not necessarily because Emily is in a frisky mood…again.

At least that’s not what I’m referring to this time.

Instead, I have a letter from a reader that I want to share with you. His name is Marcio, from Brasil.

Now I remember when Marcio first got Virtuosity and subscribed to Power Sessions. That was several months ago, and he told me he felt he had a long way to go with women.

Today, things are different for him. I’ll let his field report speak for itself:

 

 

Continue reading “Why I Wake Up Excited In The Morning”

Thundercat’s BootyCast

How’s it going everyone?

Today I was Joseph “Thundercat” Matthews’ guest on his BootyCast podcast. Surprised? Well, don’t ever say I shy away from hardcore Seduction Community stuff because this is the real deal.

I’ll tell you what, Thundy’s blog readers are about as tough an audience as I’ve seen out there. We talked a bit about online dating on the show, and the comments started coming in that I must be full of it. After all, it has to be “impossible” to find oneself dating 16 women at once and/or pulling a 60-80% response rate on first e-mails. Well, it’s all true. And better yet, those who “suspend disbelief” and take on the Online Dating Domination challenge for themselves tend to get results.

But anyway, there’s lots of fun stuff on the show so I encourage you to grab a listen. Joseph pretty much plants me on the “hot seat” and keeps me there, which I always prefer to the same old mundane questions.

For example, find out why a married guy can be a dating coach. Discover how on Earth I could give up dating tons of women for blissful monogamy. Heck, find out why I think “blissful monogamy” rocks in general. It’s all in there like Prego spaghetti sauce (which we don’t talk about on the show).

And yes, we get around to talking relationship management too, of course.

Here’s the link:

Thundercat Seduction Lair

By the way, I’ve been absolutely slammed making The Leading Man extra killer. Once launch day comes next Saturday the 13th, you can expect only the best. In other words, I’ll get back to posting more heavy-duty blog content real soon. In the mean time, be sure get on the pre-launch mailing list . I’m already giving away mountains of cool stuff on relationship management.

Be Good,

Scot McKay

P.S. Have you seen this crazy stuff that Matthews is talking about lately? Check out Pure Personality for yourself.

 

 








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X & Y On The Fly #39–Dealing With Exes

X & Y On The Fly PodcastWho wants “drama” with exes? Certainly not us. And unless you’re weird or something, neither do you.

So that said, tune in to the latest episode of X & Y On The Fly and find out how Emily and I have kept that stuff to a bare minimum in our life, and–more importantly–how you can do the same.

And while we were at it, we tackled the ridiculously-complex topic of how to get an ex back, if that’s what you want. Find out killer strategies for getting an ex boyfriend or girlfriend back after you screw up–regardless of who broke up with whom.

…Of course, that’s all assuming you really want that ex back after all. Do you really?

Whatever the case, whether you have an “ex” to deal with at the moment or not, this show will arm you with some serious knowledge that you’ll likely find immensely valuable someday–one way or another.

All of this, of course, is oddly appropriate considering all this talk about relationship management lately thanks to the upcoming release of The Leading Man.

Plus, this stuff is just flat-out entertaining. Especially when Emily says “meow” instead of “now” like she does.

As always, hit our main page to get in on the newsletter and grab your free copy of How To Deal With Breakups. This show is a great excuse to do exactly that, right?

Be Good,

Scot

P.S. If you like what you hear, please leave us a review on iTunes…and by all means subscribe. If you aren’t so into iTunes, you can subscribe using our feed too.

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Tonight: X Factor Dating’s Singles Showcase

I’m pleased to announce that I am part of the X Factor Dating’s Singles Showcase for September.

As a matter of fact, out of 21 dating experts they are going to be featuring this month, I get the honor of going first.

As such, I am going to be on a teleseminar tonight at 9p EDT/6p PDT where you can ask me questions about relationships and dating. This is your chance! Ask away tonight, and listen in to the rest of the series throughout the month.

There are some amazing authors, relationship coaches and experts available for you. They’ve invited a lot of names from literally all over the world of dating advice, so this should be very interesting. Expect to get all sorts of perspectives. Here’s the link again to check it out:

X Factor Dating’s Singles Showcase

By the way, with The Leading Man coming on 13 September, we’re just getting warmed up. Wait until you see whose show I’ve already recorded for release on Friday…

Be Good,

Scot McKay

 

 








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The Leading Man: Web Site Is LIVE

After pulling several “all nighters” this week, the all-new web site for The Leading Man has been launched.

About a week ago, I let you in on some of the very basic details in this blog post.

Now, you can find out what all is included–in detail–and even get four killer video tips on relationship management when you log in that you can start using right now.

Here’s the site:

The Leading Man

Take a look, and enjoy the videos. By the way, I’m going to have some cool surprise bonuses for those who get on my information list.

After all, life is way too short to have a “revolving door” of women in and out of your life. Pickup skills carry you through the first ten minutes. Relationship management is forever.

Whether you want to date multiple women, identify and attract the greatest woman you’ve ever met, become the leader who “wears the pants” in your relationships or all of the above…The Leading Man is the complete system designed to get you to exactly where you want to be.

So take a look at the site, and be sure to share your feedback.

Be Good,

Scot McKay

 

 








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The Top Ten Places On Earth To Take A Woman

Paris At Night RocksWe’ve talked before about the importance of going on a “road trip” with someone you’ve met recently and think you might really like.

I’m on record as seeing this as a valid test of compatibility.

But lately, I’ve begun to think that perhaps a friggin’ long flight might be just as good an environment for seeing how well you two really get along as a weekend’s worth of “windshield time”.

Maybe.

If you can combine the two, even better.

With that in mind, here’s my top ten list of the most killer trips on Earth to take with a woman. They’re in no particular order because it’s too tough to decide which is the best. Besides, it depends on the mood you’re in and what time of year it is, right?

 

 

Continue reading “The Top Ten Places On Earth To Take A Woman”

Relationship Management: What If Neither Of You Wears The Pants?

If you wear the pants, make sure it's not these, por favor. If you’ve listened to the brand new X & Y On The Fly Dating Podcast episode called “Who Wears The Pants?”, then you already know we throw a pretty mean twist on things right from the beginning.

Basically, within a minute or two of launching the show we talk about someone who might be calling the shots other than the man or the woman. Some of you have been sending us e-mails basically telling us that one threw you for a loop.

I can understand that.

But now that the dust has cleared from getting the show out to y’all, it has occurred to me that there are actually several different people who could theoretically be “wearing the pants” in the relationship that we didn’t even think about while we were recording the podcast

So in the interest of making sure the whole story gets out, I’m going to complete the story right here.

Although we elaborate upon it in the context of the show, essentially “wearing the pants” means “calling the shots”. Setting the tone and direction of the relationship and making the ultimate decisions as to where the relationship is headed, etc. is what it’s all about.

Maybe the man “wears the pants”. Maybe the woman does. But if neither do, than who?

 
Online Dating Domination Means Meeting Your TOP CHOICES Among Women Online

 

Continue reading “Relationship Management: What If Neither Of You Wears The Pants?”

X & Y On The Fly #38 — Who Wears The Pants?

X & Y On The Fly Podcast Ready for some innovative ideas on a topic that most people dare not even touch in this age of “political correctness”?

You bet you are.

Relationship management is a massively important yet amazingly under-emphasized topic. That’s why Emily and I just finished hashing out a whole show on the concept of “wearing the pants” in the relationship.

Guys all over the world are subject to ridicule and even flat-out humiliation if the women in their lives “wear the pants”. So what exactly does that mean? More importantly, is a guy supposed to have a tyrannical “death grip” on things or is some balance more appropriate as far as decision-making is concerned?

And what happens when the woman calls the shots? Find out from two other women besides Emily what their take on that is…and you might want to sit down first.

Get the most comprehensive discussion on this topic you’ve ever heard, and walk away with a clearer sense of exactly how men and women can find true balance when it comes to relationship management.

Or just listen simply for the sake of hearing Emily growl like a tiger at the beginning. The show almost ended there…

Subscribe and download here if you aren’t on iTunes. If you’ve got iTunes, just click the graphic above.

Remember to sign up for our newsletter at www.deservewhatyouwant.com. Our gift to you is now the brand-new e-book on how to handle breakups. You may remember the blog series I did on that subject a while back. Well, I’ve added some material and put it all into a convenient e-book for you…cool, huh?

Enjoy the podcast. By the way, see if you can ID the major factor on the topic of “wearing the pants” that Emily and I completely forgot to address…because that’s exactly what the next blog post will cover.

Be Good,

Scot

P.S. By the way, if XYotF has been even .006% meaningful to you, PLEASE Digg us, Stumble us or save us to Del.icio.us. The good word of listeners just like you helps our audience grow.

 








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Why Monogamy Isn’t An Option To Most Of The Seduction Community

Here’s a question I received via Facebook that really caught my attention. So much so that I’m sharing the Q&A with you here. By the way, if you’d like to “friend” me on facebook, my profile is here.

While we’re at it, if you’re on Twitter my username is “scotmckay“.

Here we go:

Hey Scot:

I have an honest question for you. Though I’ve ribbed you on forums before about how you always talk about your wife, I think I am very similar to you in that respect. I have a very serious gf who I will soon get engaged to. She is a sweetheart. The PUA sites really push the concept of being poly-amorous. I guess if you’re a 20 year old kid you want to have fun, and we all have our heidonistic fantasies even when in a great relationship. But my question to you is: Do you think it’s wrong for these sites to push this poly-amorous concept?

Let’s be honest here- 99% of the women I have met want a monogamous boyfriend. Sure there are younger women in sororities or other between relationships that want to date around, but overall our society tells women that they want 1 boyfriend /mate. To spread this notion to be polyamorous and that women will respect it- I find it to be stupid and not realistic.

There’s nothing better than a great monogamous relationship. Forgetting even the physical aspect, the emotional connection cannot be matched. And even if my gf isn’t “a 10” in the looks department compared to some supermodel types I see on the street, my gf is a 10 with her devotion, love, and caring and connection we have. Should the community be spreading this type of relationship rather than being playboy PUAs?

I’m a big fan of the Seduction Community and have learned lots from them, but I think this aspect of their philosophy is totally off base. Curious as to your thoughts.

Cheers,

Bradley

 
Get From First Dates To Soulmates...NEW From Amy Waterman

 

Continue reading “Why Monogamy Isn’t An Option To Most Of The Seduction Community”

What New-School Women’s Birth Control Means To Men

Paris All Patched Up.  Nice.I think it’s time someone talked about women’s birth control from a man’s perspective.

Yeah, yeah. I understand that what a “woman does with her own body is her own business”, etc. But that doesn’t mean we as guys aren’t going to have opinions about it.

After all, by definition, we’re affected. At least somehow.

And never before have we been MORE affected than these days, when women’s birth control has become as much of a “fashion accessory” or something as a practical solution to preventing pregnancy.

So here it is. We have “ribbed” condoms, flavored ones and so forth…which only goes to show that contraceptives are everyone’s business after all.

So if women’s interests can potentially be met by male contraception, it’s time for us guys to have a voice.

1) The Patch

The birth control patch apparently works well, and fast. But this is not meant to be a dry, clinical piece on objective functionality and medical pros/cons. So let’s get to the point.

The point is that I don’t want to see a big ol’ sloppy Band-Aid ™ on her tail section. And no apologies either. A good, well-placed whack at key moments just doesn’t quite resonate the same way (literally or figuratively) when that thing’s stuck there. And since most women and men are right-handed, this just underscores my point. If that last sentence didn’t make sense, think about it until it does.

So ladies, if you must use The Patch, I fully get you’re trying to make it discreet so you don’t look like you’re healing from road rash or something. But it can’t go back there either.

And since I’m at a loss for recommending a better place for it myself, I feel your dilemma. Especially since even if you decide to just yank the patch off and chuck it there tends to be a nasty mark for a while. It’s as if some mutant square-faced leech has been macking away at you. Nice.

2) The Ring

Formally branded “NuvaRing“, nothing quite takes the “ce” out of “contraception” like this contraption.

Yes, it works, and it’s probably a major improvement upon diaphragms and IUDs.

But you don’t think it adversely affects your sex life, guess again.

First and foremost, don’t listen to your gynecologist, who will probably tell you that “you won’t be able to feel it, and neither will your guy.”

Whatever.

That theory goes out the window the first time “your guy” pulls out wearing the thing. Bulls eye.

Me: “It looks I won the ‘ring toss’ game. Where’s my big teddy bear?”

Her: “[gasp] OMG…that wasn’t supposed to be possible! LOL Here, let me put it on the nightstand/dashboard/kitchen counter/shower head”

Unfortunately, you only get three hours worth of a “time out” from that thing before the whole transaction is null and void and all bets are off. Ouch.

Speaking of “ouch”, if you just leave The Ring in and deal with carnival games, there’s always the off chance that Louis Leakey is going to find it right at an inopportune moment…sideways. Let’s just say that’s a mood killer.

And we won’t talk about the likelihood of finding “temporarily” removed rings on the carpet by the bed with lint all stuck to them. Uh oh.

 

So what’s a woman to do? Sure that’s your business, ladies. Then again, we could wear latex condoms even if you’re viciously allergic, couldn’t we?

But we won’t. And we’d appreciate if you’d stick to the pill if at all possible, please.

And by the way guys, don’t be talked out of wrapping that rascal, either by her or by yourself.

And if she says, “I’m on the pill so you don’t have to pull out”, there’s no proof like solid evidence in the form of a pill case with the “numbers matching”.

At least you have tangible evidence with rings and patches, huh? Well, that’s at least one in the “plus” column for them. Draw your own conclusions.

Be Good,

Scot McKay

P.S. Emily (who is ring and patch free, thank you) and I are off to Mexico for a week of vacation. Don’t complain. We’ll be WAY less cranky when we get back all refreshed. Everything will run “business as usual” at the X & Y Communications Shop however, thanks to the magic of the Internets.

 
Four Dozen Experts In One Place...And More

 








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Dealing With Breakups: Ending A Long-Term Relationship [Part Four Of Four]

Part Four Of A Four Part Series On BreakupsFor this fourth and final installment in our series on breakups, we’re going to deal specifically with what may be the absolute most difficult situation that anyone who is single ever has to face: breaking off a relationship that has gone on for a long time.

For the sake of clarity here at the beginning, this post is not about how to deal with divorce. As originally stated back in Part One, the concept of ending married relationships is replete with it’s own set of complications and therefore will be considered a wholly separate subject above and beyond what this series has been designed to cover. We’ll limit this particular conversation to ending long-term dating relationships.

So to kick this all off, let’s get a handle on exactly what such long-term dating relationships might look like.

There are as many reasons why two people would remain together for a long time as there are grains of sand on the beach, really. Some long-term relationships are casual or even “off and on” gigs that have carried on for months or even years, no doubt. And as long as both partners are honest and remain uncommitted to anyone else on a monogamous basis, this can be fine for everyone involved, of course.

But clearly, when one partner finds someone else OTHER than the casual partner whom he or she wants to be monogamous with, such casual relationships should end. But man is it difficult to simply cut ties with someone who has been there for so long, even on an offhand basis.

Truly, for many such a scenario represents “crunch time” insofar as deciding what it is he or she wants in life. Is it going to be to have a casual long-term relationship (or several), or go for stability with one person long-term? Unless an open long-term relationship with a primary partner is an option for you, you’ve got to be comfortable with “retirement” from casual dating if you decide to become monogamous with someone. Otherwise, your integrity (and your character, which is one of the “Big Four”, remember) goes down the drain.

The problem with this whole scenario is that when long-term casual relationships end, it often comes out that one partner actually was holding onto unspoken hopes for something more.

 
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Continue reading “Dealing With Breakups: Ending A Long-Term Relationship [Part Four Of Four]”

Dealing With Breakups: Ending Short-Term Relationships [Part Three Of Four]

Part Three Of A Four Part Series On BreakupsFor the first two segments of this series we focused mainly on the question of “why” a potential breakup would happen.

For this third installment, and for the final one, we’ll be talking more about the “when” factor.

You and I both already know that there’s a big difference between ending relationship that hasn’t been going on all that long versus breaking up when you’ve been seeing each other (or married to each other?) for months or even years.

Or is there?

The answer may very well be, “It depends.” And what it “depends” on is generally the emotional state and/or maturity level of the partners involved.

People can get super wrapped-up in a relationship very, very quickly. In fact, if you are particularly solid in your ability to create attraction while projecting a tantalizing image of high character and irresistible charisma, then you may run into a particularly upsetting problem.

You see, once you become a person who genuinely deserves what he or she wants, you are going to find that people you date even once or twice will literally go on a mission to corral you into the barn, pardner. Preferably now, that is, if not as soon as possible.

As high-quality a problem as this sounds, it can get downright irritating if your own personal plan is to get to know as many MOTOS as you are comfortable with on the way to discovering (over a reasonable amount of time, please) who the right person for you is.

Or, sheesh…maybe you’d like to JUST DATE LOTS OF PEOPLE for now. Period.

 
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Continue reading “Dealing With Breakups: Ending Short-Term Relationships [Part Three Of Four]”

Dealing With Breakups: When Nothing Particularly Heinous Has Happened [Part Two Of Four]

Part Two Of A Four Part Series On BreakupsIdeally speaking, each of us should theoretically break up with everyone we ever date…except for one.

And as dark as it sounds, that’s actually a good thing.

I realize that reality isn’t always that uncomplicated, and believe me I have the track record to prove it. But I think you get my drift.

And here’s the deal: Provided you are the kind of person who is generally easy to get along with, and if you’ve had some practice at avoiding utterly poisonous MOTOS, then you are going to be faced with the inevitable: breaking up with someone who hasn’t really done you any harm whatsoever.

You’ve probably been there before already. You start dating someone who attracts you early on, but after some time has passed one of you has decided that he or she really isn’t “feeling it” anymore. Someone is starting to feel a pull towards freedom–or someone else–but this creates a genuinely awkward situation almost every time.

You see, most of us are decent, upstanding people who really don’t get off on trampling other people’s feelings. Especially people we sort of, well…like. Right?

So what happens is that when someone just “isn’t feeling it anymore” for whatever reason, things tend to drag on for longer than they rightly should–all in the name of “not hurting anyone”.

But protracting relationships that aren’t going anywhere only really leads to greater emotional drama down the road. It’s rather like sticking one’s head in the sand.

Case in point. One well-worn “exit strategy” is to tell the other person that he or she “needs some space” or even that they “should date other people”. Such euphemisms are universally code for, “I’m pretty much sick of you and want out, but I don’t know how to do that without completely flooring you.”

I see some of you nodding out there. Don’t shout me down for telling the truth.

 
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Continue reading “Dealing With Breakups: When Nothing Particularly Heinous Has Happened [Part Two Of Four]”